I really do hate my ex-girlfriend after this weekend

[MrHX]

Many of you will know, I stopped contact with my ex-girlfriend almost two weeks ago. After our last encounter, she told me we shouldn't speak for a while after I gave her an ultimatum that I did not want to be secret friends. She did try to keep in contact with me through social media and via text. I stayed strong until earlier last week when she texted asking for help because as she stated, her family might get evicted from their apartment. We spoke and I gave her consolation and tried to research how to help them. I made a mistake and we chatted throughout the night.

 

After this encounter, she called me on Friday asking for help because she was returning to our church choir that day after a five month break. Again, I helped her out by encouraging her.

 

What a big mistake.

 

I assume she took note of what my performance schedule was supposed to be for that weekend. She was incorrect and did not realize I float between services because I am an organist. I assume she did not know that I would be performing Sunday morning because of what ensued later on that day.

 

I was sitting in our choir loft, paying attention to our service when I realized that there was a guy staring at me. I did not pay much attention at first, but I had to look in his direction after I became increasingly uncomfortable. To my surprise, it was the guy whom she started to talk to before our break up six months ago. At this point, I was completely floored because he kept on staring at me with a huge grin on his face. I held my composure, glanced away towards the direction of my ex. She looked at me, then proceeded to look down at the floor.

 

After service. I wasted time in the changing room in order to avoid the two of them. I walked outside and my friends invited to go out to eat because none of us had work or any other plans. We went to this local Asian supermarket, ate and was standing in the main lobby. I was in direct view of the entrance, when my ex and the guy walked in together. She saw me and they both quickly left the supermarket.

 

After this, I texted her and sarcastically told her that they didn't have to leave so hastily. She responded back saying she wanted to save us all the awkwardness and decided to leave. After this, I responded basically telling her to never contact me again and that I was done with all her BS. She continued to apologize, but I was completely fed up. I let her have it and basically told her off on how badly she treated me since our break up. I told her that after all of this, we had to be a secret because this was all part of her plan.

 

In one last act, she apologized for everything and hoped we would be friends in the future. I told her that was unlikely and that I regret ever being a part of her life. I laid it all out there at this point. She attempted to call me multiple times, but I did not respond. Her last text message to me said:

 

"I guess I'm not human after all. I know I don't deserve to live after everything I've done to you. After all we've been through. The person who was always there for me even when my own family wasn't even there for me. I guess this is it"

 

That's all she wrote. I now feel more angry and resentful towards this woman. However, I let myself get played for so long and I deserve the feelings that I now have to live with. I hope after all of this, one day I will get better. I do regret some of the things I said. Though they were true, they were hurtful.

 

What a fool I have been.

[TaraMaiden]

We're all made fools of by our hearts, when we let them do the thinking.

 

Now, you know.

 

Lesson learnt - a bullet was dodged.

[MrHX]

We're all made fools of by our hearts, when we let them do the thinking.

 

Now, you know.

 

Lesson learnt - a bullet was dodged.

 

That is exactly what my father said after I told him the story. I asked him why did I let this go on for so long. He bluntly said I was foolishly in love. That is the kicker for me. I'm a very analytical individual. Given my line of work, I analyze data in order to mitigate risk. However, when the heart spoke up, I pushed all the critical thinking aside and let my heart take the driver's seat.

[aisuru]

That is exactly what my father said after I told him the story. I asked him why did I let this go on for so long. He bluntly said I was foolishly in love. That is the kicker for me. I'm a very analytical individual. Given my line of work, I analyze data in order to mitigate risk. However, when the heart spoke up, I pushed all the critical thinking aside and let my heart take the driver's seat.

 

HAHA, you and me both my friend, you and me both. I can analyze the **** out of anything until my heart is involved.

 

Well... now you know. No contact is a great tool for healing. Or so I hear.

[MrHX]

HAHA, you and me both my friend, you and me both. I can analyze the **** out of anything until my heart is involved.

 

Well... now you know. No contact is a great tool for healing. Or so I hear.

 

Oh yea, our dear friend NC. I've blocked her on EVERYTHING; my phones, facebook, even my freaking linkedin. I'm done.

[FlockaFlex]

Join the team man, I ****ing hate my ex too

[Cutiepie1976]

As long as you hate her and are angry with her, you won't heal and you can't move on with your life. You'll remain stuck in a rut that holds you back from happiness. Hatred, resentment, bitterness? All this negativity and ugliness of spirit? You're drinking poison in the hopes that your enemy dies. Ludicrous really. Your ex is happily living her life with her new boyfriend...unaffected (except that you no longer do her bidding, but that's easily replaceable). So who are you really hurting when you insist on holding on to this anger and hatred? Who's life is at a standstill? Hers? No, yours. Who continues to suffer? Her? No, you. Is that her fault? No. It's yours for not forgiving, letting go of your negativity that is holding you back, learning from the experience, and healing so you can be ready for someone better suited to you.

 

OP, you say you are active in your church? Christ taught us to forgive, did he not? Indeed, he doesn't view those incapable of forgiving with kindness, does he?

 

Matthew 6:14-15 NKJV - ?For if you forgive men their - Bible Gateway

Matthew 18:23-35 NKJV - Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like - Bible Gateway

 

Faith isn't just hypocritical lip service on Sunday. It's a lifestyle. Live it...for your own sake.

[MrHX]

As long as you hate her and are angry with her, you won't heal and you can't move on with your life. You'll remain stuck in a rut that holds you back from happiness. Hatred, resentment, bitterness? All this negativity and ugliness of spirit? You're drinking poison in the hopes that your enemy dies. Ludicrous really. Your ex is happily living her life with her new boyfriend...unaffected (except that you no longer do her bidding, but that's easily replaceable). So who are you really hurting when you insist on holding on to this anger and hatred? Who's life is at a standstill? Hers? No, yours. Who continues to suffer? Her? No, you. Is that her fault? No. It's yours for not forgiving, letting go of your negativity that is holding you back, learning from the experience, and healing so you can be ready for someone better suited to you.

 

OP, you say you are active in your church? Christ taught us to forgive, did he not? Indeed, he doesn't view those incapable of forgiving with kindness, does he?

 

Matthew 6:14-15 NKJV - ?For if you forgive men their - Bible Gateway

Matthew 18:23-35 NKJV - Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like - Bible Gateway

 

Faith isn't just hypocritical lip service on Sunday. It's a lifestyle. Live it...for your own sake.

 

I actually resent that. I do know those verses and please read through my whole post before you preach to me. Surprisingly, I did tell her that one day I will forgive and forget. It's okay, it was just a title and how I feel at the moment. I was venting, okay?

Edited May 27, 2013 by MrHX

[TaraMaiden]

(Richard Gere moment..... )

[Cutiepie1976]

Thread Title:

I really do hate my ex-girlfriend after this weekend

 

Content in the OP:

...After this, I texted her and sarcastically told her that they didn't have to leave so hastily. She responded back saying she wanted to save us all the awkwardness and decided to leave. After this, I responded basically telling her to never contact me again and that I was done with all her BS. She continued to apologize, but I was completely fed up. I let her have it and basically told her off on how badly she treated me since our break up. I told her that after all of this, we had to be a secret because this was all part of her plan.

 

In one last act, she apologized for everything and hoped we would be friends in the future. I told her that was unlikely and that I regret ever being a part of her life. I laid it all out there at this point. She attempted to call me multiple times, but I did not respond. Her last text message to me said:

 

"I guess I'm not human after all. I know I don't deserve to live after everything I've done to you. After all we've been through. The person who was always there for me even when my own family wasn't even there for me. I guess this is it"

 

That's all she wrote. I now feel more angry and resentful towards this woman. However, I let myself get played for so long and I deserve the feelings that I now have to live with. I hope after all of this, one day I will get better. I do regret some of the things I said. Though they were true, they were hurtful.

 

What a fool I have been.

 

Obviously, we differ in our basic definition of forgiveness if, as you claim, your OP describes forgiveness. By a standard definition, I failed to find an iota of evidence for this, hence my suggestion. Forgiveness and acceptance tend to be central to moving forward after a painful event or experience.

 

Since referring to your belief system that you raised in the OP offends you, perhaps a more secular reference?

 

Forgiveness - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

Either way, your choice to hold yourself back out of bitterness, anger, and hatred, or to learn from the experience and help yourself heal by forgiving and letting go. Your choice, your life. Not your ex's or mine. Our lives proceed either way. I simply offered up a suggestion on how to facilitate moving on. Proceed with the negativity as you prefer.

[TaraMaiden]

You know, with the deepest respect - when somebody's given you an answer like the one you received, it's really not an ideal thing to keep prodding....

[MrHX]

Thread Title:

 

 

Content in the OP:

 

 

Obviously, we differ in our basic definition of forgiveness if, as you claim, your OP describes forgiveness. By a standard definition, I failed to find an iota of evidence for this, hence my suggestion. Forgiveness and acceptance tend to be central to moving forward after a painful event or experience.

 

Since referring to your belief system that you raised in the OP offends you, perhaps a more secular reference?

 

Forgiveness - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

Either way, your choice to hold yourself back out of bitterness, anger, and hatred, or to learn from the experience and help yourself heal by forgiving and letting go. Your choice, your life. Not your ex's or mine. Our lives proceed either way. I simply offered up a suggestion on how to facilitate moving on. Proceed with the negativity as you prefer.

 

I really did not want to do this but please read this verse:

 

Matthew 7:1-5

 

 

7 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

 

 

There must have been a reason why you're here as well. You must have gone through the same emotions as I. Please, stop preaching. I know my sins and let me work on those with my maker.

[Cutiepie1976]

Interesting selection. Thank you for the scripture passages.

 

Since you asked, the thread title caught my eye. That's what drew me in. I'm not getting over a breakup or anything like that as you seem to infer. Not do I have any grudges against anyone. I am very happy in my relationship and providing "unbiased" advice. I have never hated anyone. Nor was I judging you. Interesting that you jumped to that conclusion, isn't it?

 

Anyway, as I said in my previous posts, I was simply offering up a suggestion that often is a stumbling block and critical to people moving forward in their lives and finding inner peace. I placed it in a context to which I thought you might relate more easily. Apparently not.

 

Let me ask you this? Did you feel better after yelling mean things at your ex as she repeatedly apologized? Has all the venting anger and spouting of hatred made you feel better? If not, perhaps consider other options. Perhaps the opposite, which would be letting go and forgiving. That's the advice in a nutshell. Again, take it or leave it.

[dreamingoftigers]

Best of luck OP.

 

Good for you. Forgive on your own time, not when the gauntlet falls before you.

[big bear]

.

 

 

"I guess I'm not human after all. I know I don't deserve to live after everything I've done to you. After all we've been through. The person who was always there for me even when my own family wasn't even there for me. I guess this is it"

 

 

WTF is this supposed to mean.. A guilt trap??

[TaraMaiden]

WTF is this supposed to mean.. A guilt trap??

 

I presume the question is hypothetical.....

[MrHX]

I presume the question is hypothetical.....

 

You know, this one has stumped me the more it settles. I honestly have no idea why should would end it on that note. I suppose I'll never know, nor should I care moving forward. But for now, it has me really stumped.

[Chi townD]

What got my goat was with this douche rocket smiling and staring at the OP like the damn tresher cat, gloating that he's there with her. That he's with her now.

 

And if that's the kind of person she wants to replace Mr.HX with; the kind of person she's attracted to, then, I agree that he dodged a bullet.

[MrHX]

What got my goat was with this douche rocket smiling and staring at the OP like the damn tresher cat, gloating that he's there with her. That he's with her now.

 

And if that's the kind of person she wants to replace Mr.HX with; the kind of person she's attracted to, then, I agree that he dodged a bullet.

 

I would give the guy a bit more slack. He was infatuated with my ex for over seven years. In his eyes, I was the rocket for so long. Towards the end of our relationship, my ex thought I was cheating on her for months. He popped in for one of his attempts to woo her and she was already fed up and gave him some time. My ex and I confronted the issue and we were both found resolution over the issue, I suppose he wasn't informed that I was not a good for nothing cheater.

 

However, I'm still not particularly fond of this guy.

Edited May 28, 2013 by MrHX

[Chi townD]

Yeah, but if this guy was infatuated with her for seven years then I'm pretty sure you've had conversations about him with her and how uncomfortable you were with him around. She probably gave you the "He harmless" speech. Yet, who's the FIRST person she turned to? YEP! The guy you can't stand.

 

Harmleess indeed.

[crederer]

Uh, if I was that guy I'd have enough respect for you as a person not to smirk at your pain. As Chi town said, that was the part that bothered me most about your post. Sounds like a sadistic prick.

[MrHX]

Funny this is, as I think about it, how did the guy feel when my ex basically ran away after seeing me? If I were in his shoes, I would really question whether the girl I was with is truly over her ex.

 

Throughout Monday into Tuesday, she repeatedly attempted to contact me trying to explain herself. I'm at a point where I would rather forgive her just to keep her away. I do still have strong feelings for her and wonder if we ever have a chance getting back together. However, at this point, why even bother having these feelings if this guy is apparently more important to her than I was? She kept me a secret, yet was willing to parade the new guy in front of her friends exactly five years when we first started dating? I know her better enough to know she's clearly trying to replace our memories with the new guy.

Edited May 29, 2013 by MrHX

[fancy feast]

Forgive her, don't forgive her, whatever. Just cut off the contact so you can move on. It doesn't matter whether or not she's trying to replace you, it's not something you should concern yourself with. I'm sure you have other stuff that needs your attention.