*Will Divorcing Man ever take me serious??*

[ElectricCherry02]

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I started having an affair with a married man much older than me last February. It wasn't serious to me, and it didn't really bother me that he was married. He told me that he suspected his wife was also cheating on him, and this fact made me feel not so guilty.

Its not that he was unhappily married. He never complained about his wife, or about the affair. It was not serious, and we agreed on that point. He and his wife also didn't have any kids, making it less complicated.

I know that he felt bad for cheating on his wife, but he never really made an attempt to stop seeing me. We continued seeing each other casually for months, and some I started to build up some feelings for him. We became very good friends in the process, and hanging out with him was really fun.

In July, he and his wife separated. I'm still not exactly sure what happened, but his wife complained of neglect, and he admitted to it. He also said that he knew she was seeing someone else.

Now, it is certain that they are getting a divorce. But will his divorce get in the way?

Please help.

EC02

[bluechocolate]

Now, it is certain that they are getting a divorce. But will his divorce get in the way?

 

I don't understand. Get in the way of what?

[ElectricCherry02]

yeah I know the end of my post got messed up.

I meant to say that over the time that i've know him, I have grown feelings for him. I like him alot, and I know that he likes me. Now he is getting a divorce, and I want to know if this divorce will get in the way of him caring about me. Will he still want to be with me at all after the divorce? will things change? Will he want to be with me?

[Kizzyfur]

If he really cares for you he will want to be with you even after the divorce.

[only1life]

Translation: "He suspected his wife was cheating on him" really means, "he was horny and you had the body to satisfy the horniness so he'll say what he needs to justify what he's going to do!" If he really suspected something, he would have done something to find out. Believe, I've been there, I've done that.

 

What do you mean, "it was not serious and we agreed to that point?" How can a married man break his lifetime commitment to his wife, and it not be serious? Sounds like more of the above.

 

Do you feel guilty that you helped break up his marriage? Will he eventually hold that against you?

 

And sure he will care for you. Just like he cared for his wife. At least until you came alone, so he'll care for you at least until his next lover comes along.

 

Harsh thoughts, but something you should give some real thought to before committing to him.

[ElectricCherry02]

I know that in the begining, I was just sex to him. But I felt the same towards him. Thats why I felt as if it was nothing serious. I knew that he was married, and I did feel a little guilty, but not much because of what he told me about her and the level of our relationship.

I admit to the fact that I have grown feelings for him. The feelings are not that strong, I just consider him now to be both a lover and a friend.

I dont feel as if I have broken up the marriage. He has never told his wife about his affair with me, and I almost positive that there were many other factors leading to the demise of their marriage.

I just wish that things were more stable. I wish that I knew what he really felt for me. I want to know if i have ever really been that important to him.

I just wish someone could understand that I feel very confused and alone.Im the kind of person that puts alot of thought into and analyzes everything in life. i cant change that about myself.

I just want to be with him, and I am afraid that he might not feel the same way.

[only1life]

Sorry, but I've got to say, when you fool around with a married man, all you're going to get is the fun at the moment. Don't look for much more.

 

Besides, if you guys try and stay together, what kind of person are you setting yourself up with? You'll never know how he really feels for you, because you'll always know what he did to his wife, and that he could do it to you someday.

 

And "just sex" is no excuse, because it violated an eternal marriage bond that he gave his wife, regardless of other problems that might have been present. Yeah, that's his fault, but you contributed to it.

 

I would guess that what he feels for you, is that you were good for sex for awhile, and he might want to keep you around for just that. Until he finds someone else to go to for "just sex." Then how will you feel.

 

Do yourself a favor, find yourself someone who has no attachments and become friends first, then lovers. Don't you deserve better than what you've got?

[InThisSkinAgain]

You have less to lose than he already lost. If he cheated based even partly on information that his wife was doing the same, then he was just seeking justification for the things he already wanted to do. And okay, you only wanted a sexual relationship to begin with. Keep in mind, that having been married, he at least, at one moment, even if just for one day, aspired to the commitment of matrimony, and thereforee, if not already, will look back and judge you negatively for having slept with him while he was married. Folks who aspire to marriage aspire to marriage - even if they do so badly.

 

But.......................

 

 

................let's assume he doesn't. Assume you all fall in love to the point where he eventually commited to you and you to him.........

 

 

IF HE DID IT WITH YOU THEN HE WILL DO IT TO YOU

 

infidelity comes down to ethics - not what someone else is doing. His personal ethics are what he does when no one else is looking. If he did it then then he'd probably do it again.