drunken fumble with best friend, heartbroken and dont know ?

[sst8]

hubby, myself and single man eating best friend all went out, lots of drinks, lost hubby at some stage, he left message saying where he was and to meet him at friends hotel, which I didn't I just went home.

 

friend went back to hotel and got into bed with my hubby who was asleep and very drunk and doesn't seem to remember much at all, woke up in morning and called me to tell me about lack of underwear and what he thought had happened, I respect his honesty, ive never had a reason to not trust him, he adores me and has never done anything like this before, he is so upset as he doesn't remember just snip bits, best friend however seems to remember a lot more than him, and seems to tell a different story that he knew what he was doing during the night and in the morning, and she wanted to keep quiet, the same best friend has before had one night stands with my 1st husband and an ex boyfriend (they were both ex's at the time)

 

confused hurt angry, so many emotions all at the same time, if I forgive hubby do I have to forgive friend too, does that make me a hypocrite, walk away and I loose the childhood sweetheart ive waited 25 years for, its not as if were teenagers mid 40's and been together for over 5 years.

 

How do you get over something like this if you stick with the relationship or walk away?

[crederer]

Well I guess it comes down to whether or not you trust him. Your "friend" is not your friend either, btw. Get rid of her fast.

[todreaminblue]

hubby, myself and single man eating best friend all went out, lots of drinks, lost hubby at some stage, he left message saying where he was and to meet him at friends hotel, which I didn't I just went home.

 

friend went back to hotel and got into bed with my hubby who was asleep and very drunk and doesn't seem to remember much at all, woke up in morning and called me to tell me about lack of underwear and what he thought had happened, I respect his honesty, ive never had a reason to not trust him, he adores me and has never done anything like this before, he is so upset as he doesn't remember just snip bits, best friend however seems to remember a lot more than him, and seems to tell a different story that he knew what he was doing during the night and in the morning, and she wanted to keep quiet, the same best friend has before had one night stands with my 1st husband and an ex boyfriend (they were both ex's at the time)

 

confused hurt angry, so many emotions all at the same time, if I forgive hubby do I have to forgive friend too, does that make me a hypocrite, walk away and I loose the childhood sweetheart ive waited 25 years for, its not as if were teenagers mid 40's and been together for over 5 years.

 

How do you get over something like this if you stick with the relationship or walk away?

 

give your husband a chance......lose the friend who is so disrespectful of you, your husband and your marriage, actually also previous relationships..she has an agenda with you...and doesnt give a crap she is hurting you....obviously...so dont you care about her....or feel hypocritical...she is a false friend not even a fair weather one...it is not hypocritical...it is the only way to keep your marriage and move on from this....your husband cares......he cares because he was immediately honest with you....you know this....drop the friend...i hope you work it out with your hubby......i wish you the best.....deb

[Darren Steez]

Your friend sleeps with your ex and your first husband...and still you don't have a clue... I'm baffled

[BeholdtheMan]

the same best friend has before had one night stands with my 1st husband and an ex boyfriend (they were both ex's at the time)

 

This is still rather weird. You must have quite a unique definition of "best friend"

[jolie_baby]

this must be a troll

[2sunny]

Best to figure out where your boundary is - you seem to have none.

 

By staying friends with her - you should fully understand she would sleep with any guy you're with.

 

I hope this isn't real - it's sickening how you allow others to walk(stomp) all over you.

[sst8]

no its no troll, its deffo real life....my life

 

im really struggling with it all at the moment, he swears he cant remember anything, ive been with him long enough to know what hes like when hes had a drink and I think I might just believe him, my so called friend however is telling me things happened that I just know would never ever happen when he is drunk.....its a nightmare

[Chi townD]

Well, if he can't remember anything, then he was raped and your friend should be brought up on charges. If he doesn't agree with you or doesn't want to do that.....well, then maybe he remembers a little more than what he's letting on.

[Ursa]

Your friend is not a friend. Not by any stretch of the imagination. I would black hole her immediately. Well, I would probably have one massive towering Inferno confrontation with her first, and then black hole, but that's me. Block her on Facebook, block her numbers from your phones, automatically tag her email address for your Spam folder..and tell any mutual friends the truth about her actions, don't give her the power of secrecy in which to slander you or further try to manipulate your marriage/life.

 

As for the husband...I would consider salvaging the marriage, because I believe in marriage and in trying to work through the inevitable rough patches, but only if my husband agreed to couples counseling and probably individual therapy as well. If drinking is a problem for him--and it sounds like it is--he would also have to agree to a pretty big lifestyle change and give up the boozing. He might need further professional help with that.

 

Some questions you should be asking: Why did he drink so much? Why did he 'get lost' and leave you alone in a bar? No matter how drunk, my husband would NEVER do that. Why did he go back to your friend's hotel in the first place? He is a grown man, not a child lured off by candy. Had they already been flirting and pushing boundaries, or does he just make a habit of staggering drunkenly in pursuit of other women?

 

Perhaps your friend is strongly exaggerating what debauchery happened that night--but I find it very difficult to believe that your husband was magically transported away from you by accident and then just innocently fell into her bed at her hotel and then curled up sleeping innocently while she fiendishly divested him of his pants and underwear. The truth is likely somewhere in the middle ground between these two version.

 

In any case, it is perfectly fine to work through this and forgive your husband (if you can) while remaining resolutely against the 'friend'. She has demonstrated a nasty pattern with you, it's past time for her to get gone, and you owe her nothing.

[2sunny]

She may have slipped something in his drink.

 

He may have been in a blackout.

 

The fact that your friend is talking about it all is concerning - like bragging?

 

What did she say he did that you find hard to believe? Maybe she's just lying?

[sst8]

so called friend has disappeared now, not heard from her and doubt I will,

 

I know he was drunk and had he been left alone in that bed he would have stayed asleep til the morning no probs, why would she come in see him there and then get undressed and get into the bed.

the emotions im feeling are all over the place, is she more of a woman than me to actually get anything to work after he had a drink, if that's even what happened, the slight sense of guilt for me just going home and not going to the hotel and getting him and bringing him home.

 

he will talk about it anytime I want and answers any questions I have and has been upfront about the whole thing from the morning after it happened, we cried together, he's taken my shouting and ranting.....I just want my relationship back, before this we were the perfect couple

[Ursa]

the slight sense of guilt for me just going home and not going to the hotel and getting him and bringing him home.

.....I just want my relationship back, before this we were the perfect couple

 

 

I wondered about the bolded, too. It's strange that he wandered off from you and ended up at your friends' hotel...it's also strange that when he asked you to join him there, you did not respond. It's somewhat unclear what was happening on your end of this evening, as well. If my husband asks me to meet him somewhere, I go there...or I have a good reason why I can't, and I let him know accordingly. Did you text him back that you were going home and not coming to find him? I would have had some alarm bells going off if my drunk husband were semi-passed out at the hotel of a woman who had already slept with several of my exes, including a previous husband. Did you not have alarm bells? Were you both too drunk to think straight?

 

Do you regularly get this drunk and disorganized? If so, I would say that you were probably not the perfect couple. Hard-partying couples are pretty vulnerable.

[Annapol]

hubby, myself and single man eating best friend all went out, lots of drinks, lost hubby at some stage, he left message saying where he was and to meet him at friends hotel, which I didn't I just went home.

 

 

Wait, what????? "Meet him at friends hotel???"

 

Are you kidding me????

 

Just how drunk do you have to be to conveniently "lose" your wife and end up at her friend's hotel?

 

I'd say lose your friend, AND Mr. Forgetful...

 

I'm sorry. What I mean is, why are you still friends with her if all these things have happened, and why is your husband so "helpless" when he's drinking?

[jolie_baby]

so called friend has disappeared now, not heard from her and doubt I will,

 

I cannot believe this isn't a troll

 

You called her best friend in the title of the thread and now she disappeared? How does a best friend just disappear, and come you do not have your best friend's contacts?

 

Sorry if it isn't so but... I find all of this a bit strange and lacking so much detail... I hope you find the replies of LSers helpful, if not.