Second Chances? Heck, I'm on my sixteenth.

[Treasa]

He, or the way you feel about him, is making you anxious enough to want to seek meds.

 

This feels like a drug addiction. Perhaps you should treat it the way one would treat a drug addiction.

 

Can you afford intensive, daily therapy?

 

What are your hobbies outside him? Who and where are your friends that you go out and do things with?

[aisuru]

 

 

2) For most men, the way they feel about a woman is set in stone from the moment they first sleep with them. If a man really adores you and loves you and wants you to be a long-term girlfriend before he sleeps with you, he'll continue to up the ante in the relationship after you have sex. If he saw you as a casual friends-with-benefits, then that's all you'll be from there on out. If, like in your case, he sees you as a cool girl to hang out with but doesn't think it'll go to the next level, that's where it will remain. Having sex with a man will not make him fall in love with you if he wasn't in love with you before -- it will just make him want to have sex with you.

 

 

I think this is put more succintly than anything else I have ever read. So very true in my experience.

[crederer]

How come I can't leave him? How come I keep coming back to him? Why?

 

Why am I not strong enough to move on?

 

Why does he keep taking me back? If it were just for sex, then why can't he find it somewhere else? Why me?

 

I'm getting frustrated. I hate this. I just want to be happy. but leaving him makes me miserable. I can't do it.

 

So I figured this time, I'll stay and slowly ween myself off of him. He asks me to come over, I'll say I have plans. I'll slowly disconnect from him.

 

I can't just not have him there anymore.

 

I kind of wish he would meet someone else. Then I could move on because I have no choice but to.

 

Not trying to sound harsh, but if he's using you for sex (not that I'm saying he is but IF) it's because it's easy. I have an ex that is willing to sleep with me anytime I call her. If I'm horny and strike out at the bar, I call her. There it is from my perspective.

[Drseussgrrl]

If you were my little sister and I saw you constantly repeating these behaviors with this guy, I'd kick your ass, and I'm serious.

 

YNL, you may think that by being young that you have all the time in the world to figure out men and the right relationship will fall into your lap eventually.

 

But you're creating a very toxic pattern with men that will be nearly impossible to break the more you feed it, and before you know it you'll be 40 and wondering where all the good men are (hint: they're married to the women that don't put up with BS).

 

I wasn't that surprised to read this update but you know it and we all know that you are simply not ok with this "arrangement" like you said you were in your first post. Here we are 4 pages later and you're already wondering if you can use prescription drugs just to cope. You are doing this to yourself.

 

Please - please, get help.

[kiss_andmakeup]

Oh gosh, this is so sad to read. Please don't let this continue. You're obviously very intelligent, you're young, you have your whole life ahead of you...don't waste another day (let alone a week, month, or year) with this guy. Please.

 

I've been through a really rough break-up too, so I know how hard it is. You feel like your insides are being eaten alive. It's so miserable.

 

But you have to see it through to get to the other side. Imagine how great it would be to be in a relationship with someone who wants to be with you. Who wants to be committed. It's so attainable...please stop selling yourself short with this guy and his pathetic breadcrumbs. You could have so much more. You could be happy.

[Leigh 87]

I think Younglove is very self aware.

 

I think she knows she is pretty, young, and has the world at her feet.

 

I think she can comprehend that that there are men out there who WILL want to commit to her.

 

.......It is a case of a very clever young person who is incredibly self AWARE, not being able to do what she KNOWS she needs to do.

 

It sounds like therapy may be in order to break past patterns.

 

At least that is what I am seeking - to understand why I KNOW a situation is unhealthy; that it is not what I want. To know there is a healthy way to deal with situations that I know are not ideal for me.

 

................................

 

Younglove98 is special. She is a very unique sounding individual who mixes intelligence, her good looks and her seemingly cool personality.

 

It IS sad to see someone like her holding herself back from meeting the person who will make her feel a way that she has never felt before, due to issues she can't address.

[Woggle]

To each their own. This sounds like utter torture to me but it is your life. I am sure you know how destructive this is by now so you don't need me saying it. I just hope you eventually break away before you ruin any chance of ever having a happy relationship.

[lula69]

I sympathize with you, younglove89 -- what a romantic username, BTW.

 

I love romantic stuff and drama, yes. And I've been in a similar situation. Long distance with that girl who is so cute and lovely when she is cute and lovely, and long distance (when she doesn't temporarily abandon me) and when we are together our first night, humm. And when we are together longer, she starts getting demanding and she wants to control and actually want me to lead but she will give a sh*tload of resistance and I feel crap and we both have sh*tload of baggage, so every time we frustrate each other. But love, sweet love, ah, it never ends.

 

And we broke up but not really, and I sit here and long for her so much, and I wonder she too? And she probably sometimes does. But I had to start moving on and make my moving on a reality because I was so unhappy and even angry at her because after promising me such sweet eternal love she always kept me hanging and let me down too. I had to learn to stop being angry at her and see it as me doing this to myself because I keep agreeing to this by going after her and getting her back.

 

I still fu**ing love her, and the longer I am away from her (about a month now) the less I see the annoying disappointing stuff and the more I remember the endless supply of sweet hopes and dreams and the tender love and feeding we did to each other in our good moments ... in rapid succession with our fights being annoyed and disappointing each other. And I still love her. 3 years since we fell into insta-love. I changed my whole life for her, and I have such a hard time letting go.

 

I only hold on by a hair now not to reach out to her. Only because I held her sweet face in my loving hands us both crying and I said I will have to be strong this time and not hold you back any longer to pursue what I think you need to try because if you were really happy into me it would be different. And my baggage does not give me the freedom to go by exactly your schedule (and besides if you only care for your schedule, while having caused enough delay between us, I can't be the sucker here.)

 

It worked better this time because we parted in peace. For the first time without a fight. Without me walking out, without her banging the door. We did not say a last good bye, we left hope in the air that one day we would come out of our baggage work-up time, may be with another experience, but would realize that we were made for each other. (Romantic music plays.)

 

So, younglove89, you are not alone. BUT perhaps it helps you to see that you may be wasting your precious life time. I hear you when you say you love drama and you love him and the sex is good, but one day you might look back and say ****! I could have had romance, drama, and good sex with someone more right. One day you may get an offer too hard to resist. And then you are compromising yourself.

 

Why don't you try instead to see really clearly this time what you need from a partner and what he can and can not give you. See the very best in him. Try to get the very best out of him. Talk about your needs in calm and peace. Try to find a point of trying your last hopes and best approaches, so you won't have to regret that there was something you have not tried.

 

Then, if you still feel bad, you make a peaceful break. You may not even have to say good bye forever. Just agree on time to really try to break the cycle of disappointment. Truthfully state that this might mean each has the option to move on and try other partners.

 

Then let it sit for a moment, and soon go out and hook up so that you get validation, touch, and sex perhaps. Is it really so hard for you? You're a girl for heaven's sake! Don't try to find Mr. right and don't even necessarily go for emotion and long term. Just fun and some remedy. Try to also have plenty of alone time, to build your comfort and awareness about yourself. But before you crave for him, go out and have fun. Do that for a couple of months. If after that you still feel a strong ties to him by all means... But also, perhaps increase the tension and let him beg you to return, and perhaps he will find out what he is willing to do to have you in his life. Perhaps you don't need him any more by then. Which would be fine.

 

Ideally you will end up with all the romance and drama your want but in a sustainable and wholesome way. I wish that for you. And for me too ... sorry for the long thing, I wrote this for me, 'cuz I'm soooo close to connect with her, because I love her .... but I must be strong, I promised to her, I don't want to play with her, I need to develop real options in my life so if I was to contact her again, I really choose her out of plenty not out of scarcity.

[aisuru]

How do I start NC? Just do it? Or do I tell him I'm going to do it?

 

Do I block him? Do I fall off the face of earth?

 

WHAT!?!?

 

You're not new here. You know the answers to this question.

 

Time to beetlejuice Tara Maiden.

 

SHEESH YNL.

 

You know this answer. Do not sell yourself short. Woman. Lady. Knock it off. You know better. And you know you know better.

[KatZee]

I'm not at all surprised seeing this update to be honest. Following this story for 18 months...all of the advice in the world given by us, or a psychiatrist wouldn't help her to leave this guy and do the right thing.

 

You write a massive post about being a commitment phobe and that's why you two are so great together, and mid thread you're already saying how you want more from him, and then you ask how to go NC.

 

YOU WERE ALREADY IN NC.

 

All of the unhappiness you feel now, this is all you. This is completely all on you. This is not his fault, your parent's fault, our faults, your therapist's fault. It's squarely on you now.

 

Speaking of therapists, maybe find a new one. She has you completely brainwashed that you're some sort of anti commitment person, when deep down all you want is to be in a real relationship with this guy. Don't kid yourself. If he offered you the world and a ring you'd take both in a heartbeat.

 

Now all you want to do is pump yourself full of drugs to cope? What is the matter with you!?

 

Whatever you guys have, I agree, is strictly convenience. It's comfortable for him, you give him exactly what he needs, but he doesn't give you a damn thing. You know this already. He already can't even make plans with you, instead he comes over for a day full of sex and then goes out with his friends! Again, YOU'RE NOT INVITED.

 

You somehow expect this guy to leave you alone when he gets so many perks from you? You're delusional if you think he's going to just "go and meet someone else" so you're "forced to move on."

 

I truly don't believe there is anything we can say to you at this point. I hate to bring it down to this, but this is completely futile and this whole situation is a complete lost cause.

[kiss_andmakeup]

I'm not at all surprised seeing this update to be honest. Following this story for 18 months...all of the advice in the world given by us, or a psychiatrist wouldn't help her to leave this guy and do the right thing.

 

You write a massive post about being a commitment phobe and that's why you two are so great together, and mid thread you're already saying how you want more from him, and then you ask how to go NC.

 

YOU WERE ALREADY IN NC.

 

All of the unhappiness you feel now, this is all you. This is completely all on you. This is not his fault, your parent's fault, our faults, your therapist's fault. It's squarely on you now.

 

Speaking of therapists, maybe find a new one. She has you completely brainwashed that you're some sort of anti commitment person, when deep down all you want is to be in a real relationship with this guy. Don't kid yourself. If he offered you the world and a ring you'd take both in a heartbeat.

 

Now all you want to do is pump yourself full of drugs to cope? What is the matter with you!?

 

Whatever you guys have, I agree, is strictly convenience. It's comfortable for him, you give him exactly what he needs, but he doesn't give you a damn thing. You know this already. He already can't even make plans with you, instead he comes over for a day full of sex and then goes out with his friends! Again, YOU'RE NOT INVITED.

 

You somehow expect this guy to leave you alone when he gets so many perks from you? You're delusional if you think he's going to just "go and meet someone else" so you're "forced to move on."

 

I truly don't believe there is anything we can say to you at this point. I hate to bring it down to this, but this is completely futile and this whole situation is a complete lost cause.

 

Excellent post. I agree 100%.

[veggirl]

This is the guy who won't even buy you a birthday gift ffs. He is a loser, whoever said you are setting yourself up for a lifelong path of being a doormat was right. YNL, re-read your posts on LS...it's like a bipolar up and down...threads of "but I love him" followed by "he is such an ass" followed by "I am strong, you can be too! I got over him!"...rinse and repeat.

 

what has changed in him? anything?

how would THIS TIME be any different than the last?

why WOULD he change? he doesn't have to. you fk him and take him back without him doing a thing.

 

why are you signing up for more of the same?

people can change, but it's a slow process. you are both still the same people you were when you came to LS.

[youngnlove89]

Yep. I agree with you all. This is all stems with me. Something is wrong, and I don't know what it is.

 

I miss him when I'm without him and then when we are back together, I want out because I know he can't give me what I want.

 

I don't win either way.

 

He didn't call me last night or anything. And if I were to even say to him, "Hey, why didn't you call me? Why didn't you invite me out" He would just say, "You didn't call me. You didn't ask if you wanted to go out!"

 

But do I have to ask? Do I have to call? He should just WANT to, right? Or do guys need there "alone" time?

 

I'm anxious, sad and frustrated.

 

My options are to go NC and never talk to him again, which will make me sad

or

To continue this thing we have going on and be disappointed, anxious and upset knowing he can't ever give me what I want, but hoping one day he will.

 

I really want help, but I can't handle the NC thing. I miss him too much and I cave. I turned to meds hoping this would help me get through it.

 

I'm sorry if I've become a lost cause. Hopefully some still have hope in me. It can't last forever, can it?

 

Am I bipolar?

[Tree_Salmon]

Yep. I agree with you all. This is all stems with me. Something is wrong, and I don't know what it is.

 

I miss him when I'm without him and then when we are back together, I want out because I know he can't give me what I want.

 

I don't win either way.

 

He didn't call me last night or anything. And if I were to even say to him, "Hey, why didn't you call me? Why didn't you invite me out" He would just say, "You didn't call me. You didn't ask if you wanted to go out!"

 

But do I have to ask? Do I have to call? He should just WANT to, right? Or do guys need there "alone" time?

 

I'm anxious, sad and frustrated.

 

My options are to go NC and never talk to him again, which will make me sad

or

To continue this thing we have going on and be disappointed, anxious and upset knowing he can't ever give me what I want, but hoping one day he will.

 

I really want help, but I can't handle the NC thing. I miss him too much and I cave. I turned to meds hoping this would help me get through it.

 

I'm sorry if I've become a lost cause. Hopefully some still have hope in me. It can't last forever, can it?

 

Am I bipolar?

 

The difference between going NC and being sad for a little bit and continuing what you're doing now is that if you go NC you will eventually get over this.

 

Bipolar? possibly. Go speak to a professional about it though. Don't be afraid of all this.

[KatZee]

I don't see bipolar at all.

 

I see a girl who is severely co-dependent but who is also severely lonely at the same time. It's a disastrous mix because you cling to what is bad for you, only because you need validation from other people, but because you don't HAVE a strong social circle you run to what is comfortable.

 

I see someone who's overly anxious and fearful of the real world, I see someone who's been coddled her entire life to the point of being stunted emotionally and mentally and who doesn't have a real grasp on how to navigate the world.

 

I see someone with few if any interests, a girl who would rather make excuses and hide behind comfort rather than actually grow a pair and take control of her life.

 

I think you're depressed and far sadder than what you like to portray on here. I think you've been enabled for far too long and I think it's done you a complete disservice your entire life.

 

I see a whole slew of issues. Bipolar not being one of them.

[Simon Phoenix]

Yep. I agree with you all. This is all stems with me. Something is wrong, and I don't know what it is.

 

I miss him when I'm without him and then when we are back together, I want out because I know he can't give me what I want.

 

I don't win either way.

 

He didn't call me last night or anything. And if I were to even say to him, "Hey, why didn't you call me? Why didn't you invite me out" He would just say, "You didn't call me. You didn't ask if you wanted to go out!"

 

But do I have to ask? Do I have to call? He should just WANT to, right? Or do guys need there "alone" time?

 

I'm anxious, sad and frustrated.

 

My options are to go NC and never talk to him again, which will make me sad

or

To continue this thing we have going on and be disappointed, anxious and upset knowing he can't ever give me what I want, but hoping one day he will.

 

I really want help, but I can't handle the NC thing. I miss him too much and I cave. I turned to meds hoping this would help me get through it.

 

I'm sorry if I've become a lost cause. Hopefully some still have hope in me. It can't last forever, can it?

 

Am I bipolar?

 

Sure it can last forever. It'll last as long as you keep playing the coward. It's not going to magically fix itself, you actually have to be active in helping yourself. And yes, it's going to be uncomfortable, it's going to hurt. Guess what, that's life! I don't know where you got the delusion that everything in life is supposed to be easy, but get rid of it now.

 

And stop depending on him to make it easier on you. It's not his job to do your work for you. It's your job. Quit cutting corners in your life and being lazy. Because basically that's what this whole thing comes down to -- you are lazy as hell. Every time there's adversity, you fold, you run, you cave. Heck, half the time when it gets too "real" on here you go into a shell or stop posting. It's time for you to be an adult and realize that sometimes, s--t sucks and you have to deal with it head on if you want to move to the next level in what you are doing.

 

Everytime you cave, every time you wuss out, it makes it that much harder. One of these days you are going to have to stand up and stop being a coward. Or you need to shut up and accept your fate. Because he's not doing anything wrong. He's been the same the whole time -- you are just too scared to find something else.

[youngnlove89]

I really appreciate the tough advice. I know I need to hear it. Thank you guys

 

It's brutal though. Makes my heart hurt. Because it's a wake up call.

 

But I know I need to do this. I keep putting myself back in the very spot that hurts me. It's self destruction.

 

Gosh, sometimes I wish I never met the guy.

[Treasa]

Are you two even back "together" or did you just basically hook up and have some affection for a couple of days?

 

Not only does EVERYONE need their own time and time with their friends and away from their SOs, but it doesn't even sound like he's your boyfriend. Why should he do anything when he knows you're ready to jump into bed with him and will initiate it?

 

You've made it really easy for him.

 

You will not be happy until you learn how to be happy alone. I wish I could copy/paste that a thousand times, but words don't really matter. You have to experience that pain of being alone, finding out who you really are, finding a way to love yourself unconditionally and completely, and then make yourself your best friend.

 

When you can do that, the toxic people disappear from your life, and the good people just enhance it. But you don't NEED them to be happy.

 

I'd give you a glimpse into my mind if I could, so you could see how completely happy I am, but unfortunately that technology doesn't exist. You have to find that path and do all of the hard and very uncomfortable and scary work on your own. And it takes a while, and it's a process that never ends, although it does get a lot easier and better.

[youngnlove89]

Are you two even back "together" or did you just basically hook up and have some affection for a couple of days?

 

He told me he can't be my boyfriend. I just hate to admit that to myself and everyone. :/ I keep thinking he is a boyfriend because we say I love you and we hang out together.

 

I keep giving excuses for why I can't do what I should do: go NC. I keep thinking that this guy really does love me because he comes back and uses me. But says those aren't his intentions. Says that he does miss me, think of me, wants to be with me, but can't commit to being a boyfriend or anything more.

 

2 months ago I asked if he would be my boyfriend and he said, "No"

 

I should know better.

 

I'd give you a glimpse into my mind if I could, so you could see how completely happy I am, but unfortunately that technology doesn't exist. You have to find that path and do all of the hard and very uncomfortable and scary work on your own. And it takes a while, and it's a process that never ends, although it does get a lot easier and better.

 

How did you get there? What steps did you make?

[Treasa]

The process is going to be different for you, but ok, I'll explain my process.

 

I was in the ER for the second time that month (October), and I was crying. I hated my job, I hated my health issues, I was extremely unhappy with my ******* ex-boyfriend (boyfriend at the time), and I had been waiting for hours, worrying about what was wrong with me.

 

On my iPad, while I was in a room waiting for the nurses and doctors to do their thing with me, I kept rewatching a specific trailer for the movie Wreck-It Ralph. The part that made me cry the hardest was the part about "a story for anyone who ever needed a restart on life."

 

Anyway, I was discharged with some instructions (things were sort of inconclusive), and I just kept thinking about how much I hated everything. I had taken a lot of FMLA for my illnesses, and things were very tense between me and everyone. Especially my boss. I hated her, and she wasn't very sympathetic.

 

One night, a couple of days later (it was October 15th), I remember laying in bed and thinking, "Traci, if you find another job, there may still be the same problems. In fact, things could be far worse. Your boss could be far worse. You can't control what <boss's name> does. You can't control how others feel about you. You can't control who loves you and who doesn't, and what happens in your life. But you CAN smile until it nearly kills you, agree to everything your boss demands, even if it's silly, and just be positive at all times, even if you have to fake it."

 

And so I was. Sometimes I did have to fake it, other times I found it was actually really easy to let go of negativity and just be pleasant.

 

I stopped the "bad things about me" and "good things about me" lists, and I stopped trying to eradicate the things I do that are perhaps, uh, flawed. For example, I talk REALLY fast, and I'm a trainer. I've tried to slow down, but it's hard, and I still occasionally get comments on how I covered something too fast for someone. On the other hand, I can steal a conversation if it's headed in a bad direction. I don't know if I exactly love my flaws, but I love that they complete me. The dark to the light. Both are needed if I'm going to live in harmony with myself.

 

In the past it was about trying to be perfect, and trying to get rid of some of the things that weren't ideal.

 

Now I stay true to myself, flaws and all, and embrace the whole package. I started living life for me, and stopped trying to be someone I thought other people would like more.

 

The crazy thing is, the more I loved being me, and the more I loved being alone and having fun with myself, the more I started to draw people in. Kinda crazy how happiness and laughter and positivity can attract people. Now I often have to excuse myself so I can have time alone, rather than knocking myself out trying to get people to like me, and trying to get me to like myself.

 

I also read the book Go Suck a Lemon. When you can really get to the root of your fears, and when you can really capture that immediate belief and thought that happens from an event, you can change it and then change your emotions.

 

Let me give you an example from the book:

 

1. You're waiting in line at Subway, and the person making your sandwich is rude to you.

2. You have the BELIEF that others, especially in the service industry, should be courteous to you.

3. When that belief is challenged, you get angry.

 

Now, let's flip it and realize that everyone is going to behave according to THEIR OWN beliefs, ok?

 

1. You're waiting in line, and the person is rude to you.

2. You realize that some people are going to be unhappy, some people are going to be rude, and you can't control their behavior.

3. You continue to be happy, and accept the fact that you can't control how others are to you.

 

It's a tough world. Being young, thin, and pretty doesn't guarantee you a good life. I certainly don't go through life expecting rainbows and bunnies. I have good things that happen to me. I have bad things that happen to me. Same as everyone else.

 

The only thing I can control is how I react to those events, and how I feel about myself.

 

At the end of Wreck-It Ralph, his situation hasn't changed, but his perspective has. God, that movie has so many amazing lessons in it. I wish everyone would see it.

[Treasa]

Oh!! Here it is:

 

[youngnlove89]

Thanks Tresa! I own Wreck It Ralph. Such a cute movie! And it does teach a good lesson. I should watch it again.

 

So fake it till you make it or till you believe it.

 

I guess the first step would be blocking him. But he isn't the only thing I need to fix in my life. I have been thinking about moving back home with my mom. Not because I can't afford to be on my own, but to just get away for awhile. Be with someone (I practically live by myself). Save some money and work. Go back to school, get a degree in Nursing. I'm really thinking about it. Right now my life isn't where I want it. I'm not doing what I want to do. I just complain about it.

 

Thank you for your inspiration. You are a sweet person!

[youngnlove89]

That inspirational video you put up of the dying teenager, you're doing the opposite of what he promoted. You're just falling into your past mistakes and not reaching for the stars. He wanted to live a life with kids and family. You're living in the past.

 

You already know what you want and how to get it. I don't believe in therapists. I don't believe in giving up. Stop settling for nothing.

 

I know. I could be happy if I chose it. I just need to make the move. It's scary letting go. I've been comfortable where I am for so long I don't know how to change.

 

I can meet a good guy. I can have kids and a family one day. I can become anything I want to. I can be successful and happy, I just need to change my route.

[Treasa]

Thanks Tresa! I own Wreck It Ralph. Such a cute movie! And it does teach a good lesson. I should watch it again.

 

So fake it till you make it or till you believe it.

 

I guess the first step would be blocking him. But he isn't the only thing I need to fix in my life. I have been thinking about moving back home with my mom. Not because I can't afford to be on my own, but to just get away for awhile. Be with someone (I practically live by myself). Save some money and work. Go back to school, get a degree in Nursing. I'm really thinking about it. Right now my life isn't where I want it. I'm not doing what I want to do. I just complain about it.

 

Thank you for your inspiration. You are a sweet person!

 

Aww, thank you!! And you have to do more than just fake it. You really have to do that work on the inside. When something upsets you, rather than reacting right away, take a moment ask yourself why it upsets you, and if it means what you "instinctively" think it means (in this case, a belief you've spent your entire life building), and if it could mean anything else. In most cases it can.

 

I used to see everything as an insult...even light, good-natured teasing. Now it's really hard to actually insult me, because I laugh at most things, and take most things in the best light possible. People would really have to spell it out if they didn't like me, and even then, their problem, not mine.

 

Good luck, sweetie. I have to dash for a bit.

[KPChick000]

Hi youngnlove,

Just want to say that I know what you're going through. It is incredibly hard to let go, but you HAVE to push yourself if he is not able to give you what you want, for your own good. Because one day, he will move on, and you will be the one left wondering, why the heck did I waste so much time on him?

 

When I was younger, I had a back-and-forth "thing" like this with an ex for a LONG time. And we were each other's first loves. Like you, I enjoyed the temporary gratification, not just the sex, but being in his company. It felt like we were in a relationship or "normal" again (we went to dinners, cuddled, spooned, kissed, held hands, even went on vacations alone together), but we had no title and we were not getting back together. It was like a glorified FwB situation. But I convinced myself that I was okay with it because I still "had" him- if he was with me, then that meant he wasn't with anyone else. And I convinced myself that he was still the same man who had loved, cherished, and adored me in the relationship. But, no.

 

I regret letting him come back to me time after time after time. But, mostly, I regret letting MYSELF let him. I feel like I wasted SO much time in my early twenties on him. By sticking around after the break-up, I devalued what we had in the actual relationship. And it just gave him time and freedom to look for someone else while also getting what he wanted from me-physical and emotional closeness and comfort. After I initiated NC (cold turkey! he texted me happy thanksgiving and happy holidays and everything, and got not ONE peep from me), I started to heal and met a ton of other people more worthwhile. I still feel what we had was special but I do not care to be in his life. And I NEVER thought I'd get here. It is hard, but it's not impossible.

 

This is why with my current ex, I am sticking to NC, and no ex sex EVER. You're worth a lot more than you give yourself credit for.