For dreamingoftigers (and anyone else, too)

[dreamingoftigers]

Ugh. Finances. Yuck.

 

Especially the way that home-ownership and credit work.

 

How did xH get the house with no payments? I remember you moving.

 

He's not helping pay for son's college, eh?

 

I swear to God the best time in my life was living in the back of a van being a bum. I'd almost recommend it, but I think most people would take that as an insult.

 

So, it seems that there is some waiting yet on the job (with teacher taking a test to qualify), so I won’t know until the middle of the summer or fall. I called to attorney to ask what I could do. I filed the bankruptcy 5/16 and got the termination due to reduction in force 5/23…one week too late. They said if I don’t get re-hired, then I can go back to court to do a chapter 7. From what I can tell, the credit problems are the same with chapter 7 and 13. I can sub, but that is not really steady, so I think it would not be considered steady employment – it would be more like having a job and a half. Without the repayment plan, that would still be enough to pay son’s rent in college – just one more year. He said he would take more loans, but dear God, kids today have so much debt. He is working, but is in a difficult curriculum; Engineering, so I want him to concentrate on getting out. X basta*d pays nothing to help and will be debt free.

Sigh - It seems like I take one step forward and two steps back. Feeling a little sorry for myself (no kidding, right? whine whine whine LOL), but it usually doesn’t last, so I’m sure it will work out.

[Steen719]

Ugh. Finances. Yuck.

 

Especially the way that home-ownership and credit work.

 

How did xH get the house with no payments? I remember you moving.

 

He's not helping pay for son's college, eh?

 

I swear to God the best time in my life was living in the back of a van being a bum. I'd almost recommend it, but I think most people would take that as an insult.

 

He would not let me stay in the house and pay for it by myself until it was sold and he would not let me move and pay my half of the mortgages until it sold. He wouldn't pay for it unless I paid half of his utilities and I would be paying my rent and utilities, so I said no. He was dating; talking to her on the phone in front of me, so cold to me. It was really an awful time for me. My son told me last night that I should have left right away. It was not good. I went to a couple of attorneys and was told to leave and that my sanity was worth more than the credit. Then he left and lived with the gf, so the house was empty. This is when he paid half of her mortgage. So he paid none of the house, none of his bills and filed chapter 7. Nope, he paid half of her mortgage and I have no idea what else, but has actually given our son a big total of $600 in over one year. What a guy!

 

The house will be foreclosed on at some point in the future, but he comes back and forth. Since he has not been in touch with me since Mother's day, he is most likely with the gf again, which means the house will be sitting empty. Before he got sick, we only had 8 years to pay on the house. I have owned a house almost constantly since I started working. It just kills my soul!

 

It is what it is and so I must accept it. But, I don't have to like it.

[dreamingoftigers]

He would not let me stay in the house and pay for it by myself until it was sold and he would not let me move and pay my half of the mortgages until it sold. He wouldn't pay for it unless I paid half of his utilities and I would be paying my rent and utilities, so I said no. He was dating; talking to her on the phone in front of me, so cold to me. It was really an awful time for me. My son told me last night that I should have left right away. It was not good. I went to a couple of attorneys and was told to leave and that my sanity was worth more than the credit. Then he left and lived with the gf, so the house was empty. This is when he paid half of her mortgage. So he paid none of the house, none of his bills and filed chapter 7. Nope, he paid half of her mortgage and I have no idea what else, but has actually given our son a big total of $600 in over one year. What a ______

 

Yay, what a guy. And he wonders why his son won't talk to him?

 

Bizarre.

 

I do remember him being there and blabbing with GF on the phone and you having a thread about that.

 

And him being an asshat about the house. And ex-girlfriends etc etc etc. Arg.

 

But at the time I was confusing you and Furious for a bit. So there were panties and unpaid mortgages everywhere.

 

It's probably going to be another few years and a fling with the pool boy to get over resenting his stupid self.

 

I can see it now, blockbuster Netflix original movie: How Steen719 Got her Groove Back.

 

Edited to add: just make sure the poolboy isn't a classmate of your son's.

[dreamingoftigers]

Is the house his?

 

Or can you rent it?

 

I must be slow.... I'm sure it has been typed six times by now. I'm sorry.

 

My purse was taken this weekend and I went without anti-depressants and ADD meds for 48 hours. My brain feels fried even though I got my dose this morning. I suspect that I'll be back to "normal" by tomorrow morning.

[trippi1432]

Your ex is a real saint there Steen..........not!

 

Mine tried to get me to sell the house before he announced that he was leaving, no idea why, his name was never on it and we had a prenupt. I guess all his friends at work and his little lady friend were telling him he would get stuck with it. <rolls eyes> I guess it was a good thing I was building my life not to depend on him.

 

Steen's gonna get her Groove back!! For someone who did so much for such a simple little man, she deserves getting her Groove back and so much more. Keep moving forward Steen...onwards and upwards!! :)

[Steen719]

Yay, what a guy. And he wonders why his son won't talk to him?

 

Bizarre.

 

I do remember him being there and blabbing with GF on the phone and you having a thread about that.

 

And him being an asshat about the house. And ex-girlfriends etc etc etc. Arg.

 

But at the time I was confusing you and Furious for a bit. So there were panties and unpaid mortgages everywhere.

 

It's probably going to be another few years and a fling with the pool boy to get over resenting his stupid self.

 

I can see it now, blockbuster Netflix original movie: How Steen719 Got her Groove Back.

 

Edited to add: just make sure the poolboy isn't a classmate of your son's.

 

Oh goodness...I'll have to move to get a pool guy. This guy is old, missing some teeth and is drunk some of the time he is walking around! Don't think it will be one of my son's friends...they sent me a mothers day text thanking me for being a good mom to my son and to them! Very sweet, right?

 

OH YEAH....Furious and the panties...what was that? I have forgotten.

 

Groove back, huh? LOL

[Steen719]

Your ex is a real saint there Steen..........not!

 

Mine tried to get me to sell the house before he announced that he was leaving, no idea why, his name was never on it and we had a prenupt. I guess all his friends at work and his little lady friend were telling him he would get stuck with it. <rolls eyes> I guess it was a good thing I was building my life not to depend on him.

 

Steen's gonna get her Groove back!! For someone who did so much for such a simple little man, she deserves getting her Groove back and so much more. Keep moving forward Steen...onwards and upwards!! :)

 

It sounds like your XH is as stupid as mine. You did the right thing by not allowing him on the mortgage. Mine kept saying after a year of not paying for the house that he would borrow some money (I think it was going to be the gf) and he would buy me out....Ummm...I am on the mortgage, you know? He couldn't get a mortgage....God what an idiot. After I explained why that was just not possible, I told him it didn't matter anyway. I entered the marriage with a house and money - he had neither and I would die and drag him straight to hell with me before he would have the house and I wouldn't.

 

OK, OK....I'll work on getting my Groove back. LOL..you and DOT have more faith than I do in me...but I'll move onward and upwards. Do you want to get married again...just wondering. I cannot envision it under any circumstances. Not sure if I have that level of trust left in me. I know I would never get financially involved with anyone again....ha ha, I have to laugh at that - like someone would want to:lmao::lmao:

[Steen719]

Is the house his?

 

Or can you rent it?

 

I must be slow.... I'm sure it has been typed six times by now. I'm sorry.

 

My purse was taken this weekend and I went without anti-depressants and ADD meds for 48 hours. My brain feels fried even though I got my dose this morning. I suspect that I'll be back to "normal" by tomorrow morning.

 

I think the house is the bank's now, but the mortgage was/is in both of our names. Did you find your purse?

[dreamingoftigers]

Oh goodness...I'll have to move to get a pool guy. This guy is old, missing some teeth and is drunk some of the time he is walking around! Don't think it will be one of my son's friends...they sent me a mothers day text thanking me for being a good mom to my son and to them! Very sweet, right?

 

OH YEAH....Furious and the panties...what was that? I have forgotten.

 

Groove back, huh? LOL

 

Well, you've got to start somewhere right?

He's probably still better quality than the ex!

 

Furious' husband's ex-ow said she wasn't wearing panties when she met him. Apparently that's what snags some of them.

 

With your's I guess it's: "hey, didn't we used to date in high school?"

 

With mine it's:.......[sound of breathing in].......[sound of breathing out]

 

 

I think the house is the bank's now, but the mortgage was/is in both of our names. Did you find your purse?

 

Damn it. I didn't get my purse back. Have to replace all of my effing ID.

 

Ironically enough I am more upset about the dozens of pencils I had in it. I am a bit of a nut and have started equating my good grades as being directly proportional to the number of pencils I bring with me. It started with 4 then 6.....now I'm up over a dozen. Whatever. It works for me.

[trippi1432]

It sounds like your XH is as stupid as mine. You did the right thing by not allowing him on the mortgage. Mine kept saying after a year of not paying for the house that he would borrow some money (I think it was going to be the gf) and he would buy me out....Ummm...I am on the mortgage, you know? He couldn't get a mortgage....God what an idiot. After I explained why that was just not possible, I told him it didn't matter anyway. I entered the marriage with a house and money - he had neither and I would die and drag him straight to hell with me before he would have the house and I wouldn't.

 

OK, OK....I'll work on getting my Groove back. LOL..you and DOT have more faith than I do in me...but I'll move onward and upwards. Do you want to get married again...just wondering. I cannot envision it under any circumstances. Not sure if I have that level of trust left in me. I know I would never get financially involved with anyone again....ha ha, I have to laugh at that - like someone would want to:lmao::lmao:

 

Hmm, that's a good question actually. I think the answer to that is.....I don't want to go through divorce again. But, to be honest, where I was with my ex-SO over 7 months ago had he asked, I would have said yes. I trusted him to not cheat on me, it's something I know he would have never done.

 

The financial question, well, we never got there....but I had a pre-nupt before and will never marry again without one.

[dreamingoftigers]

but I had a pre-nupt before and will never marry again without one.

 

Hear, hear!

 

I'm not sure that I could blanket-answer about marrying someone again. I think it would depend on circumstance.

 

There's something about when you are young wanting the full package and not being able to settle for less. I honestly don't understand how women my age can do that.

 

Then I think as we get screwed over, we get cold to the idea. Then all of a sudden we are happier being freer and single. Not fully enmeshed with someone.

 

I notice that women tend to become relationally more like men and vice-versa as we get older.

 

Men want to reach out for that intimacy that they poo-pooed in youth and women, who are sick of emotionally handing it out become more pragmatic and won't just give their time etc over to someone who doesn't fit a certain criteria. We've just (generally as a rule) been burnt to many times on that front.

 

That's not to say that there aren't good and great men. It just means that we don't seem to understand each other very well in youth when we tend to make the largest relational investments.

[dreamingoftigers]

I don't think we should be biologically capable of having kids until we turn 40. I mean both genders.

[trippi1432]

I don't think we should be biologically capable of having kids until we turn 40. I mean both genders.

My son's graduation party is tomorrow night (well tonight depending on time zones), of course I'm not invited. I think back now how ironic it all is, her husband invited her and her husband to the graduation party of their only child. It's where my husband met her..two months later, she was trying to get her ex-husband back...my SIL moved in with us because she was dating her ex. Now, she is married to my exH..and she hates my son, has for two years. Guess it would really rip her a new assh*ole to see the things HER husband texts me huh?

 

The point of having kids after 40 is a good one...but

..

I love my life....I have less drama now than the ones who created it. :love:

Edited June 6, 2013 by trippi1432

[2sunny]

The bottom line for me was that he wasn't the man I thought he could be - or the man I believed he was - or the man that would honor and respect me.

 

And I certainly couldn't change him.

 

Relationships have a beginning and an end. Knowing when it's the end is key.

 

I needed my self respect, my sanity and love. His actions (and putting up with it one more day) wasn't going to allow me to feel good about my spirit.

 

It was so difficult - but now, I feel such a sense of freedom and peace of mind. My ability to be happy is priceless!

[Steen719]

My son's graduation party is tomorrow night (well tonight depending on time zones), of course I'm not invited. I think back now how ironic it all is, her husband invited her and her husband to the graduation party of their only child. It's where my husband met her..two months later, she was trying to get her ex-husband back...my SIL moved in with us because she was dating her ex. Now, she is married to my exH..and she hates my son, has for two years. Guess it would really rip her a new assh*ole to see the things HER husband texts me huh?

 

The point of having kids after 40 is a good one...but

..

I love my life....I have less drama now than the ones who created it. :love:

 

OMG, Trippi....LOL

Let me see if I have this right!

Your ex-husband's (A) current wife's (B) ex husband © invited his ex-wife (B) (your H's current wife) to the graduation party with her current husband (D). B was married to D, but was trying to get back with C when she met your H (A). Is B your sister-in-law? OMG, I am so lost! How is she your sil?

 

Yeah, she would be upset, for sure. I have wondered if my XH's gf knows he has been trying to get me back, but I have to say, she knows what he ls like. She threw a tv tray at him when she found out he was online with some woman who he said wanted to meet him. YIKES - it never ends.

 

I thought I had heard a strange one with my friend whose XH who was married again tried after 6 years to get her back, but a cashier friend at a store I go to told me the other day that her H called her the other day after 45 years! She and I had started talking years ago when I would go in and she knew when I left X, etc. She told me this while I was in line, so I couldn't really ask her, but I am sure she'll tell me when she can. 45 years!

[dreamingoftigers]

OMG, Trippi....LOL

Let me see if I have this right!

Your ex-husband's (A) current wife's (B) ex husband © invited his ex-wife (B) (your H's current wife) to the graduation party with her current husband (D). B was married to D, but was trying to get back with C when she met your H (A). Is B your sister-in-law? OMG, I am so lost! How is she your sil?

 

Yeah, she would be upset, for sure. I have wondered if my XH's gf knows he has been trying to get me back, but I have to say, she knows what he ls like. She threw a tv tray at him when she found out he was online with some woman who he said wanted to meet him. YIKES - it never ends.

 

I thought I had heard a strange one with my friend whose XH who was married again tried after 6 years to get her back, but a cashier friend at a store I go to told me the other day that her H called her the other day after 45 years! She and I had started talking years ago when I would go in and she knew when I left X, etc. She told me this while I was in line, so I couldn't really ask her, but I am sure she'll tell me when she can. 45 years!

 

The more that I've read about guys, it seems more like they bounce back after they've cooled off a bit. Unless she's chased him with a knife or something. And sometimes still even then.

 

I had an ex before my husband who suddenly dumped me. I was pretty young at the time, I went to a psychic who told me "honey, he'll bounce back but you'll be over him by then." We HAD remained friends. (No, not FWB!) Anyway, I thought, "well, I want him now, and if he's going to bounce back, I'll just be patient." So I was and six months later we got back together. We dated another year, were engaged and then he did some stupid stuff. THE END. But the point was that he bounced back.

 

When I did my Divorce Busting 180. My husband was in another city when I started! I figured, six months, figure his crap out, hold off on filing.

 

As soon as the line went slack, he was NC for a bit and then he was whacky but I kept my cool. In just under six months sure enough back again! Any time I have issues with him, I just back off to almost the point of NC, and then he bounces back like nothing happened. They just need the space to think about it I guess.

[trippi1432]

@Steen - yeah, it's a mind-boggler really. My SIL and the current wife's first husband are married now. So, technically she is now my ex-SIL. However she and the rest if the family can't stand the new wife. The irony now is that my son's blood aunt is also his step-aunt by marriage I guess. That really hit my son right before my exH and his AP got married a little over a year ago. He said to me one day, "Mom, dad really screwed up my life didnt he?" And tried to put it all together. I said no Hun, he screwed up more than just your life, but we'll be better for it one day.

 

I do have a chuckle about it now because it really is ridiculous. He took her to the beach last year for their anniversary....our beach really, and sent me a text saying that everywhere he looked he saw me. Awww. funny, Imy ex-SO and I went to that beach and there wasn't even one sentimental moment of my thinking about him. Hoping that's not wrong.

 

Hmmm, wonder if I can spell it all out for sh*ts and giggles. A) SIL. B) Homewrecker C) homewrecker's 2nd husband D) homewrecker's 1st husband E) my douchebag husband.

 

So A and D were engaged. B had a son with D and C. D invited B And C to his son's graduation because it is the kids mom after all. E and I were in invited too. A few weeks after the graduation ceremony, A and D spilt up and A came to stay with me and E. Evidently B made a play for D as she had C on the couch claiming she wanted a divorce. After a few weeks, A and D made up. A month later E decided he wanted a divorce. That went back and forth for a couple of months until he decided he couldn't do the marriage anymore. Two weeks later he moved in with B once they moved C out of the house. Now A and D are married and so are B and E. A and E are brother and sister, and now D's ex wife is now his SIL too. LMAO!! Poor guy, I really feel bad for him because he actually is a nice guy. (Wow!! I have a headache now typing that all out! Lol!)

[Steen719]

@Steen - yeah, it's a mind-boggler really. My SIL and the current wife's first husband are married now. So, technically she is now my ex-SIL. However she and the rest if the family can't stand the new wife. The irony now is that my son's blood aunt is also his step-aunt by marriage I guess. That really hit my son right before my exH and his AP got married a little over a year ago. He said to me one day, "Mom, dad really screwed up my life didnt he?" And tried to put it all together. I said no Hun, he screwed up more than just your life, but we'll be better for it one day.

 

I do have a chuckle about it now because it really is ridiculous. He took her to the beach last year for their anniversary....our beach really, and sent me a text saying that everywhere he looked he saw me. Awww. funny, Imy ex-SO and I went to that beach and there wasn't even one sentimental moment of my thinking about him. Hoping that's not wrong.

 

Hmmm, wonder if I can spell it all out for sh*ts and giggles. A) SIL. B) Homewrecker C) homewrecker's 2nd husband D) homewrecker's 1st husband E) my douchebag husband.

 

So A and D were engaged. B had a son with D and C. D invited B And C to his son's graduation because it is the kids mom after all. E and I were in invited too. A few weeks after the graduation ceremony, A and D spilt up and A came to stay with me and E. Evidently B made a play for D as she had C on the couch claiming she wanted a divorce. After a few weeks, A and D made up. A month later E decided he wanted a divorce. That went back and forth for a couple of months until he decided he couldn't do the marriage anymore. Two weeks later he moved in with B once they moved C out of the house. Now A and D are married and so are B and E. A and E are brother and sister, and now D's ex wife is now his SIL too. LMAO!! Poor guy, I really feel bad for him because he actually is a nice guy. (Wow!! I have a headache now typing that all out! Lol!)

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao::lmao:

 

I think I will have a drink and then read this again!

[Steen719]

And I really don't ever drink! LOL But you know that false clarity it gives you?

[dreamingoftigers]

@Steen - yeah, it's a mind-boggler really. My SIL and the current wife's first husband are married now. So, technically she is now my ex-SIL. However she and the rest if the family can't stand the new wife. The irony now is that my son's blood aunt is also his step-aunt by marriage I guess. That really hit my son right before my exH and his AP got married a little over a year ago. He said to me one day, "Mom, dad really screwed up my life didnt he?" And tried to put it all together. I said no Hun, he screwed up more than just your life, but we'll be better for it one day.

 

I do have a chuckle about it now because it really is ridiculous. He took her to the beach last year for their anniversary....our beach really, and sent me a text saying that everywhere he looked he saw me. Awww. funny, Imy ex-SO and I went to that beach and there wasn't even one sentimental moment of my thinking about him. Hoping that's not wrong.

 

Hmmm, wonder if I can spell it all out for sh*ts and giggles. A) SIL. B) Homewrecker C) homewrecker's 2nd husband D) homewrecker's 1st husband E) my douchebag husband.

 

So A and D were engaged. B had a son with D and C. D invited B And C to his son's graduation because it is the kids mom after all. E and I were in invited too. A few weeks after the graduation ceremony, A and D spilt up and A came to stay with me and E. Evidently B made a play for D as she had C on the couch claiming she wanted a divorce. After a few weeks, A and D made up. A month later E decided he wanted a divorce. That went back and forth for a couple of months until he decided he couldn't do the marriage anymore. Two weeks later he moved in with B once they moved C out of the house. Now A and D are married and so are B and E. A and E are brother and sister, and now D's ex wife is now his SIL too. LMAO!! Poor guy, I really feel bad for him because he actually is a nice guy. (Wow!! I have a headache now typing that all out! Lol!)

 

This is worse than my alphabet post earlier!

 

A) Me

J) my ex-friend

H) my husband

M)J's husband

D) bf #1

C) bf #2

S) OM

R) M's brother and another OM

K) M's brother and another OM

E) my friend who was dating T

T) Dating K's gf

 

Don't ask.......

L)K's gf also dating T

[trippi1432]

I need a drink just writing it all out...and a Tylenol!!

 

@DOT - good thing we don't have to use all 26 letters!!

[dreamingoftigers]

I need a drink just writing it all out...and a Tylenol!!

 

@DOT - good thing we don't have to use all 26 letters!!

 

I called it, J Does the Alphabet! LOL

[trippi1432]

I called it, J Does the Alphabet! LOL

 

J does the whole alphabet??!!

[dreamingoftigers]

J does the whole alphabet??!!

 

Well jeez, aside from the letters that represent me and my husband (at least it better not!)

 

I just remembered more that she did! No kidding!

 

Weird "open foursome thing" right at the end their too. But her H didn't know about it.

 

And that woman was an employee of mine too before I terminated her.

 

And that girl was disgusting.

 

Just, my goodness. J really hit everything. It's like she fell down off the top of the Penis Tree and slipped on every branch on the way down. Now there's a mental image for you!

 

I realized that if my husband and I divorced that I wouldn't be able to date anyone in an eight block radius!

[Steen719]

This is worse than my alphabet post earlier!

 

A) Me

J) my ex-friend

H) my husband

M)J's husband

D) bf #1

C) bf #2

S) OM

R) M's brother and another OM

K) M's brother and another OM

E) my friend who was dating T

T) Dating K's gf

 

Don't ask.......

L)K's gf also dating T

 

OK, I think I have Trippi's situation down, but the above is the friend who stayed with you, right, J? OMG! Did she try with your H?