My wife left me and its killing me

[GuyInLimbo]

And ass far as filing im not doing it. She wants to be this way and leave like that. She can pay for it, not me.

 

You need to get out of that mindset. You're allowing her to control things. Take control back and stop being petty. It's going to cost you no matter what, so you might as well take the bull by the horns.

[hayewils]

Petty, maybe so.

I refuse to waste anymore time on her. And i assure you, wont cost me a dime

[Njeanne]

From what I read, this woman never really was "in" love with you.

If you are you would want to do everything for your SO, but she rathed spended time/and gave attention to her child. I don't know if she was just searching for a fatherly figure for her child, or she hated the thought of being alone, but I doubt she ever was in love... Who knows...or cares? Think about it, you deserve someone who wishes to be with you.

[GuyInLimbo]

Petty, maybe so.

I refuse to waste anymore time on her. And i assure you, wont cost me a dime

 

Then keep living with your head buried in the sand. I don't know know what else to tell ya.

[hayewils]

I want to thank everybody for all the feedback. Its what i signed up for and i definatly got what i was searching for. I know i come across as pretty disturbed, which i am. I have never met or knew of anyone so heartless, so souless.

I do feel much better, if i joined her a month and a half ago, i wouldve been commited by loveshack.. Time heals. Its ok to have my head in the sand for a little bit, doesnt hurt Atleast i still have my head, whats left of it. I havent sat on my back deck with my shotgun in my hand for the last couple weeks.

[ReelAhdvice]

My wife left me two months ago..we married in 2009. We had an argument and i went and stayed

With my parents for a couple days. Wanted to cool down. I hoped she would contact me but never did. I went home to talk and was told it was too late, that she was moving out. She moved out, feel like as fast as she could. I have asked that we go to counseling, i dont feel that her leaving was the right thing.

Looking back, i never felt accepted by her, she told me i love you only 3 times on her own. She had issues with my teenage kids. 18 and 16..

While her 15 yr old son still lays in her lap and gets petted like a dog. Ive told her to stop babying him. She serves him breakfast in the recliner but never did that for me.. Im just hurt and lost, dont feel that she ever really loved me. Ive been driving myself nuts trying to talk to her, ive since gave up and been reading all the helpful info on here. I need communication with someone, dont have much networking support and tired of venting on family.

Im lost and confused. How does someone give up on someone and cut off everything, just closing a door and talking to the dead.

HELP!

 

I forgot to mention, she hasnt filed for divorce. Has done everything else but that. I told her i refuse to file or sign anything. Our anniversary is june 6th also. Gonna be a rough day.. Been wondering if i should send flowers.

she threw a way a 5 year marriage, over an arguement/disagreement...let her go...dont get her anything...what anniversary? she is not willing to partner with you...let her go...move on to someone who give a f##c

[Lost in NYC]

My heart feels for you. I am in very similar circumstances. I miss my wife and step children, meanwhile my wife didnt even acknowledge my daughter's 18th birthday. I sent my son text messages every single day for over a month just to express to him that it is WRONG to just cut family out of your life. It didnt work. I was cut out by the people I lived with as if I am trash.

[Lost in NYC]

I bought gifts, cards, lavished attention. None of it worked. I spent $350 on play tickets for our anniversary which went unused while she spent our weddint anniversary enjoying Thanksgiving day dinner with another man and her new "replacement" family while claiming she was with her mother.

 

My mother in law is another piece of work. I raise her grandchildren, including a midly disabled step son and in the end she enables and assists her daughter to cheat on me and encouraged her daughter to do "whatever makes you happy". No sense of honor or respect. I would die for her daughter and family and that is thanks I got.

 

Run. Do not send flowers. The trainwreck that is your ex is only starting, get away as far as you can before you are destroyed like I was.

[hayewils]

yes, I was reading your story. Pretty much the same, arent they?

I did not completly read through yours.. I did read where it was starting to suspect cheating. I am sorry that that has happened.

The same thing with me, but I have not had any evidence of cheating, but i heavily suspect it.. its been two and a half months now since she left. still have not heard from her. It is by far, the most mentally disturbing thing I have ever dealt with. I have been through a divorce involving my three children 13 years ago. that took a serious toll on me because it did involve kids. I understood in two months, and I knew it when we married, that I didnt truly love her. I stood up to take my responsibility as a father as it was birth of children out of wedlock. This time around for me though, has ben very hard although days are becoming easier. This time around, I was, and still am, deeply in love. It has not been an easy road, weekends are my worst times and I try to stay busy, but still hard. i dont want to do anything but lock myself in my bedroom. This site has been helpful. I came here Monday morning. I have found lots of helpful advice. I had been trying desperatly to contact my wife, to get her to talk but I only get continued silence.I have since stopped trying and you may also want to. I have come to the point that if this is what she wants, this is what she will have. If she is with someone else well, more power to her. I have to stop and think about myself, and whats at home. i have come to the point that I know I tried, like hell! I also know that I CANNOT make anybody love me or be with me.

If she did love me, she would be here. Atleast at this point, talking. I still get nothing. It is like she is dead. Its horrible.

I try to keep focused on the wrong from her side to pull myself away but the good memories overun, which keep me in a rut.

All I know at this point is this..

If she needs time to clear her head and think, fine..

I only wish she would let me know that cause it would put me at ease.

One of the last messages i sent her was that if she was going to file for divorce to please do it, and if she is seeing someone else, please hurry up and do it. I do believe in my wifes integrity. If she was doing something wrong as sleeping with someone else, she wouldnt waste time. After two and a half months, she still hasnt done anything which is the one thing that keeps me screwed up cause Im thinking she is wanting to give things time, and everyone time to think.. I dont believe she really wants to do it. I could also just be really gullible at this point cause I still cant accept its over I wont do it cause I believe this can be fixed. I am coming to the point though whether or not I want to try anymore. I just dont believe in giving up so easily. I recieved some really really good responses from some folks on this site and I am very happy I found it. You definatly have a hard road to hold. Just please try to be positive, as hard as it is.. We all love, we all take beatings.. I know at some point, things do get better. I have been here before, just not at this level of caring. Know what I mean?? I want to make it a habit of hitting this site and venting my frustrations. One of my frustrations today is, I got so damn busy at work, I didnt have time to say what I felt.. Tomorrow is another day. Come here regularly and vent your frustrations.. People here do listen and care.

Stay in touch, and as I am told on a daily basis.. your not alone!

[Darren Steez]

Get a divorce mate and stop moaning. A man files and sorts his future out. Your wife doesn't want to be with you, is probably dating someone else and you're sitting at home "hoping" she'll come back.

Is this the way you live your life, leaving everything to chance, not being in control of your future outcome?

Sort yourself out then other things might fall into place. You'll find if you file, either way movement towards R or divorce will be vastly expedited.

[hayewils]

So weird to go back and see the state of mind a person is in when they put up their first post..

Today is the 4 month mark for me and I feel pretty damn good!

I do still have problems dealing with her leaving. One is that I do still miss her. I still see her very vividly in my mind. That is the hardest thing for me to get passed. Every thing else is falling into place. Ive become very comfortable at home. Its quiet but I am remembering where I was before her, so this is gonna be easy. Besides missing her at times, and I wish that would stop, its the remembering good times.. Those are the things I have a very difficult time releasing, to let it go..

I still cannot understand how you can meet someone, enjoy each others company so much, that you get married.. You go on a wonderful honeymoon, family loves her, nothing but a magical match. like you were meant to be together, soulmates.. But then, one decides that things are just to much.

There was never any abuse, no cheating. Not on my part anyway.

But for someone to walk away, change phone numbers, change cars, "well, the changing cars was kinda my fault.. ha ha..

Anyway, she basically ran away and hid. Its like watching the movie, "Sleeping With The Enemy" is how I feel. I am not the person that she ran away from in the movie but I feel that way and don't get it. I did receive a couple of emails from her, concerning her taxes. I told her before she left that we were going to have a pretty big tax bill to pay. I was told by her that I was wrong, that I did not know what I was doing or talking about.

Well, she filed her taxes and owes 6 thousand just like I saw it coming..

My sweet response to her was, " well, I guess I wasn't wrong about that tax bill after all huh? LOL

No response.. But she expects me to pay half.. which I told her I would and I will. But at the same time, its bullpoop. I took care of my taxes, got 2200 back but nobody tell her that, Ok?

Ive even got other bills that include her but she has started to refuse to help pay them. UGH!

Anyhow, I have seen the type of person she is, I do believe she has OM.

Otherwise, how would someone treat you the way she treats me if otherwise.. She also never loved me is another way to treat me this way.

Oh well, good days ahead. I have been planning on going fishing but just to much to do all the time.

[worldgonewrong]

Stay positive, buddy.

 

At your 4-month mark, you're already waaaay ahead of the recovery curve than I was. Great job!!

[eddyctv]

OMG you bought her all that expensive stuff and she never said "thank you"?

 

She only said "I love you" three times!?

 

You are gonna pay for half her taxes?

 

Wow, you ARE a doormat! MAN UP.

[SuperGeek]

Agreed. She's totally checked out. File immediately. Stop wasting time as you're just going to keep financially destroying yourself.

[hayewils]

You guys are absolutly correct and i have thought about that.

I dont have to pay her a damn dime. We have a house that ive paid the mortgage on the last couple months. Thats why there hasnt been any filing yet. Ive been trying to sell it before any paperwork is filed. Its closing august 9th. Then itll be gone. There is a lot of money owed to my stepfather and i am not risking her attorney going for half. But she also knows its not our money and has said to pay my stepfather back. But i dont trust her either. So, soon as the house is sold, paperwork will be filed. She can ask her boyfriend to help pay her tax bill.

[hayewils]

I also told her last week to hock her 8k wedding ring and put that towards her tax bill

[WreckedDan]

Ahh, the anger feels good when you can focus it eh? Good part of letting go. While this lasts get as much done as possible, because this will fade some amd you will lose momentum. It will return though so don't dispair too much, I think this is the "Don't be too hard on yourself" bit we hear from time to time.

 

You fell in love, as neither you, I nor anyone else can read minds, no will ever know if you two were ever on the same plane of existance during your marriage. Live with the idea that she is now someone else. IIt's totally okay to miss your old situation. But it's best to seperate that from missing her.. it is different. The first you can have again if you like, the other doesn't exist.

 

Keep this strength, and don't let the coaster keep you down friend,

Dan

[hayewils]

Thanks Dan,

I have often thought about the fact that my wife and i werent on the same plane. About 8 months before she left, i started noticing a change in her. I could never get her to open up and just talk to me. She was always so quiet, and ive told her in the past that i felt like i was on a need to know basis with her.

Her background is human resources so everything is top secret is how i felt.

I have also come to that realization that she has become someone else. I wouldnt know what to say to her today i she were to talk to me. At this point, as time has passed, we both have changed. I had a great time while we were together but it is over. It didnt matter how nasty the weather was, if life was bringing hardship, everyday was a happy day for me just being with her.

Life goes on, and it will never be the same.

[worldgonewrong]

Life goes on, and it will never be the same.

 

And re the last part of that sentence- that's not necessarily a bad thing either! It can be an improvement.

[MrE_UK]

Been separated a month and it's a complete hell hole! She went to her mothers and said, "Not coming back." Took my daughter too... You may have read my thread...

 

BeenKilled suggested to me the 180 so doing that. Need to stop thinking about the past and about her, time to move forward and let go, then see what happens...joined yesterday, told her and let be, and she's started emailing, calling, texting!!

 

But I guess regardless of the future, that 180 woke me up to think, "It's my life. I need to get on and live it!" I was going out of my mind!

 

But I still miss her at night alone in bed, talking to her and getting on is great but I want to say, "Come on! Let's stop this crap and spend time together. Realise how good we'll be together...I'll even give you another baby!!!" But resisting at all costs...

[keepontruckin]

Just think about how imperfect she was... If she was anything like my wife, she was full of flaws, but couldn't stand an ounce of criticism...

[hayewils]

I have more good days now but, today has been one of those down days.

Missing her this morning. I dont try anymore, i know she has moved on and is over us. Shes very strong minded, way better at that than i could ever be.

I look toward the future and may become, but its hard to see anything right now. Guess its just still way to early. Just have this feeling of be unwanted. A feeling of never feeling love agin, and a fear of not being loved. Dont understand that though, i was living with someone who didnt accept or love me anyway so you would think this would be easier.

[hayewils]

Just think about how imperfect she was... If she was anything like my wife, she was full of flaws, but couldn't stand an ounce of criticism...

 

LOL..

Yes, my wife couldnt take much criticism but she loved to dish it out on me.

I do think about her flaws and the way she did me at times.

I just kinda wish i went thru with breaking up with her in 2008 when we came home from wyoming. That was the first sign i saw something not right in her personality. I always just tried to put it all off as my own insecurities.

Man i could have saved myself a lot of grief and heartache..

[MrE_UK]

LOL..

Yes, my wife couldnt take much criticism but she loved to dish it out on me.

I do think about her flaws and the way she did me at times.

I just kinda wish i went thru with breaking up with her in 2008 when we came home from wyoming. That was the first sign i saw something not right in her personality. I always just tried to put it all off as my own insecurities.

Man i could have saved myself a lot of grief and heartache..

 

 

Thinking about it...

 

Her flaws at times:

 

• Avoided my problems and issues
  
• Messy
  
• Self-Centered...me, me, me
  
• Attention Seeking
  
• Expected me to mind read
  
• No team work unless on her terms
  
• Emotionally unavailable unless to other women
  

Total Flaws = she was a woman!!! LOL (joke!)

[hayewils]

Thinking about it...

 

Her flaws at times:

 

• Avoided my problems and issues
  
• Messy
  
• Self-Centered...me, me, me
  
• Attention Seeking
  
• Expected me to mind read
  
• No team work unless on her terms
  
• Emotionally unavailable unless to other women
  

Total Flaws = she was a woman!!! LOL (joke!)

 

Wow, youve met my wife?

Well, all are hits except attention seeking. The rest are dead on. Ive told her many times, i dont read minds, its not a form of communication.

And totally emotionally unavailable..