Sitting across the table versus sitting beside

[Teknoe]

Is there that BIG a difference? How big? What is the (big) difference?

 

I know there's a huge difference for example between hand holding and interlocked fingers hand holding... the latter is far more intimate.

 

Is sitting beside someone far more intimate than sitting across? Aren't most dates across?

 

Inspired by this quote elsewhere

 

When you sit at a table, tell her to move over and sit beside her, not across. Say that you "like this better" and give her the "look."

 

I say this because I have a girl friend and when we hang out we always sit across. She makes lots of eye contact, smiles and I feel there's a nice vibe. But last time I asked her to sit beside me because I was sharing a book. I noticed she became, hmmm, maybe a bit "nervous" ? Not sure if it was nervous in a good or a bad way. All I know is the eye contact became a lot more "intimate" sitting across. Almost like I forced her to see me in a different light (har har...)

 

I think it was positive though because at the end of the evening she thanked me for a fun evening.

 

But I thought it was interesting how she went from free and happy and carefree sitting across to more self-conscious/vulnerable when she sat beside me.

 

Would love male and female input here!

[Estate]

Is there that BIG a difference? How big? What is the (big) difference?

 

I know there's a huge difference for example between hand holding and interlocked fingers hand holding... the latter is far more intimate.

 

Is sitting beside someone far more intimate than sitting across? Aren't most dates across?

 

Inspired by this quote elsewhere

 

 

 

I say this because I have a girl friend and when we hang out we always sit across. She makes lots of eye contact, smiles and I feel there's a nice vibe. But last time I asked her to sit beside me because I was sharing a book. I noticed she became, hmmm, maybe a bit "nervous" ? Not sure if it was nervous in a good or a bad way. All I know is the eye contact became a lot more "intimate" sitting across. Almost like I forced her to see me in a different light (har har...)

 

I think it was positive though because at the end of the evening she thanked me for a fun evening.

 

But I thought it was interesting how she went from free and happy and carefree sitting across to more self-conscious/vulnerable when she sat beside me.

 

Would love male and female input here!

 

There are conflicting theories on this... but I'm assuming it's a first date.

 

PERSONALLY, I'll pick a place with a round or high-top 4 seater, let her sit and sit NEXT to her... say it's easier to talk that way.

 

It's not to "interlock hands", it's a first date, but it is so that you can casually touch, brush off each other, nd generally talk closer together, you want to be close to her.

 

Sitting across makes it too "interview" like. Then again, the opposing theory is that if you can generate such amazing sexual chemestry that she is just WOWed, then sitting across can be very effective. Thn again, this is LS, so any guy on here is probably not very adept at making magical sexual chemestry.

[sillyanswer]

Sitting across the table is great for interrogations. Interrogation dates aren't my favourite.

[gaius]

Many good women aren't going to be comfortable getting that close to you the minute you meet, so across the table is best for the first date. Give her at least a few minutes to get comfortable with you and your energy in person. There are plenty of ways to progress into the physical/closeness aspect if you get the vibe she's ready and you can always change seats if needed. It's better than totally scaring her off from the get go.

[carhill]

As long as the table is smallish, I prefer sitting across. Easier to look into each other's eyes when talking, feed each other food, play footsie under the table, etc, etc.

[Estate]

As long as the table is smallish, I prefer sitting across. Easier to look into each other's eyes when talking, feed each other food, play footsie under the table, etc, etc.

 

On a first date? Can you say CREEPY?

 

This is why dating advice here is RIDICULOUS!?!?! If the average guy actually did that, and not in fantasy land, he'd not get very far.

[cerridwen]

Sitting next to each other is a well-known precursor to the solicitation of a hand job.

That's probably why that poor girl was nervous, Teknoe.

[carhill]

Apparently the women I've dated over the decades haven't found it 'creepy' at all. That's about 35 years. YMMV.

[somedude81]

Frankly, it would just feel weird to go into a table at restaurant and have both of you sitting on the same side. Like what are the both of you supposed to look at?

[FitChick]

If we were eating with another couple, then sitting side by side would be fine. Otherwise, I prefer facing someone when we speak.

[Estate]

Frankly, it would just feel weird to go into a table at restaurant and have both of you sitting on the same side. Like what are the both of you supposed to look at?

 

Not side by side... think of a table that sits 4 people.... so you're sitting at a 90 degree angle...

 

Don't sit literally side by side... thats just weird.

[carhill]

Last 'first' date I went on, after my exW and I split up, was at a sushi place for lunch. Ordered a selection, some sake and a bottle of wine. Sat across from each other. Traded some food back and forth and I refilled her wine glass (I was drinking sake) and occasionally I'd touch her hand while making conversation, completely naturally and without thought. Lunch lasted two hours, until they closed the place for the afternoon. We went on to date perhaps four or five other times over a month, moving on to dinner and activities. Still sat across from each other, as we were dining solo (no other couples). I see the same thing whenever I dine alone, which is mostly what I do now. Couples sit across from each other. As FitChick mentioned, if another couple is there, then they/we sit side by side. That's how it went with my exW and I during our M. Never gave it much thought until this thread.

[Lani]

I like the sitting next to eachother. It's closer, and more intimate. I find across the table awkward most times.

Plus, you can both be looking the same way. So if something funny is happening then you can both be looking without it being awkward. It's good for playing the 'guess what those two are here for' game.

[todreaminblue]

I find when you sit across from someone its easy .....you dont have to put any effort into looking at them ...just hold your head straight ...smile....sort of perfunctory..........if you are sitting next to someone it immediately becomes more intimate.......there's effort involved......barriers of personal space are also automatically bought down, no table in the middle for starters....most guys if i have sat at a booth slide in next to me...if its a table for two there's not much choice....i think its a personal preference...most guys i have gone out with feel confident enough to slide in next to me......if a guy has sat down first......and not waited until i have found my seat...its opposite day for me........deb

[Els]

I dunno, we vary across/opposite based on the dining establishment, not so much our status

 

In formal dining it just looks odd if you sit beside, even if there's a nice big couch there. You will see that without exception, most people sit across.

 

If it's a coffee shop, we do sometimes sit beside, since there won't be the issue of hindrance of space for our food. Never really thought about it.

[somedude81]

Not side by side... think of a table that sits 4 people.... so you're sitting at a 90 degree angle...

 

Don't sit literally side by side... thats just weird.

The 90 degree angle is fine.

 

I was talking about when you go to a restaurant in you're in a booth, that's when sitting side-by-side is odd.

[Lani]

The 90 degree angle is fine.

 

I was talking about when you go to a restaurant in you're in a booth, that's when sitting side-by-side is odd.

 

This depends..

Side by side in a booth is great if there is no awkwardness.

It's probably not a first date activity, but from then on it's great. More closeness, and it's better for food placement.

[USMCHokie]

At a square table with chairs, I'll sit next to her so we're on adjacent sides of the table. At a booth, across. I think sitting on the same side of a booth is tacky and weird. Just my opinion though.

[somedude81]

This depends..

Side by side in a booth is great if there is no awkwardness.

It's probably not a first date activity, but from then on it's great. More closeness, and it's better for food placement.

Really?

 

So if the two of you aren't awkward, then it's fine?

 

I need more input!

[BluEyeL]

I like the 90 deg. I want eye contact and the possibility of light touching.

[Lani]

Really?

 

So if the two of you aren't awkward, then it's fine?

 

I need more input!

 

I like it. Others may not (like deb, and hokie)

It's closer and you can shuffle down a bit and put your feet on the other side. Get all your food laid out in front.

I love a booth. Don't be on the inside though, that's a pain for going to the toilet.

[Els]

I like it. Others may not (like deb, and hokie)

It's closer and you can shuffle down a bit and put your feet on the other side. Get all your food laid out in front.

I love a booth. Don't be on the inside though, that's a pain for going to the toilet.

 

Hahah, now that I think about it, we used to do this quite a lot when we were in the giddy, honeymoon stage in our early 20s. Felt fabulously naughty to let our hands stray beneath the table.

 

Nowadays, it's like, eh, dinner's the time to be looking into each others' faces and talking, we can do all the hands-on stuff when we get back.

 

I feel old.

[Star Gazer]

There was actually a very heated debate about this on my chick board a few months ago. It seemed about 90/10 against/in favor of sitting side by side.

 

I find it really... needy, and clingy, to sit side by side at a restaurant unless you're in a circular booth. If you're looking to be closer, get a smaller table and sit on the corners, like a 90 degree angle. But not hip to hip. That's just... weird.

[rocketman122]

If the situation allows then I sit next to her but if not then 90º

 

the across the table is very far to allow getting touchy and feely, no matter how small the table is. its very awkward. not sure if its for dates that are fresh but once ur dating regularly and have been intimate then its the only way to go.

 

being close to her lets me smell her, and her me. I can lean in and flirt with her. she gets goose bumps and loves when I do the predetor/prey attack. I do a deep lion growling sound then look at her like shes my prey, then slowly I get in close to her neck then do a quick attack like a lion going for the kill. she giggles and laughs.

 

besides I couldnt caress her hair/back/neck/waist/legs (sometimes I take her shoes off under the table and massage her feet-she goes crazy) or I couldnt hug her or hold hands with her. the across the table holding hand act looks like something from a 70's french movie. that looks stupid.

 

there were restaurants where the 90º was tight and I had my back to another table but I couldnt give a rats ass because I want to be close to my lady. and besides, it builds sexual tension and thats what you need, especially in a nice restaurant. otherwise your not wooing her or building anything. youre simply eating. and for me, going to restaurant is also about wooing and courting.

[ChessPieceFace]

Sitting next to each other is a well-known precursor to the solicitation of a hand job.

That's probably why that poor girl was nervous, Teknoe.

 

... AT the restaurant? People here have done that? Gross.