My wife left me and its killing me

[hayewils]

it is the letting go which is hard..

but to save yourself, to be happy, it is what you have to do

[RonaldS]

it is the letting go which is hard..

but to save yourself, to be happy, it is what you have to do

 

Letting go is super hard. But once you do, it's a whole new world. All that stuff you couldn't do for all those years...you just do it, and you enjoy it. No asking, no bartering, nothing.

 

It's awesome.

[hayewils]

Letting go is super hard. But once you do, it's a whole new world. All that stuff you couldn't do for all those years...you just do it, and you enjoy it. No asking, no bartering, nothing.

 

It's awesome.

no asking, no bartering, nothing.. That is absolutely correct.

I have been finding a new life for myself, looking towards my future and things are going to be just fine. Have some crap to put behind me and as soon as it all is, im gonna run like a child in a toy store.

I do still have my days ofcourse, still soon but man I feel so much better today. I have become content at home and alone with my dogs. My son is here but he is in and out as 16 yr olds do. Everything is gonna be just fine and I cant wait for the future and what opportunities await.

[hayewils]

Heading out, going down south to the coast, meet up with my sister and her boyfriend. First time to get out since the ex departed the marriage. Looking back, its crazy how you feel when it all starts. Its good to get to the point where, its just time to go and you feel like doing something again. After lots of prayers, crying, feelings of rejection.. all the ugly stuff that over runs your life during that time, is finally fading out. I can go enjoy myself now.

Cant wait to see the girls in those bikinis..LOL

 

To Misadventure, I saw your post on wreckeddans thread, broke the two month barrier.. I see that you are starting your process of grieving. Its going to be an emotionally challenging rollercoaster and there is nothing anyone can do that will take your pain. we all know exactly how your feeling. Know this though, we are all her to support you in every way we can. Keep posting here, you will find people who you feel you can really connect with.

That in itself is helpful..

 

Ok all, time for some sand and surf.. hope I don't get overly toasted, inside and out..:-)

[WreckedDan]

Hay! I second what you said to Miss, we are all here for eachother!

 

As yto your adveture... F that bro, get twisted let loose! You deserve it and have no one to answer to but yourself! Hahaha! I have a camping/concert planned for the end of the month, csn't wait and.neither can my girl!

 

Dan

[Misadventure]

Seriously thank you and I am hoping to heal...I am happy that you both have started to get your life on a track that is happy. I have no idea where my life is headed and that is scary. I don't want to derail but I wanted to say thank you, from the bottom of my part. I have felt like roadkill and its nice to know that some people know my pain and survived it.

[hayewils]

well, just got back home from the fishing trip. short trip but was so worth getting out and away for a little bit. Went offshore 12 miles. Fished around all the big cargo ships that sit offshore waiting their turn to come into port or to depart for their trip back to where ever they come from. Has to be an interesting job working on those things, even a bit of an eerie feeling seeing them parked way out like that in the middle of the ocean. anyway we caught 4 king mackerel, only allowed to keep two because of state laws but was fun.

The water was just awesome way out, low winds so the waves were pretty minimal and the water was so clear. you could see the fish down around 15 to 20 feet deep as your reeling them in. Was so good to go out have some fun and completely be lost in the moment. Everything was gone. On my 3 hour drive home, had a chance to think about things and the way things were and I felt so comfortable knowing that I was going home without the feeling of worrying about being judged. I can do my own thing know and what a feeling of freedom..

[hayewils]

Well, one of those days today.. Hovering around the opening of that black hole i worked so hard to get out of.. Damn rollercoaster!

[2.50 a gallon]

It is just part of the healing process, it takes time to detox her out of your system.

 

For me during the dips I tried to concentrate on tomorrows' future exciting life.

 

There will come a time in the near future when you will not think of her for days then weeks. And then when you do, "Who cares?"

 

I've had a great and exciting life since we broke up. She will never know what she missed.

 

"Oh - Gee. That's too bad"

[hayewils]

Thanks for the comments 2.5..

right now I am pretty pissed.. She walked and left me with major major bills.. we have a house together and it was supposed to close this past Friday.

thought I was finally getting out from under it but nope. the people who were buying backed out claiming medical issues. in the state of texas, they can get escrow money back. that was a mortgage payment. I am so red assed right now. Im firing my agent, found he has a history of being unable to keep houses under contract. anyway, the stbx left me with this financial disaster. thankfully I have support to cover things, if I didn't, there would be a forclosure for sure. makes me really pull away from this person. UGH!!!

left me with all of it.. and she wants me to help her pay her taxes and other little stupid stuff.. To hell with her!!

[hayewils]

Good day today,, started out but ended good..

I was really down, back to feeling lost and confused. All because of the bad news I received yesterday concerning the house.. well, I found out a bunch of things today. my sister works for another agent. she and her realtor friends went into recon mode.. found out this realtor has been lying to me and I do not know for how long. all I can say after what I have been through the last five months, I didn't and wont put up with this.. contacted the realtor, he answered the phone and immediately started telling me what he has done and what he is going to do and on and on.. I said good, what I want you to do is take my home off the market, go to the house, get your sign out of my yard, place the key at the front door, I will pick it up.. he just says ok, yes sir I will do that and then.. are there any questions you have? Is there any thing I can do.. I just said, get r done and have a nice day.. CLICK!

That was the beginning and the best part of my good day.. LOL

[JayS]

I dont understand why i love her like i do. I always felt like she kept me at arms length and was on a need to know basis with her.

I would ask if she needed to talk and she always said, no, im fine. Then would get mad if i asked if she was sure. Told her one day, smile baby. Gonna be a good day, she just yelled back. What the hell is there to smile about!

I guess i just got used to her being there all the time. We did have good memories too.. Im just remembering back to the wrong in the relationship

 

It was said already, but it weighs heavily in this...TIME. Time not only heals, but gives you a more realistic perspective on things. We cant 't see things for what they truly are when we're blinded by that raw emotion of the first stages of separation. I know it. My wife left while I was in a treatment center for drinking. She had good reason to leave, but the fact remains that she lied, saying she was waiting for me to come home. I found out she was gone when I got home. I was bitter, but also missed her and tried everything to convince her to come home (with our 4 yr old daughter) Devastated is an

understatement. Now, four months later, I see things as they were...my wife, as yours, always kept me at arm's length, always told me she was fine. To sum it up, she never learned how to deal with difficult situations. She always chose to avoid them, to not communicate, and to run if things got too difficult for her to digest. Now, I see that maybe I really don't want someone like that in my life. She does it to this day...when I ask about reconciliation..the wall goes up: "I'm not ready to talk." To that I say...have a nice future...I'm done being the whipping post. I got help for my boozing, and changed. She isn't even remotely ready to address her problems. I love her, and miss her, but I'm not a dog to be disciplined by a mother figure, which is what it now is with her. I didn't see that for a long time..I just knew I wanted her back. As for your situation...just give it time...you will see things more clearly. Make no rash decisions until it becomes obvious, as it did with me. I hope tings work out. I certainly wasn't comparing our wives...I could just relate to some of what you'd said. All the best to you.

[hayewils]

It was said already, but it weighs heavily in this...TIME. Time not only heals, but gives you a more realistic perspective on things. We cant 't see things for what they truly are when we're blinded by that raw emotion of the first stages of separation. I know it. My wife left while I was in a treatment center for drinking. She had good reason to leave, but the fact remains that she lied, saying she was waiting for me to come home. I found out she was gone when I got home. I was bitter, but also missed her and tried everything to convince her to come home (with our 4 yr old daughter) Devastated is an

understatement. Now, four months later, I see things as they were...my wife, as yours, always kept me at arm's length, always told me she was fine. To sum it up, she never learned how to deal with difficult situations. She always chose to avoid them, to not communicate, and to run if things got too difficult for her to digest. Now, I see that maybe I really don't want someone like that in my life. She does it to this day...when I ask about reconciliation..the wall goes up: "I'm not ready to talk." To that I say...have a nice future...I'm done being the whipping post. I got help for my boozing, and changed. She isn't even remotely ready to address her problems. I love her, and miss her, but I'm not a dog to be disciplined by a mother figure, which is what it now is with her. I didn't see that for a long time..I just knew I wanted her back. As for your situation...just give it time...you will see things more clearly. Make no rash decisions until it becomes obvious, as it did with me. I hope tings work out. I certainly wasn't comparing our wives...I could just relate to some of what you'd said. All the best to you.

 

I don't take this at all as comparing, I take it as, Im not alone with the treatment.. There are others who are treated the same. I took it as wow, Im not alone in my thoughts of how I was treated. The highlighted part I really connected with and is something I thought about but really never thought about it. Its something that I thought of but didn't move on it. of course she would've never shared anyway.

But, she did tell me that she never liked her stepfather who dumped all her stuff in her room and made her clean it up,, that's screwed up.

She talks to her mother but doesn't have any respect for her mother cause she is til with the man... that is her mothers choice.

Anyway, my ex moved out of the family home at 16, got her own apartment, worked and went to school.. even put herself through college, two bachelors degrees,, very smart, very independent, very strong minded woman... Those are the things I loved and admired her for that she put herself through school and has accomplished what she has.. but I do not think that she has the ability to deal with stressful situations either, its easier to run away than to deal with them..

[hayewils]

ok. so here is something I don't get..

Going on 6 months since the wife left and I still have her heavy on my mind and in my heart.

Why? I have my good days, of course I still have my tough days although they are becoming less.

I can not figure out for the life of me why she is still weighing on me. Some days im fine, I can see the doormat that I was to her. She never accepted me, she criticized me on most things. Why cant I just let go?

I have prayed and prayed to be this far along so that there would be time between that horrible day and the last time I saw her, till now. But it just seems it hasn't helped at all. I wake up and "BAM". There she is and with me all day. Why is this? It seems I would be doing better and not having her on my mind like I do. It drives me nuts.

I have prayed for God to guide me, help give me some direction in my life.

Where do I go, what do I do?

I sometimes feel like he is telling me to keep holding on, but why?

I guess because I loved her so damn much, I was happy just being with her. there were never cloudy rainy days when she was here, so I thought..

I know I lived in a fog with her. I can look back on the wrong way I was treated but I still have trouble letting it all go.

What can I do? Has anybody had this trouble?

[hayewils]

UGH,, nothing more than a down moment..

Damn this rollercoaster..

everything will be just fine. EVERYTHING, will be ok..

[hayewils]

ok, im fine today.

not sure what happened to me yesterday.

only thing I can think of is all the financial disaster I have been left with.

Went over to the house that Is on the market saturday and worked on some sprinkler heads. That just started setting me off. there I was taking care of things, 'as usual', with her not there.. as usual.

then it kinda went downhill from there.. I even screwed up my nc and sent her a short email sunday evening.. now ive been pissed off at myself for doing it.

live and learn..

[Steen719]

None of us are perfect and you have come a long way. The roller coaster ride from hell gets better. Be easy on yourself. You have done well.

[hayewils]

Thank you Steen

[Chi townD]

Dude, maybe you need a break from everything. Why don't you take an extended weekend somewhere. Go camping or fishing. Go to somewhere with a beach and drink a margarita. See something new. GO TO A NEW PLACE!! GET OUT OF THE NORM!!!

 

Get out of your apartment. Get away from the house that's on the market. Be selfish and pamper yourself for a change. Take the time to decompress.

[hayewils]

I did get away for a short trip to the coast to go fishing a couple weekends ago.. I just dropped everything and left. it was a nice but short trip.

not really to much to do now with school firing back up. cant run off just yet and leave my 16 year old here alone who likes to sneak in a girlfriend.

Then my oldest son,, I just don't trust him as far as I can kick him. LOL

hes really the one you gotta babysit.

I am just entirely to to busy. I do know as soon as the house sells and I get my finances back in order. I will definatly be outta here for an extended stay somewhere.

head down to the turk and caicos islands and post the pics all over facebook for snotty...

never been on a cruise, may do that.

[Chi townD]

Dude, I like the way you think!

 

Look at it as a new chapter in your life is starting and it's going to be awesome with the adventures you're going to have.

 

Never lose sight of that.

[WreckedDan]

Routine brother,

Your life had a pattern, wake up she's there, live life she's there, go to bed she's there... now that has changed and your mind is looking for a pattern. It's used to that one so it seeks it. Shake things up a bit from time to time, or find a new pattern that your mind can fixate on...

 

Just my 2©

Dan

 

Ps your are doing really well, don't kid yourself.

[hayewils]

Thanks Dan.

 

you know, Ive been thinking and your right. a lot has to do with the usual day to day.. I miss that. I liked having the standard in my life. I am and have always considered myself a one womans man. I never cheated, I never abused.. I never cheated on girlfriends in high school.. that's how serious I take things..

I was thinking a moment ago about my past, about how I never cheated on anyone of the women in my life. Then I started thinking about all the women that I have met in my life... LOTS..

Kind of a man thing I guess. its just really a growing up thing,, we all go through school talking about the girls with our buddies..who we would like to get with, who we find attractive.. you know, typical high school man stuff...

then I started to think about my wife. Ive been married before, due to children coming into the world and I wanted to step up and be responsible.

The kids mom and I can talk today, I still consider her a snake but we can talk and be civil. it took a long time to get to the point where we could talk, it was a war for years.

But I never met someone who took my heart, no that's not true.

There is my high school sweetheart, who my mother cried over about 5 months ago in a conversation saying, she is the one you should have married.. yep, I believe that.. she went off to college and got prego by a guy she was in school with.. she and I actually still talk today. her hubby is unaware and I would do nothing to jeopardize their marriage at all... I do not wish this horror on anybody.

Anyway, I started thinking about my past and where I am today. I realized that I never met anyone that made me melt the moment I saw them as my wife did..When I saw her for the very first time in 2007, I was breath taken. I walked a certain hallway I never walked but maybe 5 times in a week. when she came to work there, I made sure I walked that way constantly,, even if it was the long way around.. I was just drawn, I felt like it was where I needed to be. I wanted to see her, talk to her, see her eyes, hear her voice. she was my soulmate... I believed that. still do..

but I was thinking about my past, high school, crap boys do. my first ex..

the length of time in my life to feel that feeling of total attraction.

I am scared I will never find that again.. going from chasing woman to now.. Its all part of growing up.

Im now not interested at all in dating, chasing women..

Ive got my kids, my dogs, my house, my job.. a busy life.

Kinda wonder, its not only being to busy in life to chase women, but it has to do with age too.. we have life experiences now.

Im just really not interested in doing it again.

What comes my way ok... I just really am not interested in starting a new again. getting to meet someone, learning them, knowing them.

I don't know, just a strange new place.. only time will take care of it I guess.

[hayewils]

the way I felt about my wife..

if something happened and we were laying in operating rooms and I heard the doctors say, she isn't gonna make it, her heart is destroyed, she needs a heart.

I wouldn't think twice about it, and tell them to give her mine..

And this is what I get.

 

So dating.. gonna be a while. probably a long time cause my heart is already dead.

[Jangles524]

UGH,, nothing more than a down moment..

Damn this rollercoaster..

everything will be just fine. EVERYTHING, will be ok..

 

I know how this goes too well. I will write about my day and how bad it is, then a few days later I will go back and think "Jesus, I was a freakin' debbie downer last [Day]."

 

Then 2 days later I will be choked up again lol...

 

Emotions suck