She must be missing me or what?

[Leykis1o1]

about 3 weeks ago my EX brokeup with me, we have been together for over 9 months..and everything was great..about 5 months ago her mother/father said they did not like me, basically because i was shy towards them and they didnt understand that..so there conclusion was not to like me..and push my GF to break up with me cause i was her real first love and there will be more..she is 20 and i am 26..

 

so ever since her parents got involved it has been a uphill battle..things would go great then the parents would see the smallest thing and take it as a bad..then i would be considered bad...im not perfect..and im not a angel..but i thought they were being overcritical

 

so 3 weeks ago my EX got back from a 3 day cruise which i chose not to go on..when she got back i really messed up and started nick picking her about he weight/clothing..i didnt even ask her how her trip was...i do not know what in was thinking!!..i was a real jerk..so the next day she comes over and i do the same thing..she tells me right there i dont want to be together anymore..i quickly realize all my faults and do the "its all my fault bit" which it was...i just lost thought on the reality that i loved her with everything i had..we had done so many beutiful things together..i just took it all for granted..i wanted perfect but didnt realize what i had was so awesome so i really messed up

 

she told me she had been thinking about it for while (breaking up)..but it was just the week before she had brang things to my house and put love letters on my doorstep..just the week before!! and i was doing the same also the week before

 

what i think is she went on the cruise with her parents and had nothing to do but contemplate with her parents..basically what i see what probably happend was that her parents asked her "do you see yourself being with this guy forever" her parents pressured her to break up with me more.. and i asked my ex..did you talk your parents she said no i find this hard to believe..

 

so that whole week i tried everything to keep the relationship together..calling her, setting up meetings at my house ..and crying my heart out..but every time its like she was programmed to say no..

 

that same week on a friday we allways had plans and tickets to go to a concert at a fair here in los Angeles..i convinced her to let me go with her and we had the best time..we held hands, she wore a ring i gave her she never normally wears..she looked cute..we kissed and it was a regular great time..i kinda thought that things were looking up..we came home that night and had sex and it was great..at the end of sex she cried during..yet she still enjoyed it..when we were done i asked her "why are you crying" she said "because this is our last time!!" im like what the heck!! we just had a great time..she continued to go on and saying she doesnt want to be with me..she started to leave and reached into her bag and had a nice card that said everything she loved about me and the great times and stuff and that she will allways love me forever.then she hands me back my ring i gave her...she left and i told her that i would never call her..she got really upset at that..drove away then 2 minutes later came back wanting some of her things..being all upset i said not i wouldnt give her back her things...but she gave me a hug and cried in my arms..then left ..while i was still saying i wouldnt call her in anger she just screwed me over that night...

 

that night i get a e-mail poem that had somthing to do with love..

 

i replied to each one of its sayings as how it pertained to the good things we had and my defense of our relationship and how i was wrong and wouldn never do them again...

 

this went back and fourth for a day..but one of the last e-mails she wanted me to call her if i ever felt the need and do not hesitate..and if maybe we could be friends with benefits..and that maybe down the road but not anytime soon maybe we could start all over..maybe not talk for awile and or talk see what happens..i kinda got the picture she really didnt know but she did say "she wasnt ready to complety rid me of her life"

 

so a few days go by and she brings a magazine to my door while i was at work and a letter saying that "she loves me and will allways bring this magazine to me when she gets it at work cause she knows i like it..love XXXXX"

 

i at this point found this website saying to not call her or no contact..so ive been doing that ever since

 

i kinda violated the rules of NC when i dropped the things she asked for at her doorstep with a little note saying"how are you doing" i didnt get a response

 

today is 3 weeks since we have not spoken and she leaves a t-shirt of mine at my door and gives me her protein powder that i encouraged her to drink while we worked out at the gym..she allways said she hated that stuff..so now i get the protein at my door and my t-shirt..is this because she still cares? or wants me to call her?

 

i really want her back but im waiting another 10 days to call her and ask her to go to coffee..im really nervous but want to do everything right in order to get her back...i know if i call her she will talk to me like she has said in her previous letters when we first broke up

 

what should i do and how does it sound?

[Urban Rubble01]

Well, first off you should forget everything Tom Leykis ever told you. No person who means to find "true love" (i know how lame that sounds) should listen to that delusional, arrogant ego stroking prick. The guy occasionally has a moment of brilliance, but for the most part it's bull****. I repeat, if you mean to find someone to love, you need to drop this Leykis 101 ****. It is meant for getting laid at the expense of the person you're having sex with, not really something that has anything to do with a person you love.

 

No offense, I listen to the guy sometimes to, but I just ignore his horrible advice.

 

I feel your pain about the parents man, I went through the same ****. My girl's parents hated me for at least the first 6 months we were together, but they came around. You've just got to make an effort to talk to them even if you don't feel like it.

 

I can't begin to tell you what will happen because, to be honest, it seems to be a confusing situation. My advice ? Don't play games. Tell her exactly how you feel. Tell her that you love her and you are willing to do what it takes to make this work, but that you won't sit and wait for her. Don't give ultimatums, be truthful and tell her how you feel. Alot of people may tell you that saying how you feel is wrong, I don't agree, if you are in love with someone then you cannot play games. As for contacting her, I'd do what you're doing, don't call to much but don't drop out of sight. My girl of 3 years and I are on a "break". Hopefully it's temporary, but I'm trying to prepare myself for the chance that it may not work, do the same. I'm trying to call her only once a week, I think that's a good amount to show you aren't too desperate but that you're still there.

 

Alot of people have given good advice in the thread I started in this forum, check it out and see if it's useful.

[Leykis1o1]

i absolutly do not follow everything Tom Leykis has to say..but the whole reason i got my last 3 GF's was because of Toms advice on certain things..Tom Basically is engineered on how to just get laid..im personally not all about that..

 

as for my ex yes its a very confusing situation, basically she is so giving to me, yet i said some things i shouldnt have said and done a few things i shouldnt have done..but i allways admited i did those things wrong....im not sure what she is trying to tell me by bringing some stuff over to my house today..maybe she is trying to tell me to not forget about her..i mean she made a special trip to my house ..it wasnt anyhere on her way..she has done this twice in 3 weeks..so im not sure if she wants nothing to do with me anymore or if she wants me to call her and thank her to strike up a conversation..i know when i do call her next week i will try to keep the conversation very postive..and not really talk about getting back with her and let her bring it up ..i will ask her out to coffee..im feeling really good that this will happen..then if it does now by next week things should have calmed down and she should be thinking abou the good times..in our relationship we had so many more great times..more than bad times..it was my stubborness i think is what did it..i need to relax and just let it go if i want to be with this girl..because she had everything i wanted i was just being too critical of her for really no reason...ln relationships....relationship are relationships of forgivness hopefully she will do that...i just hope i do this right to win her back and prove what i did i will never do again.. anymore advice?

[Urban Rubble01]

Heh, the board edited my swear words.

 

I think that you've got it about covered. I guess all I can say is make sure you're totally honest, don't play games and tell her how you feel. Tell her that you want her to be happy whatever she chooses but let her know that you are willing to work things out if she wants. But yeah, when you call her keep it positive but if you need to have like a serious talk just see if that'd be O.K. Don't drop off the face of the earth, but don't be too persistent, that's a hard line to walk. Alot of people here will tell you to break off contact all together, which may be fine in some cases, but I don't usually agree with that. You know your situation best. A guy I've been talking to put it like this "If you all of the sudden just stop calling she may begin to think you are moving on and if you don't want to move on, that's not good. Most women have no problem asking for space they need, if she seems willing to talk casually then there is no need to stop contacting her". That's what he told me and it seems sensible.

 

Keep in mind, I'm not even 3 weeks into my situation and this was my first serious girlfriend, so I'm not saying this out of experience, I'm just saying what I'd do. I'm only 22 and all this stuff has kind of just landed on my head.

 

And try and drop that over critical stuff if you do get her back. I know Tom Leykis says the way to get women is to lower their self esteem, but if you love her you need to make her feel special (I've been full of cliches ever since my breakup, sorry). But it's true, you've make her feel good about herself, not bad. If something about her really bothers you, there are ways to bring it up tactfully, you've also got to pick your battles. Really analyze whether it's worth it, whether it really bothers you that bad. I know I had that problem for the first year or so with my girl. But I learned how to tell her harsh things but also make her feel like it's no big deal.

[Leykis1o1]

just today she had on her away message on AIM "sometimes its hard to let go and get over someone..but its the best if you do get over them and get on with your life. I am happy."

 

now i was expecting she would right somthing like that..since i had somthing similar on my away message indirectly pointed to her cause i know she would read it..maybe i should stop..cause last time i had somthing like that on my away message she wront similar to above..

 

somehow i think she is angry at me, maybe for not calling her, and giving her NC

 

im so tempted to ask her whats up tonight..cause if i can find that she is complelty uninterested in me i can move on cause there will be nopthing i can do for at least a long long time..if thats the case i can move on in my head and not agonize calling her in about a week

 

just what should i do with this situation?

[Ilovehertodeath]

DUDE! BLOCK HER ON AIM...DONT CALL HER...DONT GIVE HER ANY OF YOUR ATTENTION! GO OUT AND FIND NEW GAME!!! You will then see her PURSUING YOU.....You have to let her know she IS and WILL be replaced. TRUST ME ON THIS ONE DUDE...ITS ALL YOU BABY.