Same <stuff>, different day

[Leigh 87]

Is there any way that you could ask Andrew to block you/change his number?

 

 

 

lol!

 

I honestly think that I will be able to refrain from contacting him, especially since he cannot contact me!

 

He would think I was crazy if I asked him, but he would do it if he could clearly see how distressed I was at he thought of contacting him.

 

I would much prefer if I do not ever talk to him again though, than have to reach out AGAIN.

 

In time, I honestly see him just moving on and not having the need to get into contact with me once he moved onto other girls and gets new feelings for them.

 

He will be shocked at first, as he given how close we once were, he sort of feels that we will not just stay away from each other entirely.

 

I DO see him getting the message and then it will be up to ME to never unblock his number.

[metal_chick]

Is there any way that you could ask Andrew to block you/change his number?

 

He wouldn't. He's enjoying this too much. If sh can't reach him, he can't manipulate her, and he's been very good at that so far.

[smorgenHeckengard]

He wouldn't. He's enjoying this too much. If sh can't reach him, he can't manipulate her, and he's been very good at that so far.

 

 

Ehh, I was just thinking he might want to be a half decent guy and block her seeing as how much of a mess she is at the moment. You might be right though...

[Leigh 87]

I'm afraid that what you post, Leigh, does not reflect this. An awful lot of your self-worth as a person is tied up in finding true love. Any true love. You talk about it incessently - that life with Andrew will be better once you've found true love.

 

I'd also like to reiterate that there is no point telling Andrew off for not maintaining NC, when you encourage him by texting him. To make sure a person respects our wishes for NC, we must not tell them, we must SHOW them. It's just shirking responsibilty.

 

Look (and I hate admitting this, I do) - if xMM emailed me right now, I'd be screwed. I'd probably cave and reply. I hate myself for that, I do, but it's a reality.

 

But whilstever I respect my own NC request to him, he will follow my lead. Therefore, the only person to blame for our NC agreement crumbling, will be me. ONLY me. I have no intention of emailing him. Therefore, I'm safe.

 

 

 

 

Seriously. I LIKE Myself. I think I am an awesome person?

 

I hold my head high when I am out and around other people and really like who I am, and how I come across? I am PROUD to be the way I am.

 

I do not "need" to find true love to be happy? That is not what I believe at all...

 

I am saying that I think just cos' one guy did not love me enough, that I do not feel like it was because I am not good enough for a man to commit.

 

Really, I just want to work on my life and my mental health. I like who I am as a person.

 

I do not need a man to love me to be happy - but I know I am GOOD ENOUGH just by being myself, to find a man THAT DOES love me more than ____ was able to.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know I am worthy and good enough to find love again; I never said I NEED to find love again in order to love myself, lol.

 

 

 

In fact I am very happy with very little;

[metal_chick]

Ehh, I was just thinking he might want to be a half decent guy and block her seeing as how much of a mess she is at the moment. You might be right though...

 

A poster last night took only a few replies to convince Leigh to change her opinion about a celebrity, by making statements that she (the poster) made up on the fly.

 

My biggest concern is that Andrew seems to have convinced Leigh that he's genuine and I'm sorry, I just don't see it. I think he's a master manipulator. I've dated similar guys. And he's getting to her. She needs to dump him, permanently. He's not going to turn into a good guy and isn't ever going to be appropriate relationship material for her.

 

I have BEEN with an Andrew. They are jerks. They don't change. They deserve to be left in your wake and you shouldn't look back.

[aisuru]

Ehh, I was just thinking he might want to be a half decent guy and block her seeing as how much of a mess she is at the moment. You might be right though...

 

You're talking about a guy who liked hookers. Even when he had a devoted girlfriend. So yeah, no..... NO.

[Leigh 87]

He wouldn't. He's enjoying this too much. If sh can't reach him, he can't manipulate her, and he's been very good at that so far.

 

 

 

 

Actually, it really upsets him to see me so upset. Honestly.

 

He just wanted to talk to me in some way after the break up because he still wants to maintain the closeness we have, because it is uncomfortable and upsetting for him to cut contact with a girl he liked to talk to every day and has emotional investment in.

We both feel unnatural and saddened at not being able to interact, even just via phone. It goes against our natural desires; to talk and communicate on some level.

 

____ does not think about this situation in the terms you describe..... He cares and is very saddened by me crying.

 

He really is not self aware enough to see us hanging out, ending terribly for me.

 

He really has no idea what he is doing. He is ignorant enough to think that being friends and hanging out was better than cutting all ties.

 

..................

 

The last phone call, he could clearly see how much it distressed me when I talked to him without being able to be with him.

[dreamingoftigers]

Leigh, I must say I'm impressed you can recognize this. I've been hesitant to voice this for awhile now.

 

Be open with your therapist. Share everything. It will only benefit you.

 

The same replacement behaviour happened with my self and my husband.

 

We both have emotional issues AND we had terrible coping skills.

We replaced them with always being around each other. Very very enmeshed.

 

Then when things started grinding between us (as they always do in relationships) he turned to other sexual things. I fell apart.

 

It's a hard enough blow to deal with the adultery aspect, bit when you ae needing validation already and then the person who provides that hits all of your insecurities on top of that.....wow.

 

Some time alone with obstacles in front of media wonders for my self-esteem and stability.

[Leigh 87]

A poster last night took only a few replies to convince Leigh to change her opinion about a celebrity, by making statements that she (the poster) made up on the fly.

 

My biggest concern is that Andrew seems to have convinced Leigh that he's genuine and I'm sorry, I just don't see it. I think he's a master manipulator. I've dated similar guys. And he's getting to her. She needs to dump him, permanently. He's not going to turn into a good guy and isn't ever going to be appropriate relationship material for her.

 

I have BEEN with an Andrew. They are jerks. They don't change. They deserve to be left in your wake and you shouldn't look back.

 

 

 

 

HELL yes your SO right.

 

I remember finding out about the slutsss he talked to online HUNDREDS of them...

I ended up changing his profile right there and then, saying he was a homosexual. So gay guys started to message him;) (he is so homophobic)

 

I read all his messages; he wants validation. He never met any (I was with him 24/7 and read every single message)

 

He wanted to know that he still "had it" with the ladies, apparently.

 

I mean, I WISH I could have just said " or maybe your just a selfish @sshole who does not deserve a women like me who is super loyal?"

[metal_chick]

HELL yes your SO right.

 

I remember finding out about the slutsss he talked to online HUNDREDS of them...

I ended up changing his profile right there and then, saying he was a homosexual. So gay guys started to message him;) (he is so homophobic)

 

I read all his messages; he wants validation. He never met any (I was with him 24/7 and read every single message)

 

He wanted to know that he still "had it" with the ladies, apparently.

 

I mean, I WISH I could have just said " or maybe your just a selfish @sshole who does not deserve a women like me who is super loyal?"

 

This was not the response I expected.

 

You still have the capacity to surprise me, Leigh.

[dreamingoftigers]

Seriously. I LIKE Myself. I think I am an awesome person?

 

I hold my head high when I am out and around other people and really like who I am, and how I come across? I am PROUD to be the way I am.

 

I do not "need" to find true love to be happy? That is not what I believe at all...

 

I am saying that I think just cos' one guy did not love me enough, that I do not feel like it was because I am not good enough for a man to commit.

 

Really, I just want to work on my life and my mental health. I like who I am as a person.

 

I do not need a man to love me to be happy - but I know I am GOOD ENOUGH just by being myself, to find a man THAT DOES love me more than ____ was able to.

 

I know I am worthy and good enough to find love again; I never said I NEED to find love again in order to love myself, lol.

 

In fact I am very happy with very little;

 

I thought that I was this way as well, but my feelings and actions didn't jive with it.

 

Your actions really show a disconnect from how you want to be. It's okay, just recognize it and think about how you need to get from here| to |there.

[Leigh 87]

You're talking about a guy who liked hookers. Even when he had a devoted girlfriend. So yeah, no..... NO.

 

 

 

He was an @ss.

 

I always though I deserved better. As did my good friend. She eventually stopped listening when I complained about "more girls he is texting"

 

She was just like " I think he is a prick and you deserve so much better"

 

I guess when your in love, you believe that they feel the same way about you:(

 

I had issues too and I caused drama for no reason all the time; I though that cos I put him through annoyances, that he had the right to have his "faults" too.

 

And I still believe that men can be truly in love and have sex with hookers. I will never believe that ALL men lose that ability just cos they are in love.

 

 

.................They are just selfish pricksss for actually DOING it.

 

They are JUST SELFISH PRICKSSSS for actually DOING it.

 

 

 

What I DO believe is that I deserve better than a man who is

[metal_chick]

Every girl dates an "Andrew" in their 20s. Sometimes we date 2 or 3. It's the only way we recognise an "Andrew" later in life, so that we can avoid them.

 

Nothing teaches us better than bona-fide life experience...

[dreamingoftigers]

Every girl dates an "Andrew" in their 20s. Sometimes we date 2 or 3. It's the only way we recognise an Andrew later in life, so that we can avoid them.

 

Nothing teaches us better than bona-fide life experience...

 

Some of us marry "Andrew"

Some of us even send "Andrew" to treatment.

 

It gets old.

[metal_chick]

Some of us marry "Andrew"

Some of us even send "Andrew" to treatment.

 

It gets old.

 

Very true...

[metal_chick]

And I still believe that men can be truly in love and have sex with hookers. I will never believe that ALL men lose that ability just cos they are in love.

 

 

 

Of course men can be in love and still cheat. Seen and participated in it first hand...

[aisuru]

Every girl dates an "Andrew" in their 20s. Sometimes we date 2 or 3. It's the only way we recognise an "Andrew" later in life, so that we can avoid them.

 

Nothing teaches us better than bona-fide life experience...

 

 

THAT dear Leigh, is where most of us are speaking from when we give you advice. Not because we doubt your reality. Because we lived your reality.

 

It just ain't worth it.

[aisuru]

Of course men can be in love and still cheat. Seen and participated in it first hand...

 

I just choked on my drink. Thanks a lot!

[metal_chick]

I just choked on my drink. Thanks a lot!

 

Meh, anyone who could be bothered can click on my username and read my whole sordid story. No point hiding it. Leigh is correct. Love does not make us immune to cheating.

 

And, love does not make us immune to falling for someone else, either. Messy, messy, messy...

[Leigh 87]

I thought that I was this way as well, but my feelings and actions didn't jive with it.

 

Your actions really show a disconnect from how you want to be. It's okay, just recognize it and think about how you need to get from here| to |there.

 

 

 

Here is a little of my history with men, sex and relationships

 

- I have a super high sex drive and I am very sexual.

 

- As a teen I had no self esteem and wanted to go out with guys just so I could enjoy sex and the hugging and romance part, without actually needing them to be all that into me. I was chubby for my build, had terrible acne and bad teeth.

 

- then I lost weight, got rid of my acne, had braces, and had a great body shape (thin but curvy). All of a sudden hot guys flocked to me and I finally had the chance to pick men who liked me and who I liked back.

My first serious bf was at age 18 - 20. I was not IN love with him yet loved him. I had anorexia and seriously depended on him to even walk out of the house with me, but he was a pot smoking loser so I left the relationship and I was not even all that upset, surprisingly.

 

......................................................

 

I was anorexic and without sex or men from about age 20 - 24. Without any sex or men in the picture.

 

..My mantra was " I do not need a man to be happy"

 

- I never wanted to commit or have a serious relationship cos I was young, had hot guys interested in me, and thought it was a death sentence to be tied down to a man in my early 20's

 

- I was on a mission to learn to love myself enough so as to not NEED a man.

...........................................

 

I met Andrew online. I moved stated and had no friends, job and I was waiting to start my degree.

 

We had a really strange feeling when we spoke.

 

We met, he thought I was a total freak as I had not been around people in a 4 year period, after my anorexia and resulting social isolation.

He was perturbed by how different I was, and I too was not sold on his looks or personality..

We both had no intention to settle down. He wanted to go travel the world single and alone within the next year or two of his life. Unattached.

We just had a strange feeling and a weird vibe. We had to keep seeing each other even though we did not think we were ideal matches for one another.

We felt strong feelings against our own will so to speak.

 

We moved in together a few months later and were very happy.

 

I thought he was too much of a young party animal to settle down with one women for the rest of his life though, no matter how in love he was. I just did not think he had the strength of character to change his needs for a women at that age of 24.

 

I had resulting self esteem issues after my anorexia, understandably. I did not have much of a personality or life outside of the anorexia and I wanted to build myself up, as a person without anorexia to identify me.

 

I thought, and I still think, that some men can be in love yet still have the ability to have meaningless sex.

 

I let him do it to get it out of his system and because I thought it was a natural thing for a man to be able to, although not all men in love choose to actually do it.

 

A respectable man would have told me " you know what Leigh 87, I am getting real feelings for you here, how about we break up and I go and do what I need to do, and we catch up in a year and see where we are both at"

 

" Leigh 87, we need to back off and I need to go and be single until I feel I am ready to meet the right person"

 

" I should leave you ALONE before we fall too in love, so that I can go do what I gotta do, without harming you un the process"

 

 

-

[Mme. Chaucer]

 

I had issues too and I caused drama for no reason all the time; I though that cos I put him through annoyances, that he had the right to have his "faults" too.

 

I bet you had reasons for starting tons of drama. That's not to say it was in any way okay for you to do it. If his behavior was causing you a lot of pain, as you are now telling us it did, stirring the pot with drama would not change anything. You needed to be true to YOURSELF and move on.

 

And I still believe that men can be truly in love and have sex with hookers.

 

Men who are in an open relationship, maybe. Men who are having sex with hookers and hurting a girlfriend by doing so - probably not so much. Guys like that only care about themselves and getting their fix, whatever that is. That much self-serving leaves no room for love.

[Leigh 87]

Part two.

 

 

 

So I let him get away with things that really, were fine for him to do, only; he should have been SINGLE, got it out of his system, and came back to me if he really liked me enough. Which I could tell he did.

 

He would have had more respect for me had I not let him do what he did.

 

Although I do not regret it, as my anorexia has long diminished and I do not even relate to the way I was even a mere two years ago. At all.

 

...................................

 

As much of a jerk as he was, he did seem happy to give up his travelling dreams in order to have a life with me until I too, could afford to go with him.

And remember, I did read his online journal and I was the only girl he was ever willing to commit to, albeit in his own messed up way. He has only liked too girls enough to commit, and only gone through with it with me.

HE thought he loved me a great deal, in his own mind, insofar as his OWN interpretation of what love is.

 

I know he felt strongly, but he was a jerk, and I am ashamed and embarrassed that I tolerated it.

 

.............................

 

At least we both now realise that we LIKE to be in a loving relationship, where as before we sort of thought it was boring.

 

I don't want another guy. I want to REALLY work on being happy without one this time, and finish that mission...

[Leigh 87]

I bet you had reasons for starting tons of drama. That's not to say it was in any way okay for you to do it. If his behavior was causing you a lot of pain, as you are now telling us it did, stirring the pot with drama would not change anything. You needed to be true to YOURSELF and move on.

 

 

 

Men who are in an open relationship, maybe. Men who are having sex with hookers and hurting a girlfriend by doing so - probably not so much. Guys like that only care about themselves and getting their fix, whatever that is. That much self-serving leaves no room for love.

 

 

 

True. I meant that he loved me in the best way he could.

 

He felt strong feelings.

[aisuru]

True. I meant that he loved me in the best way he could.

 

He felt strong feelings.

 

Leigh, you no longer get to say how he felt back then. Just how you felt. How you feel now.

 

No more about what Andrew thought or felt. Cause it just does not matter.

 

You're holding yourself back with that talk.

[Leigh 87]

Next time I start a relationship, and everything seems great....

 

I will want to bail as soon as I pick a character flaw.

 

Before I get feelings that are too strong for me to just abandon.

 

The sad thing is, I didn't THINK it WAS bad - the hookers.

 

I have a high sex drive too, and thought hey, it is natural for some types of men to be in love and see hookers.

 

...............

 

 

I suggested an open relationship in the early stages, since I found relationships boring initially.

 

To which he vehemently rejected, saying " I could never go through with kissing another girl or giving a crapp about her pleasure, look I just want hookers as I do no not have to go through the process of kissing or pleasing them"

 

A human sex toy, so to speak:sick:

 

Ironically, he was very trustworthy when he went out to clubs, which he stopped doing on his own accord when he wanted to be more settled with me in a life at home together, with out dogs.

 

................

 

I honestly had no idea how wrong this situation was.

 

If it were not for people like you, I still wouldn't:sick: