My FWB is flirting with my sister.

[Squirrel123]

Hello, 25 female here in a new FWB status with a guy friend of 10 years.

Quick background:

Went to highschool together, didn't really find myself attracted to him until recently. Both have the same mutual friends, and have since highschool. I decided to go for a sexual relationship with him a few months ago, got into a big argument and he stopped talking. He started talking again 4 months ago saying he was stupid and sorry. Anyway, I thought I would just let the trying to makeout with him and stuff thing go, but he came onto me last month out of the blue. We have been sexual for 3 weeks, not actually having sex though yet since we are both virgins. Anyway I understand that FWB means you can do as you please with whomever, but last night he flirted big time with my sister, our mutual friend. He was doing the same thing he does to me, tickle, comment on everything, even paid for her dinner.

Okay, I am confused. I dont know if I can watch this happen with my sister.. its very weird. I was so upset last night and im wondering if I should ask him if he has feelings for her, and if so I was thinking I should tell him we should stop seeing each other. Maybe im going overboard and over analyzing things, but he doesn't flirt with me around our friends. None of our friends know we have been seeing each other.

 

Would it be wrong it ask him if he has feelings for my sister?

[stillafool]

No it wouldn't be wrong to ask. As you said you are FWB so would it bother you if this were happening with another girl besides your sister? It could be that he actually wants a relationship with your sister since he is treating her different and isn't ashamed to show his affection in public for her. I think you should ask him how he feels because it would be wrong to share him with your sister. If you only care for him as a FWB maybe you should stop seeing him and start seeing someone new.

[Calvin's wagon]

Hi!

 

Welcome to the forum!

 

1. If I may ask, does your sister know you two are FWBs? I imagine it would affect her view of him and potential relationship with him (if she knew now), or if she found out later (when they would be dating).

 

2. Also, may I ask if you still are not interested in him in any other way than FWB?

 

3. Lastly (for now:)), I'd like to ask how come you have decided to enter a FWB instead of trying to find a guy who would be boyfriend material/potential? Even though I'm a guy, I was glad my first time having sex was with my at the time girlfriend, someone who at the time cared for me and had feelings for me, even though that meant waiting long into my twenties.

 

4. My last comment for now - in my opinion/in my values, it's extremely off limits to get involved with a sister of a girl with whom you were involved. Yes, we guys have a lot of fantasies involving sisters, but in real life, if I were involved in any way with one girl, I would probably have the other sister off limits for "ever" (I know, I know, never say never, but still). Too much potential hurt, drama, resentment etc.

 

I also agree with what Stillafool wrote, excellent points!

 

Best wishes!

[subversive]

Get out of the FWB scenario and tell your sister about it.

[Squirrel123]

Sorry it took me so long to respond, I had to go out of town. Thank you all for the reply's. During me being gone, I asked my FWB if he liked my sister. He said why?

I said if you do we shouldn't see each other anymore.

He said just friends.

Well, that was a good response but you know how women are.. I cant help but wonder if that is true. Im trying not to over think and see how they interact next time we are all together, since he knows I feel weird seeing them flirt.

I guess maybe I have more feelings for him than FWB and actually it feels like we are together right now, just secret. Hes not the type of guy to have a lot of girls wanting him, when he flirts I just tell myself it stops there and he goes home with me.

 

Also, we never had the "are we FWB?" talk. Like I said, we had a big fight and stopped talking, rekindled our friendship and I thought I wouldn't try to flirt anymore. Hes the one who made the first physical move. Since last post we have also had sex. Reading up on FWB it seems like you are not supposed to cuddle or hold hands. He holds my hand while we watch movies.

I don't know. Basically, I have distanced myself from social media sites because I overthink his posts. I don't like that he likes all my sisters posts. So, to help I have just not looked and tried to enjoy him coming over. I typically go overboard in a relationship and make it complicated. He has initiated conversations first most of the time since we started seeing each other.

My sister does not know we are seeing each other, but she knows I liked him from before the argument.

I cant help but think he is going to get bored soon.

Thanks again.

[Squirrel123]

Get out of the FWB scenario and tell your sister about it.

I dont think he is ready to tell our mutual friends.. mostly because one of our mutual friends is my ex boyfriend. I keep that in mind because it must be hard to be with a good friends girl. I think ill try to wait it out and see if he brings anything up. I would just need to reassure him that if we want to go public, I would talk to my ex.

[Shooting_Star]

Just a thought... Maybe he's doing it to make you jealous?

I think you should take a nice long look at how you really feel about him. You said you guess maybe you have more feelings for him than FWB. Think about if you would actually like to be in a committed relationship with him. Maybe you should also have a talk with him, let him know exactly how you feel about the entire situation (his flirting with her, your FWB status, everything.) As another user posted on one of my posts, everything would be so much easier if people just communicated.

[Trimmer]

Wait a minute.... You have defined this in your comments as a "FWB" relationship, and you keep referring to him that way, but then you say:

Also, we never had the "are we FWB?" talk. Like I said, we had a big fight and stopped talking, rekindled our friendship and I thought I wouldn't try to flirt anymore. Hes the one who made the first physical move.

So let's clarify something here: what makes you think you are in a FWB relationship?

 

If you haven't specifically talked about it, specifically agreed to it, and specifically defined what your FWB relationship is.... then you aren't in a FWB relationship. You are in a vague, undefined relationship with fuzzy edges and no boundaries, and the two of you may in fact have very different ideas of what that relationship is.

 

Calling it a "FWB relationship" is just fooling yourself into thinking that it's something that is specific and defined, so no wonder you are confused - you are trying to figure out where the boundaries are, and what your expectations should be, and there aren't any boundaries, there aren't any expectations.

 

Since last post we have also had sex. Reading up on FWB it seems like you are not supposed to cuddle or hold hands.

"Reading up on FWB..."? You don't define your relationship by reading up on it, you define it by talking about it with your partner. If you're not doing that, then you aren't defining it.

[IT Geek]

FWB is supposed to be about sex...nothing more. The face that you don't want him flirting with your sister seems to indicate a modicum of jealousy on your part. Ergo, you want more than a FWB relationship with him it seems like.

[Squirrel123]

Okay, I understand what everyone is saying about us not being FWB. At the time of the post, we had just started seeing each other, and since then I would say we are more than FWB due to the fact feelings are involved. Yes, I am attracted to him more than just sexually. I think he is to me too, he holds my hand, we makeout for a long time, he holds me etc. He always talks to me first everyday. Its not the "good morning" texts, which I like because that gets old. Its more of conversation starters, which makes me think hes still interested. The whole flirting with my sister thing might be toned down since I asked him that night, we all have not been around each other yet. I do tend to be a jealous person, but its just awkward it being my sister. It wouldn't bother me as bad if it was a random girl I think. Anyway, it is a complicated relationship but I feel passion when we have sex. He keeps giving indicators of keeping this going, but no indicators of making it publicly known. He doesn't flirt with me when we are around our mutual friends. I am trying to wait him out and see if he brings it up.

[Squirrel123]

Wait a minute.... You have defined this in your comments as a "FWB" relationship, and you keep referring to him that way, but then you say:

 

So let's clarify something here: what makes you think you are in a FWB relationship?

 

If you haven't specifically talked about it, specifically agreed to it, and specifically defined what your FWB relationship is.... then you aren't in a FWB relationship. You are in a vague, undefined relationship with fuzzy edges and no boundaries, and the two of you may in fact have very different ideas of what that relationship is.

 

Calling it a "FWB relationship" is just fooling yourself into thinking that it's something that is specific and defined, so no wonder you are confused - you are trying to figure out where the boundaries are, and what your expectations should be, and there aren't any boundaries, there aren't any expectations.

 

 

"Reading up on FWB..."? You don't define your relationship by reading up on it, you define it by talking about it with your partner. If you're not doing that, then you aren't defining it.

 

 

I completely agree. Its just hard to bring the "so what are we?" thing up. It seems too soon... its only been a month since we started seeing each other. I dont want to ruin it, I cant help but "feel" like he wants to ask.