mtnbiker3000 Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 Begin pity party: I've heard the third and fourth months post BU are the hardest. Well I hope so, because I feel like I am getting worse, not better. My mind is going crazy, and this seems to be spilling over into other areas of my life. I am hyper-critical about my self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence. I feel like my age is working against me (41), and I am getting less and less 'marketable' with each passing day. I feel like I am spiraling downwards, and the shyte is really starting to hit the fan... Gotta snap out of this. Quick, someone slap the crap out of me and set me straight. Please!! BU 3.5 months NC 2.5 months End pity party Link to post Share on other sites
aisuru Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 Shut up!!! Men don't get less desirable, women do. You're at the prime age to meet someone who's ready to settle down. Get off your butt and start meeting!! LOLOLOLOL Yeah... I still can't get myself attracted to men over 40 and I'll be 37 soon. I look, act, and feel about 5 years younger than I am. Guess what? Men go downhill just as some women go downhill. I'm right there with you OP on the awareness of "prime time" years. I don't have to get married, but it would certainly be nice. Link to post Share on other sites
BustedUpInside Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 Shut up!!! Men don't get less desirable, women do. Hey! That is not true! I am 32 and I am better looking and more awesome than I ever was in my twenties! mtnbiker3000: Ok, first things first. Calm down, take a breath, and try to think through everything rationally. I think the 3-4 month mark is the hardest for lots of reasons. I think a big one is that when you first get dumped everyone is really really sympathetic. They tell you to take as much time as you need and any small thing you do is met with approval and congratulations (getting out of bed, actually going out somewhere, eating right, etc) By the time you hit 3 months, people aren't mean but they just aren't excited anymore. So there is a certain lack of motivation that sets in. Another thing is that you are probably getting sick of yourself by this point. You can't believe that it is taking even this long to be over someone who probably wasn't worth it anyway. You're mad at yourself, and that makes you feel pathetic, which is depressing, which in turn makes you more mad. Instead of participating in this cycle, take a step back. Remember that you actually have made a lot of progress and that you can't force yourself to be better. You just have to accept that it will take time. The harder you are on yourself, the more time it will take. Finally, I think the 3-4 month mark is when reality really sets in. Not that you are broken up, not that your ex may or may not be dating again, not that you may or may not be dating again but the real reality. The scariest one. The truth that your ex is not coming back. There is nothing you can do, say, change, promise, blackmail, buy, etc.. that will entice, force, will that person to come back to you, beg for forgiveness and make everything like it used to be before you got your heart ripped out. Those are the main reasons I think it is so hard. But that is the bad news, and here is the good news. This is the last big hump you will have to go through. It isn't always going to be roses, but if you make it through this last wave of depression and acceptance, it really does get easier. You will be amazed at how the stuff that is so upsetting to you right now will just kind of fade and you just won't be that emotionally connected to it anymore. You find new things to be excited about and then suddenly one day, you will see something and think "Why does this look familiar?" and when you finally realize it has some tie to your ex, you will be surprised but in a good way. I absolutely promise that if you stick with it, you will feel better in no time. Keep your head up!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted May 29, 2013 Author Share Posted May 29, 2013 Shut up!!! Men don't get less desirable, women do. You're at the prime age to meet someone who's ready to settle down. Get off your butt and start meeting!! That's what I'm talking about. Sometimes just need to hear it from someone else. What sucks is I have about zero support system here. So LS, you're it. Thanks for that!! Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 Begin pity party: I've heard the third and fourth months post BU are the hardest. Well I hope so, because I feel like I am getting worse, not better. My mind is going crazy, and this seems to be spilling over into other areas of my life. I am hyper-critical about my self-worth, self-esteem and self-confidence. I feel like my age is working against me (41), and I am getting less and less 'marketable' with each passing day. I feel like I am spiraling downwards, and the shyte is really starting to hit the fan... Gotta snap out of this. Quick, someone slap the crap out of me and set me straight. Please!! BU 3.5 months NC 2.5 months End pity party 41? No, hon. You're age isn't working against you. NC needs at the very least, 3 months. At the least. This is all pretty normal. The hill gets easier to climb, I promise. But don't sweat your age. You're fine. :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted May 29, 2013 Author Share Posted May 29, 2013 Thanks BUI!!! Really, really, really needed that!!! Just so damn hard right now, and you're right. I'm just getting pissed off at myself for spending so much time and energy looking back. Hope this is the last hump before things calm down a bit... Thanks again!! Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 So, I met my H when I was 46 - 10 years ago..... You young un's, huh! You don't know you're born!! Hey Mountie, look at it this way: You are highly eligible. You're mature, established, fit, you like the outdoors, you're spiritual, sincere, considerate, experienced, and guarded but receptive. You frankly, are many a young lady's dream.... And aisuru - you're divine. You're bright, intelligent, witty, you have empathy, humour and talent. You guys need to leave yourself completely open to new possibilities. The more you're on the lookout for something to come along, the less it will come to you. You attract by doing the opposite - Magnets hook up North and South - right? You guys need to meet...... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
aisuru Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 So, I met my H when I was 46 - 10 years ago..... You young un's, huh! You don't know you're born!! Hey Mountie, look at it this way: You are highly eligible. You're mature, established, fit, you like the outdoors, you're spiritual, sincere, considerate, experienced, and guarded but receptive. You frankly, are many a young lady's dream.... And aisuru - you're divine. You're bright, intelligent, witty, you have empathy, humour and talent. You guys need to leave yourself completely open to new possibilities. The more you're on the lookout for something to come along, the less it will come to you. You attract by doing the opposite - Magnets hook up North and South - right? You guys need to meet...... Now the headmistress is a matchmaker. Lovely. Tara Maiden, just plain adorable. and ruthless. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 I'm 30 and I only ever date guys who are at least 7 or 8 years older than me but usually more. So MB..when are you buying me a drink? Agreed. I'm 30 too, and the more I date guys over 35, the more I think they suit me. :-) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted May 29, 2013 Author Share Posted May 29, 2013 41? No, hon. You're age isn't working against you. NC needs at the very least, 3 months. At the least. This is all pretty normal. The hill gets easier to climb, I promise. But don't sweat your age. You're fine. :-) Thanks MC!! Just having a rough day... again!! Hope your right, thouggh. I have tried so hard with NC and moving on. Not sure where I am in the process as my thoughts circle around constantly. Hope this is dark before the light at the end of the tunnel And I guess I can't complain, as I regularly get mistaken for early thirties. Unless people are just being polite. Oh well, I'll take it 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aisuru Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 Agreed. I'm 30 too, and the more I date guys over 35, the more I think they suit me. :-) yeah... that's what I thought when I was your age. back in the day. my last two boyfriends were both younger than me and both thought I was significantly younger than them. i might be immature. Sorry mtnbiker, we're totally taking your thread on a tangent. You'll feel better soon. Just ride it out my friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BustedUpInside Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 I don't doubt that you are absolutely fabulous and will continue to get more fabulous as time goes on! I'm 30 and I'm fabulous too. Love it! I strut so much more than I used to. The older I get, the easier it is to accept myself as beautiful and to insist that everyone else agrees 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted May 29, 2013 Author Share Posted May 29, 2013 I'm 30 and I only ever date guys who are at least 7 or 8 years older than me but usually more. So MB..when are you buying me a drink? Ha!! Well, whenever you're in Cali, I guess!!! I will say that my ex was 31 and I think that played a small roll in our incompatabilities. But nothing wrong with just grabbing a drink I suppose Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted May 29, 2013 Author Share Posted May 29, 2013 yeah... that's what I thought when I was your age. back in the day. my last two boyfriends were both younger than me and both thought I was significantly younger than them. i might be immature. Sorry mtnbiker, we're totally taking your thread on a tangent. You'll feel better soon. Just ride it out my friend. I love it. Just what I needed today!!! And, I am quite the threadjacker myself if you haven't noticed 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 I don't doubt that you are absolutely fabulous and will continue to get more fabulous as time goes on! I'm 30 and I'm fabulous too. Oh yeah. I'm 56 and absolutely phukking amazing... And have you met my husband.....? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
aisuru Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 I live in Cali. I live in Cali too! Link to post Share on other sites
BustedUpInside Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 And have you met my husband.....? Hahaha! I did like a quadruple take on that picture. Link to post Share on other sites
BustedUpInside Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 I live in Cali too! I wonder how many of us live on the west coast. Yikes, I feel like I am interrupting a date...............<crickets> 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted May 29, 2013 Author Share Posted May 29, 2013 And don't be age-ist! Ha! Not age-ist, just think it's hard to be truly compatible with someone with 10 years age difference. Not impossible. Just not easy. At least that's my most current experience . BTW - Northern Cali. You? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted May 29, 2013 Author Share Posted May 29, 2013 One experience does not make you an expert on 31 year old women. Silly ! My ex is 40, that doesn't mean I know all about every single 40 year old man on the planet. Southern..but I'll be in San Fran in a few weeks. You're not the Zodiac killer or anything, are you? Of course, you're right. I've just found that shared life experiences can be different as 10 years just creates a gap in the things we each learned, experienced and remembered, as they obviously represent vastly different time periods. And, no not the Zodiac, but maybe the Night Stalker!?!? Ha JK... Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 My dad was 11 years older than my mother. 57 years married..... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aisuru Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 Nice! We can both go to MB's pity party. I'll bring the party hats, you can bring the chips. No. I'll bring the vodka. I'm also in SoCal. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 And I'm in the UK.... You guys are sooooooo lucky I can not bring my Hot-bod over there right now!! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aisuru Posted May 29, 2013 Share Posted May 29, 2013 Best drink ever - dirty martini with a splash of Tabasco sauce. :sick::sick::sick::sick::sick::sick: replace the tabasco with lotsa olive juice, perhaps. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted May 29, 2013 Author Share Posted May 29, 2013 Best drink ever - dirty martini with a splash of Tabasco sauce. Blah. My ex was a Martini drinker. I prefer a Manhattan. Or just whiskey in a glass And as far as the age thing. Take for example music, TV and movies. Of course there are things we liked together and shared. But there were many things I liked from my younger years that she didn't understand or couldn't relate too. Thought they were stupid. Kind of like how kids always think their parent's things are old, stuffy and lame. Obviously not as much as a gap in years here, but it's the same idea. Now is this absolute and always true. Of course NOT, But again, I do believe it played a small roll in our over-all incompatibility. Just sayin' 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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