Els Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Having had a pregnancy scare recently by a guy I would NEVER want a baby by, I wouldn't have kept it. Not aborted it ever but I wouldn't have kept it. How exactly do you intend to do that? Who are you going to foist your child upon? Put him/her up for adoption? What if there are no suitable takers, what then? He/she goes into the orphanage? Link to post Share on other sites
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 (edited) How exactly do you intend to do that? Who are you going to foist your child upon? Put him/her up for adoption? What if there are no suitable takers, what then? He/she goes into the orphanage? I would go through an adoption agency. Anyways who cares I wasn't pregnant which means I can say I would not EVER plan a baby by someone I wasn't married to...so what's "right" to some is whatever but it certainly isn't right to me. Edited June 1, 2013 by ImperfectionisBeauty Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arabella Posted June 1, 2013 Author Share Posted June 1, 2013 I would go through an adoption agency. Anyways who cares I wasn't pregnant which means I can say I would not EVER plan a baby by someone I wasn't married to...so what's "right" to some is whatever but it certainly isn't right to me. There's a difference between getting accidentally pregnant by a hookup who doesn't care about you, and on purpose by your live-in boyfriend who planned to marry you anyway. A big difference. If you were in a loving relationship where marriage is on a time line already, and your partner wanted to start trying for a child in the meantime, would you say no? If so, why? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arabella Posted June 1, 2013 Author Share Posted June 1, 2013 I mean if you ask me something I'm going to answer. So you were married and he cheated... You couldn't like try to work it out for the sake of your marriage? Ok then. I don't think I attacked you I said it isn't something I would do and I wouldn't intentionally do that. I would never put up with cheating in a relationship. That's part of my core values. The second he cheated, he was dead to me... period. The only exception would be if I had had a child with him. I would've still ended the relationship, but would've done my best to remain civil. Now you're judging my ability to commit, and how I chose to walk away instead of putting up with cheating. Don't you see what you're doing? The way I see it, I'm young, and by all standards, quite desirable. Why would I put up with a man who's anything but 100% committed to me, like I was? I don't need to settle for anything less than that. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 I personally wouldn't want to get married while I am pregnant, mostly because then everyone will think you are getting married because of the baby. Although to be honest, when I got married young, people assumed it was because I must have gotten pregnant. Guess you just cannot control what other people think, period. Do what makes you happy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arabella Posted June 1, 2013 Author Share Posted June 1, 2013 I don't understand. Why were you being irresponsible about birth control and taking a 'devil may care' attitude about getting pregnant when you knew this would create a problem for your father? How can you say you "suddenly realized" that your father will be negative about it because he's religious - surely you've known all along that he's a religious man? I just can't believe that people knowingly put themselves into this type of position and play pregnancy roulette, but don't put any thought into what can actually happen when pregnancy becomes a reality. So you want opinions on what? The fact that he's one of the very guys left in this world that actually plans on sticking around and wants to marry you? Yeah, what a horrible thing. I wasn't being irresponsible about birth control... we WANTED a child. We just didn't care about when it may come... we simply left it up to chance. We spent three months wondering every month if this was going to be the month. Why are people so narrow-minded and incapable of understanding the notion that a couple may want a child before getting married? As far as our marriage...he wanted to get married prior to me getting pregnant. Just not quite yet. So, his suddenly wanting to get married now raised red flags in my head. I don't need a man in my life. I'm a professional woman and I make more than him by a long shot. So, to me, it was an absolute priority that he marry me FOR ME, not because I'm now pregnant and he has some strange sense of responsibility. We talked it out thoroughly and he stated many times that this wasn't the case. The timeline simply changed because now I'm the mother of his child, not just his girlfriend... and that, apparently, had a profound impact in him. The way some people around here behave, you'd think I ought to hang my head in shame and pin a scarlet A on my chest. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arabella Posted June 1, 2013 Author Share Posted June 1, 2013 I personally wouldn't want to get married while I am pregnant, mostly because then everyone will think you are getting married because of the baby. Although to be honest, when I got married young, people assumed it was because I must have gotten pregnant. Guess you just cannot control what other people think, period. Do what makes you happy. There are plenty of statistics out there about how marriages that happen when people are under 25 fail horribly most of the time (and I have my own personal experience to draw from)... but you don't hear me judging you. The reality is that at the end of the day... we all do what's right for us. And that's okay... we don't have to agree! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 The way some people around here behave, you'd think I ought to hang my head in shame and pin a scarlet A on my chest. I think that you should...... But only if you like creative scarlet monikers, Arabella 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arabella Posted June 1, 2013 Author Share Posted June 1, 2013 I think that you should...... But only if you like creative scarlet monikers, Arabella Well, now that you mention it... http://i1.cpcache.com/product/615657084/womens_light_tshirt.jpg?color=LightPink&height=460&width=460&qv=90 I couldn't find the preggo version of it, but I could totally rock one of these! Link to post Share on other sites
Nyla Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Arabella, I noticed you were talking about wedding dresses and your changing body. Try to find an empire waist gown. Those are really flattering for pregnant brides. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arabella Posted June 1, 2013 Author Share Posted June 1, 2013 Nyla, I'm glad you mentioned that! What'cha ladies think of this? Floral Burnout Chiffon Gown - David's Bridal 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nyla Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 I like how flowing the material is; very nice simple gown. Be careful with ordering dresses online, especially since you are pregnant and you may have special fitting needs. What may look great online may not look so good once you try it on. DB has excellent prices and selection. Don't limit yourself to one length either; if you have great legs, show them off! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Well, now that you mention it... http://i1.cpcache.com/product/615657084/womens_light_tshirt.jpg?color=LightPink&height=460&width=460&qv=90 I couldn't find the preggo version of it, but I could totally rock one of these! I like the idea, but the vines are "skewering" the A. It makes me feel sad for the A. But then again, my purse was snatched yesterday so I haven't had any anti-depressant or medicine that helps with concentration for 48 hours. My husband joked to my daughter that I was 34 (I'm 30) and I got pretty temperamental. Maybe this one? http://image.spreadshirt.com/image-server/v1/compositions/19346892/views/1,width=280,height=280,appearanceId=2.png/scarlet-letter-a-women-s-v-neck-t-shirt_design.png Although I am sure that some on here would rather you wear a maternity shirt saying: baby bastard on board. Be sure to match with being barefoot and hanging your head in shame. :laugh: My mother had some nightgowns saying "special offer inside." Which is funny because if you google it, I think it was a Marlboro cigarettes slogan. The 80s, sheesh. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Nyla, I'm glad you mentioned that! What'cha ladies think of this? Floral Burnout Chiffon Gown - David's Bridal I really really like that. So simple and elegant. So many dress designers push for strapless and I think it looks so tacky on so many people. I actually have my dress very very plain and custom-made. Then three days before the wedding, I tried on one of the store's bridesmaid dresses because it looked so pretty. It was also very ornate. Anyway, it was a "champagne white" with long sleeves. I actually had this wonderful tailor put a red lack back into it and that was my wedding dress. Three days! LOL I don't regret it in the slightest. You might change your mind a thousand times before the wedding. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 I really really like that. So simple and elegant. So many dress designers push for strapless and I think it looks so tacky on so many people. I actually have my dress very very plain and custom-made. Then three days before the wedding, I tried on one of the store's bridesmaid dresses because it looked so pretty. It was also very ornate. Anyway, it was a "champagne white" with long sleeves. I actually had this wonderful tailor put a red lack back into it and that was my wedding dress. Three days! LOL I don't regret it in the slightest. You might change your mind a thousand times before the wedding. Plus it wasn't expensive, they exchanged my wedding dress in (which was more expensive material) for the bridesmaid's dress with the laceback. Total cost: $850. Not bad. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Oh, that's lovely ! The dress, and of course many congratulations to you and the lucky Mr. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pink_sugar Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 There are plenty of statistics out there about how marriages that happen when people are under 25 fail horribly most of the time (and I have my own personal experience to draw from)... but you don't hear me judging you. The reality is that at the end of the day... we all do what's right for us. And that's okay... we don't have to agree! I hope you weren't under the impression that I was judging you, because I definitely wasn't. Anyways, it wasn't a big deal for me to get married young, I did what I thought was right for me at the time and hey, if it doesn't work out, there's always divorce. But I'm glad I don't have any kids yet, (I was 19 then and 24 now) as there was no way I would have been ready for a child at the time. Maybe when I'm 30 or older. lol:laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Good evening. We did a little cleanup. Let's keep the topic focused on the pregnancy and getting married and do it with some civility and respect. Thanks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Arabella Posted June 2, 2013 Author Share Posted June 2, 2013 Thanks for the suggestions, everyone! The search for the perfect dress continues. The way I figure, I'm going to buy one size up from whatever dress I choose, and then have it sized at the tailor when it gets closer to the date. That's probably the only way I can ensure it will fit correctly at that time. Boyfriend and I had brunch with his parents today. They were so happy about the idea of being grandparents. His sister wanted to be the midwife for the baby (that's what she does). All his friends at work offered congratulations and huge smiles when I stopped by with lunch on Saturday. I have this perpetual fuzzy feeling nowadays.... I guess this is what true happiness feels like -A PS: Thanks for your vigilant eye, William. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Any thoughts? His original belief that it was too soon was based on one set of circumstances. Those circumstances changed, so his belief naturally changed as a result. If you believe him that he always wanted to marry you, the when shouldn't be an issue. Congrats!!! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
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