bluegreen Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Dating is very far away from my thoughts like moon far away actually Link to post Share on other sites
Author kameron Posted June 1, 2013 Author Share Posted June 1, 2013 Today is especially hard for me because her new bf comes back into town today for the weekend. And they are staying in our old house. ): so I have that to think about all weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Today is especially hard for me because her new bf comes back into town today for the weekend. And they are staying in our old house. ): so I have that to think about all weekend. You should look at filling your weekends. Did you check out Meetup.com? If you can't think of anything to do, take yourself to the movies. Do something... Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 From your mouth to God's ears all I feel like now is bawling my eyes out. I almost did contacted him about something and then decided not to pride stopped me. And good that that I did not cause he seems to start adding new contacts to his social page he sure does not waste time does he. I can't even stomach the idea of chatting up and flirting with new people it made me that he does not have same issue or is trying to shoot me one bellow the belt hit. Are you looking him up on social media? Stop that, if you are. That's breaking NC... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 O boy Cam now that sucks much more then my case. If not for this forum what would we do 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Today is especially hard for me because her new bf comes back into town today for the weekend. And they are staying in our old house. ): so I have that to think about all weekend. No - you haven't. You can control your thoughts you know. After all, they're in nobody else's mind, and under no other control, than yours. Don't keep snowballing. here, read this: I read something on the internet, that struck a chord.... Basically it said that when you're in true distress, the distress lasts for 12 minutes or so. After that, it's self-inflicted. A stack of people came back with arguments against this fact: That drug addicts can take years to get over their pain, bereavement is permanent because someone is gone you can't replace them... They were missing the point. If a thought that provokes the pain comes into your head, that thought generates that pain for around 12 minutes at a time. Any prolongation of that pain, is something you are psychologically inflicting upon yourself, by perpetuating that pain. So the thing to do, is to not permit that pain to 'snowball.' This is the problem with situations like this: Those nursing a broken/healing heart, can't "just leave it there".... They begin the snowballing... that is, they have the grain of an embryonic thought, and instead of leaving it, they begin to roll it DOWN the hill, accumulating more 'snow' as they go, turning this fleeting little notion into a great big story complete with chapter, verse, footnotes and date references.... The trick is to not start rolling the snowball. Pick it up and throw it, and move on. It takes time to 'get over' a relationship of any kind. But in your healing process, learn to spot, to recognise, where the real 'pain' should stop, and where you begin with the self-inflicted 'pain'. Pain is valid. Emotions are valid. They deserve to be honoured. But if we self-inflict, we actually do those honourable feelings an injustice, because we coat them and embellish them with our own story, and blur the edges of their raw honesty. The self inflicted pain begins when you begin to labour the point. When you diversify from the original thought and take that line of thinking into a completely new and unrelated zone. you may THINK it's all related, but it's not. For example: (totally invented and just to demonstrate....) You suddenly remember that day the car ran out of petrol, and she jokingly accuses you of doing it on purpose, in order to get down to some naughty hanky-panky... it makes you smile, but you then remember where you were going, what your trip out was for, what she was wearing, other things she said.... Here it is again, with the original thought, and where the point starts getting laboured... (1) You suddenly remember that day the car ran out of petrol, and she jokingly accuses you of doing it on purpose, in order to get down to some naughty hanky-panky... it makes you smile, [highlight]snowballing starts here[/highlight] (2) but you then remember where you were going, what your trip out was for, what she was wearing, other things she said.... See what happened there? You began the snowballing, adding, embellishing, expanding - and feeding your own pain. Feel the feeling (1). Don't labour the point (2). Link to post Share on other sites
Author kameron Posted June 1, 2013 Author Share Posted June 1, 2013 I haven't checked out that's site yet. I'm just really depressed right now. She left me two days after my parents got divorced. And my birthday is this weekend and now I have to think about them in my old house. Ughhhhhh Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Why 'Have to'....? Who's forcing you to?? YOU ARE!! Read my Post, above!! Link to post Share on other sites
Antares Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 How is everyone doing. It's day 3 for me no contact and I feel like crap. It will get better Kameron. But that's the only thing YOU can control in all of this. Myself: Last night it was 31 days since I saw my ex. One whole month since our last date. She broke up with me 2 days later. She called up crying and sobbing. We had an hour long chat. And I've been NC since that very call. A few years ago I went thru my first breakup. That girl broke up with me by text message and that threw me for a loop. I begged and pleaded and sent a few emails during that first week and all it got me was feeling like crap and pathetic. (I also wrote a few that I never sent and looking back at them now...holy god am I glad that I didn't. I keep one just to remind me how to never sink that low ever again - lol) I felt like she pitied me, and I'm sure she did. After that I week I went into exile...as i called it then. I promised myself that in the next one, I wouldn't act as pathetic. About a month later I found this site and learned all about NC and then realized that what I was doing was a real thing. And I couldn't believe that I wanted someone back after breaking up with me by text message. How I laugh at it now. I've had a few girlfriends since and with each one I learn more and get better at being dumped (or breaking things off when I'm not feeling it). I have to say my confidence and self respect has shot through the roof in such a little time. When this current one broke up with me a month ago, I told her my feelings and tried once to say "You know, these aren't big problems, we could work this out" and after that was refuted I wished her well and good luck. And I really meant it. Then said goodbye. I haven't heard a word from her since. She was one of the best people I've met in a long time, not perfect mind you, but a jem. And it's been hard, I have to admit, going NC. I'd so much rather talk to her, see how her day was. Share dinner and kiss. But it's over. And so NC it is. You'll get better too. I promise. But you first have to go NC. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kameron Posted June 1, 2013 Author Share Posted June 1, 2013 Your right I shouldn't think about her. It's just sometimes I'm so lonely that my mind gets the best of me. Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 No am not at least not willingly we are still friends there. So am doing my best to teach myself to think of him as just one more person on that list. I could take him off though but it would make me think even more for next while who knows how long that would last and am having tough enough time as it is already. Besides I guess its question of pride to am not gonna be coward that runs away from him and hides his ego would just adore that am not gonna give him that satisfaction !!! Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 I haven't checked out that's site yet. I'm just really depressed right now. She left me two days after my parents got divorced. And my birthday is this weekend and now I have to think about them in my old house. Ughhhhhh You've only got to find something that occupies your for a couple of hours. Something that means you can't talk about your ex (which you can't, with a bunch of new strangers). The sooner you do it, the easier it will be. At the very least, go to the movies over the weekend. It's something to do. I had plans fall through this weekend, so I'm taking myself to dinner and a movie. No one wants to see "Evil Dead", and I'm not missing it just because I have to go by myself! Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 No am not at least not willingly we are still friends there. So am doing my best to teach myself to think of him as just one more person on that list. I could take him off though but it would make me think even more for next while who knows how long that would last and am having tough enough time as it is already. Besides I guess its question of pride to am not gonna be coward that runs away from him and hides his ego would just adore that am not gonna give him that satisfaction !!! Delete him. Now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 She does have a great idea tough maybe we should exchange e mails or some social sites to why the heck not and make some new friends to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kameron Posted June 1, 2013 Author Share Posted June 1, 2013 Yea I do need to find something to occupy my time so I don't think of her. The one thing I just can't get out of my head no matter how hard I try is them having sex in my old house. It's the worst thought in the world. Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Oh do not even go there for all you know he might be lousy lay. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kameron Posted June 1, 2013 Author Share Posted June 1, 2013 You guys can add me on fb if you want. I'm always happy to make new friends. [email protected] Link to post Share on other sites
Suave Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 It's been a month and a half for me. Ran into her and her friends out at a bar last night when I was very drunk. It was awkward and when I left she started texting me again wondering where I was going and who I was with. I stupidly texted her back a few times instead of ignoring it. Oh well. Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Can't figure out is it worse when they do not contact you at all or when they do and damn it am not drinking type either Link to post Share on other sites
Author kameron Posted June 1, 2013 Author Share Posted June 1, 2013 Suave you broke NC. All that hard work was for nothing. Now you have to start over Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 No she contacted him first so he did not but yeah it would have been better if he did not respond Link to post Share on other sites
Author kameron Posted June 1, 2013 Author Share Posted June 1, 2013 True but he should have ignored her. Link to post Share on other sites
bluegreen Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Should have would have give a guy a break we would all respond one way or another and you know it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kameron Posted June 1, 2013 Author Share Posted June 1, 2013 I think it all depends what my ex said in the text. If its worth responding to or not. You don't want to fill there ego. Link to post Share on other sites
simplyamazing Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 I think it all depends what my ex said in the text. If its worth responding to or not. You don't want to fill there ego. Nothing is worth responding to from an ex unless it's along the lines of: "Hey, I'm sorry, I miss you and want you back, please consider talking to me again!" Anything else is meaningless crap. Link to post Share on other sites
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