Bane2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 (edited) So here we go this is my first post and bare with me a little bit. First off me and my ex broke up about 9 months ago and have dated for over 2 years. The break of was sort of mutual but more her than me. After we first broke up we still talked a little I also apologized to her about some of the things that I did wrong about 2 months into the break up. I wanted her back really bad at one point. But over the course of the past months I know I have really annoyed her and pushed her away which is really bad. Its because I kept contacting her almost every day or every other day, then I would go a week or so say I wasnt going to talk to her anymore and I would respect her but then I would text her again and the whole process would start over again. She told me at one point that she didnt want to see anyone and was happy being single. Anyway my point is over this past month the same thing sort of happened again the most I have gone without texting her is only like 3 weeks in the past nine months and it wasnt easy. She told me a few days ago to stop talking to her and that I never really gave her any space, that is was the last straw that she is really done with me. She told me that she would change her number or block me if she had to. I told her she didnt have to do that and I would really let her be this time. But I did tell her how I still had feelings for her and would miss her and we both sort of said goodbye. My question is do you think that if I go NC for a month or two and then maybe message her or wait for her to message me? Or does anyone have any advice. Yes yes I know I should try and move on which I tried in the past but its always so hard bc I havent found anyone like her. So has anyone been through anything like this or any advice? Edited May 30, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Compromize Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 This is coming from someone who is trying to get back with my ex but it's broken me: the longer you keep thinking that giving her time and space and she will come running back is the longer you prevent yourself from healing. It's been 9 months and you haven't spoke to her on the phone or seen her? She is gone man. Long gone. You need to accept that so you can heal and get past this girl. I have made the same mistakes, texting your heart out, pouring out your soul, to ......nothing. No response. We are giving the best of ourselves to women who have shown us in the most direct way possible (by not being there) that they do not want us. Fine. Here's to finding the ones that do. And giving them everything and more. 4
Author Bane2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Author Posted May 30, 2013 Yea I know what you mean I actually went out with her like twice in Feb once to lunch and once to dinner but that was a while ago the last time I talked to her on the phone was like 2 months ago. I know it sucks but im just curious if there was any hope in the future.
Deerhunter Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 Do not contact her. That's all she wants. Let her make contact. It may be 6 months, a year or never. Live your life. What's meant to be will be. 3
Antares Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 I know it's hard sometimes, man, but she broke up with you and for the past 9 months you've called her almost every day. This is a woman who is planning on blocking your number or changing hers in order to rid you from her life. Those are drastic steps one takes to tell you something. She does not want to be contact with you. You need to leave her alone. Immediately. Going NC for a month is not going to bring her back. Going NC (in your case, forever) is going to get YOU back. And it's YOU, who you've lost. Not her. You can't win her back by using NC because YOU still have her. YOU haven't let go. You say you still have feelings for her. I'm sure you do. But honestly ask yourself...what feelings those must actually be because you have ignored her wishes for the past 9 months. That's not respectful. At all dude. If you love her. I mean really love her, than respect the fact that she doesn't love you anymore. Let it be. Set her free. Win yourself back.
kyle77 Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 You're making yourself look pathetic and needy in her eyes. Try focusing on you for a bit? Honestly I know it is easy to get caught up in only thinking of her but you waste your time by doing that. Think about you and only you. What do you want to do tomorrow? What kind of person do you want to be? Do you want to be the kind of person that is a doormat for some girl or the independent person that people can look up to. 1
CC12 Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 She told me a few days ago to stop talking to her and that I never really gave her any space, that is was the last straw that she is really done with me. She told me that she would change her number or block me if she had to. I told her she didnt have to do that and I would really let her be this time. But I did tell her how I still had feelings for her and would miss her and we both sort of said goodbye. My question is do you think that if I go NC for a month or two and then maybe message her or wait for her to message me? Or does anyone have any advice. You made a promise to stop contacting her. You told her, "Oh don't worry about changing your number, I will respect your wishes this time." And within days of making that promise reassuring her that you'll leave her alone, you're already thinking about breaking it. This is completely selfish thinking on your part. You are not considering how she will feel about being contacted by you. She does not want it. Do not let your personal feelings override the well-being of others. When someone draws a boundary, learn how to respect it, not trample all over it just because you want to. P.S. If I told someone any form of "Do not contact me anymore" and they persisted in doing so (even days, months, or years after the fact,) I would start gathering evidence and researching my legal options in getting that person to stop harassing me. I don't know if your ex is at that point yet, but if she is, she'd be in the right to get the ball rolling on a restraining order. That's potentially the line you're walking on right now.
aisuru Posted May 30, 2013 Posted May 30, 2013 The rejection stings, but please please please let her go. NO CONTACT. You need to figure out why you can't accept that she doesn't want you in her life. Build up some confidence. Why would you want to chase somebody who was very clear in the fact that she does not want you in her life? It hurts like hell. I know. I have been there. Now you're left with just yourself to take care of you.
mbee Posted May 31, 2013 Posted May 31, 2013 As a woman who broke up with an ex-ex and had the guy do the SAME EXACT THING as you are doing to this girl, STOP CONTACTING HER immediately. It's super annoying and probably has destroyed your chances of being with her. When my ex-ex and I first broke up there was a chance of getting back together. Like your ex, I said I needed space and I really did need that. However, he did NOT give me that. It even went as far as him over reading my messages, looking at Facebook and making something out of nothing and giving me accusations. I had to lie about being in a relationship because he'd break down and freak out. 5 months later, he seemed normal. Went NC for a few weeks, things were looking up. NO, the neediness came back again. This cycle continued for over a year until I did what your ex did and told him to NOT CONTACT ME. It's desperate and annoying. She is only talking to you right now because she still cares about you (not romantically) and doesn't want to hurt you. You have crossed the line. And you've also shown to her that you are someone she doesn't want to be with at all. My ex-ex finally went NC and left me alone for a year. I got curious and called him back. I was with my current ex at the time and NOT interested. I was just ready for him to be a part of my life as friends. That is going well. If he had done this right after we broke up, we probably would have dated again. Leave her alone. I know it's hard but seriously if you love her, let her go. Right now you are operating on your own selfish desires to talk to her, and what I learned from my relationship experiences is you want to look back on something and feel good about it. The last 9 months will not make you feel good. You'll feel terrible about it in the future. Start NOW to fix things and give it 6 SOLID months until you say hello. 6 months! That will be perfect since it will be around the holidays and you'll have a reason to say hello. With the amount you've been reaching out to her, she'll get curious. 1
Author Bane2013 Posted May 31, 2013 Author Posted May 31, 2013 Wow well thanks for all the advice everyone and yea I thought everything over and the best thing for me is to not contact her at ALL and start the healing process for myself. That is the best thing I can do for myself and I know it and mbee I know for a fact that is exactly what happened and what I did was wrong. In this situation I can really only blame myself. But thanks again everyone any comments or advice are really helping.
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