JHparkes Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 Ok this might seem a strange question but it's worrying me. Been with my boyfriend for 10 months. He is very affectionate (always kisses to neck, hugs, snogs etc) but not overly sexual. We do tend to have sex once a week. To be honest we have never had sex that much right from word go. He is ten years older than me and says his sex drive is low sometimes. We've had countless discussions/rows about this and he says it's definately not me and he fancys me like mad. Which I can believe because he is very very affectionate. However, I have come to notice. When I act coy, blush and he is stroking my hair back off my face and I make out I can't look him in the eye then he is more likely to initiate sex. Why is this? Does it mean I am not his type sexually until I act a certain way?? This is really worrying me as I think he will get turned on by a shy woman and go off with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Roadkill007 Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 If I was a guy who liked my hypothetical gf's big breasts, would I drop her to go after some girl with bigger ones? Wouldn't even consider it if I was serious about the hypothetical gf. If you feel secure in your relationship, there's no reason to worry about a hypothetical coy girl who seduces him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 He likes to feel like he is in control and chasing you. but damn sex once a week after only 10 mos? You can live with that? That seems like a bigger issue than what turns him on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JHparkes Posted May 29, 2013 Author Share Posted May 29, 2013 I prefer coy demure women. Sexually aggressive women are too easy and a turn off. I'm not really very shy. I can talk to almost anyone. I can be shy when I really fancy a man and tend to act coy then, almost instinctively it happens, but not once I am used to the man. Would it be fake for me to act like this to get his engine revving every now and again? Or should I be telling him to go find a girl who is constantly and naturally shy and demure? Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 I'm not really very shy. I can talk to almost anyone. I can be shy when I really fancy a man and tend to act coy then, almost instinctively it happens, but not once I am used to the man. Would it be fake for me to act like this to get his engine revving every now and again? Or should I be telling him to go find a girl who is constantly and naturally shy and demure? It's called flirting. Being coy and all that. It's not a big deal. It's not changing you...it's flirting! If he can ONLY be turned on by that, then you've got a problem, but I flirt and act coy with my bf from time to time cause it's fun. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JHparkes Posted May 29, 2013 Author Share Posted May 29, 2013 He's in his mid-40s. He will try it on with me and be turned on when I'm not acting coy/shy, but it doesn't feel as exciting. It's more like we'll go to bed and he'll start touching me/kissing me. But last night, this was like he can't take his eyes off me and gives me that look of pure desire that makes me go even more coy. I was in a confident but playful mood and I really felt attracted to him. For some reason it made me feel even more shy. So I acted up to it and I noticed he couldn't stop looking at me out of the corner of his eye and touching me. He seemed to go quiet too. Later on I just knew he was going to try it on with me and he did. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JHparkes Posted May 30, 2013 Author Share Posted May 30, 2013 Aha! It works! Mid 40s: Some men already need to reach for Viagra at that age. He probably does not get that instant Titatium erection anymore. However, the major sex organ is the brain and couples that have great sex use the brain. Men over 40 depend on women that know how to turn them on. His low frequency may actually be your very own behavior around him. You need to learn how to turn him on. Yes, be coy and demure. Biological driven sex works well for very young people that are not in a relationship because everything is new. How old are you? Maybe there is a big age difference here. Uh-oh. so does this mean he's been lying when he says it's nothing I'm doing wrong when he hasn't got a high sex drive?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JHparkes Posted May 30, 2013 Author Share Posted May 30, 2013 Sex drive is either biological or cerebral. Biological: Horny 24/7 even if there is no woman around. Cerebral: Older guy needs to be turned on by the right woman. Pressuring him to ave sex is not sensual and could cause performance issues. It seems you need sex for validation. You are so right. I am just inpatient and in mad lust for him, not so much validation. I guess I do pressure. The amount of convos we have had about 'why he isn't horny' blah blah blah is bound to turn anyone off. I never really thought of it that way before. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 You might consider taking him to get his testosterone level checked. It seems there's another issue here. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
charlietheginger Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Ok this might seem a strange question but it's worrying me. Been with my boyfriend for 10 months. He is very affectionate (always kisses to neck, hugs, snogs etc) but not overly sexual. We do tend to have sex once a week. To be honest we have never had sex that much right from word go. He is ten years older than me and says his sex drive is low sometimes. We've had countless discussions/rows about this and he says it's definately not me and he fancys me like mad. Which I can believe because he is very very affectionate. However, I have come to notice. When I act coy, blush and he is stroking my hair back off my face and I make out I can't look him in the eye then he is more likely to initiate sex. Why is this? Does it mean I am not his type sexually until I act a certain way?? This is really worrying me as I think he will get turned on by a shy woman and go off with her. Whats happing is you are putting off submissive signals Think of it as a cartoon exaggeration... Bugs bunny watches his girlfriend bunny blink her eyes Blush and turn away, what does bugs bunny do Bugs gets hearts flying outta his stomach and he Floats in the air...... Your bashfulness is a " genuine authentic " sign you Like him Link to post Share on other sites
Author JHparkes Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 (edited) Whats happing is you are putting off submissive signals Think of it as a cartoon exaggeration... Bugs bunny watches his girlfriend bunny blink her eyes Blush and turn away, what does bugs bunny do Bugs gets hearts flying outta his stomach and he Floats in the air...... Your bashfulness is a " genuine authentic " sign you Like him charlietheginger, thank you, that is so true. This is how I used to be before we were dating when I clapped eyes on him in the corridor. As I now live with him, this is the 1st time in a while that I have naturally behaved like this around him. I was feeling a rush of girlish desire at the time and thinking how lucky I am to have him. I know that sound corny but that's how I would describe it. Maybe I need to think more often of all the positive things about him to make my natural attraction show itself more. BTW, I am only ten years younger than him. Edited May 31, 2013 by JHparkes add details Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 My boyfriend responds very well to me being coy, too. He's pretty conservative, uptight, and prudish about sex up front - but wild and passionate once he lets loose. And he loves to chase and be the aggressor. It seems that nothing gets him going like me behaving as if I have no interest in sex. (The truth is that I want it pretty much all the time.) I've tried a few different approaches, and this one usually works best. So I stick with it because it gets me what I want - more and better sex 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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