MrE_UK Posted July 23, 2013 Posted July 23, 2013 (edited) Wow, youve met my wife? Well, all are hits except attention seeking. The rest are dead on. Ive told her many times, i dont read minds, its not a form of communication. And totally emotionally unavailable.. We married the same woman then?! Attention seeking I mean...showing some cleavage, acting different around others, talking loudly in public, etc.,. I didn't get any...except for last 24 hours now I've said have your space, you're free, be happy. Madness. However, I think this means she had a problem with me. Now am acting different and letting her go, she wants to know and started contacting me, she's unguarded and relaxed. However, will just get on with own life and see what happens. I'm not going to mention marriage or anything about us and see if she does. Then I'll know, I guess. Seeing her Friday, so will see what she's like with me. Edited July 23, 2013 by MrE_UK
Author hayewils Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 We married the same woman then?! Attention seeking I mean...showing some cleavage, acting different around others, talking loudly in public, etc.,. I didn't get any...except for last 24 hours now I've said have your space, you're free, be happy. Madness. However, I think this means she had a problem with me. Now am acting different and letting her go, she wants to know and started contacting me, she's unguarded and relaxed. However, will just get on with own life and see what happens. I'm not going to mention marriage or anything about us and see if she does. Then I'll know, I guess. Seeing her Friday, so will see what she's like with me. Well just do like the 180s talk about. Just be to the point, don't ask about the marriage. Make her think you are over it all and that you are moving on. Its a very hard thing to do, I failed miserably with the 180s but have found myself holding to them finally in a way. Just let her see your happy side even though your hurt and despaired. laugh at yourself. Be comfortable and she should start to wonder... My ex is not the least bit interested, she isn't gonna be calling and checking on me. she has checked out and gone.. Im trying to move on in my own way and Im feeling damn good too. Keep your head up, the sun does rise to another day.
2.50 a gallon Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 I had a similar list 30 years ago. You forgot the book of bad! Years later, my ex would hit me with day, date, location and time of every time I had offended her. "Three years ago, on July 20, at so and so's deli, at 12:35 in the afternoon, you were eating a pastrami sandwich, I was having a ham and cheese, and you looked at the red-heads butt" How can you defend yourself 3 years later? The one on the list that got to me the most was Mind reading! "I can't believe you really don't know! If you don't know, it is a waste of time to tell you" 1
knh Posted July 24, 2013 Posted July 24, 2013 Yep. 7k on her finger, 2k in her ears. Another1800 around her wrist and never a thank you. Just, oh! Can I just say...wow! That's incredible. I think my engagement ring was about $600 and I still don't even have a wedding ring. We bought a $30 ring off Amazon just for show during our ceremony. It's hard to hear how ungrateful people can be. 1
Author hayewils Posted July 24, 2013 Author Posted July 24, 2013 I had a similar list 30 years ago. You forgot the book of bad! Years later, my ex would hit me with day, date, location and time of every time I had offended her. "Three years ago, on July 20, at so and so's deli, at 12:35 in the afternoon, you were eating a pastrami sandwich, I was having a ham and cheese, and you looked at the red-heads butt" How can you defend yourself 3 years later? The one on the list that got to me the most was Mind reading! "I can't believe you really don't know! If you don't know, it is a waste of time to tell you" My stbxw would go to the grocery store, myself and the kids would go to help unload. The boys would be grabbing sacks, im in line waiting for the kids to move so i could grab some. My wife would look at me, look at the groceries,, wave her hand and shake her head. That was the gesture to help. Im waiting for the kids to move.. The last argument we had before she left, she told me, i almost hate you when you put a beer in your hand, she would buy and bring the beer to me. I told her, well i wish you wouldve told me it bothered you. She says, i did in january. That was 2 and a half months earlier and she never told me anything. We went to the beach for a little vacation the weekend before she took off and when i arrived late that evening, i walked into the room and she had bought 4 cases of beer. I was set up to fail by her.
2.50 a gallon Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 hayewils / MrE The old saying of the entrance to paradise is through the back door of hell. At present the two of you have yet to find the back door. Trust me, with time, you will heal, you will detach and you will find that door way. I was once there, I was so far down into a black hole of despair, I actually wondered whether I might some day be able to laugh again. Once I found that back door my life took off. I made new friends, I developed new interests, hobbys, a whole new life style. Most importantly I found that there were dozens of divorced women looking for a good man to have fun with. Yeah there are a few that want to rush into a new relationship, but the majority are like us, leary. And for the time being lets just have fun. In short my sex life took off for the next 14 years. Mr. E in your thread you mention being able to some day post photos of a 25 year old wearing a bikini. I could post photos of a 28 year old as she took off her bikini, and I was in my 40's. And not only that she was a multi-millionaire. Alas, she wanted to marry and have a family, her money scared me so I eventually ran. As I posted recently on another thread, it has been 30 years since I last saw my Ex. A few years back I found her photo on the internet and the years have not been kind to her. She once had a foldout body and is now easily pushing at 200 pounds. Thank God I am not stuck with that. I myself am now retired and for the past 17 plus years have been sharing my life with a gal who is totally out of my league in the looks department. She is a grandma of a teenager, and yet still has an hour glass figure. And there is no doubt she is totally in love with me. She is the most kind loving person I have ever met. While my Ex hated the time that I spent watching sports, a few years back my lady bought me a wide screen TV so that I could better enjoy my football and NASCAR races. And yes I if you were to Google my name you would find a photo of her in her bikini. Knowing my Ex, I am sure, she has Googled my name Divorce is the best thing that ever happened to me! 2
Author hayewils Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 Thank you for the words 2.50.. I today am feeling a whole world of difference than that state of mind I was in from march till june. I do have some trouble yet but it is a far cry from where I was previously, I feel things wearing off, things are easier. I can laugh today, its great. However I still think about the good times my wife and I had when we were dating and when we first got married. I know those are memories that will never leave and I will carry them for the rest of my life, they are mine, and hers. I have finally come to a point to where things are so much easier through out the day. After she left, she stayed on my mind continuously, day in day out, I was completely consumed and it drove me nuts. I prayed constantly for God to help remove my pain, to take it all away. I guess it all helped because I feel so so much better today. I have been lucky that I have not run into my stbx because she lives just next door in an apartment complex. I can see the place from my backyard deck. That used to be hard to know she was there at first but now I can go outside and enjoy the outdoors, listen to the birds, watch the rabbits and I pay no attention to the apartment complex anymore.. Its great to finally get to this point although I know I still need time. I have recently joined a dating site and have talked to a couple of women. I have no intention at all of getting into a relationship, I enjoy just for the communication alone. Just to try and meet new people. It looks like I will even be making a change at work which will give me a nice little pay raise, so looking forward to that. Things will all work themselves out for me, I just need to keep my head up and keep trudging along in life. Make new things for myself.
Author hayewils Posted July 27, 2013 Author Posted July 27, 2013 here over the last two weeks I have found myself just exhausted. Fighting to stay awake on my way to work, fighting to stay awake while at work. Last Saturday I slept till 1 in the afternoon.. I feel that all the turmoil I have been through the last 4 and half months has caught up with me. I stayed on the couch last weekend just watching tv and then lights out at 11. then slept till 10 am Sunday morning. I feel so so much better I cannot even begin to explain what Im feeling, but its good. I can finally go to work and not have that feeling of consumption going on. Life is getting better..
WreckedDan Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Yes! Heywils, this is an awesome step, getting back to sleep. I was so glad when I got there. Now I'm begging for sleep for other reasons =) How ever this will give you energy to focus on other stuff... now is the time to add the exercise back into your routine. Find some time and pump iron. If you are like me you probably dropped a ton of stress weight. Now frame that up by getting a bit of mass and watch the ladies come running brother! Stay strong! Dan
2.50 a gallon Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 As you are beginning to notice things get easier with the passage of time. Memories seem to rotate to the back of the mind where they are temporarily and in many cases totally forgotten. Then with the passage of time some of the memories can once again become pleasant. I learned very early in my bachelorhood that women liked a man who got into Christmas and decorated. In the previous post I mentioned that the Ex was foldout material. Long strawberry blonde hair, beautiful face with just the right amount of freckles, and long shapely legs, built like the proverbial brick out house. I was 32 and she had just turned 20 on our first Christmas. When we went to put up our first tree she added a new kink to my celebrating. While I was busy getting the tree in the stand and leveled she slipped off into the bedroom and came out wearing this black see through outfit she had bought purposely for that night from Fredericks, complete with high heels and fishnet stockings, along with my favorite rum and coke. I did help with some of the decorating, when ever she asked for help, but for the most part, I just sat in my easy chair watching this fantastically sexy creature as she decorated the tree, getting on a chair then reaching above her head to put up the star, followed by her bending down to pick up and then leaning into the tree to place each ornament. It was Hefner eat you heart out. How do you forget something like that? However with the passage of time you will make new memories with someone new and someone who will stand by you and you can trust. Today my lady got ambitious and painted our ceiling. Tight pants and cute little bubble butt rocking back and forth as she worked the roller. Life is good!
Author hayewils Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 Yes! Heywils, this is an awesome step, getting back to sleep. I was so glad when I got there. Now I'm begging for sleep for other reasons =) How ever this will give you energy to focus on other stuff... now is the time to add the exercise back into your routine. Find some time and pump iron. If you are like me you probably dropped a ton of stress weight. Now frame that up by getting a bit of mass and watch the ladies come running brother! Stay strong! Dan Hey Dan, Yes i have lost quite a bit of weght. I do not even know how much ive lost. I also eat a lot of fruit these days. As for meeting someone new, i really am not the least bit interested. I joined up on match, actually started talking with someon but wound up ending everything as soon as it started. Even took my profile off. I dont want anyone near me and dont necessarily care to have anyone around me. Ive become content with the quiet lonliness at home now. I have become to a place where i prefer it that way. Relationships are crap and marriages dont work. Nobody cares about richer for poorer, for better for worse. None of that blah blah. 1
WreckedDan Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Yup, brotha did the same thing thought the same stuff it will sneak up on you soon just dont be worried about love man and youre right in some respects.. there is a lot of illusion in this world. The onoy thing here that is real is you so be the real you and find some enjoyment. My 2© Dan
Author hayewils Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 well, had a short day today at work so I came home early. I have just been exhausted lately. I was so looking forward to sleeping in this past Saturday, was off from work. So Friday night I crawl into bed, got up saturday morning to let the dogs out and went back to bed. Woke up at almost 4 in the afternoon. Even today, got to the house decided to lay on the couch, watch a little TV and relax.. Fell asleep, slept for 4 hours.. Im taking this as all the anxiety, stress, depression and all the lack of sleep for the last 4 months the cause of this, "catching up with sleep" phase. Sure is nice too. Going back to my last thread about being on match and pulling my profile. Well, I had been talking with this gal. I had this need to be up front and let her know my situation. I didn't feel it was fair to be going through what I am and no sharing. I didn't want to be misleading. Well, I told her my situation and what not, I expected that I just talked to her for the last time. I accepted that was it. Well on my way home from work last night, I checked my phone and to my surprise she had sent me a message. I was so surprised I almost drove right off the road. I got home and was so happy to see she replied I came straight in the house without taking my muddy boots off.. Talking with her has really been a help for my self esteem. Last week one morning, she even sent me a message to have a great day. This one really got me cause the emotionally unavailable woman I was married to for four years never once sent me a message to have a great day. I was floored! I guess they aren't all the same.. 3
WreckedDan Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 There ya go man, it starts and then it just rolls like a snowball! She knows where you're at and she's still in. Take this slow but don't run. Imagine this... can she hurt you as bad as what you've just gone through? Nope, your hard as nails now. Add a little protien to that fruit diet and start doing push ups and sit ups. I just buy a thing of lunch meat and nab a couple pieces on my way out the door. Recently added a hand full if trail mix to that and I feel amazing! Know that you deserve the good things in life that are coning your way, we all do! Sunny days ahead, Dan
WreckedDan Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Oh and one nore thing, don't ever bring up your situation... if she asks be cool, answer but keep it short. She doesn't really need to know about it much anyways. When you are with her be with her be bummed later if you need too, and you will... sucks but not nearly as bad when someone else is thinking of you Peace, Danu
Author hayewils Posted August 1, 2013 Author Posted August 1, 2013 Thanks Dan, not exactly hard as nails but I do feel myself gaining a tougher skin for sure. I do not know what came over me about sharing my situation with the gal. I knew I didn't need to and it was most likely a really bad idea. I am just the type of person who doesn't like to keep things secret?? I don't know, just weird. I have been thinking about it and I know it was a bad idea. Oh well, life moves on. I really don't care what she thinks about it, there was something that made me feel I needed to share some. I talked to her briefly the other night but haven't really talked since. LOL so obviously had a negative effect, Either way, I really don't care right now. I know the direction I want to go with my life right now anyway, so what she thinks doesn't faze me a bit. right now the majority of my focus is on a couple of things, my children (#!), selling the property my stbx have together.. that closes aug 9th. done, I get a raise right of the bat. Now that I have grown children, I can focus more on my direction, my job.. one which requires some long long days. I will finally be able to make some money and do some things I have always wanted to do. One goal for myself is I fully intend to put a boat in the water next summer. I am already looking a deals. of course I will have to knock down some debt at the current moment but a year is a good a realistic goal. I love salt water fishing so that's where the investment will be.. Good center console, bust through the bay.. Redfish and trout. That's what im talking about. Planning a trip August 10th right now to go offshore for an 11 1/2 hour trip. This is a mans trip.. LOL. Myself and my sisters boyfriend headed out. Anyway, I want to get to the place where, I am the kind of guy who is happily single, decent income, boat, loves fishing, as much as possible. And his children are doing good,, Then Im gonna place pics all over facebook for the ex to see, of the boat saying, How do you like me now!!
WreckedDan Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 You sound like a bad ass to me brotha! Keep it up! Chat back at that chick and meet up... if it turns out to be nothin so be it... maybe there will be a bit of a spark never know. You sound like you are doing marvelously my man. Be proud of your progress! Dan 1
Author hayewils Posted August 2, 2013 Author Posted August 2, 2013 Thanks guys for the comments. Definatly a rough road getting here but its great to finally feel things are getting behind me. To be able to laugh at things again and go through my day without her and us on my mind all day is so so releasing. I did have a moment today though, reflecting on things and where I am today. Before she left, the last fight we had I told her that I was tired of her treating me like s**t! Of course after she was gone, I crashed, cried, went through all the motions. today I can look back on what I went through and what I said to her that night. that was something that generally people hole back on in the sense that you are living in the fog of hopes things will pass, get better. I know that what I told her in the way I did was fact. I can see today what an unemotional, unaffectionate person she is and what I dealt with. living with that will cause resentment which I realize I had a lot built up cause I didn't get from her what I needed, and I worked my butt off trying for it. I asked myself the question today, Do you still, or are you still interested in having that back if she called and wanted to talk? NOPE, not anymore.. She is what she is and I deserve much more than that. We all deserve happiness, and affection. To know that we are in fact, loved! She is unable to be that type of person, its not in her. not with me anyway. So it was awakening for me I think to see and realize to myself. It is for sure done. LOL I couldn't listen to any kind of music for about 3 months and I am finally getting it back on. Listened to some damn good floor stompin, country music today and man, got my blood pumping again. Everyday just gets better!! 5
Author hayewils Posted August 2, 2013 Author Posted August 2, 2013 had a laugh, one of the songs I listened to today is in a way fitting for her because I know what type of individual my stbxw is interested in and he is the kind of guy who, "cant even bait a hook".. That's the name of the song . Ha ha. its great. 2
2.50 a gallon Posted August 2, 2013 Posted August 2, 2013 hayewils Your journey to a new life is just beginning. I liked the part of not removing your muddy boots. When I separated from the Ex, it was like I fell into the black hole of despair. There was no love, no happiness, hell I actually wondered whether in future years, that some day I might be able to laugh again. Luckily about a month in, a pretty face looked down at me and asked me if I wanted to come out and play. Oh the power of a pretty face, as just her asking and showing some interest had me flying with the eagles. I was out of the pit forever. There was now hope where there wasn't any before. Sorry to say, the roller coaster ride is just beginning. Today, you may be back on top of the world, but tomorrow the old feelings can pull you back down again. It is only natural, a part of the healing process. For me the roller coaster ride lasted about 3 months when it finally began to level off. The worst times were in the mornings, just after I had woken up. There were times when I missed her terribly. 2
Author hayewils Posted August 3, 2013 Author Posted August 3, 2013 Woot Woot!! Let him have that COLD FISH of a woman!! Let him beg for affection and attention, Let him have it!!!:laugh: That song makes me laugh every time I hear it! (soft lotiony hands..ah ha ha ah ha ha ha! ) No woman worth her salt wants a pansy man!! ( of course this is just my personal opinion) I watched a movie over and over again called Under the Tuscan Sun...it's for sure a chick flick so..............but it's a great story! ha ha..this cracked me up.. yes, I know how she is, unfortunately she will be in this situation again. She told me in an email a couple months ago that she didn't regret leaving. of course, when your mad, you want to go somewhere else. I did for a couple days just to cool off.. she left without any remorse or thinking about what could be fixed through conversation.. anyway, its her deal now, not mine. She will think about me though and one day regret. To late, outta my face you nasty fly, first on a dogs ass and then in my eye 1
Oberfeldwebel Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 ha ha..this cracked me up.. yes, I know how she is, unfortunately she will be in this situation again. She told me in an email a couple months ago that she didn't regret leaving. of course, when your mad, you want to go somewhere else. I did for a couple days just to cool off.. she left without any remorse or thinking about what could be fixed through conversation.. anyway, its her deal now, not mine. She will think about me though and one day regret. To late, outta my face you nasty fly, first on a dogs ass and then in my eye If you are into country music, then go old school and try Roy Clark's song: Thank God and Greyhound you're Gone!
RonaldS Posted August 3, 2013 Posted August 3, 2013 The conversation you guys are having is reminding me a little of the guy my wife is seeing. As an aside, she tells me without me even bringing it up that she's not in a relationship, not seeing anybody, and so on. I have no idea why she does this, because I know she's been seeing the same guy since last August. Anyway, to me it's kind of an amusing thing. I'm sure he's the nicest guy ever, but he is literally the exact opposite of me, in every way. Bald, frumpy with a decent sized gut, very generic and ordinary looking. Now, I'm a 'whatever blows your hair back' guy, so if he does it for her, that's great. But wow...what a bad set up. He has 3 kids (young) and just got divorced because his wife cheated on him a zillion times. My XW obviously has 3 young kids as well, and isn't even divorced yet. They live in a very small town (~5000 people), and it's pretty conservative, so there are not a lot of unmarried or divorced people around. There's a larger city about 20 min away, but again, not a spectacular talent pool. So, this seems like one of those 'musical chairs' set-ups. When I first found out last year, it bothered me. But as we've distanced ourselves from each other, it has become sort of entertaining for me. Like, how bad of a plot can you construct? Two lifelong 'victims' glomming onto each other, kids everywhere, neither marriage really all that finished or worked through. Settling. Yikes. The model I think she uses is a friend/former employer of hers got divorced and very quickly ended up with a guy who had also just gotten divorced. Both had kids. My XW thinks it's great, and I can see her looking at that template as she moves forward. Here's the thing, though...the new hubby is a total dick and cheats on the woman. I've seen him several times acting extremely inappropriately with other young women (he was a trainer at my gym, and I also see him out and about in the neighborhood, getting coffee with other women, flirting, rubbing their legs, etc). So, other than that minor issue, yes, what a perfect example of how you can do it better the 2nd time around. Meanwhile, I live in the middle of a huge, thriving, vibrant city where you can meet a new amazing girl every 5 minutes. All I can say is that I'm happy I'm not in her shoes. 1
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted August 4, 2013 Posted August 4, 2013 Ron, good for you! She is setting herself up for failure. Let her fail! Meanwhile live your life and enjoy! Its actually a very fun adventure once you finally let go!
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