Same <stuff>, different day

[AlexDP]

 

I did find the true love of my life. Her name is Traci. She's the same age as me, same height, same weight, same eye color, everything. She gets me off better than anyone ever has, and she loves me more unconditionally than anyone.

 

That's all fine and dandy and I'm sure that as a girl masturbating in front of a mirror is just lovely, but being a guy, it sort of creeps me out.

 

All jokes aside, you may want to listen to what she and Mme Chaucer are saying, Leigh. I'm not trying to be condescending and I know you hate my guts, but trust me, I only point out your wrongs in the hope that you might someday see them too.

[dreamingoftigers]

I comfort myself. I pleasure myself. If I wanted to, sure, I could have sex with a guy. But that's all it would be. What could ANY guy give me that I can't give myself? What?? Name just one thing.

 

Sperm that he made himself and has ownership of. I mean, yeah you can go to a sperm bank, but if you want the "custom stuff" from a particular guy, you have to go to the source. Also, clumps of his chest hair. I haven't seen many women aside from Pyro's avatar that have clumps of chest hair. And, in theory, a guy could put his balls in your purse.

 

I loved the rest of your post. It was great, I just couldn't resist mentioning this.

[Treasa]

Don't you miss cuddling, kissing, having a guy tickle you, kiss your forehead, hold your hand, tell you you are beautiful, take you out to dinner....

 

I hate being tickled, and the annoyance isn't worth the cuddling and kissing, which, frankly, I could get from a guy if I really wanted just that, and I already know I'm beautiful and I can take myself out to dinner.

 

Or I go out to dinner with friends and cuddle them. I'm a very affectionate person. Why does it have to be one specific person?

[Treasa]

Sperm that he made himself and has ownership of. I mean, yeah you can go to a sperm bank, but if you want the "custom stuff" from a particular guy, you have to go to the source. Also, clumps of his chest hair. I haven't seen many women aside from Pyro's avatar that have clumps of chest hair. And, in theory, a guy could put his balls in your purse.

 

I loved the rest of your post. It was great, I just couldn't resist mentioning this.

 

 

My own set is too big to have another guy's set even enter the picture, I don't want to have kids, and I hate random hairs, even my own.

[Treasa]

I'm not saying give up the cuddling, but you're going to keep getting hurt until you truly learn to love and validate yourself and get your happiness alone.

 

THEN you can find the right person to really be happy with, and they won't be able to hurt you by leaving.

[dreamingoftigers]

Leigh, I think that there's a real disconnect between what you want to be and what you are doing.

 

I think that you want to be strong and want to be over him and want to want to do NC. (Oh gawd, what a butchered sentence)

 

But the truth is:

 

1. You want him to want you

2. You want him to want to sleep with you

3. You wish that you had been strong enough to kick him to the curb

4. This really, really hurt you

5. You are pretty confused about what you want now because you KNOW that you were disrespected but you didn't stand up for yourself fully and completely

6. You're ashamed of that and want to be perceived as a strong person that could "walk the talk."

7. You are feeling judged, rejected and inadequate because he left and because the people here aren't buying your version of events.

8. You are lonely

9. You wish that there was an "Andrew replacement" that would fill the need to be "wanted" so that's where the NSA stuff is hailing from

10. You are envious of others who's exes have come back or are wanting to have sex with them

11. You really want to believe that Andrew wants you in a sexual and need-filling way but you know that he feels guilty and just wants the companionship if anything

12. You don't want the companionship. You want to feel passionately wanted. You've mentioned such things for years and Andrew was not the guy to really, truly make you feel that way.

13. Every guy would eventually have those feelings fade because they naturally do with most people AND because it is such a need for you that it would always be difficult for a man to provide that much sexual and emotional validation. Ironically enough, if you didn't need it, it would appear in spades.

14. You miss him. But you were sick of his crappy way of treating you.

15. You felt like if you talked to him and held out for him and sacrificed for him that eventually he would come around and want you even more, but the truth is he lost respect for you and that's part of why he isn't with you.

16. He was very callous with your vulnerabilities and feelings.

17. If he would have stopped, you might have felt validated for a short while, but then you would wonder about why he didn't stop sooner, was he only stopping because you pushed the issue or because he "Wanted to settle down" not because you were attractive or he felt passionate about you.

18. It feels like after all that you compromised sexually and emotionally, all that you were willing to accept that you still "weren't special enough" and that you lost the competition in a sense.

19. You hope that he would come back.

20. You are having a really hard time detoxing from the need to be validated by him.

21. You don't feel understood at all.

22. You are in serious pain because of the whole thing. And your dogs too.

[dreamingoftigers]

My own set is too big to have another guy's set even enter the picture, I don't want to have kids, and I hate random hairs, even my own.

 

1. The sperm: Who said anything about kids? Just keep it in a jar. As a warning to whomever it is that you could evilly give it to your batsh*t crazy friend to make babies with.

 

2. The balls: get a backpack.

 

3. I thought of another thing. Have you ever been bristled by a guy in the morning? The facial hair? You can give yourself that. Even if you don't shave your legs for 2 weeks.

 

Oh yeah, and underwear with chocolate highways. I don't have that issue with my husband. One of my exes had it though. WHAT A TURNOFF! That almost became the deal-breaker itself.

[Treasa]

1. The sperm: Who said anything about kids? Just keep it in a jar. As a warning to whomever it is that you could evilly give it to your batsh*t crazy friend to make babies with.

 

2. The balls: get a backpack.

 

3. I thought of another thing. Have you ever been bristled by a guy in the morning? The facial hair? You can give yourself that. Even if you don't shave your legs for 2 weeks.

 

Oh yeah, and underwear with chocolate highways. I don't have that issue with my husband. One of my exes had it though. WHAT A TURNOFF! That almost became the deal-breaker itself.

 

OMG, you just killed me.

 

And what you wrote previously is true. All that romantic stuff we like men to do usually fades. Guys generally don't act like that for the rest of your lives.

[dreamingoftigers]

OMG, you just killed me.

 

And what you wrote previously is true. All that romantic stuff we like men to do usually fades. Guys generally don't act like that for the rest of your lives.

 

I find it depends on the awareness of the guy.

 

There are great guys who really "get it" and show little gestures and appreciations etc. They try to show their SO that they are attractive & that they are attracted to their personalities as well.

 

Then there are guys who get it somewhat. They'll either praise the girl for personality, but not looks thinking "she just doesn't want to be a piece of meat to me" or the opposite where he thinks "she's going to love how sexy I make her feel." We're finnicky and often we need the balance.

 

Then, of course, there's the "hunt & kill" guy.

 

"I done gone out, I done romanced her and now we got wed, so I'm done with that. She know I like her anyway."

 

Same with women. Some are great for the ego and sex drive, others one or the other, some just pack it in and turn on the soap operas. Usually there's some push and pull in a relationship too.

[Treasa]

I find it depends on the awareness of the guy.

 

There are great guys who really "get it" and show little gestures and appreciations etc. They try to show their SO that they are attractive & that they are attracted to their personalities as well.

 

Then there are guys who get it somewhat. They'll either praise the girl for personality, but not looks thinking "she just doesn't want to be a piece of meat to me" or the opposite where he thinks "she's going to love how sexy I make her feel." We're finnicky and often we need the balance.

 

Then, of course, there's the "hunt & kill" guy.

 

"I done gone out, I done romanced her and now we got wed, so I'm done with that. She know I like her anyway."

 

Same with women. Some are great for the ego and sex drive, others one or the other, some just pack it in and turn on the soap operas. Usually there's some push and pull in a relationship too.

 

Well, no, this is what I mean....my very best friend is the best man I have ever met. He will go to the store anytime for me. He will rub my back. He calls me beautiful and sweetie.

 

However, it's not the same way things are in the first year or two of a relationship where you're in that honeymoon phase. It becomes a deeper, less 'exciting' love. I still have excitement in my life, but it doesn't come from my relationships.

 

As far as how I feel about myself....that has never been affected by him, and I've known him for 16 years. It was only in the past eight months or so that I learned to depend on myself, and myself only, for my happiness and validation. I didn't even know what true joy and happiness were before this time in my life. I mean, I'd experience it based on external influences, but it never was enduring like it is now, no matter what is going on in my life.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh, I think that there's a real disconnect between what you want to be and what you are doing.

 

I think that you want to be strong and want to be over him and want to want to do NC. (Oh gawd, what a butchered sentence)

 

But the truth is:

 

1. You want him to want you

2. You want him to want to sleep with you

3. You wish that you had been strong enough to kick him to the curb

4. This really, really hurt you

5. You are pretty confused about what you want now because you KNOW that you were disrespected but you didn't stand up for yourself fully and completely

6. You're ashamed of that and want to be perceived as a strong person that could "walk the talk."

7. You are feeling judged, rejected and inadequate because he left and because the people here aren't buying your version of events.

8. You are lonely

9. You wish that there was an "Andrew replacement" that would fill the need to be "wanted" so that's where the NSA stuff is hailing from

10. You are envious of others who's exes have come back or are wanting to have sex with them

11. You really want to believe that Andrew wants you in a sexual and need-filling way but you know that he feels guilty and just wants the companionship if anything

12. You don't want the companionship. You want to feel passionately wanted. You've mentioned such things for years and Andrew was not the guy to really, truly make you feel that way.

13. Every guy would eventually have those feelings fade because they naturally do with most people AND because it is such a need for you that it would always be difficult for a man to provide that much sexual and emotional validation. Ironically enough, if you didn't need it, it would appear in spades.

14. You miss him. But you were sick of his crappy way of treating you.

15. You felt like if you talked to him and held out for him and sacrificed for him that eventually he would come around and want you even more, but the truth is he lost respect for you and that's part of why he isn't with you.

16. He was very callous with your vulnerabilities and feelings.

17. If he would have stopped, you might have felt validated for a short while, but then you would wonder about why he didn't stop sooner, was he only stopping because you pushed the issue or because he "Wanted to settle down" not because you were attractive or he felt passionate about you.

18. It feels like after all that you compromised sexually and emotionally, all that you were willing to accept that you still "weren't special enough" and that you lost the competition in a sense.

19. You hope that he would come back.

20. You are having a really hard time detoxing from the need to be validated by him.

21. You don't feel understood at all.

22. You are in serious pain because of the whole thing. And your dogs too.

 

 

 

What you got wring is: he did make me feel wanted sexually, in the end. Further, as time went by, he wanted me more and more.

 

He was sexually messed up with the hookers, and also he had never done oral with a girl besides ONE chick he was really into before me, who he was really into before me.

 

HE has only actually been with TWO girls that he has strong feelings for. Hence why he ended up enjoying pleasing us in that way, yet did not give two crapps about any of girl he had ever been with.

 

...................

 

We never left the honey moon phase, hence why I stuck around; he was ALWAYS happy to see me and we never lost that "thrill" or "high" you get from being loved up and together.

 

It was not a healthy relationship as we are both damaged goods, yet I do think he loved me in the only way he can love a women, it was a strong love, but yes it is over now. I Accept that.

 

I do accept that I will never be with him again. Really.

 

I just meant more to him than what people allude to.

[Leigh 87]

Alex DP - the reason I actually had you on block and had to remove the block to view your post, is because you have alluded MANY TIMES to Andrew being the typical guy who treats ME, girl a, like crapp cos he just isn't into her, only to go on to girl b and think " WOW I really did not give a crapp about Leigh 87 but I am going to go above and behind for this new girl"

 

 

Sorry but your never going to convince me that he did not love me, and your not going to convince me that It was a one sided relationship where I was super in love, and he was not even close to loving me.

 

I think he is how he is, and he felt a love that was significant and strong; We were just not right for each other.

 

It is over and that is all that matters. I am lucky in this sense, as I can find a guy one day, when I am in a better head space, and who is also a better guy with a better character.

 

And you have also called me ugly before with a big nose, and said that there is very little positive about me.

 

Sorry but I like who I am and I think I am a pretty awesome person in general, albeit I have things I need to work on.

 

...................

 

 

WHY do you post in my threads, Alex? You ARE NOT going to convince me that my ex never gave a damn about me.

 

You're NEVER going to convince me that I am not a lovely person.

 

You're NEVER going to convince me that I am hopeless and do not have much going for myself.

 

You sound like a troll to be honest, the ****e you say to me.

[Treasa]

It was not a healthy relationship as we are both damaged goods, yet I do think he loved me in the only way he can love a women, it was a strong love, but yes it is over now. I Accept that.

 

I do accept that I will never be with him again. Really.

 

I just meant more to him than what people allude to.

 

1. You're damaged goods as long as you continue to think and act like you are damaged goods. I don't even know where to begin with this, but talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

2. It seems like you're trying to prove it to yourself more than to us. If you truly believed it, nothing we would say would matter. Besides, it doesn't matter how much he loves you. He doesn't want to BE with you.

 

3. See #1.

[Leigh 87]

Guys!

 

I woke up, went and did a few things and I did not event think about ____ once!

 

I go to therapy soon in a couple of hours.

 

I get mental health plans due to having illness in the past which gives me very cheap therapy.

 

I won't stop the therapy as it only backfired in the past and without therapy, I was never the person I needed to be, and not for lack of will power.

 

I mean, when I was that in love, I let my body go, I stopped seeing friends, and for the years we were together, however toxic the R was, I was very happy a large majority of the time and therefore my happiness clouded the rest of my life.

 

I lot of women tend to do this.

 

And NO I really only want to hook up with new guys occasionally, eventually, cos I love sex and do not want to wait years until I find the right guy again lol.

 

Before Andrew and that guy I flipped out over, I was anorexic and had not been with a dude for 5 years; hence why I freaked out the first time I had sex. I was devoid of a personality due to social isolation and I wondered why I was not good enough for the guy to want to date, and yet fool around with.

 

.......................

 

 

I always had casual fun occasionally before that bad phase with men in my life, and I know full well how to be able to enjoy sex without .... I don't know, becoming a stage 5 clinger or wanting more.

 

Ya know, since I was perpetually single in the past because I DID NOT want a relationship and wanted ti be happy on my own.

 

That was always my mantra before loveshack " I need to be happy on my own before I enter into a R"

 

I still feel the same way and I let myself slip away during my R. I do not want to make that mistake again.

 

.........................

 

The trip overseas will be over two months post break up.

 

I am sure I will be able to enjoy my sexuality by then, if not after that stage when I return.

 

.....................

 

My theory on sex is: just cos your not in a loving relationship, it does not mean you cannot have fun occasionally in the meanwhile.

 

I do not advocate sleeping around:sick:but rather, every few months having an encounter.

 

I am not the type of women who only has sex in loving relaitonships, as I love sex too much and want to be able to enjoy it without having to find "the right guy"

 

I have a high sex drive and am not the type to wait a year or more for it, which IS how long it will take me to even be ready for another relationship with a NEW guy.

 

...........................

 

Anyway, I am seeing the therapist soon and I am going to tell her the grief I am feeling and get her to help me with the pain I feel when I get to day 2 of No Contact and cave in due to missing him.

[Mme. Chaucer]

What you got wring is: he did make me feel wanted sexually, in the end. Further, as time went by, he wanted me more and more.

 

He was sexually messed up with the hookers, and also he had never done oral with a girl besides ONE chick he was really into before me, who he was really into before me.

 

HE has only actually been with TWO girls that he has strong feelings for. Hence why he ended up enjoying pleasing us in that way, yet did not give two crapps about any of girl he had ever been with.

 

...................

 

We never left the honey moon phase, hence why I stuck around; he was ALWAYS happy to see me and we never lost that "thrill" or "high" you get from being loved up and together.

 

It was not a healthy relationship as we are both damaged goods, yet I do think he loved me in the only way he can love a women, it was a strong love, but yes it is over now. I Accept that.

 

I do accept that I will never be with him again. Really.

 

I just meant more to him than what people allude to.

 

PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT WHAT THAT GUY FELT, etc.

 

It is very very very bad for you, and what you are really truly doing is repeating a tale to yourself over and over and over, like a tape loop, exhaustingly, that is supposed to convince YOURSELF that things were a certain way.

 

As I said in another post, what people think of your relationship is 100% based upon what you've posted here about your relationship!

 

What is hard to understand about that?

 

IT DOES NOT MATTER IF ANDREW HUGGED YOU IN BED, HAD ORAL SEX WITH 2 OR 10482 GIRLS, LOVED YOU OR JUST PUT UP WITH YOU.

 

What matters is

 

1)that the relationship is over and you need to move on emotionally, which includes in a HUGE part QUITTING spinning all the yarns that you do.

 

2) that you might want to spend more time thinking and talking about why YOU accepted many things that were unacceptable (to YOU) and justified all of it, and continue to justify it by trying to demonstrate all the love. By talking about oral sex. No.

 

You know, Leigh, you are speaking the exact language of co-dependency, verbatim. If he loved me enough he'd change … he beats me up / cheats on me / disrespects me / spends all our money on booze or whatever, BUT HE REALLY REALLY REALLY LOVES ME so somehow it makes it ok.

 

Etc.

 

Are you really in therapy, or is this another of the instances where you say you are to shut us up?

 

if you are, you NEED to print out about 1000 pages of your posts here on LoveShack and pay her hourly fee to read them. Including posts from before you met Andrew. It will save you a lot of time and money, ultimately. Because I'm sure you will never stick with it long enough (if you are really even in it at all) to even touch on your true issues.

 

Which, by the way, include your relationships in your own family.

[Leigh 87]

1. You're damaged goods as long as you continue to think and act like you are damaged goods. I don't even know where to begin with this, but talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

2. It seems like you're trying to prove it to yourself more than to us. If you truly believed it, nothing we would say would matter. Besides, it doesn't matter how much he loves you. He doesn't want to BE with you.

 

3. See #1.

 

 

 

No I genuinely want people to get that I was not just a piece of trash to him, and he did love me a good deal.

 

Some people act like he cared to little about me, and will therefore go onto the next girl and realise how much he will do for HER within the first month, more than he did for me in the entire time.

 

It was not the worst case scenario where the dude just is not into you.

 

I need people to respect the fact that I am not stupid and KNOW that he truly loved me, even though not enough to be with me in the end.

 

It does not mean he NEVER loved me or never cared all that much.

 

I tell it how it is' and I do not tolerate others who claim to know more about my own ex than I do.

 

I have been around a bit; I know it when a guy treats me like crapp only to move onto the next girl and be like WOW now THIS is what love is, I am going to treat her so much better than the last girl cos I ACTUALLY LIKE this girl

 

Sorry but I know we had a loving relationship, however toxic it was, and I will not tolerate people who tell me I am deluded and he never loved me.

[Leigh 87]

PLEASE STOP TALKING ABOUT WHAT THAT GUY FELT, etc.

 

It is very very very bad for you, and what you are really truly doing is repeating a tale to yourself over and over and over, like a tape loop, exhaustingly, that is supposed to convince YOURSELF that things were a certain way.

 

As I said in another post, what people think of your relationship is 100% based upon what you've posted here about your relationship!

 

What is hard to understand about that?

 

IT DOES NOT MATTER IF ANDREW HUGGED YOU IN BED, HAD ORAL SEX WITH 2 OR 10482 GIRLS, LOVED YOU OR JUST PUT UP WITH YOU.

 

What matters is

 

1)that the relationship is over and you need to move on emotionally, which includes in a HUGE part QUITTING spinning all the yarns that you do.

 

2) that you might want to spend more time thinking and talking about why YOU accepted many things that were unacceptable (to YOU) and justified all of it, and continue to justify it by trying to demonstrate all the love. By talking about oral sex. No.

 

You know, Leigh, you are speaking the exact language of co-dependency, verbatim. If he loved me enough he'd change … he beats me up / cheats on me / disrespects me / spends all our money on booze or whatever, BUT HE REALLY REALLY REALLY LOVES ME so somehow it makes it ok.

 

Etc.

 

Are you really in therapy, or is this another of the instances where you say you are to shut us up?

 

if you are, you NEED to print out about 1000 pages of your posts here on LoveShack and pay her hourly fee to read them. Including posts from before you met Andrew. It will save you a lot of time and money, ultimately. Because I'm sure you will never stick with it long enough (if you are really even in it at all) to even touch on your true issues.

 

Which, by the way, include your relationships in your own family.

 

 

 

I won't stand for people who tell me how little he must have cared about me. That is all.

 

Of course I am in therapy, I go in like, 2 hours.

 

I told you why I never stuck with it before. I was happy. I was too in love to think I needed help.

 

Anyway your a bitchh to me and I am going to block you now.

 

I am generally very positive and happy and I am in a place in life there everything is working out BESIDES my failed relationship, and yes I still need therapy. But like is going well for me in all areas.

 

I don't even understand your posts to be honest.

 

I know my R has ended.

 

I know I need to forget he ever existed.

 

I know I need to go No Contact.

 

I just know I am going to do it, where as your a bitchhh to me and tell me how I AM NOT ever going to do it.

 

Do you honestly think I would continue to talk to a guy knowing FULL WELL it would hurt me 10000 fold once he moved on while I am still in his life?

 

Seriously. I want to manage the pain I already feel, NOT impose more on myself.

 

Initially I have not felt threatened as he always goes on about not wanting other girls due to it being too soon.

 

The times I reached out so far held me BACK from moving on, however; I guess I did not feel truly threatened like he would tell me about a new girl.

 

................

 

I DO know that if I do not cut him out NOW then I WILL be heartbroken all over again when I hear he has moved on.

Edited May 28, 2013 by Leigh 87

[Treasa]

No I genuinely want people to get that I was not just a piece of trash to him, and he did love me a good deal.

 

Some people act like he cared to little about me, and will therefore go onto the next girl and realise how much he will do for HER within the first month, more than he did for me in the entire time.

 

It was not the worst case scenario where the dude just is not into you.

 

I need people to respect the fact that I am not stupid and KNOW that he truly loved me, even though not enough to be with me in the end.

 

It does not mean he NEVER loved me or never cared all that much.

 

I tell it how it is' and I do not tolerate others who claim to know more about my own ex than I do.

 

I have been around a bit; I know it when a guy treats me like crapp only to move onto the next girl and be like WOW now THIS is what love is, I am going to treat her so much better than the last girl cos I ACTUALLY LIKE this girl

 

Sorry but I know we had a loving relationship, however toxic it was, and I will not tolerate people who tell me I am deluded and he never loved me.

 

You didn't even read my #1, did you?

[Mme. Chaucer]

I do not advocate sleeping around:sick:but rather, every few months having an encounter.

 

Well, I'm not against it - but "every few months having an encounter" IS sleeping around, unless you're having the encounters with guys you're in relationships with.

 

Stop prevaricating every single thing!

 

If you want to screw around now that you're single, it's your choice!

 

Personally, I will see it as just another distraction tactic on your part to help you ignore what you need to look at (which has NOTHING to do with sex, your figure, or Andrew). But, carry on.

 

And why aren't you even listening and responding to what's written here? You could just past the same thing every single time: "Andrew really loved me."

 

You won't even talk about anything else.

[Leigh 87]

Well, I'm not against it - but "every few months having an encounter" IS sleeping around, unless you're having the encounters with guys you're in relationships with.

 

Stop prevaricating every single thing!

 

If you want to screw around now that you're single, it's your choice!

 

Personally, I will see it as just another distraction tactic on your part to help you ignore what you need to look at (which has NOTHING to do with sex, your figure, or Andrew). But, carry on.

 

And why aren't you even listening and responding to what's written here? You could just past the same thing every single time: "Andrew really loved me."

 

You won't even talk about anything else.

 

I am saving it for the therapist

 

I am sick of typing about issues pertaining to the therapy I am about to seek anyways.

 

And I am a women who does not believe in waiting for the right guy and to be abstinent in the meanwhile

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stop trying to imply that I need to go without being sexual for a long long long time plz.

 

 

I enjoy being sexual too much to just go without it long term, there fore I prefer to enjoy it in between relationships.

 

It is really no big deal.

 

Stop trying to find ways why I cannot get what I want, aka, to enjoy sex without having to wait over a year for the right guy.

 

 

 

 

I don't see anything immoral with sex with a new person every 3 or 4 months sorry.

[Leigh 87]

and LOL = I want to enjoy casual sexual encounters occasionally cos I ENJOY being sexual.

 

It is not because of him. Otherwise I would be trying to do it to fill this void already.

 

I honestly just love sex. And don't want to wait a year to find a guy to date.

 

It is for my sexual satisfaction, which I personally do not enjoy leaving for years at a time in between partners.

 

Please, I am not bearing him in mind when I describe my sexual appetite and desire to hook up occasionally.

 

IF I were to do it when I was not ready then yes I would feel bad that it was not him.

 

I think by my overseas trip, if it happened I would enjoy it. If not no worries, I would learn to not do it again.

[Treasa]

I think people are concerned because you seem to be seeking sex for validation that guys still want you. Otherwise you would be exhausting vibrators. I'm not saying you don't like sex, but I don't get the impression that sex is actually what you want in this case.

[Leigh 87]

I think people are concerned because you seem to be seeking sex for validation that guys still want you. Otherwise you would be exhausting vibrators. I'm not saying you don't like sex, but I don't get the impression that sex is actually what you want in this case.

 

 

 

no no no no no no and no.

 

I know there are guys who want me.

 

Sorry but your way off here.

 

I want sex; because I enjoy it.

 

I do not enjoy using a vibrator. I enjoy the kissing, the fooling around and the resulting sex.

 

Look it is really that simple.

 

I do not hate myself or need validation from men. I already know there are men out there who would love and adore me, and want to make me feel good in bed.

 

This is honestly about me wanting to enjoy being sexual

 

I am sick of people finding hidden meanings. I KNOW how I think lol.

[aisuru]

I think people are concerned because you seem to be seeking sex for validation that guys still want you. Otherwise you would be exhausting vibrators. I'm not saying you don't like sex, but I don't get the impression that sex is actually what you want in this case.

 

Leigh, I actually worry if you replaced your anorexia with Andrew. And now it appears to me as an outsider looking in, that you're floundering for something to replace Andrew...

 

All you know right now is this heightened sense of panic/anxiety. It's not good for you in the long run, but you know that. This state of being is comfortable because it's familiar. Better to live like this, then push past it and discover a calmer state of being.

 

I'm really glad you're going to therapy. I hope you are able to find peace and balance in your life while being true to yourself.

[Leigh 87]

Leigh, I actually worry if you replaced your anorexia with Andrew. And now it appears to me as an outsider looking in, that you're floundering for something to replace Andrew...

 

All you know right now is this heightened sense of panic/anxiety. It's not good for you in the long run, but you know that. This state of being is comfortable because it's familiar. Better to live like this, then push past it and discover a calmer state of being.

 

I'm really glad you're going to therapy. I hope you are able to find peace and balance in your life while being true to yourself.

 

 

 

I did sort of replace the anorexia with him.

 

It was a huge plus in a way though that I am now physically healthy again. I couldn't make friends or attend college when I was too thin, as I could not focus.

 

I can see that I used Andrew too much as a main source to derive my happiness, and in turn, relied on him increasingly much as the rest of my life fell to the way side.

 

Don't worry about the casual sex. I masturbate every day and am very proficient at being able to orgasm multiple times a day. I will be just dine without sex for a good while, but you know, I enjoy being sexual every now and then.

 

I will definitely not.. replace Andrew with sex from others - I am still at he stage where I know it will only make me feel worse that the guy in question IS NOT HIM. IT would feel very wrong.

 

I do want to have some light and casual flirting and fun in the near future, as in, 2 to 3 months post break up. Purely cos I enjoy watching a movie with a guy and being able to be sexual./

 

It's fun. I love it.

 

But boy do I have far more important things in life on my minds than I do replacing him with sex from others.

 

I have a lot to take in, two new jobs (one where I live for NOW, and one new job I am moving towns for).

 

In will have to get to know a new family, get close with their young child and newborn, and work behind their bar.

 

All while I Study part time and plan to do well in my degree.

 

I also want to continue being slim and healthy and make time for jogs when I am not working or studying.

 

AND therapy. Every week, even when I feel " fine" about the whole Andrew thing.

 

.....................

 

 

I have a LOT to think about and enjoy right now in life... I probably won't have time to think about having sex.

 

I do enjoy it a lot though and I do not exactly want to wait a year or more until I find the right guy for it.

 

For now I have had enough with the casual sex talk and I would rather just forget about it and only deal with it if it happens.

 

And as bad as my self esteem may appear to me, I really like the way I look and the way I am as a women, and I not have any doubt that I will be adored and loved by the right guy some day.

 

I mean at least losing something to dear to me has allowed me to find something better

 

There is a lot of good to come from moving onto a better dude.

 

Not that I am remotely ready for that!