Consolidated discussion - In dating/relationships, my gender has a much harder time

[Phoe]

It is difficult enough to get a smile from a female IRL much less interest. I also believe women is much more cold hearted online since there is less repercussions for their actions there.

 

See, in my mind, it's totally different.

 

 

IRL is more... scary? I try to be as smiley and friendly as possible in public, but there are certain scenarios where that's just not a good idea. I feel like interacting with strangers in public has WAY more variables. You have no idea what's going on with the other person. I might accidentally smile at a disgruntled person and then get barked at!

 

 

on OLD, there are less variables. People are there to date. Obviously there are exceptions that get thrown in (people looking for the wrong things, trolls, etc) and those do need to get weeded through.

 

 

But for the most part, people are there for romance. To meet men and women. That automatically removes all the variables that can make public interactions difficult.

 

 

Plus, without being face to face, it can put people at ease. I am an awkward person. Not shy, but just a bit of a goober. Face to face interactions I can easily be an awkward turtle weirdo haha.

 

 

So, that being said, being in a scenario where I am relaxed, not feeling threatened in any way, have all my own time, and know that I am interacting with people who are here with the same intentions, writing back to everyone who wrote a polite message, is a very easy and obvious choice. I have no reason not to, and many reasons why I SHOULD.

[Phoe]

Are you serious? Online girls are much more picky than the real world.

 

I came so close to dating a 7 online but she didn't like my young age because she was 26. TBH, I want women older than me (mid 20s preferred), but real life doesn't seem to have any of these.

 

I am not picky in dating at all. Whether online or IRL.

 

 

 

 

You are going to have a VERY hard time finding a mid 20's woman at your age.

 

 

I am 25 and I would not date you. All because of your age. I am at a VERY different place in life than you are. Socially, mentally, educationally, professionally.

 

 

The only way you would land a 25 year old woman, is if she is very behind in her own personal development, and is on par development wise, with a teenager. And a woman like that will likely come with other problems that arise from being very behind for her age.

 

 

I am okay with dating someone a bit younger (1-2 years), but dating a teenager is out of the question. Not to mention only even a year ago, dating you would have been statutory rape.

 

 

No sane, well developed woman wants to deal with that.

[serial muse]

You are going to have a VERY hard time finding a mid 20's woman at your age.

 

Yes, general discussions of OLD difficulties aside, Armogoggon, the disconnect between your age and your target age is the number-one reason you aren't getting a response. Most mid-20s women aren't going to be interested in an 18-year-old, I'm afraid.

[Anela]

No offense, Phone, but I have a hard time believing that "many" women would response back on messages like you have.

 

It is difficult enough to get a smile from a female IRL much less interest. I also believe women is much more cold hearted online since there is less repercussions for their actions there.

 

Which adds up to that men that message women in which the women doesn't like gets outright ignored in online dating.

 

It is truly a crap shoot there. You is like winning the lottery.

 

I used to, when I was on there. Then I read on here that that's giving false hope, so I stopped.

[Anela]

I am not picky in dating at all. Whether online or IRL.

 

Not at all? I am. Not "top 20%" picky (whatever that is).

 

Amy Webb went out with men she was iffy about, and her instincts proved to be correct. Amy Webb: How I hacked online dating | Talk Video | TED.com

[Phoe]

Not at all? I am. Not "top 20%" picky (whatever that is).

 

Amy Webb went out with men she was iffy about, and her instincts proved to be correct. Amy Webb: How I hacked online dating | Talk Video | TED.com

 

Yeah, pretty much 99% of people would say I'm not picky.

 

 

I want a guy who is a nice person, in my age range, who physically speaking, has all the right parts in the right places, and practices normal hygiene.

 

 

That's all.

[clia]

So in other words because males hardly get messages back, it makes it hard for them to start something. It's also quite retarded the way how women don't spend time to write something back even if they're not interested.

 

 

I got hundreds of messages when I did OLD, so no, I did not have time to respond to all of them. Also, many men had clearly not read my profile at all (if they would've, it would've been clear that I would not be interested in them), so I'm not sure why I should be expected to waste my time sending them a polite rejection note.

 

Do guy actually want a polite rejection note? Why?

[sillyanswer]

Not at all? I am. Not "top 20%" picky (whatever that is).

 

Amy Webb went out with men she was iffy about, and her instincts proved to be correct. Amy Webb: How I hacked online dating | Talk Video | TED.com

 

 

I stopped watching when she started talking about making 10 fake profiles. OLD is hard enough as it is without people doing that.

[sillyanswer]

Do guy actually want a polite rejection note? Why?

 

I take silence as the "no thanks".

 

I used to send polite rejection notes myself until I got a snarky response to one, and that was my cue to give up on that.

[Lani]

Think about it..

 

I mean all men really have to do is approach women. If they do this then generally one of these women will be receptive, and BAM!

 

For women it’s difficult. You have to always maintain this smoking body that supermodels and porn have made men think we all should have. You have to be independent enough to earn your own money (but not more than your partner) and have friends to hang out with so guys can have their ‘man time’ with their buddies, yet be available enough to be with them whenever they want it. All whilst remaining a little vulnerable, but not too much!

You’ve got to have long thick hair, preferably blonde as that’s what guys want most.

 

Then there’s the issue of not knowing whether or not we can approach. Jeesh! Some men like it, some men don’t and feel it’s too aggressive. ‘Be assertive, not aggressive’. Bleurgh. How the hell are we supposed to know what to do or where we belong?

 

We can’t mention our inherent desire to have children because then we’re some sort of mentalcase who will likely steal your sperm and trap you with a baby and steal all your money.

 

Men have better careers than women generally because sexism sees that we don’t get the jobs we deserve, likely because of the baby thing again.

 

We also can’t multi-date or have too much of a sexual history because then we’re obviously some kind of tainted slut. Whereas men can do what they want and they’re seen as heroes.

We've got to be fantastic at sex, and exude some sort of sexiness at all times, but not to men other than the one who currently wants our attention.

 

It’s hard being a woman these days. Men have it so much easier.

 

Am I right?

[ChessPieceFace]

Am I right?

 

No.

 

You can easily flirt and show your interest. If the guy is oblivious or scared then you'd never give him a chance anyway so it doesn't matter. Otherwise he'll ask you to do something if he likes you. Don't even get me started on online dating, where it's 100x easier for women.

 

Of course, finding your impossible perfect man when you've set your standards above what 99% of human beings are capable of -- now that's difficult.

[somedude81]

It's easier for men to date than women.

 

Ha ha. Good attempt. I'll give you a 6 out of 10.

 

You lost a point for not mentioning boobs.

[Lani]

Ha ha. Good attempt. I'll give you a 6 out of 10.

 

You lost a point for not mentioning boobs.

 

You lose 47 points for not even TRYING to consider things from someone else's angle. And you were already short enough, so be careful.

[Lani]

No.

 

You can easily flirt and show your interest. If the guy is oblivious or scared then you'd never give him a chance anyway so it doesn't matter. Otherwise he'll ask you to do something if he likes you. Don't even get me started on online dating, where it's 100x easier for women.

 

Of course, finding your impossible perfect man when you've set your standards above what 99% of human beings are capable of -- now that's difficult.

 

So guys can't show their interest?

 

And if guys are oblivious or scared then I'd be embarrassed for flirting with him in the first place! I'd feel like a goose and hide.

[jay1983]

LMAO This is the funniest thing I've read today.

[somedude81]

You lose 47 points for not even TRYING to consider things from someone else's angle. And you were already short enough, so be careful.

 

Crap! The points were connected to my height?!

 

How tall will I be tomorrow?!

[Lani]

Crap! The points were connected to my height?!

 

How tall will I be tomorrow?!

 

Well you can't get any shorter, so....

[Lani]

Can I play too?

 

This is why it's harder as a man. If you're not over 6 foot tall, you may as well hang yourself. Women will just ignore you and date a tall douchebag. No matter what, you have to stay confident! It doesn't matter if every girl you have ever spoken to turns you down, you have to somehow hold onto your confidence. You better work out and stay in shape, because even fat girls are entitled to only date fit guys. Make sure you move out of your parents house at an early age, or else you will have no place to take all those women who still live at home. A great career is a must. Otherwise, you won't be able to pay for everything you and your girlfriend do, and you have to be able to pay, or else you'll be labeled a cheapskate. Last, but not least, do not ever, ever, become a nice guy.

 

No, you cannot 'play'

[sweetjasmine]

It’s hard being a woman these days. Men have it so much easier.

 

Am I right?

 

Western men have a lot more options, especially as they get older. Older men can more easily replace their aging partners with young women, and that's not even considering the easy availability of swingers' clubs, strippers, and hookers. And there's really no such thing as mail-order husbands. All a guy has to do is buy a desperate kid from a developing country if he's really that lonely. Chances are she's been raised to cater to his every whim with a smile.

[Dork Vader]

Do you truly believe it is not difficult for men to date either?

 

 

Please.. Why don't you create a dating profile on OKC or POF. Once you have tell me how many messages do you get a day? Do you know how many men have to send out? Most men do not even get looked at..

 

 

Heck why don't you go to a bar with your girl friends or even solo. Some guy will talk to you some guy will flirt with you talk and buy you a drink.. If you're a guy the BEST you'll get is a smile and look. Based on that you have muster the courage to spark a conversation with a complete stranger. Likely buy them a drink and HOPE you'll get their number..

 

 

Never mind the fact that you'll get shot down fairly frequently. Possibly punched by a jealous boy friend who's drunk.

 

 

And you are some how telling me MEN have it easy? Please

 

 

Never mind the fact that if they are anything like me.. You have to pay for all dang dates you go on.. You think that is cheap? Spending $200+ a date on food drinks and entertainment?

 

 

I think you have a fairly misguided view of dating. It's difficult for both sexes.

 

 

You think you have to be perfect? Far from it.. There are plenty of guys like who only care about whether or not they find YOU attractive. Nothing else.. I'm far from a Channing Tatum or Tom Cruise. But I can tell you I am not ugly. I have dated woman that were a little chunky. I have dated women that were not what society deems as "hot" but I did not care because I LIKED THEM. I thought they were beautiful.

 

 

Get off your high horse..

[suladas]

Don't forget men also want a partner better looking then them, many also have clouded vision on their looks to begin with.....

[MidwestUSA]

Well you can't get any shorter, so....

 

I'd like to argue this point please.

 

 

Anyone can. I did!

[TXGuy]

I would agree that men over 35 or 40 have it much easier than women over 25 or 40. Not so much for the things you mentioned, but certainly its a mans world after 40.

 

Under 30 though (certainly from 15-25), women have most of the power. Sometimes they don't feel like it because 90% of the women are chasing the top 10-15% of the men, pretty much oblivious to the rest. So, as far as men they are really interested in, they might feel like it is difficult to get one of these players for more than a pump and dump.

Edited July 31, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Trolling reference redacted.

[somedude81]

Really. About 12% of males are over 6 foot tall. The human race must be in the verge of extinction.

 

Somehow 90% under 6 foot have relationships...must be divine intervention.

 

Now now, lets be logical.

 

Those 12% of men are having sex with all the woman. Sure that means that most of those guys now are having 20+ kids, but the human race still goes on.

 

The rest of the 88% of men are angry virgins.

[Dork Vader]

WOW people grow up. Both sexes have a hard time dating.

 

 

You think men don't have to deal with rejection either? I've dealt with my entire dating life. Some women give me their number some don't. Some laugh at me some don't.

 

 

Rejection goes well beyond dating. It's going to be a part of your entire life. You should learn how to deal with it.

 

 

Read a book on confidence. Be confident enough in yourself to walk up to a man you find cute and flirt with him. Be confident enough and secure enough in yourself that you view it as THEIR loss. Then brush it off your shoulder like a flake of dust.