Wife cheated

[Chris5301]

So I caught my wife in a relationship with a mutual friend is ours about 2 months ago. Since then, I've tried my best to be a better husband . Before I caught her we Weren't having sex often and she blames it on having a low sex drive since the birth of our 16 month old daughter. She claims that they were only seeing each other for 2 weeks but the dude would tell her he loved her and referred to her as his future wife. I went through her phones few days after I caught her and he was still texting her so I confronted her. Since the. She's changed her password and turned off the new message display when her phone is locked. I'm sure I need counseling because I'm super protective now.

My reason for this post is because she says that she knows she loves me for being our daughters father but she's not sure if she still is in love with me because she feels different with me. For example, she's not attracted to me at all according to her and it takes a lot of effort from me to get her in the mood. She explained that she started losing interest in me soon after our daughter was born and feels that it's because she doesn't need me anymore now that the baby is here. She also explained that she never wanted to get married but married me because she wanted to please me since I grew up in a broken home.

 

I miss our old life; how do I get her to fall in love with me again?

[Zapbasket]

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

 

She's saying all those things about not being in love with you because she thinks she has another "option." Don't let it get under your skin (almost impossible, I know). Insist that you go together for marital counseling. Make sure you enumerate clear consequences for her if she doesn't follow through on your request. Don't feel you just have to sit and endure this for the sake of your little daughter.

 

Remember, you can't *make* someone fall in love with you.

[MrRightNow]

I think you should file for divorce. She cheated on you and now she's being all shady and secretive. She also tried to rationalize her immoral behavior and said marrying you was a mistake. I don't see how the marriage can be saved. I know it sucks, but you have to move on with your life. There are plenty of women out there who would never cheat. Good luck, bro.

[TaraMaiden]

...

I miss our old life; how do I get her to fall in love with me again?

 

It doesn't actually sound as if she ever truly was.....

 

And sadly, you cannot recreate what wasn't there in the first place....

 

'Fraid I'm with MrRightNow...

You need to cut your losses and end this....

[juicygirl]

Honey I'm soo sorry you are going through this. Many women lose interest in sex and sometimes their partner after having a baby, the hormones are all out of wack and you have so much love for the baby there's almost no room for anyone else.

 

However, o.k I'm going to really honest with you here, she doesn't want to be with but she's too chicken to pull the plug. She's told you she's not interested and shown you by cheating, she didn't want to marry you!!! Who says that s**t. She may have though cheating would end things,but it didn't now she's acting like the victim, it's an emotional magic trick, run. I know you're trying to be hopeful, but the situation is hopeless. Save yourself the heart acne and leave now, please don't drag it out for years and years of bitter arguments and a loveless marriage, then dragging your daughter through the miserable and painful divorce.

 

Trust me, in the short term you'll feel crappy, but then you'll meet someone who is worth your time and effort.

Edited May 28, 2013 by juicygirl
spelling and grammar

[findingnemo]

Throw her out ASAP. She obviously takes you for granted. Tell her to go be with the OM. I know you want to save your M but you may have to prove that you're willing to get A D before she starts really thinking straight.

[Chris5301]

Honey I'm soo sorry you are going through this. Many women lose interest in sex and sometimes their partner after having a baby, the hormones are all out of wack and you have so much love for the baby there's almost no room for anyone else.

 

However, o.k I'm going to really honest with you here, she doesn't want to be with but she's too chicken to pull the plug. She's told you she's not interested and shown you by cheating, she didn't want to marry you!!! Who says that s**t. She may have though cheating would end things,but it didn't now she's acting like the victim, it's an emotional magic trick, run. I know you're trying to be hopeful, but the situation is hopeless. Save yourself the heart acne and leave now, please don't drag it out for years and years of bitter arguments and a loveless marriage, then dragging your daughter through the miserable and painful divorce.

 

Trust me, in the short term you'll feel crappy, but then you'll meet someone who is worth your time and effort.

 

You hit it right on the head; she actually told me that she feels that she cheated as her way out because she was convinced that I was going to leave her. I literally give her everything she could ever want and ask for. Weird thing.... Her dad cheated on her mom several times and they eventually split. Now that the dad is trying to reconcile, the mom wants his attention but won't go out on a date with him. I see it happening to me also. I'm trying to reconcile with her but she has flaked on the last 2 or 3 attempts I've made to go on a date night with her.

What upsets me most is what she is doing to our daughter; my daughter is going to grow up thinking that its okay to live life as her grandparents are and how her mom treated me. The worst part is that karma will come around one day and god forbid that it be my daughter in my shoes because of what her mom did.

 

Also I want to thank everyone who responded. It's nice to get an outside opinions and words of wisdom.

[dichotomy]

Ask her how you can change your looks and body to make you more physically appealing, maybe extreme diet or exercise. Perhaps plastic surgery if there are areas you can't easily change

 

Do all the house hold chores, taking care of the children, so she can feel relaxed and not burdened with the role of being a wife and mom.

 

Make sure you her favorite home cooked meals ready for her when she comes home. flowers on the table can help.

 

Prepare to give her foot or full body massages every day.

 

Exotic vacations and nice jewelry may help.

 

Remember to tell her how amazing she is,how lucky you are to have her - and that you don't wish to control her or put boundaries or blame on her for things. Your love is unconditional and without restrictions.

 

Lastly get the name of her gynecologist and call to schedule an appointment for the biggest pussy they have ever seen - you.

 

Sorry about this...been there did this once, tried to keep my first wife around after she cheated, caved in, wanted to know what I could do to change, to make her stay. You can't do it, you can simply lay down the law of what YOU need HER to do for you to stay married, and stay strong and work with her together. I am not saying you don't have work to do to make the marriage and yourself better, but she cheated and it starts with her actions and willingness to do the hard work.

Edited May 28, 2013 by dichotomy

[BeholdtheMan]

So I caught my wife in a relationship with a mutual friend is ours about 2 months ago. Since then, I've tried my best to be a better husband . Before I caught her we Weren't having sex often and she blames it on having a low sex drive since the birth of our 16 month old daughter. She claims that they were only seeing each other for 2 weeks but the dude would tell her he loved her and referred to her as his future wife. I went through her phones few days after I caught her and he was still texting her so I confronted her. Since the. She's changed her password and turned off the new message display when her phone is locked.

 

I miss our old life; how do I get her to fall in love with me again?

Ready for some tough love? Cuz you need it...

 

Please place your hand between your legs. Do you feel male genitalia? If you do, that means you are a MAN and you need to start acting like a MAN.

 

Right now, you are not acting like a MAN. You are acting like a DOOR MAT.

 

1) Your wife has cheated on you

2) She says she's not attracted to you anymore

3) She hasn't shown remorse for betraying your trust...on the contrary, she's changed her password rather than coming clean

 

Despite all of the above, you cry "I want my old life back, how do I make her fall in love with me again!"

 

MY GOD MAN, DO YOU HAVE NO SELF-RESPECT?!

 

Do you really want to know how to "win her back", not that I recommend trying to win her back (I recommend divorce)?

 

Stop acting like a door mat, start acting like a man. She's disrespected you, she's betrayed your trust. You muster the strength and resolve to walk away. If she's worth winning back, she'll fight to keep you. If she lets you go just like that, you need to move on. She's not worthy of your love.

 

Keep in mind that once you go no contact, your wife will likely come crawling back to you at some point. Don't be fooled though. Judging by how you've described the dynamic between the two of you, she views you as a security blanket. The needy unattractive "nice guy" she can take for granted. The guy who will provide for her and maintain her lifestyle while she goes out to screw guys she's actually attracted to.

 

Why do you want to be with this woman? Why do you want to be her cuckold/provider? If you have self-respect, YOU DON'T. YOU LEAVE.

[SmokeRat]

Smokerat Hulk SMASH!!!!!!!!!

 

Listen Brother, I was in the same boat you're in right now. Thinking of all the things I can do to make up for HER ****-ups.

 

It's NOT YOUR ****ING JOB! She was the one who strayed, she was the one who broke the marital vows, she was the one who abandoned you and her daughter.

 

You don't need to do anything except see a therapist for yourself, and get an lawyer with a mean steak a mile wide.

 

Run sir, run.

[Chris5301]

Hi. I feel for you. You sound really lonely and confused and I'm sorry you are facing some tough decisions ahead. With all that's going on in your marriage, you mentioned that you have a new daughter. I hope you are able to father her and love her well through this crisis. Do you think your wife would be willing to go marriage counseling with you?

 

Well she said that she disagrees with counseling. I tonic ally she was majoring in psychology while attending college...

[Chris5301]

Well she said that she disagrees with counseling. I tonic ally she was majoring in psychology while attending college...

 

Sorry for the typo. I meant that I find it ironic because she was majoring in psychology while in college.

[TaraMaiden]

"Physician, heal thyself".....?

[BeholdtheMan]

The fact that she doesnt want counseling, i.e. she couldnt care less, is quite telling. Its telling you to.end your doormat ways and move on

[Whatitistoburn]

OP, i'm sorry about you're going through. I know it's tough esp since you guys just had a baby but like what everyone said, it's time to let go and move on. It won't be easy but YOU DESERVE BETTER. Keep telling yourself that and be strong.

 

Would you really want to stay in a relationship with someone who's not in love with you? someone who didnt have the decency to face you, talk to you and divorce you and instead she cheated on you? And now she's clearly pushing you away. It's so sad because you a good man but you are allowing yourself to be treated this way. Stop being a victim and stand up for yourself. She has done enough talking, it's your turn. Confront her about her actions and tell her you are ending it once and for all if she is not willing to work with you. Tell her this will be the last time, then, it's over and there's no turning back. If she chooses the other guy over her family, that's her choice and she has to live with the guilt and face the consequences of her actions. If she soon realizes it was a wrong move, then, too late.

 

This heartbreak will just make you stronger and a better man and father to your daughter. You will heal and when youre ready, you will find the right person for you. Right now, it's just not her.

[USMCHokie]

My reason for this post is because she says that she knows she loves me for being our daughters father

 

How sure are you of this...?

 

I miss our old life; how do I get her to fall in love with me again?

 

She never loved you.

[Star Gazer]

How sure are you of this...?

 

Although I'm not a parent, I imagine your love for the person who helped you conceive your child but who was a horrible spouse is analogous to the type of love you'd have for a parent or sibling who wasn't all that great of a family member: you almost love them because you have to, it's innate.