How do guys separate their emotions from sex ?

[KaterinaVon]

Why have sex with someone you aren't emotionally connected to and don't want anything serious with. How do you even get in the mood under those circumstances ? Wouldn't it repulse you if you aren't into the woman ? I thought the point of sex was to enjoy yourself, but how can you when there is no attraction there ? No feelings ?

 

P.S- I know some women do the same thing. I just wanted to hear from the men because I just don't understand the point behind that. ALSO, it's not just one night stands either, sometimes the guy will be with the woman for months at a time and not feel a thing towards her just use her for sex, but HOW do you get in the mood for someone you aren't attracted to ?!? I don't get it.

[ThaWholigan]

Think about how you feel at your horniest.

 

Then times that by ten. That's how we are like 80 per cent of the time if we aren't careful with how we manage that sexual energy. Emotions go out the window - you just gotta relieve that frustration - crudely enough it can get so bad it doesn't matter who with.

 

For some of us, it can happen that the girl just ends up being a vehicle for regular sex when needed. That's basically the brutal answer.

[starla33]

Why have sex with someone you aren't emotionally connected to and don't want anything serious with. How do you even get in the mood under those circumstances ? Wouldn't it repulse you if you aren't into the woman ? I thought the point of sex was to enjoy yourself, but how can you when there is no attraction there ? No feelings ?

 

P.S- I know some women do the same thing. I just wanted to hear from the men because I just don't understand the point behind that. ALSO, it's not just one night stands either, sometimes the guy will be with the woman for months at a time and not feel a thing towards her just use her for sex, but HOW do you get in the mood for someone you aren't attracted to ?!? I don't get it.

 

i don't think the issue is attraction. I've had plenty of guys that were crazy attracted to me, but didn't want relationships (they are still single and still playing the filed years later.....so i don't know what that means, some guys just want to get as much sex as they possibly can from attractive girls before they get ugly and bald and old?)

[Suave]

some guys just want to get as much sex as they possibly can from attractive girls before they get ugly and bald and old

 

Ding ding ding.

 

We are able to separate emotions because of our animal instinct. Then it becomes nothing more than tackling a gazelle.

[apple OR orange]

its easy, its like women who can stay with men and never want sex with them, hows that even possible?

[carhill]

Why have sex with someone you aren't emotionally connected to and don't want anything serious with.

 

It feels good, physically. Human contact. For a man, it's pretty much the same kind of impulsion sexually that a woman feels emotionally when she seeks out a man for attention and emotional 'sex'. She doesn't want to have a relationship with him, rather use him for emotional 'space' and gratification.

 

How do you even get in the mood under those circumstances ?

 

If one is feeling 'hormonal', in a man's case with a load of testosterone flowing through him, it's really quite easy. For many men, it's as simple as seeing an attractive woman. Nothing more complicated than that.

 

Wouldn't it repulse you if you aren't into the woman ?

 

Who she is is largely irrelevant. She's a female and the guy's prostate desires to be unloaded. Simple biology.

 

I thought the point of sex was to enjoy yourself, but how can you when there is no attraction there ? No feelings ?

 

The attraction is physical. I can note that right now, even watching the old movie 'Bullitt' on TV with Steve McQueen and Jacqueline Bisset. Something about Jackie makes old peter feel the call of the wild. Don't know her; always have enjoyed her British accent. Nice nipples in 'The Deep'. That's really all it takes for a man, when he's operating at his base level, which a man on the prowl for sex is operating at.

 

Myself, I choose to ignore those impulses and confine sex to apparently loving and committed relationships. Will I get a reward at the end of life for that choice? Nope. I'll get dead, just like the guy who attempted to have sex with everything female that walked. It's just a different path.

[KaterinaVon]

its easy, its like women who can stay with men and never want sex with them, hows that even possible?

 

Yeah, that's even more baffling than my question ! Must be those women married for money and not love. Still, pretty lonely life, not worth it in my opinion.

[BluEyeL]

Physical attraction doesn't equal emotional attraction. I'm not sure, but even I think I could understand how I could be physically attracted to a guy, but not feel "love" for him. Just lust. Not sure how would that work long term, but for men it seems it does easier than for us.

[ffw]

Why have sex with someone you aren't emotionally connected to and don't want anything serious with. How do you even get in the mood under those circumstances ? Wouldn't it repulse you if you aren't into the woman ? I thought the point of sex was to enjoy yourself, but how can you when there is no attraction there ? No feelings ?

 

P.S- I know some women do the same thing. I just wanted to hear from the men because I just don't understand the point behind that. ALSO, it's not just one night stands either, sometimes the guy will be with the woman for months at a time and not feel a thing towards her just use her for sex, but HOW do you get in the mood for someone you aren't attracted to ?!? I don't get it.

 

Eventhough I never slept with someone prior to having any kind of connection. I'll try my best to answer.

 

Men & women are simply wired differently. Their brains don't work in the same way. To a man sex is a physical act. IME, it takes a man a long time to learn the connection between sex and love.

 

On the other hand, for women love is an emotional response and the physical act is small part. A woman first has to feel "love" in order to get physical and it's also important for her to feel "loved".

 

It often backfires. You see women (not generalizing) can't tell the difference between a real loving man and the one who is telling anything they want to hear to get into their pants.

 

Love is blind I guess. Women need to take the responsibility to teach their man how to love emotionally. Learn to describe the emotional feeling you need to get from him.

 

Hope it helps. GL.

[KaterinaVon]

[quote=carhill;4924479

The attraction is physical. I can note that right now, even watching the old movie 'Bullitt' on TV with Steve McQueen and Jacqueline Bisset. Something about Jackie makes old peter feel the call of the wild. Don't know her; always have enjoyed her British accent. Nice nipples in 'The Deep'. That's really all it takes for a man, when he's operating at his base level, which a man on the prowl for sex is operating at.

 

I had to google her name and "The Deep" to see what you were talking about, she's an attractive woman with a nice body, it's OBVIOUS why any man would want her.

 

BUT, what of the guys that go months and months with an UGLY chick and use her for sex ? How does that happen ? He isn't attracted to her, wouldn't it be best to masturbate instead ?

[KaterinaVon]

Physical attraction doesn't equal emotional attraction. I'm not sure, but even I think I could understand how I could be physically attracted to a guy, but not feel "love" for him. Just lust. Not sure how would that work long term, but for men it seems it does easier than for us.

 

I'm not talking about separating physical attraction from emotional attraction.

 

I'm talking about men that use UGLY women for sex, women they are NOT attracted to and don't have any emotional connection with either.

 

Seems guys don't need to be attracted to the woman physically or emotionally in order to use her for sex. It's odd to me because the whole point of having sex is to enjoy the view and enjoy yourself. At least that's how I see it.

[BluEyeL]

I had to google her name and "The Deep" to see what you were talking about, she's an attractive woman with a nice body, it's OBVIOUS why any man would want her.

 

BUT, what of the guys that go months and months with an UGLY chick and use her for sex ? How does that happen ? He isn't attracted to her, wouldn't it be best to masturbate instead ?

 

I'm sure you think she's ugly, but guys have different preferences, so something entices them to her. What's ugly for one, is not ugly for someone else. If she were too ugly to them, they wouldn't be able to perform. So if they are having sex, she's attractive "enough" to them.

[carhill]

That's a good point. Due to a lifetime of operating at a different level of sexual 'notice', it does require a fairly unique woman to get a 'rise' out of me without knowing her at all. Hence, that's why I've reported only one 'love (lust) at first sight' with a 'normal' (not internationally known actress) woman. For a man who views women firstly as sexual beings, his threshold for 'getting a rise' is far different. Secondarily, and this can work for both genders, fantasy holds great power and can play a large role during sex. Hence, someone apparently 'ugly' feels the same as the fantasy of Jackie if one's mind is focused enough. The person disappears and is replaced by the fantasy.

 

Absent love and emotions of bonding, sex is a pretty selfish act. Ever hear the phrase 'I got mine; get yours'? Perhaps that might be generational. It's decidedly something one doesn't wish to hear while married. Ask me how I know. Anyway, for people who can operate sexually without apparent emotional involvement, it's a totally different perspective. Different rules and expectations apply.

[starla33]

I'm sure you think she's ugly, but guys have different preferences, so something entices them to her. What's ugly for one, is not ugly for someone else. If she were too ugly to them, they wouldn't be able to perform. So if they are having sex, she's attractive "enough" to them.

 

men would not sleep with someone they are not attracted to at all (that would be repulsive so why do it?). The chick must be really good in bed

[carhill]

The chick must be really good in bed

Whoopi Goldberg was legendary in that regard, as an example. The basic threshold for what is 'attractive' is the key.

 

Back to the title, men are socialized to separate their emotions from almost every aspect of life, as well as to internalize them. It happens from the first time we're told 'boys don't cry' before we understand there's other ways to operate as humans. For guys who separate and have for life, it's really noticeable when they have to 'switch' from logically examining to feeling. I've noticed this a lot during stressful times over the last decade like death, illness, divorce and other traumas. So, for us, at least those of us who do separate emotions from other aspects of our lives, it's a lifelong process, reinforced from a young age. One can fight that process but the risk is social ostracizing because one doesn't 'belong'. Hence, most men 'conform', at least publicly. For some, that becomes a global behavior set.

[KaterinaVon]

Well, from reading all the comments, I guess everyone else just makes more sense than me. lol

 

It just seemed odd to me that I have seen men use women for sex whom they openly said they weren't attracted to the women in an emotional or physical level. I found that odd and thought... then why have sex with them at all ? Surely there's nothing in it for them if there's nothing there they like right ? They separate sex from a physical attraction and emotional one too.

 

Alright guys, thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[KaterinaVon]

Whoopi Goldberg was legendary in that regard, as an example. The basic threshold for what is 'attractive' is the key.

 

Back to the title, men are socialized to separate their emotions from almost every aspect of life, as well as to internalize them. It happens from the first time we're told 'boys don't cry' before we understand there's other ways to operate as humans. For guys who separate and have for life, it's really noticeable when they have to 'switch' from logically examining to feeling. I've noticed this a lot during stressful times over the last decade like death, illness, divorce and other traumas. So, for us, at least those of us who do separate emotions from other aspects of our lives, it's a lifelong process, reinforced from a young age. One can fight that process but the risk is social ostracizing because one doesn't 'belong'. Hence, most men 'conform', at least publicly. For some, that becomes a global behavior set.

 

That helps clear up some of my questions. Thanks.

[TheGuard13]

The simple answer to the OP's question is: They don't. They just pretend to. There are plenty of emotions going through a guy when he has sex, even casual sex.

[therhythm]

The simple answer to the OP's question is: They don't. They just pretend to. There are plenty of emotions going through a guy when he has sex, even casual sex.

 

Speak for yourself man... I can have sex with a woman without any feeling or emotion at all besides sexual pleasure.

[fortyninethousand322]

Why have sex with someone you aren't emotionally connected to and don't want anything serious with. How do you even get in the mood under those circumstances ? Wouldn't it repulse you if you aren't into the woman ? I thought the point of sex was to enjoy yourself, but how can you when there is no attraction there ? No feelings ?

 

P.S- I know some women do the same thing. I just wanted to hear from the men because I just don't understand the point behind that. ALSO, it's not just one night stands either, sometimes the guy will be with the woman for months at a time and not feel a thing towards her just use her for sex, but HOW do you get in the mood for someone you aren't attracted to ?!? I don't get it.

 

I don't know. I don't think I'm the type of guy who can separate emotions from sex. Though I'd love to find out for sure...

[Maleficent]

Why have sex with someone you aren't emotionally connected to and don't want anything serious with. How do you even get in the mood under those circumstances ? Wouldn't it repulse you if you aren't into the woman ? I thought the point of sex was to enjoy yourself, but how can you when there is no attraction there ? No feelings ?

 

P.S- I know some women do the same thing. I just wanted to hear from the men because I just don't understand the point behind that. ALSO, it's not just one night stands either, sometimes the guy will be with the woman for months at a time and not feel a thing towards her just use her for sex, but HOW do you get in the mood for someone you aren't attracted to ?!? I don't get it.

 

Well, first of all, I need to be into the person to sleep with him...I currently have a sort of kind of friend with benefits and he is exactly the kind of guy I would date.

 

However, he says he doesn't want to be in a relationship at all - ever and I'm in a weird spot right now where I don't want to waste energies on someone else. So I would be an idiot to let myself fall for him. But he's hot so I like having fun with him.

 

Also, I learned not so long ago that when a woman makes love, her brain produces oxytocin which makes her think she is in love.

So once you know that, I think it's pretty easy to just enjoy the sex and not let the feelings take over.

 

Being a woman, of course I'm gonna the little fantasy that we'll both fall for each other and it'll be happy ever after.

I'm also smart enough to know that it is just a fantasy.

 

I don't know - I guess it's all about knowing yourself and what your limits are.

[TheGuard13]

Speak for yourself man... I can have sex with a woman without any feeling or emotion at all besides sexual pleasure.

 

No you can't. Just because you don't feel "attachment" doesn't mean there's not an emotional stake in it for you.

 

Everyone has an emotional reason for having sex. We just all don't have the same ones.

[carhill]

Another good point. Men do feel emotions during sex, as sex and orgasm is generally a very pleasurable act, and pleasure, or 'feeling good', is a feeling, hence an emotion. The critical separation is that the feeling of pleasure is focused on himself and the act and the woman, for all intents and purposes, is interchangeable. If the man is an accomplished lover, he will bring or attempt to bring pleasure to the woman as well, but only in the moment. She holds no lasting importance to him outside of that moment. What matters to him is she's a woman and he's having sex with her and feeling good. That's it.

[Revolver]

For the most part men look at sex as just a purely physical thing. Some thing you do just to get off. That's why guys can have sex when they're sad, mad, or don't even like the person they're sleeping with.

 

Heck, when you ask most men could they still have sex with their partner even if theyre upset at them most men will say yes. But you ask most women and they'll say HELL NO

[SimonSerenade]

I've never been one of this guys so I wouldn't know, in fact I didn't lose my virginity until my 20s because most girls I met either had a nice personality but not nice looks or nice looks and no personality so I couldn't win really, then there was the kind of girls who had no respect for themselves and simply had sex for something to do rather than doing it out of love, just makes me sick but that's society now and it's probably going to get worse as more years go by, nobody has respect for anyone, not even themselves.

 

Most guys I've known dont fixate on personality and as long as the looks are there then that's all that really matters to most guys and it just becomes a self relieving game, I think it's more out of addiction than attraction these days, most people complain all the time "not had sex in 5 months, I'm gagging for it", to these people it doesn't matter who there with just that they get to do some skeeting inside some women lol it's sick I know but that's the year 2013 for you.