he's expecting a totally new person from this!

[jennie]

i recently started some meds for some obsessive thinking problems that i have and in hopes that it will calm my anxiety as well.

 

i have been with this guy for almost three years now and i have a bad history with jealousy and control. i always blamed it on the guy but with this guy things came to light that i have a real bad big problem.

 

so because i love this guy a whole bunce i decided to do something about it and go to counseling. that is how i started on the meds.

 

so now i had to switch the originally meds with something different and the first one helped alot in the first week. it took about another week for the new one's to take hold, so for that week in between i could feel myself slipping back into my old ways as could my boyfriend.

 

my probles is this: he thinks that these pills are going to transform me into some sort of "angel" or something, something he can live with and do what he wants without any crap from me.

 

i told him that i'll still be the same but not as bad, and that i will never like his drinking that he does on ocassion and that i may still feel jealousy or insecure at times but i was going to work on it all anyway.

 

now he seems to me to have a mood disorder himself! i am tired of feeling like i have to do all the changing while he blames me for things and comes out smelling like a rose!

 

i've told him that he needs to do something cause he changes his moods faster then a blink of an eye and i'm the one who get railroaded cause of it. i feel like his emotional puching bag, and i'm sick of it already!

 

what good will it do me to change when he needs to change as well? none that i can see, but i don't want to leave him, but i've seriously thought about it the last couple days cause he can't keep blaming me now when he has a bad day or is stressed from work whichis all the time.

 

before he could blame me cause i would drill him to death about his comings and goings and everything in between. but i have since lightened up on all of it but he still gets so irritated with everything and i can't stand to be around him at times.

 

any suggestions before i go crazy and leave him? thanx!

[Tony T]

This is a good issue to discuss with your counsellor.

 

In almost every case, when two people with serious issues have been together for a while and one starts to do something to improve and gets better, the relationship becomes doomed. The one that is healing sees things differently and begins to emerge as a new, more functional person ready to move on in the world. The other one continues to be stuck in the same place and becomes much less attractive to the person who is healing.

 

This is particularly true of alcoholics in various relationships. When one goes into recovery and dries out without the other by his/her side, it is only a short time before the relationship is over.

 

As your counselling proceeds and your medication helps you with your behaviours, you will put up with much less from your guy, who by your own admission is sorely in need of help.

 

Try to get him to see your doctor as well. Otherwise, you have a serious decision to make.

[MNK]

my roommate is on meds for mild anxiety and depression so i know how this works so maybe i can help you out. to tell you the truth he should actually talk to your MD or someone like that who can exlain to him that you are NOT going to be a totally different person. you are still going to have bad days, only difference is that they wont be SO bad. i think he should sit down with a professional so they can explain what will be happening to you.

 

MNK