Should I stay with bf who cheated?

[Littlebirdy]

This is a long story I will try to make short. If you'd like more in-depth details just let me know. PLEASE give me advice. I really need it.

 

Alright so me and my bf are 20 (since yesterday) and 23. We have been together 2 years.

 

In February of last year he cheated on me, multiple times I think with the same girl. He was likely drunk every time because he would get drunk daily because of his anxiety. He also did it with a minor which he said he would NEVER do because he is scared of jail. I was surprised to say the least.

 

I find all this out a few months later while he is dying in the hospital from dehydration from drinking. He had a seizure right in front of me that I'm still traumatized by. I was going to break up with him after he got out the hospital but I felt bad because he really needed me then. He survived and had to learn to walk, talk, eat, etc. I ended up staying with him after he got out the hospital.

 

I actually brought up what I found while he was in the hospital. I found out he was cheating because his phone was linked to his FB. In February (of last year) he told me his FB had been hacked and even showed me that his password wouldn't work. The same month he first screwed the girl. I showed him all the hurtful messages I saw, like him saying "Im thinking of breaking up with my gf cause she isnt my type anymore" and "I would break up with my gf for you if you didnt wanna screw so many guys" Anyway, he denied all of it and said one of his crazy ex gfs hacked it. But HOW? HOW did his ex gf pretend to be him and screw the girl multiple times? Obviously lying. And he was talking to this girl BEFORE his FB supposedly got hacked. They werent talking sexual but still talking.

 

So I'm back with him and it's been a year later. I'm 4 months pregnant with a little girl. Lately I have been thinking of the cheating so much and it hurts. I have been really tempted to reread all those messages they sent between each other. I don't know why. I'll probably end up reading them again after I post this. And if you're wondering I took screenshots of all the messages and hid them in my email just to keep the proof.

 

I get the feeling he will cheat again, and I don't want to be with him. I'm so suspicious and have 0 trust in him now. I don't believe anything he says. It's like I'm just sitting here waiting for it to happen. What do you think I should do? I want him to admit he did it. It's going to hurt me all over again badly but how am I supposed to move past it when he won't admit it? He has said "if I did it, I regret it and would never do it again and I'm sorry" and also "You get mad at me cause you think I'm gonna cheat, but I know I won't do that to you" and "Maybe I did do it but I don't remember because I was probably really drunk".

[CarrieT]

Briefly...

 

 

• He is an alcoholic (do you want that for your child?)
  

 

• He lies (do you want to raise a child with a parent who does not teach truth?)
  
• You are suspicious and *KNOW* he will probably cheat again.
  
• He is worried about jail (might you have a father to your child that can't support you because he is arrested?)
  

 

 

Do yourself a favor; break up with him and put the child up for adoption. Wait until you are old enough to find someone who is worthy of you.

[Littlebirdy]

@CarrieT

 

He has stopped drinking since he's gotten out of the hospital. He has been put on meds for his anxiety. He does still have a drink every 2 months or so.

 

I honestly don't see him as a fit parent like you've stated, but adopting the baby out isn't going to help. He wants the baby badly and if I put her up for adoption he will just claim her, leaving me to pay child support for a child I don't want and I would hate to leave the poor girl with him... even if I don't want to have a baby at this time.

[mammasita]

Theres no reason why you can't have a working relationship for the sake of your child.

 

More importantly, why do you need him to admit anything - you've SEEN the proof. That should be enough.

[Phantom888]

Cheaters never change. They will always find ways to cheat. Some people can't be monogamous...it's in their biology.

[pteromom]

@CarrieT

 

He has stopped drinking since he's gotten out of the hospital. He has been put on meds for his anxiety. He does still have a drink every 2 months or so.

 

I honestly don't see him as a fit parent like you've stated, but adopting the baby out isn't going to help. He wants the baby badly and if I put her up for adoption he will just claim her, leaving me to pay child support for a child I don't want and I would hate to leave the poor girl with him... even if I don't want to have a baby at this time.

 

You can probably work out an agreement for him to take custody without you having to pay child support if you severe your parental rights.

 

Please please please do not be a mother to a baby you do not want. Do not do that to your child.

 

As far as the cheating, even if he admits it, what is that going to change? Would you be able to get past him and trust him? If not, you should walk away from him.