CC12 Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 Thats true. I did look at myself and felt that maybe I just am not meant to find anyone. After going on a date with that one girl, i stopped trying. You can just give up and stop trying, or you can try to figure out why some of these girls called you bipolar and why ALL of them had to specifically tell you not to contact them. If I had to guess based on the limited information you've shared, I'm thinking that you're somehow overbearing in relationships, and that maybe you don't respect normal boundaries. Not necessarily looking for pointers... yet. Why aren't you? Why not use this thread and all these people's attention to talk about what you can do to make your situation better? Were you really, honestly just looking for people to say, "Yes, I am in the same boat as you." I don't think there are very many people in the same boat as you, but even if there were, what then? Then would you think, "Oh, okay. I feel better to know that others are also destroying relationships so much that we have to be expressly told not to contact. Well, that just solidifies my decision to give up now." That would be totally self-defeating. Link to post Share on other sites
BustedUpInside Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 Thats true. I did look at myself and felt that maybe I just am not meant to find anyone. After going on a date with that one girl, i stopped trying. Whether or not you think you should be dating right now, you should definitely try to find out what is preventing you from making meaningful connections. From the way you write, you seem like a normal nice individual so it is hard to believe that all the women you have dated would deliberately be trying to hurt you by just making something up. It has to be something big that you are doing that really stands out regardless of the other party's personality. Are you sure no one has mentioned something like that? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 If you don't want to be alone for the rest of your life, you'll do some self reflection I'm going to try to assist in your self reflection, OP, because you kind of seem like you might have a hard time doing that yourself. Type out the answers to the following questions. You don't have to post the answers here, but you should anyway. 1) What reasons did these girls give you when they were breaking up with you? Seriously, write every girl's name down one side of the paper, and next to their names write why she said she broke up with you. 2) Did you agree with their reasoning? Why or why not? 3) Why do you think those relationships ultimately didn't work out? 4) What do you think you could have done, personally, to have made those relationships less likely to fail? 5) Do you see any kind of pattern when you read back over your answers? Link to post Share on other sites
fiftyofsomethin Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 What do you do to feel better when it does happen? Well honestly it seems you are looking for answers to your very general problem from our very specific experiences. I'm afraid none of us can help until we get details such as what you actually did or did not do to make them behave how they did. Let's start with the reasons they gave YOU for breaking up with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PugMug Posted May 30, 2013 Author Share Posted May 30, 2013 (edited) Thanks for all the uplifting and supportive advice. It is sincerely appreciated At the moment I am not looking or even wanting to find anyone. As I said before I'm a bit beat down from all the rejection and it has made me exhausted. Maybe it will change someday but I am learning not to hold my breath for it, and it is fine, of course it makes me sad but somethings you have to live with. Edited May 30, 2013 by PugMug Link to post Share on other sites
SuperGeek Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 (edited) Nope you aren't the only one. All my major exes hate me too. And the most jacked up part about all of it: I WAS THE NICE GUY. Guys, don't be the NICE GUY. It's not worth it. BE A COMPLETE ASS. That's what the women want anyway. Edited May 30, 2013 by SuperGeek Link to post Share on other sites
aisuru Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 Nope you aren't the only one. All my major exes hate me too. And the most jacked up part about all of it: I WAS THE NICE GUY. Guys, don't be the NICE GUY. It's not worth it. BE A COMPLETE ASS. That's what the women want anyway. That is bull**** and a total cop out. Just be yourself. Good grief. I've dated guys across the board. The bad guy, the frat guy, the nerdy guy, the doormat, the sporty guy, the shy guy, and the nice guy. At this point in my life, I want the nice guy. I'm tired of the ******* routine. I like a man that can be confident, masculine, and can be a sucker for his woman just because he loves her and wants the world for her. Yep, that's the guy. Some men, mistake doormat for nice guy. There is a difference. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PugMug Posted May 30, 2013 Author Share Posted May 30, 2013 (edited) So something amazing happened. One of the girls that I dated around 1 1/2 ago and the only one I loved (and still love), I just got the opportunity to tell her I think she is an amazing person. She thanked me! It was great because things with her didn't end well and she was also one of the girls that told me never to contact her again. I think that this is a better ending than the one we had a long time ago. No one suggest any further contact as she is in a happy relationship and I respect that and wish her the best. But I am on top of the clouds! I'm happy that I got the opportunity to tell her what I thought of her. Now, how do I move on from this great ending? Dating is still out of the question for me as that would still be hard due to my past experiences Haha well she didn't necessarily say "thank you" but she responded in a kind way. So I took it as her way of saying thank you. Edited May 30, 2013 by PugMug 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aisuru Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 Now, how do I move on from this great ending? You embrace it. You realize people sometimes say harsh and honest things at the time of breakup. You acknowledge that time heals all. And you allow us to help you. I think you want help. You're just not ready to do hear the harsh reality or do the work. When you're ready to our answers upthread, you'll let us know. And then we can help you more than you ever dreamed of. Or you pay $$$ for a good therapist. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PugMug Posted May 30, 2013 Author Share Posted May 30, 2013 You embrace it. You realize people sometimes say harsh and honest things at the time of breakup. You acknowledge that time heals all. And you allow us to help you. I think you want help. You're just not ready to do hear the harsh reality or do the work. When you're ready to our answers upthread, you'll let us know. And then we can help you more than you ever dreamed of. Or you pay $$$ for a good therapist. Haha money for a therapist is the last thing I have. You're very insightful aisuru. Re-reading my posts do sound like a plea for help but my head is hard and my heart has a wall up. I will have to take you up on that offer when the time comes 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aisuru Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 Haha money for a therapist is the last thing I have. You're very insightful aisuru. Re-reading my posts do sound like a plea for help but my head is hard and my heart has a wall up. I will have to take you up on that offer when the time comes Well, until you're ready, you're just not ready. It is what it is. We'll be around. If not me, then some other smarty pants. I can promise you that. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PugMug Posted June 1, 2013 Author Share Posted June 1, 2013 I'm reading through countless LS post in multiple sections and it has made me appreciate my singleness. It's heartbreaking to read so much pain and know that in that moment someone out there is living it. Of course it gets lonely but the heartache I had is not there as it was before. I have experienced heartbreak in the past. I let it break me as a person and since then I haven't enjoyed anything very much. Hopefully other LS goers rise stronger and happier! Everyone here seems so caring and great. People like that shouldn't be put through what they are going through. . Just a rant post. On another note, I have a job interview for Sunday. We will have to see how that goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PugMug Posted June 1, 2013 Author Share Posted June 1, 2013 I guess I'll post an update on the girl that I said thanked me. We spoke again and it was obviously great. She wasn't feeling well so said goodnight early. I hope she feels better soon. Though I am a bit frustrated that now I crave to speak to her. It is a good sign that I should stop while I'm ahead. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperGeek Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Right. So all guys who get dumped for the bad boy are doormats? Good to know! That is bull**** and a total cop out. Just be yourself. Good grief. I've dated guys across the board. The bad guy, the frat guy, the nerdy guy, the doormat, the sporty guy, the shy guy, and the nice guy. At this point in my life, I want the nice guy. I'm tired of the ******* routine. I like a man that can be confident, masculine, and can be a sucker for his woman just because he loves her and wants the world for her. Yep, that's the guy. Some men, mistake doormat for nice guy. There is a difference. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Nope you aren't the only one. All my major exes hate me too. And the most jacked up part about all of it: I WAS THE NICE GUY. Guys, don't be the NICE GUY. It's not worth it. BE A COMPLETE ASS. That's what the women want anyway. Do you classify "nice" as "bending over backwards"? Because if you do, that's not nice. That's "spineless". Two very different things. This video will clarify things for you. Or search "You're probably not a nice guy" on YouTube. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PugMug Posted June 1, 2013 Author Share Posted June 1, 2013 Right. So all guys who get dumped for the bad boy are doormats? Good to know! AH!!! Yea. Thats how it is. Girls apparently like to be challenged in all aspects of their lives. Or they might get bored with you and start looking for a bad boy to challenge them. Don't get too comfortable around them because it backlashes on you. Then you get the "I need some space" talk Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 AH!!! Yea. Thats how it is. Girls apparently like to be challenged in all aspects of their lives. Or they might get bored with you and start looking for a bad boy to challenge them. Don't get too comfortable around them because it backlashes on you. Then you get the "I need some space" talk Please tell me this is sarcasm... Link to post Share on other sites
Author PugMug Posted June 1, 2013 Author Share Posted June 1, 2013 Please tell me this is sarcasm... Why would you think it's sarcasm? Link to post Share on other sites
aisuru Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Right. So all guys who get dumped for the bad boy are doormats? Good to know! WHOA. When did I say that?!?! Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Why would you think it's sarcasm? You really think that if you're nice to sometime she'll get bored and dump you for a bloke who treats her like s--t? Like the video says, there is a huge difference between nice guys, and spineless doormats. Most guys who style themselves as nice and whine about being dumped for it, are not usually nice, they're weasels. Trust me. I've done the legwork. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author PugMug Posted June 1, 2013 Author Share Posted June 1, 2013 You really think that if you're nice to sometime she'll get bored and dump you for a bloke who treats her like s--t? Like the video says, there is a huge difference between nice guys, and spineless doormats. Most guys who style themselves as nice and whine about being dumped for it, are not usually nice, they're weasels. Trust me. I've done the legwork. Okay, as it is a matter of opinion and personal experience, your experiences are different to my own experiences. I do believe that women look to be challenged in relationships. It does seem to keep their interest level up. Once you start showing how much you love the,m tell them you love them, things like that, they seem to get bored because they have you. They want to tame something new and want a different challenge. As I said, this is from personal experience. Because we share different POV I would not rule out what you said as wrong or right, but I do say that we see this differently. Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Okay, as it is a matter of opinion and personal experience, your experiences are different to my own experiences. I do believe that women look to be challenged in relationships. It does seem to keep their interest level up. Once you start showing how much you love the,m tell them you love them, things like that, they seem to get bored because they have you. They want to tame something new and want a different challenge. As I said, this is from personal experience. Because we share different POV I would not rule out what you said as wrong or right, but I do say that we see this differently. Have ever wondered that the common denominator in your relationships is you? Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 And you should be challenged in relationships. Both partners should be stimulated and challenged and encouraged. Both partners should have their own opinions, but receptive to their partners. Both partners should work at giving and receiving love. All i can say is that if you truly believe that you are doing the right thing, you're picking the wrong girls. Or, you're being smothering. Either way, if the ending is always the same, it's you - not them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PugMug Posted June 1, 2013 Author Share Posted June 1, 2013 Have ever wondered that the common denominator in your relationships is you? That sounds like a personal attack. Please note that no one here is rising up against you. I am saying that everyone has different experiences that shape them and their opinions. It does not make anyones right or wrong, its a personal experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Author PugMug Posted June 1, 2013 Author Share Posted June 1, 2013 (edited) And you should be challenged in relationships. Both partners should be stimulated and challenged and encouraged. Both partners should have their own opinions, but receptive to their partners. Both partners should work at giving and receiving love. All i can say is that if you truly believe that you are doing the right thing, you're picking the wrong girls. Or, you're being smothering. Either way, if the ending is always the same, it's you - not them. Calm down Metal Chick. Edited June 1, 2013 by PugMug Link to post Share on other sites
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