kameron Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 My ex left me after 2 years for her ex of 3 years. Already posted about the situation in another thread. But my question is if you go no contact will the dumper realize what a great person they lost and miss that person. Even if they are currently happy in there new situation. Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 My ex left me after 2 years for her ex of 3 years. Already posted about the situation in another thread. But my question is if you go no contact will the dumper realize what a great person they lost and miss that person. Even if they are currently happy in there new situation. You are not using NC correctly, if you're using it as a tool for manipulation. Stop it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kameron Posted May 30, 2013 Author Share Posted May 30, 2013 I will never take this girl back she hurt me way to bad. I'm just wondering if NC really works. I know it helps to heal your heart. But does it make the other person miss you. Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 I will never take this girl back she hurt me way to bad. I'm just wondering if NC really works. I know it helps to heal your heart. But does it make the other person miss you. Yes, when you cut ties with your ex, you stand the best possible chance to move on from your relationship. The reason is simple - when you don't nurture a relationship it dies a natural death. I don't believe NC makes an ex miss YOU. They miss the attention and validation you give them when you maintain contact with them. When you withdraw the contact, you withdraw the validation. Yes, it is extremely likely that your ex will reach out to you if you start ignoring them. But don't mistake this for your ex suddenly missing YOU. They miss the attention. You could be anyone, it wouldn't matter. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kameron Posted May 30, 2013 Author Share Posted May 30, 2013 So the saying isn't true. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 So the saying isn't true. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. In extremely rare cases, it does. When the love is real. For the most part, if you NC with an ex and they reach out, they miss the validation and attention. Stick to NC long enough and the likelihood is that neither party will reach out. Too much time has gone past. NC does not foster feelings of pining, at least, not long-term. NC fosters neutral acceptance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kameron Posted May 30, 2013 Author Share Posted May 30, 2013 I believe no contact gives the dumper time and space to think about the breakup. If it was the right choice or not. I think a lot of people act on impulse and regret the decision later. NC allows them time to think and rationalize. Link to post Share on other sites
d0620 Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 I lived with someone and I never contacted him after I moved out. He contacted me, but my point is even though he contacted me I never had the urge to talk to him after that. I believe that the only reason people contact you is if they miss you, want closure, feel guilty, or still love you. I don't think people have contact issues if they believe they made the right decision. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 I believe no contact gives the dumper time and space to think about the breakup. If it was the right choice or not. I think a lot of people act on impulse and regret the decision later. NC allows them time to think and rationalize. That's not what it's supposed to be used for. NC is supposed to be about putting the relationship behind you and moving on to better things. This board is full of countless stories of people using NC incorrectly and then unsurprisingly, having a bigger, uglier situation on their hands. So if you're going to go NC on your ex and hope that in a few months, you'll get to reconcile, you're in for a world of hurt. Your gf dumped you. It sucks. But it's over. Concentrate on you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kameron Posted May 30, 2013 Author Share Posted May 30, 2013 My ex used me for 2 years we lived together for the duration of this time. She got out of a 3 year relationship and went with me. Then left me after 2 years. She has guilt and no closure. She really did me wrong. I was really good to her. So I hope NC makes her miss me Link to post Share on other sites
SuperGeek Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 Same thing happened to me basically. Don't count on the NC making her realize anything. The fact is women can get a new guy to fill the void in about 5 minutes which she probably already had lined up before she broke it off. If she realizes anything it won't be for a long time and it will most likely be when you won't want her anymore. Even if she realizes anything, don't expect her to admit it most likely. It's just far too easier for them to just get a new guy and move on. Would you really want her back anyway? You just have to figure out how to get over it and move on in your head. My ex used me for 2 years we lived together for the duration of this time. She got out of a 3 year relationship and went with me. Then left me after 2 years. She has guilt and no closure. She really did me wrong. I was really good to her. So I hope NC makes her miss me Link to post Share on other sites
lop98 Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 I used NC like that initially. It kept me in agony and made me waste weeks I will never get back. Once I assimilated what it was for and tried to be honest with myself and most importantly, have some dignity, things really took off. It was painful but two months later, the need to "show I care" "know if he cares", the frustration towards "things left to be said" is gone... I'm sure he misses me, he's a jerk but not a robot, and I miss him too (like crazy today) but it's only a feeling, I can't act upon it when the actions have spoken louder than any positive feelings or words we said to each other... thankfully, since I applied NC properly, he can't get in touch with me either and mislead me over and over with whatever impulse he has as a result from missing me (such as sending me breadcrumbs). Every time he said he missed me or sent me a pathetic 'hi', all of my efforts to heal were gone, so I'm better off not knowing... none of my business anyway, it's over... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kameron Posted May 30, 2013 Author Share Posted May 30, 2013 I don't think I would ever take her back. She is with her ex boyfriend who she couldn't stand he was lazy not outgoing. He let himself go she wasn't attracted to him anymore.he was a pushover never had a say in anything. He wouldn't even stick up for her. I have no idea y She left me. I was an awesome boyfriend and she is going to realize that. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperGeek Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 Hopefully she will realize it, but she might not either. She might realize it and just never tell you. In a year (or less) you won't likely care what she thinks anyway. I don't think I would ever take her back. She is with her ex boyfriend who she couldn't stand he was lazy not outgoing. He let himself go she wasn't attracted to him anymore.he was a pushover never had a say in anything. He wouldn't even stick up for her. I have no idea y She left me. I was an awesome boyfriend and she is going to realize that. Link to post Share on other sites
forgetmenot75 Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 didn't work for me at all. He just ignored me. Forget about him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 didn't work for me at all. He just ignored me. Forget about him. Sorry you fell off the wagon, hon. Back on though, good to see! Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 My ex used me for 2 years we lived together for the duration of this time. She got out of a 3 year relationship and went with me. Then left me after 2 years. She has guilt and no closure. She really did me wrong. I was really good to her. So I hope NC makes her miss me Nope. You don't 'hope'. You forget about her and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Suave Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 NC is to help you heal. Without it, you are severely hampering that process. You can't keep living with the hope that they will come wandering back. If that will happen, it will happen in due time. In the meantime, you need to get on living your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kameron Posted May 30, 2013 Author Share Posted May 30, 2013 Why do they always say the moment you finally move on is the moment your ex will come back into your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 Why do they always say the moment you finally move on is the moment your ex will come back into your life. Why are you relying on cliches to give you deep and meaningful relationship advice? Look, I know I speak in metaphors most of the time, but at least they're relatable... 8 Link to post Share on other sites
aisuru Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 Why do they always say the moment you finally move on is the moment your ex will come back into your life. Because you finally have your **** together and that's attractive. Begging, pleading, manipulating is not attractive. How 'bout that? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
headsashed Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 NC very rarely makes an ex miss you,ive read many stories and articles and ive never seen 1 where NC has brought an ex back and they lived happily ever after. NC is the hardest but best tool to use to move on with your life and that's what it is actually meant for,to move on. Stop holding onto cliché's like "ex's come back when you have moved on" cos that will only hold you back. Im 1 year post break-up,im over her, its been NC all the way and my ex has never reached out to me, so doesn't that tell you something?. Your best option is to stick to NC and get over your ex, if she does come back after you have moved on then you will be in a better place mentally and emotionally to deal with it and make the right decisions, just don't use that as hope that she will come back because the chances are, she wont. As I said, my ex never came back to me and I was a great BF, treat her like a queen, never cheated etc so being a great BF doesn't mean they will come back. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 Nope. They are generally happy we are gone. That is why they broke up with us. They wanted out and it is a relief that we arnt pestering them. I mean who wants to deal with a heartbroken ex. I certainly wouldnt. Rock on! Cav 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 Dude, I have a feeling that you're hoping that she misses you and that she'll reach out to you so you can have that, "See! I told you that I was a better catch than the asshat you were/are with!" You want her to miss you not to get her back, but for the "IN YOUR FACE!" moment. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BustedUpInside Posted May 30, 2013 Share Posted May 30, 2013 You want her to miss you not to get her back, but for the "IN YOUR FACE!" moment. I have a sneaking suspicion that is the reason that like half the people on this site want their ex back! :rolleyes: 4 Link to post Share on other sites
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