10 months after affair and we still have issues....

[oldshirt]

 

I know I'd be pretty interested and I'd be alerted to something going on.

 

QUOTE]

 

I am not aware of your current relationship status but if you have the slightest bit of a healthy relationship, you would be alerted something was going on and would be interested.

 

However keep in mind they are not and she is still likely under the fog of the affair and probably still pining for the OM to one degree or another.

 

She is checked out and disconnected from her husband and probably won't really notice too much for the first month or two of his activities. She may even actually enjoy and appreciate him not being around and not being in her airspace.

 

It's once she realizes that he taking control of his life and starting to live a good life with or without her that she will take notice.

[oldshirt]

-

 

.

 

Nice script you have there OS.... let's see if either of them stick to it and get the results you predict.

 

Somehow, I have a feeling they'll divert from it by line 10.....

 

Unfortunately on that note I do agree with you

 

It's easy for me to sit here behind a keyboard and type out what someone else should do but it's a whole other reality to actually do it and keep with it throughout the whole course.

 

It's easy to write and read. It's can be very difficult to actually do and so many people say to do the opposite and to try to appease and accommodate a straying wife.

 

All you have to do is read the success vs the failure accounts of people in the real world. The appeasers and accommodators almost universally either get left, get cheated on again or just simply live in dead, unsatisfying marriages out of desperation and fear.

 

The people that have pulled themselves up by their bootstraps and taken charge of their marriages and held their WSs accountable for their actions and accountable for repairing the damages have either gone on to have somewhat successful marriages post-affair or have had divorces that they have survived intact and gone on to recover relatively quickly and lead good lives post-divorce.

[sayyes19]

No, not meaning that.

 

Meaning that when he begins all this independent activity she will wonder what the hell is going on with her H, suddenly.

And she may suspect him of having an affair.

 

I know I'd be pretty interested and I'd be alerted to something going on.

 

Nice script you have there OS.... let's see if either of them stick to it and get the results you predict.

 

Somehow, I have a feeling they'll divert from it by line 10.....

 

Her worrying about him having an affair would probably be the best thing for their marriage. She obviously doesn't respect him as a partner and it might be the firecracker that opens her eyes. If not she deserves to feel a little vulnerable anyways.

[AnotherLife]

Hi justwondering77,

 

sorry to hear what's happening in your life.

 

As others have already said, regardless of the reason, the fact that your wife is not kissing you IS a big deal. For women, kissing means a lot!!

 

Others have suggested that she may still be harbouring feelings for the AP.

Perhaps though, this is not the case, and it is more about unresolved issues that she has with you, rather than having residual feelings for the AP. [i'm not saying it is your fault!!! I am just saying, she may not know how to express these feelings to you.]

 

Did you ever work out what led her into the A to start with? Maybe she has decided to reconcile 'for the sake of the family', but her heart is not in it. You really need to understand what led her down that path to start with, as this may hold the answers as to where you are now, and what you really need to do to move forward, either together, or apart.

 

Being able to communicate is the key to understanding. Unfortunately, most of us do not know how to get to the nitty gritty. This is where MC will help you. As has been previously suggested, in your current situation, I see this as a MUST DO.

 

Good luck.