Apocx Posted October 3, 2004 Share Posted October 3, 2004 Topic says it all. She is kinda toying with the idea as a 'rush'. I know right off the bat I couldn't handle it, I'd be too worried about her safety. I have total faith in her, but I know and she knows how gullible she is. She is also from a very proper family whom she is very close to, and her engaging in this would separate them from her and hurt her. So, I've got a few questions. 1) How do I drive this idea out of her head? 2) If she does do it, how do I cope with it? The idea alone is giving me nausea. 3) How do I keep her near her family who will undoubtedly reject the idea? 4) Are there are alternatives that would satisfy her need of a 'rush'? Link to post Share on other sites
Notorious Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 She's gonna do what she wants to do. My advice to you is if she decides to do it, dump her. Are you prepared to sit up at night wondering what she's doing? Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 What, exactly, are you afraid of? It's my understanding that strippers are stripping in a safe, professional environment, yeah? Or is her ambition the 'bachelor party' kind. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 Even then, there's a bodyguard around at all times. Speak of the devil, actually, one of my friends did a few bachelor parties this weekend and I inquired about her safety and that's what she told me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Apocx Posted October 4, 2004 Author Share Posted October 4, 2004 Maybe I watch TV and read too much, but I have yet to see a person walk away from the profession with any good. Her family would turn on her, and she is very very close to them. Losing her family would totally destroy her, and from there I see trouble. Even if I wasn't dating her, I wouldn't want her entering this situation. There are too many bads that come of it, and as mentioned, she is gullible. What are her limits? Lap dances? What if it goes further. Us aside, I know it would destroy her completely, destroy all her relations, and get her involved where she knows is not good, such as drugs and whatnot. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 You do watch too much TV. There are plenty of women out there who have walked away from stripping, having made a LOT of money, and never having touched a single drug. Have some faith in your girl, for God's sake. She can be your sugarmama, maybe. Granted, I'd be pissed as **** if my girl wanted to strip, but if it was something she REALLY wanted to do, I wouldn't stand in her way, and if I could TRUST her, it would be pretty bad ass to be with a girl that tons of other dudes lust over. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 Originally posted by Apocx Maybe I watch TV and read too much, but I have yet to see a person walk away from the profession with any good. Is that where you're getting your data? Her family would turn on her, and she is very very close to them. Losing her family would totally destroy her, and from there I see trouble. Your objective should not be to turn her family against her. Even if I wasn't dating her, I wouldn't want her entering this situation. There are too many bads that come of it, and as mentioned, she is gullible. What are her limits? Lap dances? What if it goes further. Us aside, I know it would destroy her completely, destroy all her relations, and get her involved where she knows is not good, such as drugs and whatnot. Gullible people look down when you point to their shirt and go, "What's that?" Untrustworthy people cheat and abuse themselves with drugs and "whatnot". You don't trust this girl, and she deserves a boyfriend who will trust her. It would be one thing if you had a specific grievance, but this boils down to you not trusting her to remain faithful. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Spock Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 Encourage her to do her OWN strip show for you, privately. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Apocx Posted October 4, 2004 Author Share Posted October 4, 2004 I guess newspapers and the National newscast lie about everything... You don't trust this girl, and she deserves a boyfriend who will trust her. It would be one thing if you had a specific grievance, but this boils down to you not trusting her to remain faithful. You know not what you speak. I have no problems trusting her. She went to Europe for three weeks in the summer and I had no contact with her. Despite being **** worried about her the whole time, I never once doubted her loyalty, and I don't now. But that doesn't mean I trust the other people around that profession, and I know how easily she can be influenced. It's hard to explain how I feel, but it is just something I don't want her doing. If she said she didn't want me doing something, I'd stop or not do it without reason other than being asked not to. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 You said in your original Post that your girlfriend is gulliable... You said in your last post that your girlfriend is easily influenced... Do you see how both of these statements are kind of contradicting what your thread is seeking? Advice on how to sway her or influence her not to make the decision to strip... Maybe it's just me... but it seems that it's been put into her mind that she isn't capable of making good decisions and it also seems to me that you and possibly her family enforces that and brings that home to her often... So with that said, did it ever occur to you that she may be really toying with the idea and not allowing YOU or anyone else "influence" her decision out of frustration that she is being treated as a child and not an adult.. Just my two cent's Link to post Share on other sites
Author Apocx Posted October 4, 2004 Author Share Posted October 4, 2004 That may be it, but why would she choose something which will obviously be harmful to her? That is what I don't understand. I only throw in my thoughts on serious issues, which is why I enter this scenario. I let her make her own decisions, and after the act, I often feel like "I told you so". This is one of those ones I want to prevent because I know it will lead to one of those, one that I will not be able to deal with, as she will be wrecked, and would have wrecked me by that stage. She is only debating it, and I am trying to sway her, yes. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 Originally posted by Apocx I guess newspapers and the National newscast lie about everything... Breaking news : A young gullible girl snorted a line of coke and gave some guy a BJ today, all because she worked at a dance club. In other news, the Raiders were vanquished by Houston... Please. You're just going off your own prejudice, you've got no backup. But that doesn't mean I trust the other people around that profession, and I know how easily she can be influenced. That's a copout. You don't trust her reactions to people. You don't trust her to make rational decisions. You don't trust her to be an ADULT. It's hard to explain how I feel, but it is just something I don't want her doing. If she said she didn't want me doing something, I'd stop or not do it without reason other than being asked not to. I guess you should be in a relationship with someone who feels the same way. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 I understand your concern. I've been in your shoes. Not sure what media you've been watching/reading, but I've never heard of a woman getting hurt by stripping. They are extremely well protected. I'd find it easier to believe you if you just said that it's freaking you out and you don't approve. And I wouldn't really blame you. The sights she's offering the general public were reserved for you until now. But after the first day, you'll realize that no one touched her and she's the same girl you always knew. Chances are, she'll begin to hate it soon after she starts. The money will be pretty good for a little while before she quits. After that you won't hear about anymore. That's my prediction. If on the other hand she makes a career out of it, then you have some choices of your own to make. I don't know why she would tell her family about it. In fact I'd say don't tell them. She's a big girl now. Let her have her experiment. A lot of the girls she meets will be into drugs and stuff. You'll have to trust her judgment as far as that stuff goes. If she's a decent girl then she should be turned off by the whole thing. You're better off just being supportive. You don't have to approve. By the way, it will probably be a term of her employment that you are forbidden to show up there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Apocx Posted October 4, 2004 Author Share Posted October 4, 2004 If that's a term of her employment, no way am I allowing it to occur. Yea, I have concerns. I should mention she lives with her parents, and she lives out of the city, so really, them or me would be her only ride, potentially her eldest brother, so either way, they'd have to find out about it. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 If that's a term of her employment, no way am I allowing it to occur. Yea, I have concerns. They don't want jealous, controlling boyfriends around screwing up the atmosphere. You're going to have to start going to a different strip club. Sounds like she's pretty young. Link to post Share on other sites
Papillon Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 The only reason she wont do this was if she knew it bothered you, and that that was more important to her than the "rush". If she knows, and still goes ahead, then I'd dump her, because then she does not respect your feelings. I mean, it's not like she's going to read to old people at the home. She's going to display her body to other guys, with the intent of arousing them. I'm not saying it a bad thing, but both of you need to be in agreement about this. You're obviously not, and somethings gotta give. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Apocx Posted October 4, 2004 Author Share Posted October 4, 2004 Should I mention I hate strip clubs period? My friends threw me a birthday party at one and I refused to go because I don't like what they stand for. She is young, she's 18. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 I disagree with Papillon. Respecting one's feelings is not about doing what they want you to. Stop trying to reconcile your disdain for strip clubs with false concern for her. It's perfectly normal to make this a condition of your relationship, but it's dishonest to masquerade it as anything but that. "Honey, I'm not comfortable with you being a stripper. You're free to pursue any career you're called to, but if taking off your clothes for money does end up your vocation, I no longer wish to be in a relationship with you." Link to post Share on other sites
Pookette Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 I should mention she lives with her parents, and she lives out of the city, so really, them or me would be her only ride, potentially her eldest brother, so either way, they'd have to find out about it. There's two things that bother me here: Why in the *hell* would she want to be a stripper while still living at home, and why the *hell* would you want to tattle on her? Doing that is not going to endear you to her, whether or not you think you're doing it for her own good or whatever. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 If that's a term of her employment, no way am I allowing it to occur. Huh? Is this "girl" an adult? If so there is no way you or her parents can stop her from taking a job if that is what she really wants to do. Maybe she is just saying this to get a reaction out of you. Regardless, you saying that you won't "allow" it to occur speaks volumes. How about respecting her decision as an adult to pursue a legal line of work, whether you like it or not? Dyer's right here: "Honey, I'm not comfortable with you being a stripper. You're free to pursue any career you're called to, but if taking off your clothes for money does end up your vocation, I no longer wish to be in a relationship with you." Link to post Share on other sites
Author Apocx Posted October 4, 2004 Author Share Posted October 4, 2004 Originally posted by Pookette There's two things that bother me here: Why in the *hell* would she want to be a stripper while still living at home, and why the *hell* would you want to tattle on her? Doing that is not going to endear you to her, whether or not you think you're doing it for her own good or whatever. I never said I'd rat on her, but if she is getting a ride from her parents/brother, I think they would figure out what she is doing going somewhere like that. I honestly see it as both a cry for independence which she refuses to let herself have (won't move out, won't learn to drive, etc) and a cry for attention. I think her concept of a rush is crap, and she is financially secure as is, and if not, I have offered to help her get into many jobs (I am very well connected in our hometown). Link to post Share on other sites
Stone Posted October 4, 2004 Share Posted October 4, 2004 I WAS a stripper for several years, I have seen it all girls turn in to junkies, drunks, and sluts OR they make money invest in their future, get an education and take it for what it's worth... ( I was the 2nd option) and I don't regret it. but unfortunatly when girls do it out of rebilion ( witch sounds like this situation) it usually ends up like the 1st option. She is going to do it weather you approve of it or not.. The questions you need to ask yourself is Would you date a stripper? Can you feel comfortable with the fact that other men will be after her? Are you comfortable with the fact that she will PROBABLY be working late nights? AND just another pointer she will probably hate men for atleast her 1st couple weeks.... Sorry but men is strip clubs really brings out the worst in you guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Apocx Posted October 5, 2004 Author Share Posted October 5, 2004 If you had a boyfriend before you starting stripping who you were in love with who disapproved, would you pass on stripping? I am not comfortable with her doing that, I know that. Nudity is a private thing, meant to be shared between two people. The concept of removing one's clothes for money bewilders me, and seems so ancient and medieval. Link to post Share on other sites
pryncessleah Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 The only thing I can say is she is grown and will do what she wants. Depending on your relationship status, the amount of time dating, etc... She should respect that you do not approve. Tell her to strip for you and see what kinda rush that gets her. I know a few strippers, although none of them are the Low Down Dirty kinda... It just ain't right what goes on in strip clubs. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 Originally posted by Apocx If you had a boyfriend before you starting stripping who you were in love with who disapproved, would you pass on stripping? Emotional blackmail is indicative of control, not love. I am not comfortable with her doing that, I know that. You should reconcile your comfort with communication as adults, not coercion or parenting. Nudity is a private thing, meant to be shared between two people. This sounds like a value judgement, and it's something that you should discuss with her. The concept of removing one's clothes for money bewilders me, and seems so ancient and medieval. Perhaps you can brand her with a scarlet letter before the door hits you on the way out. Link to post Share on other sites
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