DML Posted October 3, 2004 Share Posted October 3, 2004 Hi, i'm new and need some advice from people who are currently or have had much experience in females. I'm still in High School and I have been shy around girls well my entire life. Females are one of my deepest fears up there with being afraid of heights and dieing. A little bit about me before I talk about my promblem, Well I live in California and i am asian male. I like computers, video games, music, and I were a calculator watch and glasses witch I guess makes me a geek . I was picked on threw elementary school and middle school because I was fat. This forced me to spend most of my life in my house never really going anywere in public for around 4 years ( I got home school because i was so depressed during my time in Middle School ). Well im in high school now and my old friends back in elementary school (who are also geeks) are in the same school as me. They are my true friends. Being picked on most of my life kind of made me soft inside so most people who know me well enoagh know me as a nice person. My friends told me I lost a lot of weight and I told them what happened at my middle school and told them i stoped eating because i was depressed and bla bla. So here goes the promblem. I'm in my High School finnally out of home school and it feels good. I havent been picked on at all and it feels great. NOW here's were everything goes wrong. I meet this girl in class and she asked for a pencil so i give it to her. We talk little by little but nothing to personal. I helped her out with some of her algebra. As the days pass things were going fine , so we were talking and I told her that im normally shy with girls(ow i didn't mean to tell her that), then i stoped talking and my face turned red. So a few days later she comes up to me and says "how would you like me to help you with your shyness with girls" I hesitated but the words........ ok came out of my mouth...So we talked a little she told me a little about herself and i told her a little about myself and THEN she gave me a hug, My face turned SO RED that my friends who were there started laghing. Well now i think I like her a lot, she is very cute i'd like to admit. I always thoaght of her more of friend but now i'm confused. Another promblem is that i see other guys flirting with her so i think to myself I dont stand a chance......What should i do? ask her out or remain friends? I'm so confused?!? Link to post Share on other sites
Quicksilver Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 Hi DML You don't have to be shy ask her out. It's time to date and have fun that's what's fun about High School. You probably have a low self esteem from the sounds of it. We need to work on that hold your head up high nobodys perfect. Don't be afraid. You do have a chance don't ever think you don't stand a chance jump in with both feet. Your not a geek so take that work out of your vocabulary. Change the way you talk to yourself. It's important that you talk to yourself in ways to build your self esteem. I have a 17 year old son myself. I took him shopping just the other day and man he is dressed to meet girls. The first day he went back to school had one girl tell him how she liked his new shirt. Go to the mall and shop ask the clerks to give you a make over you want to be cool in school. Tell them and I gaurantee you will be looking cool. Ask the girls if you have in friends that are girls take them with you. Ask the girl to go with you shopping you want a new look. If you do let her help you pick out your stuff. Girls love to shop. She wants to help with your shyness let her help with building your self esteem also. Think positive thats sexy. Being smart is also sexy. If you don't have the money to shop get a job and earn it. Remember dress for sucess. It alone will help build you self esteem. Get up every mourning look in the mirror and tell yourself you have it going on and soon you will. Keep me updated I want to know how you are doing. Don't forget to ask her out. I want to know how it goes. GOOD LUCK!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Stylin26 Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 Listen buddy, take this from me, it's all inside of you. People may have picked on you then, but they sure as hell aren't now. Leave your mindset of yesterday and create one for today. I work with alot of adolescents with issues like this and most of them don't understand that they make this choice to listen to this B.S. You have lived with you for some-teen years. If you don't have a good feel for yourself and what you can do, get on the ball brother. Nobody can put you down or make you feel like crap without your permission. Some tips... It all starts with confidence. Even if you don't have it, project it. Face some fears slowly and stretch your boundaries. Challenge yourself to do things. Hit a gym and keep moving the bar up on yourself or buy books on subjects you don't know about. Want to know about girls, start buying some mags like Mens Health or Mens Journal. These have some good articles about dating and such. Try http://www.askmen.com. Go to Borders and hit the Psychology section. Bottom line: There is a great girl out there for you, but you have to create the environment that she would like to come into. It starts with how you feel about yourself, people can read energy or aura as well. One thing that I did was start watching the show "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy." It's all about finding out who you are and bringing it out for the world to see. Have fun with it too. Invite this girl to go shopping and update you. TAKE THIS FROM ME: women love to take on the task of making over a guy. Be yourself cause if you aren't, it gets tiring when you have to live up to an image. You are a good kid, don't give people the right to take that away from you ... Don't be intimidated by other guys, 'cause you are closing the door without even walking through it. Don't let her be a regret 'cause you had shaky knees. Have some fun with this girl and see where it goes. Keep us posted...Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted October 5, 2004 Moderators Share Posted October 5, 2004 That's a fantastic post stylin. I think it works both ways too. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted October 13, 2004 Share Posted October 13, 2004 I think she thinks YOU ROCK ! Geek or not....does not matter. GO out there and Get her Tiger !!! Its soooooo simple really. We really Do like you....if we smile and look happy to be around you then its a sure bet we would LOVE for you to ask us out **You** is meant in the General Term here.. Just for clarification...lol Link to post Share on other sites
Wolvesbaned Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 I like geeks Just remember a few things: 1 Always stick up for yourself -- a strong resolve is so sexy, no matter what the package it comes in 2 Be kind and respectful 3 Don't talk trash about anyone 4 Don't be ashamed to be yourself! 5 Study hard Things will even out in the girl department soon ... you'll see Link to post Share on other sites
Ect Vein Nouct Posted October 16, 2004 Share Posted October 16, 2004 Dating in high school is a waste of time. Wait until college, or your 20's,when it actually means something (and you can drive ) Link to post Share on other sites
Modest Felon Posted October 18, 2004 Share Posted October 18, 2004 High School sucks... There, we got that out of the way This girl want to help...let her help. It's that simple. You aren't trying to plot your wedding, so relax. I know that's easier said than done..so I'll cut the pithy stuff out and get to the chase. You're smart, and well spoken, and polite...and all of that comes through in your writing of a single paragraph post on a message board, I can't imagine it's not working for you in person. Tryig to learn to date is hard, and the way that high schools tend to be "cliquey" and "exclusive" makes it worse. It's hard to be in an environment that is so judgemental on looks, appearances and interests. High school kids can be like a group of Lions around Zebras, circling each other looking for signs of weakness so that they can pounce and tear them to shreds... The thing that is holding you back from dealing with this girl, from approaching her with confidence, and trying out your bad self is a lack of understanding about who and what you are. That insecurity kind of comes with the time of your life and the territory your are trapped in. You are at an age where it seems like girls are attracted to the WORST guys. It's the loudmouthed jerky drunken-party types who seem to wind up with all the cheerleaders, and for a nice guy, that is all but unfathomable. The truth is girls feel pressures just like the guys do, and they try as hard if not harder to fit in. This girl is looking at your adorable geeky self and seeing something that she obviously likes. Keep that right in the front of your mind as you talk to her. She wants to talk, likes being there and seems to like you. If the feeling is mutual, you've got it going on. Don't worry about being "cool", or "smooth" or "hip". You probably will wind up trying to act however you think a person who is those things acts...and wind up a) hiding the qualities that attracted her to begin with, and b) looking very silly in the process. The short version of all of the above? Be yourself...just be the confident version of you.... Peace Link to post Share on other sites
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