xSweetx Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 If there's a guy (24) who got hurt in his last relationship and hasn't been in one since (which was a few years ago) but then starts to like a girl and starts to get to know her but then constantly backs off because of this fear. What would be the best way to reassure this guy and get him comfortable enough to want date you and not run away? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 If there's a guy (24) who got hurt in his last relationship and hasn't been in one since (which was a few years ago) but then starts to like a girl and starts to get to know her but then constantly backs off because of this fear. What would be the best way to reassure this guy and get him comfortable enough to want date you and not run away? Thanks the same way you would treat a shy guy......you just be you .....dont force him to know you....let him see you for who you are........and when he is ready to trust......he will see that he can trust you because you havent changed you are just you....i guarantee if you stay true to who you are and not attempt to change who you are for a guy......he will see it when he is ready to see it........hugs....deb 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 If there's a guy (24) who got hurt in his last relationship and hasn't been in one since (which was a few years ago) but then starts to like a girl and starts to get to know her but then constantly backs off because of this fear. What would be the best way to reassure this guy and get him comfortable enough to want date you and not run away? Thanks Let's not talk in the third person. This is you, right? Be frank. Say so. Back off, and prove to be more trustworthy than anyone he's ever known. But tell him - "By continually backing off, you're actually pushing me away, and you're going to destroy what we're building. And if you do that to me, you will do it to every subsequent lady you'll end up dating. I - am NOT - your ex. Quit shoving. Let me in, and give me some credit." Link to post Share on other sites
Treasa Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 Treat him the way you would treat a wild animal: Give him treats and be sweet, but if he still doesn't want to be close, move on and adopt a non-shy animal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
apple OR orange Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 your going to be in a minority here, msot women will dump the ones who need work... theres a very small % that would spend the time on this so really have no idea. Personally i would find out what happened last time and talk about it, sometimes you have to face facts, i did, i dont like being told "no", so i dont put myself in a situation where i can be told "no", = i dont date. granted i miss out on alot of stuff others get for free (and easy) but i didnt design the planet i just live on it. Link to post Share on other sites
IJustWantLove Posted May 27, 2013 Share Posted May 27, 2013 You can show you are trustable through your actions and suggestions. First, realize, 90% of the problems faced today didn't exist 15 years ago. Cell phones have changed humanity forever. They've totally enabled cheaters and cheating. Suggest to him that neither of you have friends of the opposite sex. Suggest to him that you two have unlocked phones. Suggest tracking software on your iphone such that you can always see where the other is at all times. You have to use technology to establish trust. Link to post Share on other sites
TheGuard13 Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 You can show you are trustable through your actions and suggestions. First, realize, 90% of the problems faced today didn't exist 15 years ago. Well that's just...not true. Link to post Share on other sites
TheGuard13 Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 Duplicate. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 I wouldn't tell him or do anything. I figure we are all adults, we have ALL been hurt. If he is not over that and can't be mature enough to realize you are not her then he is not ready to date. I don't have time to babysit a guy though and certainly don't have time to fix anyone. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 If there's a guy (24) who got hurt in his last relationship and hasn't been in one since (which was a few years ago) but then starts to like a girl and starts to get to know her but then constantly backs off because of this fear. What would be the best way to reassure this guy and get him comfortable enough to want date you and not run away? Thanks He needs to get over this fear before he starts dating and he needs to understand that you are not his ex (or whoever the other bitch was). Otherwise it'll be hell for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
oriole man Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 He needs to get over this fear before he starts dating and he needs to understand that you are not his ex (or whoever the other bitch was). Otherwise it'll be hell for you. he's gone wuss. she should dump him for a real man who knows what he wants. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
worldgonewrong Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 Treat him the way you would treat a wild animal: Give him treats and be sweet, but if he still doesn't want to be close, move on and adopt a non-shy animal. Him: "What's with the trail of walnuts leading to the bed?" Link to post Share on other sites
GravityMan Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 Dating and relationships are not for weak-minded guys. Pansies need not apply. Thick skin is needed. So is the ability to quickly get over past problems and turn the page. OP, you should seriously consider whether you want to stay with this guy. He will get over his issues on his own timetable, and that may take awhile (if ever). It's up to him. I think many women your age wouldn't waste their time with a guy like this...there are still many other unattached guys out there including a decent amount who have their acts together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 If that's the case, if you are in the midst of a relationship with this man, then you have to run away as fast as you can. I find that women (and I was there as well) who are in their early twenties tend to think that a man can be "fixed" or "cured" of something, whether it's the bad relationship of the past that has scarred them or something else. ANd if he's bringing it up to you specifically, then you REALLY have a problem! I was in this with a guy about 15 years ago by now. All he did was whine to me that this woman had broken his heart years ago, she walked away and never talked to him again, and he was still trying to contact her and send her gifts, etc. After a year of whining, he told me (via email, I would like to add) that he could not commit to me because he was too damaged. Needless to say, we had a horrible fallout (also via email, I might add), and we never spoke a word again. Today? Found him on Facebook, he married about a year later to another woman (not the one who broke his heart) and they have been married for ten years now. I can't imagine how this guy must deal with problems or the abuse he must put her through with his weak minded emotionally neediness. Whether this person is your friend or your bf, there is no answer. Encourage them to seek professional help. If they refuse, then that's the breaks. You also cannot force an alcoholic or a drug addict to get help if they need it. Sometimes you just have to walk away which is the best lesson they can learn. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emmeline T Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 Dear mortensorchild, I think you really helped this man to heal. By whining and unloading on you he removed all the baggage. Then he could move on. You gave him a wonderful gift, although it might not have felt like it at the time. You are an Angel and should be proud of yourself. Good things are install for you. Aroha Link to post Share on other sites
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