Consolidated discussion - In dating/relationships, my gender has a much harder time

[SammySammy]

Then, some guys have no problem approaching ... anybody.

 

And have no problem dating.

 

Interesting.

[Dark Horse]

Whoever said I was angry and bitter? I am only stating what I have observed about the world I live in. And even if I were bitter, then it should be understandable because almost everybody seeks the same thing in life, that is love. And when you are deprived of one of the basic human needs and the thing you want the most, you may feel a little bitter.

 

Just like how somebody who never had a mother or father who loved them will feel a void, those who have never experienced love and intimacy will also experience a similar void. And it's easy to beat yourself up if you have no self-esteem and you feel like you arne't worthy.

[PrettyEmily77]

Whoever said I was angry and bitter? I am only stating what I have observed about the world I live in. And even if I were bitter, then it should be understandable because almost everybody seeks the same thing in life, that is love. And when you are deprived of one of the basic human needs and the thing you want the most, you may feel a little bitter.

 

Just like how somebody who never had a mother or father who loved them will feel a void, those who have never experienced love and intimacy will also experience a similar void. And it's easy to beat yourself up if you have no self-esteem and you feel like you arne't worthy.

 

Just read the replies that came after your post, and I can't see anyone actually saying you were angry or bitter?

 

So in your world, rich 30yo+ guys have their pick of 20yo beauties because money, milk and wine?

 

Because in the world I live in, people approach people regardless of gender, and take it from there.

[Vado]

It seems everywhere I look around girls can easy get a date, get more reactions on OLD, in bars or clubs. I understand that % man is higher than women, especially on OLD and in bars, but overall on average in society it is close to 50%, right? What is the reason? Is it because lots of women aren't big part of the month not interested in other gender for dating?

[Mikau]

I think more importantly. Why does it really matter? You're wasting time thinking abobut something you have no control over when you could be spending that time and energy on being a better person yourself. Not only that, dwelling on something like this carries the risk of making you bitter. Look at all those bitter 'nice guys' out there, and how much they complain about literally everything but their own part in their dating success.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Exactly that's probably why the dating/mating game hasn't changed much, girls are comfortable being the passive ones because since life and reality made it out that way why would they want to bother being the one's having to risk rejection? That's why they will continue to stay the passive ones because they don't want to change because it's easier to not risk rejection that way

[GeorgeWP93]

It does. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do. The time between finding that someone special you click with can be a while. How often do you find a new best friend?

 

The good news is you are young and there are tons of available women from which to choose.

 

It's the worst part, i meet so many women I feel nothing for and it's an effort to speak to, I go on dates where I just know it's not going to work so when I meet someone and lose them it feels infuriating that I've lost someone I've taken so long to find.

 

I guess women don't feel this as they seem to have so many more offers, they find someone a hell of a lot quicker.

[Sweetfish]

It's the worst part, i meet so many women I feel nothing for and it's an effort to speak to, I go on dates where I just know it's not going to work so when I meet someone and lose them it feels infuriating that I've lost someone I've taken so long to find.

 

I guess women don't feel this as they seem to have so many more offers, they find someone a hell of a lot quicker.

 

 

The very sick truth that starting to shed more light is that there seems to be a sense of entitlement in the new era of women. I'm not sure if its because of social media or TV or the many men at their call.

 

I seen online profiles that I have to look at my web browser and see if the HTTP is Monster.com or Indeed.com Its literally an application for a job.

 

The women I see have absolutely no substance whats so ever.. Im pretty.. make me laugh and if you do I might respond to you. "Dance monkey dance"

 

and god forbid a cuter and funnier monkey pops-up along the way and your laid-off from your "job" only to get a call back 6-8 months later to find out that cuter monkey was working "three other jobs" without her knowledge and seeks to re-employ you.

[preraph]

It's the worst part, i meet so many women I feel nothing for and it's an effort to speak to, I go on dates where I just know it's not going to work so when I meet someone and lose them it feels infuriating that I've lost someone I've taken so long to find.

 

I guess women don't feel this as they seem to have so many more offers, they find someone a hell of a lot quicker.

 

Oh, please. Women have a terrible time finding a man they can take seriously. Me come with a whole other set of problems like not doing their part, not communicating, cheating. Women and men have some different type of problems, but they both find it very hard to find a good relationship. Most women are not like men, just happy to get sex.

[VeveCakes]

It's not men. It's not women. It's dating. Most of the time the people you like don't like you and vice versa.

 

Romeo and Juliet are the exception not the rule.

 

We all have to keep the faith we will meet another person who shares the feelings we have for them.

 

That's why we suffer through this dating game. Hope.

 

Chin up y'all.

[GeorgeWP93]

Oh, please. Women have a terrible time finding a man they can take seriously. Me come with a whole other set of problems like not doing their part, not communicating, cheating. Women and men have some different type of problems, but they both find it very hard to find a good relationship. Most women are not like men, just happy to get sex.

 

You miss understand me, as a man we mostly have to make the effort to meet a women, say on a night out we may speak to 3 women, and say 1 in 3 are dateable so great we get a date but then say 1 in 50 women you date are actually someone you click with it's going to take a lot longer than say a woman who has 10 men speak to her on a night out with the same ratios they will meet someone they click with quicker.

 

Even more so online dating, men may send 10 messages and get 2 replies, a woman sends 10 messages and probably gets 9 replies. I understand it's just at hard for women to meet someone they want but what I'm saying is they have more options than men. Maybe I'm wrong.

 

And I don't even bother with online dating, I literally see profiles that say, don't message me unless you have x, y or z.

 

You're right, many have no substance when you speak to them so when you find one when you're thinking, oh my god she agrees with me on this, oh my god she's not clingy, oh my god she doesn't expect me but her flowers once a week etc. I am desperate to keep hold of them, unless there are fundamental issues and differences, I don't get turned off and lose attraction without arguments of disrespect of something big. Women seem to lose it just because they want more or think something is missing, they look for things wrong more than what's right.

 

Just my two cents.

[jamili]

Every woman I've dated has had trouble finding good men or men that they "click" with. So they say, at least (could be a lie said to please me). The dating world for women doesn't sound all that great TBH. Then again, I've never been attracted to or dated the "run of the mill" kind of girl, I always go for the outlier types, so that might be why. Every girl I've had any serious relationship with has been really selective about dating. Haha I can't say it's much different from my approach though. Online dating for me has always involved avoiding/weeding out 95% of all profiles I see, and then only messaging like 1-2 women per week. It might seem overly critical and time consuming, but it pays off IMO and has always worked for me. The cut & paste type people out there... not my thing. Try going for someone different.

[Sweetfish]

Oh, please. Women have a terrible time finding a man they can take seriously. Me come with a whole other set of problems like not doing their part, not communicating, cheating. Women and men have some different type of problems, but they both find it very hard to find a good relationship. Most women are not like men, just happy to get sex.

 

My rebuttal to that... as I wish the case was both men and women are both equally imprefect genders. Its just not balanced and to say other wise means you live in a hut or your totally blind.

 

I can comfortably say most women know a good quality man (the nice guy) when they see one... its just most cannot come to terms with being with one. (Men do this... its just not as frequent)

 

The whole... just happy to get sex only is a myth. Both men and women equally love sex. Thats how I already know you locked into the facade of society.. I guess all those vibators and dildos are being purchased by all those sex crazed men right?

 

Men actually want to serve their family. Bottom line... almost to the point they will scarifice their own happiness to maintain a nuclear family.

 

 

A lot of women don't have this mine set and have no problem unplugging the plug in search of better. Its this sense of entitlement and irrationality that makes a mans job much more difficult and risky..

[preraph]

You miss understand me, as a man we mostly have to make the effort to meet a women, say on a night out we may speak to 3 women, and say 1 in 3 are dateable so great we get a date but then say 1 in 50 women you date are actually someone you click with it's going to take a lot longer than say a woman who has 10 men speak to her on a night out with the same ratios they will meet someone they click with quicker.

 

Even more so online dating, men may send 10 messages and get 2 replies, a woman sends 10 messages and probably gets 9 replies. I understand it's just at hard for women to meet someone they want but what I'm saying is they have more options than men. Maybe I'm wrong.

 

And I don't even bother with online dating, I literally see profiles that say, don't message me unless you have x, y or z.

 

You're right, many have no substance when you speak to them so when you find one when you're thinking, oh my god she agrees with me on this, oh my god she's not clingy, oh my god she doesn't expect me but her flowers once a week etc. I am desperate to keep hold of them, unless there are fundamental issues and differences, I don't get turned off and lose attraction without arguments of disrespect of something big. Women seem to lose it just because they want more or think something is missing, they look for things wrong more than what's right.

 

Just my two cents.

 

I get it, but just realize that to a woman, most of who aren't interested in just anyone, having 10 guys she's not interested in after her is the same as having zero. And in the real world, women do contribute more than you men will ever know to meeting or talking to the guy they are interested in and putting themselves into their pathway. Now, I realize this doesn't happen to all guys, but always be alert if some woman randomly stands right by you and lingers or talks to you.

[GeorgeWP93]

My rebuttal to that... as I wish the case was both men and women are both equally imprefect genders. Its just not balanced and to say other wise means you live in a hut or your totally blind.

 

I can comfortably say most women know a good quality man (the nice guy) when they see one... its just most cannot come to terms with being with one. (Men do this... its just not as frequent)

 

The whole... just happy to get sex only is a myth. Both men and women equally love sex. Thats how I already know you locked into the facade of society.. I guess all those vibators and dildos are being purchased by all those sex crazed men right?

 

Men actually want to serve their family. Bottom line... almost to the point they will scarifice their own happiness to maintain a nuclear family.

 

 

A lot of women don't have this mine set and have no problem unplugging the plug in search of better. Its this sense of entitlement and irrationality that makes a mans job much more difficult and risky..

 

Nailed it again.

 

It's not even the women's fault, if they're not feeling it then you cannot blame them but like you say, all women want a nice guy and know when they see a nice but the nice guy just doesn't do it for them, they just don't feel it.

 

Women unplug the plug as soon as the first doubt sets in, once they see something they don't like or a weakness they subconsciously build it up in there head until they feel nothing for the person they're with and boom, they're gone!

 

The sex thing is also ridiculous, women use it like it's something they have and men want, it's a mutual thing and yeah some men just want sex but some like me have had enough meaningless sex, I want something more, I'm willing to fight and make sacrifices for the women I've chosen, it never seems to work both way.

 

And although I understand that if a woman has 10 men interested in her but she isn't interested in them it may as well be 0 but if you have 10 different ones a week you're going to find someone who although might not be the one, is someone who gives them those butterflies a lot quicker than a man who has 3 a week interested in them.

[Sweetfish]

I get it, but just realize that to a woman, most of who aren't interested in just anyone, having 10 guys she's not interested in after her is the same as having zero. And in the real world, women do contribute more than you men will ever know to meeting or talking to the guy they are interested in and putting themselves into their pathway. Now, I realize this doesn't happen to all guys, but always be alert if some woman randomly stands right by you and lingers or talks to you.

 

Thats a bold statement and I will bite.

 

What are these contributions?

[lana-banana]

I am amazed, if not terribly surprised, at some people's eagerness to turn an isolated incident into a battle of the sexes.

 

[]

Edited February 6, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[SevenCity]

I am amazed, if not terribly surprised, at some people's eagerness to turn an isolated incident into a battle of the sexes.

 

[]

 

I think the point that George is trying to make is that women have the upper hand and it affects their actions in a relationship. When guys are in a RL they typically won't be seeking the attention of other women. Women on the other hand have guys constantly giving them attention and options. Granted, their intentions may be only sexual but women realize quickly that if the current bf doesn't measure up she's got plenty of men who will soften her fall.

 

It's ignorant to say that women don't have the upper hand in dating. It's that way in nature where the strongest alphas fight to mate with the female and it's that way in our society. Online further amplifies this effect - women will nearly always have an advantage unless a guy has movie star looks.

 

To further complicate this women tend to be based on emotions and often not good communicators. They often expect the problems to be resolved without ever voicing any concerns to alert the man. They just "feel" something until it spirals out of control. Then when they speak of the problem it is too late to resolve.

 

In a job situation you will be a lot more apt to stay and make the best of a job if you know that the market is bad. Women rarely have a bad market (unless they are unattractive) so they know they will not be single for very long. Last night I listened to an overweight unattractive woman in her 40s saying how she was hit on by a 25 year old the night before. How many unattractive 40 something guys can say that?

 

Guys rarely have a booming market (unless they are with someone and aren't looking). We use logical arguments primarily to determine if we should stay in a RL; she's got this, that and that and it has been a long time since I found another woman with these qualities so I would like to work things out.

 

It's tough being a guy and dating. You do all the asking and paying and assume all the risk. Just because you sleep with a woman has no bearing on commitment. I'm shocked that women don't care if they break off a RL after a month or so. Women used to take sex a lot more personal and would wait until there was a commitment.

 

And when women decide to leave, their feelings for the new guy will be through the roof and convinced he is the best thing since sliced bread. Those feelings often fade as quickly as they came. Then they wonder why they are still single and 40 despite being attractive and wanting kids. Yet they are walking away from yet another guy due to the options she has.

Edited February 6, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[GeorgeWP93]

I think the point that George is trying to make is that women have the upper hand and it affects their actions in a relationship. When guys are in a RL they typically won't be seeking the attention of other women. Women on the other hand have guys constantly giving them attention and options. Granted, their intentions may be only sexual but women realize quickly that if the current bf doesn't measure up she's got plenty of men who will soften her fall.

 

It's ignorant to say that women don't have the upper hand in dating. It's that way in nature where the strongest alphas fight to mate with the female and it's that way in our society. Online further amplifies this effect - women will nearly always have an advantage unless a guy has movie star looks.

 

To further complicate this women tend to be based on emotions and often not good communicators. They often expect the problems to be resolved without ever voicing any concerns to alert the man. They just "feel" something until it spirals out of control. Then when they speak of the problem it is too late to resolve.

 

In a job situation you will be a lot more apt to stay and make the best of a job if you know that the market is bad. Women rarely have a bad market (unless they are unattractive) so they know they will not be single for very long. Last night I listened to an overweight unattractive woman in her 40s saying how she was hit on by a 25 year old the night before. How many unattractive 40 something guys can say that?

 

Guys rarely have a booming market (unless they are with someone and aren't looking). We use logical arguments primarily to determine if we should stay in a RL; she's got this, that and that and it has been a long time since I found another woman with these qualities so I would like to work things out.

 

It's tough being a guy and dating. You do all the asking and paying and assume all the risk. Just because you sleep with a woman has no bearing on commitment. I'm shocked that women don't care if they break off a RL after a month or so. Women used to take sex a lot more personal and would wait until there was a commitment.

 

And when women decide to leave, their feelings for the new guy will be through the roof and convinced he is the best thing since sliced bread. Those feelings often fade as quickly as they came. Then they wonder why they are still single and 40 despite being attractive and wanting kids. Yet they are walking away from yet another guy due to the options she has.

 

We are on the exact same wavelength, I get comfort from reading your posts because it makes me feel like I'm not insane in my thinking lol!

 

What I will add is the peak of every single relationship I've ever had has probably come when I've had other women interested in me, when I talk about previous dates or previous flings this rises the girl I'm seeings interest. When I'm not bothered if I never see them again their interest levels rise.

 

My last relationship was with a girl that isn't over the top affectionate, very rarely cries and definitely wouldn't in front of me, not overly sensitive, just how I like women. She found it awkward when complimented and talking about feelings but one night we were out with her friends, say 4 months in, a girls sister saw me, I used to chat to, slept with and it was never more and she never expected it to be more. The girls sister gave me a mouthful because I asked how her and her sister were, my girlfriend stepped in, argument broke out and I pulled my girlfriend and her friend away.

 

We got home, she was so emotional, in tears, telling me how much she liked me, how did didn't want to lose me and didn't want anything to get in between us and ruin what we had.

 

When she broke up with me, honestly she had no worries about losing me, of course I wasn't speaking to anybody else, I only had eyes for her. Whether women think logically about this or not I doubt it but it's the truth.

 

And honestly, if I had a queue of women or even if I knew I could go out and have numerous women approach me, would I be so bothered about ending a relationship, would I be so bothered about being dumped? Nope...

[Robert]

Due to some posts about this topic in another thread, we are re-opening this thread for comments.

 

The previous 13 posts have been moved from that other thread.

 

~6

Edited February 6, 2017 by Robert

[GeorgeWP93]

Would love to see some more debate on this!

 

Gender regardless, who has been screwed over, I've always been the bloke that gets screwed over, I'm not insecure, needy or unconfident, I'm probably the 'nice guy' but I'm not a pushover, I just think you should help each other in a relationship.

 

I feel like every women I've been building a relationship with has lied or deceived me for their own gain, even if they had no need to lie to me. If a woman hasn't had another fella chasing them, they have thought something was missing within the relationship and ended it with no good reason, I can't even be angry with these women but the fundamentals of a relationships are wrong,

 

I've had girls that 'love me' but without even a hint of anything wrong they've told me they no longer feel it... why? Maybe they think they should have those butterfly's still and know that within a month they will have someone else who will give them those feelings.

 

I'm interested to try and understand this and understand the struggles that some women may have in a relationship.

[todreaminblue]

i don't think it had anything to do with nice .....or bad boy syndrome i think it has more to do with inner strength..you can be a nice guy and have feelings and show emotions and treat with women with respect and honor..... you can also be a warrior and be nice you can be a fighter and be nice......but...there comes a time when a woman doesn't need nice and needs the fighter and the warrior and the defender.....

 

a guy who wont back down who isn't swayed by others opinions and is willing to stand up and say .no this is what i feel or i believe and stand by his own beliefs...and get up and ask the women out.......and that guy can be nice..a nice guy can pursue a woman...i love nice guys.....always have...but the only guys who eventually ask me out normally are guys who are pretty confident.to make a move on me.......and that is where sometimes nice guys don't have that aggressive competitive streak and sit back.....and that is a shame......maybe its all the sexual harrassment issues who knows but nice guys are not as forthcoming..a bit chicken ...and that isnt attractive in a guy....and there are ways to ask a woman out without even touching her.....or maybe its that there are more women so nice guys sit back thinking ill let them come to me.....who knows.....or maybe its because im not good enough for anc9ie guy to think to ask me out...i am oblivious to what goes through a nice guys head.....because im not a nice guy...i am however a good woman an di dotn understand ...because even though i have been scared fi i like a guy i tell them...i go kamikaze....my daughter has seen me ask a guy out....he accepted i ended up not going out with him but....i could have gone.if i didnt cancel ...th epoint was my daughter said she felt her heart leap...because that is what i do i just jump.....i worry about the landing later...nice guys should jump more and mayeb they would have more dates...deb

[GeorgeWP93]

i don't think it had anything to do with nice .....or bad boy syndrome i think it has more to do with inner strength..you can be a nice guy and have feelings and show emotions and treat with women with respect and honor..... you can also be a warrior and be nice you can be a fighter and be nice......but...there comes a time when a woman doesn't need nice and needs the fighter and the warrior and the defender.....

 

a guy who wont back down who isn't swayed by others opinions and is willing to stand up and say .no this is what i feel or i believe and stand by his own beliefs...and get up and ask the women out.......and that guy can be nice..a nice guy can pursue a woman...i love nice guys.....always have...but the only guys who eventually ask me out normally are guys who are pretty confident.to make a move on me.......and that is where sometimes nice guys don't have that aggressive competitive streak and sit back.....and that is a shame......maybe its all the sexual harrassment issues who knows but nice guys are not as forthcoming..a bit chicken ...and that isnt attractive in a guy....and there are ways to ask a woman out without even touching her.....or maybe its that there are more women so nice guys sit back thinking ill let them come to me.....who knows.....or maybe its because im not good enough for anc9ie guy to think to ask me out...i am oblivious to what goes through a nice guys head.....because im not a nice guy...i am however a good woman an di dotn understand ...because even though i have been scared fi i like a guy i tell them...i go kamikaze....my daughter has seen me ask a guy out....he accepted i ended up not going out with him but....i could have gone.if i didnt cancel ...th epoint was my daughter said she felt her heart leap...because that is what i do i just jump.....i worry about the landing later...nice guys should jump more and mayeb they would have more dates...deb

 

You're spot on, but then bitterness from nice guys who don't dare act on their impulses and desires to go out with a women is irrational.

 

However what about when the relationship is already agreed, you've built the attraction, got to the comfort stage, feel like you no longer have to impress and then boom, all the nice things you've done for them suddenly doesn't matter when they have the doubts, the irrational doubts, the lack of communication, the dumping that you don't see coming.

 

I don't let people walk all over me, I do what I want, I don't need validation from others, I'm a rock for my partner, I give advice to her and her friends, I support their ambitions, I tell her when she disrespects me, I stand by them when they need me but the second I show a weakness, I'm not myself, I'm stressed at work or I'm having family issues and I'm not quite myself my partner looses attraction, within a week or two.

 

Me, personally when I'm not getting the joy I had from a relationship it doesn't turn me off, I want to be with them and help them get back to normal, help build the relationship, I'm with them for a reason, I already know i like/love the girl.

 

Women, if they get the doubt they overthink it and keep thinking until they have removed themselves mentally from the relationship.

[todreaminblue]

You're spot on, but then bitterness from nice guys who don't dare act on their impulses and desires to go out with a women is irrational.

 

However what about when the relationship is already agreed, you've built the attraction, got to the comfort stage, feel like you no longer have to impress and then boom, all the nice things you've done for them suddenly doesn't matter when they have the doubts, the irrational doubts, the lack of communication, the dumping that you don't see coming.

 

I don't let people walk all over me, I do what I want, I don't need validation from others, I'm a rock for my partner, I give advice to her and her friends, I support their ambitions, I tell her when she disrespects me, I stand by them when they need me but the second I show a weakness, I'm not myself, I'm stressed at work or I'm having family issues and I'm not quite myself my partner looses attraction, within a week or two.

 

Me, personally when I'm not getting the joy I had from a relationship it doesn't turn me off, I want to be with them and help them get back to normal, help build the relationship, I'm with them for a reason, I already know i like/love the girl.

 

Women, if they get the doubt they overthink it and keep thinking until they have removed themselves mentally from the relationship.

 

 

we were talking about this in creative writing yesterday about love being a form of trepidation that you just dont know how its goign to turn out or what path you will be on with love.... when you fall in love where you will land or what will happen but the feeling of love so needs to be shared that you get to the point where not jumping is worse....that's the trepidation or extreme nervousness....

 

 

theres nothing worse than been taken for a ride with someone who truly doesnt love you is there......not all women get bored at the first sign of lack of joy....or run when the first headiness of love disappears....myself ...i balk before i start something because once i invest in any relationship its long term goals i have that push me forward.....and i am loyal.....if i love someone that love fading is unlikely and i am committed to make it work.....that...is where someone who bails when there isnt happy happy joy joy all the time lacks staying power...loyalty and commitment.....

 

 

love is effort and work you work at it everyday if you drop the ball.....you pick it up as soon as you know you dropped it....and you work harder to keep that ball in the air..........not everyone looks at dating as a commitment...and really it is...or you are just hanging out with friends...dating is a serious thing and shouldnt be taken lightly or thrown in when things get a little difficult....

 

now i am not an exceptional or unique woman .....different maybe a little...but as far as what i have written above i feel there are many many women who would feel the same way about dating.....and about love and regard men the same way i do...

 

i judge a man on his character.and we all do it we all judge ..even when he is a tool ill give chances because i know enough about his character or his potential to want to work with him and work things out to progress both of us together.....and again its work effort and sweat...i dont see love as all pretty and sweet....i see guts and sweat and effort...and hard work....loving someone is pretty ...keeping that love alive can at times...be rather painful growth,.....a lot of sacrifice and compromise on both parts....

 

so if i am goign to eb with a guy i wan tto see that strength that fight in him that agressive streak that will keep him afloat to stand side by side against rough waters.....and yes i wan t a nice guy too..a nice guy who isnt afraid of grunt work.......but being nice goes out the window when you face enemies to your relationship and the world is that....an enemy to happiness in love.....and if a nice guy cant step up to the plate and take up a bat an have a go....he hasnt got the fight in him with that niceness....and that is why i normally wait for a guy i like to actually show interest before i do.....i want to see the color of his metal...deb

Edited February 7, 2017 by todreaminblue

[GeorgeWP93]

we were talking about this in creative writing yesterday about love being a form of trepidation that you just dont know how its goign to turn out or what path you will be on with love.... when you fall in love where you will land or what will happen but the feeling of love so needs to be shared that you get to the point where not jumping is worse....that's the trepidation or extreme nervousness....

 

 

theres nothing worse than been taken for a ride with someone who truly doesnt love you is there......not all women get bored at the first sign of lack of joy....or run when the first headiness of love disappears....myself ...i balk before i start something because once i invest in any relationship its long term goals i have that push me forward.....and i am loyal.....if i love someone that love fading is unlikely and i am committed to make it work.....that...is where someone who bails when there isnt happy happy joy joy all the time lacks staying power...loyalty and commitment.....

 

 

love is effort and work you work at it everyday if you drop the ball.....you pick it up as soon as you know you dropped it....and you work harder to keep that ball in the air..........not everyone looks at dating as a commitment...and really it is...or you are just hanging out with friends...dating is a serious thing and shouldnt be taken lightly or thrown in when things get a little difficult....

 

now i am not an exceptional or unique woman .....different maybe a little...but as far as what i have written above i feel there are many many women who would feel the same way about dating.....and about love and regard men the same way i do...

 

i judge a man on his character.and we all do it we all judge ..even when he is a tool ill give chances because i know enough about his character or his potential to want to work with him and work things out to progress both of us together.....and again its work effort and sweat...i dont see love as all pretty and sweet....i see guts and sweat and effort...and hard work....loving someone is pretty ...keeping that love alive can at times...be rather painful growth,.....a lot of sacrifice and compromise on both parts....

 

so if i am goign to eb with a guy i wan tto see that strength that fight in him that agressive streak that will keep him afloat to stand side by side against rough waters.....and yes i wan t a nice guy too..a nice guy who isnt afraid of grunt work.......but being nice goes out the window when you face enemies to your relationship and the world is that....an enemy to happiness in love.....and if a nice guy cant step up to the plate and take up a bat an have a go....he hasnt got the fight in him with that niceness....and that is why i normally wait for a guy i like to actually show interest before i do.....i want to see the color of his metal...deb

 

Probably the best post I've seen on this forum and considering I've done a stupid amount of googling and searching on here that is saying something and honestly you are just like me.

 

You're obviously mature and you've a great outlook on things.

 

I'm different to 90% of the people I know, I've always been fascinated with the mind, understanding people, their thinking and being able to stand back and work out what people are thinking and what their actions mean, I've never had a 'bad' date, I can adjust well to things quite easily. I'm complimented on this by everyone I date.

 

Like you, I know when I like someone, I tend to go for the people who don't need a boyfriend, which is maybe why my relationships tend to not to work out but hey ho, can't help what we are attracted to. I find it almost alien that a girl who I have attracted, discovered we have the same morals as, a female version of me can just 'not feel it' anymore. Although I understand it happens I cannot understand why.

 

I've dated around, I socialise most weekends and most weekends I meet women it wouldn't bother me if I never saw again, not in a harsh but just because, I know! When I've been on a few dates with a girl and I don't see it progressing I explain why and call it a day or remain friends if they're okay with that, I'm okay with casual relationships if the boundaries are set.

 

Once I've decided I like a girl and we have been seeing each other for a while, we've had sex and my mind is made up I will tell her that I like her and that I won't be seeing anybody else and if she doesn't reciprocate then I take it from there but it doesn't happen, if the feeling is mutual it's good to go.

 

From that point, we become a team, although I won't put pressure and expectations on the relationship, I'm planning my future with this person, I'm fiercely loyal, my love grows as we do more, talk more and spend more time together.

 

I always discuss relationships and make sure the person I'm seeing knows that nothing changes in the relationship in terms of, she can go out when she wants and so will I, I'm her boyfriend not father, she can wear what she wants and I will tell her she looks good, she doesn't need to spend every minute texting me or see me everyday, I need my own space to, all in casual discussion. When she's had a bad day, I'm there if she needs me supporting her and being there to offer advice but I make sure I don't mind doing it because there will be times I may need it. My ex has crohns and she was nervous to tell me but I don't judge in that sense, I tell her that if she needs me to do anything then just ask and I'm not bothered that she may spend the evening on the bog when I'm there, I reassure.

 

If this makes me a doormat, so be it but I'm always clear that there will be a time when I need her and it's about working together.

 

I want to introduce her to my family and she wants me to meet hers, I agree but I make sure they know it's a big deal to me, I don't like people meeting my family unless they're sticking around. We meet each other's family.

 

I'm there with her in a and e until 2:30 am because her family live abroad and the rest 2 hours away but I'm there for her because surely this is what it's all about, she cannot believe that I do the things I do for her, she tells me but every time I tell her i don't mind doing it because I may need her one day.

 

When someone tries to interfere with my relationship, I turn, I make sure that person is dealt with and reassure my girl, my love doesn't fade when they're struggling and aren't themselves because I already know I'm dating the right person. I tell them if they've been disrespectful and then drop it, I apologise if I think I've done wrong.

 

I make plans, I want to do fun stuff, I know I offer a lot to women and I want to share it, ive always dealt with struggles alone but I'm not afraid to open up because we are a team.

 

This last month, my aunt has died, I've had conflict with my mother and my nan has been diagnosed with cancer, my grandad is demented and to finish the month off my girlfriend left me, why? We had no arguments, lots of fun things planned and had just had a holiday but 'I'm not happy' she said, I'm stunned, we had planned things the week before for months in advance, I thought we were building something, I can't believe it, I ask her since when, she says she doesn't know, I tell her I'm gutted, I tell her it's been a great time, I get my stuff, I walk out the door, I light up a smoke and I leave heartbroken. I feel like when I needed her, ever so slightly and may have not been myself she's gone.

 

It's a reoccurring theme, it must be me, I can't put my finger on it, I want to believe I'm unlucky or these women cannot handle a stress free, easy, drama free relationship. Anybody else have these experiences? I honestly feel every women who has left me has been turned off when I show a weakness, I've never had my love for someone, just go. Without arguments or massive differences in directions of life.

Edited February 7, 2017 by GeorgeWP93