CrimsonEyed Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 So my A has been going downhill. He finally said he can't do this to his wife anymore. I felt a HUGE sense of rejection, unlike any other. Even when he said it wasnt anything to do with me. I foolishly ridiculously fell for this guy who always said he would never love anyone but his wife. I'm an idiot...believe me, this I know. So we agreed stupidly, to remain online "buddies". I clung to it, like an idiot, for any possible way to keep in touch with him. I know..I'm a loser. He gave me attention my husband did not, I felt a need for this and didn't at any emotionally damaging cost want to let go. It made it so much harder for me. We get into little piss poor arguments over nothing. Today I snapped, I lost it....he mocked me, told me my feelings were pretty much stupid and invalid. Note he has a serious low self esteem issue, so I chalked up all the times ive flattered him as things he couldn't ever believe. But this time he told me specifically in a petty argument over the fact that he feels like he can't trust me...that I'm a manipulative bitch and he just wanted to end this and I wouldn't and to leave him alone. I was crushed, in fact this just happened 20 minutes ago and Im still bawling my eyes out. I couldn't believe it. He always made it seem like he cared about me, he was always so concerned for me, I just coukdnt believe he sat there and mocked eve rything i felt and then called me a manipulative bitch and said go away. So....I snapped. I told him if he really thinks that ill go ahead and show him what a untrustworthy manipulative home wrecking bitch I am. Yes, threats towards telling his wife. I feel aweful, I can't believe it ended like that. ill see him a lot and I cared so much for hi m. I felt like he just basically said I was an f'n idiot for falling for him. I don't know how to get better. I really don't even know what I'm asking for...just needed to vent I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 All you can do is go NC and tell yourself you are worth more. I'm sorry it ended that way. My anger got to the point of threatening to tell his wife too. Doesn't feel good. Do you want to tell his wife? Would that give you closure? Link to post Share on other sites
xpaperxcutx Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 He's not any better than you. vice versa. if you have nothing to lose then you ruin his marriage. but know he will most likely hate you forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 I think some mm don't trust ow because they judge her for participating in an affair. It is an unfair double standard. Other mm don't trust ow because he himself is a liar & cheater and he is skeptical of others in general. He knows what he, and others are capable of. His true colors came out. Pay attention. This is him. As he said, this is not about you. It's about him, his marriage, his issues. Take this as a lesson and protect yourself from men like this in the future. We have to be our own protector, notice red flags, be smart, and avoid people or situations that are emotionally harm us. At least you know and have the opportunity to live an authentic life. You don't have be in this drama anymore. You should tell his wife so that she has the opportunity to live an authentic life, too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 He's the manipulative one. Tell his wife. Tell your husband and get thee as far away from him as you can. He's not good for you. Please get yourself once and for all out of this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
DelusionalOne Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 He's not any better than you. vice versa. if you have nothing to lose then you ruin his marriage. but know he will most likely hate you forever. Geeze that was very helpful. (My blocked list is getting really long!) Oh no... He'll hate her! <rolling eyes> Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrimsonEyed Posted May 28, 2013 Author Share Posted May 28, 2013 Thank you all soooo much. I really needed to hear some things ive always in my gut felt. I do honestly feel really bad for his wife. Not so much because he cheated on her but he really is a dick and also completely addicted to porn...and she doesnt know. its sad really. Unfortunately I can't tell her as i am married as well and well let's just say I wouldnt remain alive if my husband found out. But again...thanks everyone for being there for anyone who is having a breakdown. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 Thank you all soooo much. I really needed to hear some things ive always in my gut felt. I do honestly feel really bad for his wife. Not so much because he cheated on her but he really is a dick and also completely addicted to porn...and she doesnt know. its sad really. Unfortunately I can't tell her as i am married as well and well let's just say I wouldnt remain alive if my husband found out. But again...thanks everyone for being there for anyone who is having a breakdown. Then stop threatening him. If you piss him off enough, HE WILL contact your husband, just like you're threatening to tell his wife. You two have developed a really unhealthy affair dynamic and even though it moved online, it's time to just stop! Whatever good stuff was there during the A is gone. It is what it is and that's over. Focus on grieving and do more grieving so you can heal from this. DO NC now, for your own sanity. Who gives a flying f...k about him, so don't worry yourself about him at all. He'll be fine. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Praying4Peace Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 Just cut him off today. Block everything. Change emails. Completely. But since you threatened to tell his wife, he might be living in fear of when you are going to do so. So, he might go ahead and tell her first (in a minimized way, but its still and affair nontheless). If she finds out, she might contact your H. Because of that, I'd leave a message. "This is the end. Please do not every contact me again, and I won't contact your wife." After that you can decide what to do about your M and your H and the knowledge of your affair, whether its talking to a counselor or telling him eventually. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
threelaurels Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 Then stop threatening him. If you piss him off enough, HE WILL contact your husband, just like you're threatening to tell his wife. This may already be in motion. Judging from her posting history, MM was very paranoid about this wife finding out. Her threat may have pushed him to confess the affair, knowing it would look better for him to tell her rather than the OW. MM and/or his BS may want to expose the affair to her H if this happens. To the OP, I'm sorry you're in pain. The relationship sounds like it was very unhealthy. Do you think you will seek out another affair in the future? Maybe you could try marriage counseling instead this time. You say you have no plans to leave your H, so why not at least try to make your relationship and home life better? I also strongly recommend IC. Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 28, 2013 Share Posted May 28, 2013 Just cut him off today. Block everything. Change emails. Completely. But since you threatened to tell his wife, he might be living in fear of when you are going to do so. So, he might go ahead and tell her first (in a minimized way, but its still and affair nontheless). If she finds out, she might contact your H. Because of that, I'd leave a message. "This is the end. Please do not every contact me again, and I won't contact your wife." After that you can decide what to do about your M and your H and the knowledge of your affair, whether its talking to a counselor or telling him eventually. Great advice. And never issue an ultimatum unless you're willing to follow through. That's a dangerous game... Link to post Share on other sites
Author CrimsonEyed Posted May 29, 2013 Author Share Posted May 29, 2013 He would NEvER tell his wife or my husband. We both have WAY way way to much at stake. which is one reason why i think he cut this off in the first place Link to post Share on other sites
KaterinaVon Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 This reads like some crime mystery show on tv. Forbidden love affairs, cheating spouses, a lot at stake if either partner finds out. You telling this man that you'd contact his wife might make him feel trapped. This man insulted you and showed his true colors. Don't cage him in or he might retaliate. I'm on board with the person that suggested you send ONE LAST email and say that you have thought about your last conversation/argument and that you just want to go your separate ways and WILL NOT be telling his wife. Just leave it at that. Be glad you didn't marry him, his wife is the one that's got to put up with this lying a-hole the rest of the time. I take it that you are also in a dead-end marriage, but probably due to kids and other financial reasons, can't leave your husband. It's unfortunate, but you don't need to close yourself in. There might be ways of leaving your husband since you do sound dissatisfied with him. You just need to sit down and do a list of the pros and cons of leaving your husband. If you go online looking for affection from other men, then there's things missing at home. Either work on fixing them or leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts