Gone/Going Crazy

[foul4love]

Hi All, long time lurker that has read your stories and has laughed and cried ...

 

Questions

 

Have many of you other women/men gone crazy during and after the relationships. When I mean crazy, I mean REALLY CRAZY such as hurling verbal abuse (via texts, emails, calls) at the married man/woman (ie calling them f'ing liars, f'ing cowards etc and getting in rages)

 

Have you ever threatened to tell their BS after things have gotten nasty or when you couldn't take it anymore?

 

After you get your fix by spending time with your MM/MW did you feel happy or did you feel so upset that they were going home to their BS? Did you ever feel like how can someone come and share themselves with you and tell you how much they love and in love with you only to go home and do the same with someone else. This drove me to the crazies. At the beginning it was nice for me and felt happy and couldn't wait until the next time. After the begining..well thats a whole new story and things became difficult. Endless nights and mornings of crying missing them and wanting to see them and they fully well knew they were hurting you as they admitted it and saw your pain yet said they couldn't do anything about it.

 

Ever be the one to always end it/push them away/walk away millions of times, and accepted them back when they came calling (knocks at doors, texts, phone calls) or you giving into the missing and contact them. Then all of a sudden one day they end it and its really over?

 

Did it drive you crazy knowing he/she was going home to their happy lifes and spending time with their families, laughing and enjoying life, while you are at home crying, dying and missing them feeling alone in this world? (My married spouse was in love with the both me and the BS. They were happily married and then I came around and married spouse supposedly fell in love with me too).

 

What have been some of the things you have done to cope after the affair is done when there is NC.

 

Last Question:

 

If at the beginning of the relationship married person tells you that they wouldn't leave their BS for you, but as the relationship progressed and love grew and fallling in love happened and things get really deep and words from the married spouse were :if i were to ever leave BS it would be for you, I dream about us being alone all the time and that one day we will be together. And then months have passed (while they sing you these tunes) and you get tired of their cowardness and lack of integrity and start pushing the issue of its either me or BS and they after months of singing sweet tunes and giving you hope say "i told you long time ago I would never leave BS for you'... How would you feel? Would that statement have brought you to the crazies? Would it have been wrong for you to feel hope that one day they would leave BS for you after them telling you all these things? Would you have felt that was a cop out?

 

 

 

 

Stories please..

[WakingUp]

Yes yes and yes. To the other questions... yes.

 

I have never felt so out of control in my life.

 

To the point where I seriously doubted myself. Started to wonder if I had some sort of mental illness. Could not believe what I was doing, thinking and saying.

 

How on earth can a person claim they love you then go home to someone else and love them too?

 

I have gone crazy... been really mean. And laid on the floor sobbing to myself... had time off work.... gotten ill... ugh. Damn its ugly.

 

And yet I have felt so happy at other times.

 

Affairs are crazy making. Don't do it! Worst decision I have ever made.

[spice4life]

No, I never had the desire to tell his wife or felt like I was going crazy enough to do so. I always kept everything in perspective. Plus, I didn't know anything about her or their relationship. I felt bad enough being involved in the situation in the first place. And if he said, "If I were to leave my wife I would leave her for you." I wouldn't have taken that as he might one day do it. I would have taken it as he was just having a "warm and fuzzy" moment and put it out of my mind. He made the rules clear, so I wasn't under any illusions.

[Goodbye]

Yes. Having a relationship with a married person is CRAZY making. So out of character behavior happens.

 

After nearly a year of my exMM telling me of his elaborate plans to leave his wife with NO action on his part, I had a tantrum over the phone and told him I was going to contact his wife with all the truths. It scared the sh*t out of him and he said he was going to tell her. I doubt he did. He then requested a "break"...which I believe was his way of getting out before he got exposed. Two months later I'm doing better but still have moments when I get so angry with the emotional roller coaster ride I was on that I have desires to contact her and tell her that her H just spent a year traveling with me and spent hours everyday on the phone. But something stops me. While I'd like to say my desire to expose him is so she knows the truth, the reality is that my desire to expose him comes from a place of anger, hopes of him experiencing the same loneliness and grief I'm experiencing. I hope karma will do that for me.

 

I've not contacted or harassed the BS. I have looked at her FB page from time to time...that is the most stalkerish thing I've done. My anger lies with him, not her. I doubt any of the things he would say about her were true. She probably is a very nice person and a good wife and mother.

 

Try not to let your anger take over your brain. You'll only have regrets to deal with on top of the grief.

[grassisorisntgreener]

Yes yes and yes. To the other questions... yes.

 

I have never felt so out of control in my life.

 

To the point where I seriously doubted myself. Started to wonder if I had some sort of mental illness. Could not believe what I was doing, thinking and saying.

 

How on earth can a person claim they love you then go home to someone else and love them too?

 

I have gone crazy... been really mean. And laid on the floor sobbing to myself... had time off work.... gotten ill... ugh. Damn its ugly.

 

And yet I have felt so happy at other times.

 

Affairs are crazy making. Don't do it! Worst decision I have ever made.

 

This, exactly. Everyday is a rollercoaster and I seriously want to unbuckle and throw myself off onto the pavement in a heap.

[Quiet Storm]

I think it creates a very confusing dynamic. OW and MM are often on the same page with their emotions, but are on absolutely different pages when it comes down to what those emotions mean.

 

For OW, the intense emotions & connection often means that MM is "the one". These feelings mean that we should be together. For most women (not just OW), intense feelings + connection + romance = person I want to spend my life with. The end goal is being together.

 

For MM, the intense emotions & connection means that he found an awesome OW. He found someone to supplement his marriage. For MM, intense feelings + connection + romance = person I want to spend time with. The goal (there is no end) is supplementing the marriage.

 

The expectations are totally different, and when OW realizes that they are not going to be together, it can create intense feelings of rejection, abandonment and even rage. These feelings can cause someone with poor coping skills to act out, because they just don't have the tools to deal with it.

[foul4love]

Fellow OW/OM/OP...

 

Please save yourselves from your wild roalercoaster rides before a bolt becomes loose and the ride ends up taking your life or you've suffer a llife long injury (heartache etc). I'm there now, a bolt become loose and here I am in depths of despair. I've been a long time lurker. Long story short, I fell in love with a MW (married to a man), I'm a woman.

 

I know you OW have gone crazy and done some crazy things during your affairs and still are. I ask you to stop. I know you have said some vile things to him and been emotionally abusive, I ask you to stop. I've been there and I have said and done some horrible things to MW only because I was hurting and now that it is done, I am haunted by the crazy psycho things I have said and done. When I was in those horrible moments I couldn't get out until the damage was done. Never have I been like this to anyone in my life.

 

If MW/MM is not going to leave his BS for you...Let him go. Do not put yourself through this. I went through months of heartache and literally crying every night and every morning while MW went home to her husband and woke up next to her husband every morning. It killed me knowing after she shared herself with me, she would go home and 20 minutes later sharing herself with her husband. I went through hundreds of times pushing her away because I couldn't handle the pain anymore, I went through hundreds of times accepting her back or me running back. I knew it had to end and it was best for me but I kept going back or accepting her back. I was weak, lost self esteem, lost self-worth and I knew if it ever had to end, it would be her having to end it. Last Friday she finally did after an hours of me emotionally abusing her, swearing at her, yelling at her calling her names such as coward @sshole etc...she had enough. Now she is gone, forever, no longer in love with me, no longer wanting to see me when before she couldn't go a day without seeing me or phantom the idea of living without me. Now she is..I know your MM and MW are hurting you, but I hope all of you are better than me and are able to control your emotions and pain. Please just walk away. I've been through hell and not back yet. Not wanting to live, getting really ill, not being able to function at work. Truly at the depth of despair with nobody to hold me and see me through except myself. She was also my dearest friend. Before it is too late for you, please leave and seek support.

 

Today is day 4 of NC. Its awful but I know it is for the best. I did post her a letter yesterday, that should arrive in the mail today asking her if she had any love or care left for me within her and if that love and care should give her the desire to ever contact me, I want her to take that love and suppress that desire to contact me as contacting me would only hurt.

 

Its heartwrenching knowing that one day you are telling someone you can't live without them, and here you are they are living their lives without you happily back with their family.

Edited June 1, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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