raj12 Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 Hello I am in love with my friend and she knows it. The problem is she loves another guy who has dumped her. But my friend can't forget him although he has not done anything for her not even loved her. It's hard for me to live without her. I want to marry her as soon as I will be settled (I am 23 years old). She is still in trauma of that guy whom she loved. I want to take her out of that hell. I want to see her happy, I want to see her smile again. Please help me in taking her out of that bad world and make her mine. I am worried if I tell her that I still love you, she will go out of my life. I can't even imagine happening that. Can anyone help me in this? Link to post Share on other sites
will1988 Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 0.o did I just read? You want to "settle" and "marry" a woman who is just your friend? She is trying to heel from an emotionally traumatic experiance and you coming on strong is only shooting yourself in the foot... she will think you are a creep and trying to take advantage of her. If I were you, I would distance myself from her, les she become dependant on my advice and support, but still be friendly, and in a few months ask her out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author raj12 Posted May 29, 2013 Author Share Posted May 29, 2013 But she will be leaving the country soon. And I don't know whether I will meet her again or not. Link to post Share on other sites
will1988 Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 sometimes we have to do what is hardest in life, and let things we love be free. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author raj12 Posted May 30, 2013 Author Share Posted May 30, 2013 Please help me. Please. I don't want to lose her. Link to post Share on other sites
zebracolors Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 Will is trying to help you, offering advice. I feel your pain, Im experiencing a sort of similar situation right now myself. But Willis right, if she is hung up on the guy who broke up with her, she'll never see you as anything more than a friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author raj12 Posted May 30, 2013 Author Share Posted May 30, 2013 Isn't there any solution to take her out of break-up trauma? Link to post Share on other sites
will1988 Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 Thank you Zebracolors. Raj, if there was a way for men to know how a woman's heart truly feels / works then the world would be a less complicated place, maybe. lol. Anyway, your best bet is to lay low, try to move on... maybe be her friend. However, I strongly discourage any attempt on your part to woo her at this point in time. It will most likely end up in utter failure and you getting your feelings hurt even more. Your best bet is to keep your distance, but still maintain a modicum of friendship and civility towards her. Don't become dependent on her attention towards you as her ad hoc "shrink" if she opens up to you about her relationship issues. Keep cool, keep calm, keep an arms length distance... if you ever want her affection. Doing too much will cause her to get creeped out and recoil from you. Doing too little / not being present at all will result in her moving on with her life with out you. Find a good middle ground. That is my advice to you, if you hope to at least get her attention and possibly get her affection at some point in the futre. However, my personal opinion and personal advice, is for you to cut your losses and let her live her life, and move on with your life without her. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author raj12 Posted May 30, 2013 Author Share Posted May 30, 2013 Thank You Will I know it's bad you are trying to make me understand to move on but I am stuck. Somewhere in the heart there is still a hope that one day she will be mine. At this point, it's hard for me to even imagine my life without her. She has made a place in my heart. I can't understand what to do. I am broken and I am dying deep inside. Link to post Share on other sites
Author raj12 Posted May 30, 2013 Author Share Posted May 30, 2013 She is the first love of my life. I don't wanna lose her. :-/ Link to post Share on other sites
Funkychickin Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 Don't give up raj. She'll get over the other guy soon enough. Probably sooner if she has another man whose there to be by her side (you ). Be her friend and slowly let her know that you could be more when she's ready. There's no need to let her go or move on. There is no chance for her and the other guy so she'll start looking for another guy when she's ready. I've been there before. Trust me, don't give up if you like her that much. Link to post Share on other sites
will1988 Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 Raj, while I know you really like this woman... I would wisely suggest not listening to FunkyChiken's response... especially since it is oddly enough their first post on LS (me thinks it is you under another SN trying to post something to legitamize what your thought process is on this issue). While FunkyChicken's heart may be in the right place, your heart will be tortured and tormented for a lot longer if you keep persuing this girl and letting her treat you like her personal shrink. You need to pull back a lot if you ever want to possibly see a chance with her. IF you keep on your current path more likely you will be thuroughly entrenched in the friendzone at best and at worse she will think you are a stalker and cut you out of her life. By pulling back a bit you show that you are still there for her, but that you have a life away from her. It shows her you wont put up with her drama and bs, but at the same time still shows an ounce of compassion. Link to post Share on other sites
Funkychickin Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 No I'm definitely not raj. I'm just a longtime lurker who finally registered. I'll prob post about my own relationships one day. Will1988 I get where you're coming from but think you're being a little too harsh about the girl's actions. Unless I missed it, raj never said anything about her causing any drama or bs for him to put up with. She just sounds like a girl who was rejected by another guy. Happens everyday. My guess is she'll want her next guy to be a trustworthy good guy. That's where raj comes in. Raj, she won't think you're a stalker if you don't act like a stalker. When she's ready, she'll look for a new guy. Raj, if you're there for her and don't turn into her personal shrink, like Will1988 suggested then I'll bet she'll look at you in a different light. Show her that you're a potential suitor without coming on too strong. I think raj is pretty smart for wanting to go after a single woman he's attracted to. Just don't rush her. Don't let the pursuit go on too long either. I speak from experience Raj. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author raj12 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 Thank you Funkychickin and Will I appreciate your advice. There is a problem. She will be leaving the country soon, may be in three months. And I am not sure whether we will be in contact or not till she is here. We were working in the same office but she resigned and today is her last day at workplace. I don't know when I will meet her again. So how should I carry on at-least being a good friend of her? Any suggestion? Link to post Share on other sites
juicygirl Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I think you need to cut and run dude. You can't help her get over this guy, the only thing that will help that is time. I'm confused, are you friends with her outside of work? If you are why wouldn't she keep in contact with you when she leaves via skype, fb, phone etc. If you are not friends with her outside the workplace, how could you possibly think of marrying a girl you simply don't know. You say you love her and she knows it? Yet she doesn't want to be with you! She's now broken up with her boyfriend and she still doesn't want to be with you!Why are you torturing yourself? I'm sure she's lovely, but there are plenty of girls who will love you back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author raj12 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 We are friends outside the office too. But she tells that we will be friends. She told me that she never met an understanding guy like in her life. I asked her in anger should I get out of your life and she answered that I don't know. I think the situation through which she is going right now is not letting her talk to keep in contact with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author raj12 Posted June 4, 2013 Author Share Posted June 4, 2013 She is not picking up my call or even replying my texts after leaving the job. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
will1988 Posted June 4, 2013 Share Posted June 4, 2013 She is not picking up my call or even replying my texts after leaving the job. What should I do? That means she is not interested and wants you to leave her alone... so, leave her alone. If she truly cares for you she will contact you. Your best bet at this point is to move on. There is a reason they call it a crush... if every girl you liked liked you back it would be called success. Sorry Raj 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author raj12 Posted June 6, 2013 Author Share Posted June 6, 2013 Don't be Sorry Will. This day has to come. I did what I can to keep her happy but don't know where I went wrong. Anyways, my lonely days are back again. Once again I will be in trauma and I don't know for what period of time. Life Sucks! Link to post Share on other sites
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