My wife left me and its killing me

[Moniq]

You talked about how you met your wife. And how you don't think youll find someone. ME TOO I am not a dater. I married my third boyfriend. I don't know how to meet guys. I see these woman having a different boyfriend every weekend. Where would I meet someone. And what make matters worse is that I don't want to meet anyone. I have a six year old son and a 1 year old daughter. I would hate to meet someone who would do something to my kids. I would hate to bring a man into my kids life and mess it up. I had a stepdad who drank A LOT and I always said that I would never give my kid a stepdad. I think I should stop my life and just focus on my kids and maybe start dating when my kids are off to college.

 

I watch a lot of "Who the Bleep did I marry."

[Moniq]

WOW, Tomtucker.

 

You are in a forum about separation and divorce and you have the guts to tell someone not to date a single mother because they only want money and have sex with other guys!! Go on an all men's forums. You got screwed in your relationship, that does not mean all woman are like that.

 

Im sure the majority of the women here are single mothers and would not appreciate that comment.

 

You are a piece of work

 

Good luck with your life

[hayewils]

I was giving him solid advice based on his current situation. What are you adding to the conversation?

 

For the record, I don't date single mothers. I don't believe in raising another man's child (although, I'm okay with messing around with them casually).

 

I also didn't say that all single mothers are like that. I know some that aren't. But many are. And men (this man, in particular, since this is his thread) need to watch out for them.

FYI

The man who started this thread has been through a divorce that involved

Three children at the time. I wound up with custody and became a single father of 3. The kids were 14 and 12 when i met my wife. Her son was 11.

I was in it for her and understood what i was getting into, that it was a package deal. I do know that there are women out there looking for someone to help raise there kids, or become a father figure. I also know that it can also go both ways. Men could tend to get his children a care taker. None of these issues had anything to do with me. I never looked at it that way. I loved the woman i met.

I do understand also that she was always more concerned abour herself and her sons comfort and what they wanted. She was good with my 3 children, but after she left, i started finding out that she treated my children differently when i was away with work. However, we also brought in another young man whos family moved to south america. I was against it but she convinced me. So in a way i agree with your thoughts but then again i disagree. I do believe we had a lot of children in the house, me being gone for work which could be extended periods, helped lead to the breakdown in our marriage. I would still do it again, having a good woman in my life with a child is worth more to me than having a good woman with no children who just wants to go spend money and run..

So its a toss up, we all just have to consider the situation as they are all different.

[hayewils]

well, I had a conversation last night that involved the prospect of a new job.

this new job will involve me moving 3 hours away. I am not sure of all the insides and outs of it yet, all I know is it is an oilfield job rebuilding something. I will find out the details in a few hours.

how do I feel about it? I am excited, but at the same time sad. It is something I want for myself.. It represents a new life, new hope, a new beginning. Its a new chapter in my life. I am sad about it cause it will be closure to a past, a past that involved a woman I loved dearly. I will be going away knowing that I am closing that chapter in my life. I will still keep my home and my son will live here and continue school so I will be back and forth.

My son seemed to be a bit upset and teary eyed last night, along with myself. we both know that its the beginning of a new life with major changes, we both know its the true beginning to an end. Real closure in a hard time of my life. He knows that this is something I want more than anything. It is something that will truly help me heal and begin my road to a real, new, and different me. Ive prayed to God many times over and over to guide me, to lead me in the direction I need to go. I feel he has finally responded to me. I am taking the job no matter the offer. I want out of this life I have been in. I just don't see anything for me here where I am any longer. this new opportunity gives me hope.. I just don't care for those east Texas pine trees.. I will definatly have to get used to my new scenery.. LOL

 

updates to come,

Scott

[hayewils]

well I got my information about this new job opportunity, there are actually 3. I am very excited and for the first time in 6 months, I feel like life is actually turning for the best for me. I can even explain what I feel. This gives me something better to focus on.

All 3 opportunities will take me to Houston.

One is a new venture a guy is starting up rebuilding blow out preventers and some machine work. Ive done quite a bit of machine work in my past.

Blow out preventers are supposed to do exactly what they are called, prevent blow outs on the drilling rig. Another one is a sales opportunity for pump parts. I worked in a place for 10 years where we manufactured and sold pump parts. I was in quality control and worked my way up to QA/QC supervisor before I stepped down and eventually resigned due to the fact that my stbxw told me when she was there that I was overpaid as it was..

Believe that? Talk about a slap in the face. That was the first time in those 10 years that I felt I had no chance of going anywhere, anymore, within that company.

The last opportunity is rebuilding what are called iron roughnecks.

These things are pretty cool. They spin the pipe connections together and torque them up.. These things take away the old chain and tonq technique. If you've ever watched black gold on tv, those guys still use chains and tongs. The iron roughneck is still pretty new yet in the industry and there aren't many folks out there who know how to rebuild them without having to send them back to the manufacturer. So it would be a good skill to have, and pays pretty good. 130k per year.

That's not bad for a guy whos single.. LOL

All I know right now is I am excited about the new possibilities in my life.

I finally have a sense of hope and it takes away the pain from the last 6 months. I feel I get to finally move on.

Also been thinking how it would all help my social life. I would get an apartment in Houston, so you know there are people to meet.. Swimming pool, women.. although I would just look at them from the other side of the pool for a while.. LOL

[2.50 a gallon]

hayewils

 

It sure seems like you have gotten your wish. Your life winds have found a new direction to blow. I think you should set your sail and follow it to a new land. Your exciting future awaits you

[hayewils]

Here i am, 6 months in as of today..

The pain has subsided, starting to feel better although i still have trouble.

I am still sad over being at this point in my life. I had a great time with my wife, then came the day where she started changing. I loved her but she wasnt in love with me. Ive done a lot of reflecting on myself and taking ownership of my faults. Ive done all i could think of to try and save my marriage, unfortunatly, sometimes we have to hit rock bottom before we look at ourselves. My ex brother in law came over this last saturday and he looked great. After my sister divorced him, he talked about the long period of pain and reflection he went through. Put himself in AA meetings, did some volenteer work. Did a lot of work on himself. He is not the guy i remember. The guy i remember was laid back, enjoyed drinking as much as myself. He just went with the flow. Today is my new beginning, im starting today.

I have learned that the only thing i can control and change is me.

 

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

 

Today is the day my new life will begin, i cannot sit around wasting away anymore.

My ex brother in law is coming to town and is going with me to my first AA meeting. I want to be in the happy place he is in..

 

Scott

[2.50 a gallon]

I know it is a cliché

 

"Today is the first day of the rest of my life!"

 

But it is so true if you live it

 

Let go of the past, become the new and happier you, and love will once again come knocking on you door

 

I guarantee it.

[secondfailure]

I know it is a cliché

 

"Today is the first day of the rest of my life!"

 

But it is so true if you live it

 

Let go of the past, become the new and happier you, and love will once again come knocking on you door

 

I guarantee it.

 

Letting go of the oast is so hard for me right now. I have only been seperated for three weeks from my wife and it seems like it has been years.. Man this hurts so bad.... How will I make it???

[RonaldS]

Here i am, 6 months in as of today..

The pain has subsided, starting to feel better although i still have trouble.

I am still sad over being at this point in my life. I had a great time with my wife, then came the day where she started changing. I loved her but she wasnt in love with me. Ive done a lot of reflecting on myself and taking ownership of my faults. Ive done all i could think of to try and save my marriage, unfortunatly, sometimes we have to hit rock bottom before we look at ourselves. My ex brother in law came over this last saturday and he looked great. After my sister divorced him, he talked about the long period of pain and reflection he went through. Put himself in AA meetings, did some volenteer work. Did a lot of work on himself. He is not the guy i remember. The guy i remember was laid back, enjoyed drinking as much as myself. He just went with the flow. Today is my new beginning, im starting today.

I have learned that the only thing i can control and change is me.

 

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

 

Today is the day my new life will begin, i cannot sit around wasting away anymore.

My ex brother in law is coming to town and is going with me to my first AA meeting. I want to be in the happy place he is in..

 

Scott

 

Dude, this is great. Congratulations. You're taking a huge step forward. There is SO much out in the world that's rewarding and fulfilling, but if you keep living the same life you were living, battling the same demons, holding on to the past, you deny yourself those things.

 

Your ex BiL did it right...clean up, straighten up, shape up.

 

It's funny. I was always a big partier, in college and for a little while after. Then, as I got older, I had less and less use for booze. Having kids had a lot to do with that (Lesson #1: you might be hung over at 6am, but your kids won't be), but also, I began to really enjoy and see the value in waking up early on Saturday morning feeling good and having a fun, productive day. Now that my kids are not around every day, I could easily get away with partying more, but I just don't have the desire to. I mean, yeah, every once in a while I get out with friends and roll my sleeves up, but that's pretty rare. Now it's about fitness and feeling good.

 

Now, I look and feel so much younger. I love it. And that spills over into the rest of my life. I'm active, vibrant, all those things.

 

Good luck, man.

[hayewils]

Letting go of the oast is so hard for me right now. I have only been seperated for three weeks from my wife and it seems like it has been years.. Man this hurts so bad.... How will I make it???

 

Second..

I know how hard this is for you. The first couple moths was the worst for me. I eventually went to my doctor to get some meds.. When my wife told me she wasnt coming back, that she didnt regret leaving me, i fell deep into depression and did nothing but start trying to kill myself through drinking. Whatever you do, dont do that. Keep yourself busy, look into some volenteer work, get yourself around people. Dont lock yourself away like i did. I needed to be with people and didnt pursue it before. But now, starting tonight, i will.

Dont sit around and mope over things, it just makes things drag along.

 

Scott

[hayewils]

Well i made it finally...

Took a while to get things rolling my way but it finally happened.

I am now in my new apartment, three hours away.

Now im almost ready to start that new job..

Still next week yet.

I drove up this afternoon, got unloaded.. Got the place pretty much in order.

Now im starting back and forth if the couch stays, or if it needs to turn 180 degrees.. Everything seems to be all about 180.. Ironic?

Anyway, the change is great.. New scenery, new places..

Just got back from picking up some stuff and i forgot the shower curtain..

The things i get to do..

So many new and different decisions. Sure keeps me busy..

The couch is my biggest concern.. Ha ha

And things used to be worse..

Today was a great day!!

[2.50 a gallon]

Good on You!

 

Speaking of shower curtains, when I first moved out, almost 50 years ago, I found the perfect shower curtain. It was of female Greek statues, you know the kind, where the busts are shown in all their glory.

 

All of my buddies loved it, but could never find another one.

 

When I married, the wife tried to trash it, thankfully I caught it in time.

 

I have taken great care of it. I had to put it storage a second time when my lady and I got our own place. She replaced it with butterflies, truth be said, with the other butterflies she has decorated the bathroom with, towels, etc, I now have a great looking bathroom.

 

My great nephew has since moved out and on his own. It now hangs in his bachelor pad.

 

Oh to be young again.

 

Enjoy your new life, it awaits you!

[jeff77]

she sounds a lot like my soon to be ex wife...controlling, never happy with anything...hell she even dissected compliments i gave her into something negative! The only reason it lasted as long as it did was because of the kids.

What's the chance she had something on the side? Because thats what happened to me...

[hayewils]

Hey Jeff,

I never had evidence of her having something on the side although i highly suspected.

She got to a point where she was "working late" often.

Started attending certain functions that she never cared to attend before.

Also, how does someone you shared a life with just ccomplety walk out of your life never to be heard from or seen again?

Definatly had to be a new interest.

But oh well, life goes on.

I believe in karma and what comes around goes around..

Im moving on but to say im not bothered by it anymore is a lie. Still affects me daily..

[RightThere]

she sounds a lot like my soon to be ex wife...controlling, never happy with anything...hell she even dissected compliments i gave her into something negative! The only reason it lasted as long as it did was because of the kids.

What's the chance she had something on the side? Because thats what happened to me...

 

Don't feel bad. Mine had 5 on the side, plus a few in the waiting room before I figured out what was going on.

 

My fault for giving my wife that thing we call "trust".