Would you choose your girlfriend over your bestfriend? xc

[Laura1997]

Hi there.

So I met this girl online.. She lives in the south and im in the west. We've been dating for 3 months now. I am in love with her and she told me that she feels the same way. We barely talk on the phone.. we both always try to talk over the phone but sometimes, something always has to happen or time differences. We only talk one or twice a week. But anyway, heres the problem:

 

A few months ago, she told me that she has a bestfriend. Lets call her "T" ... So my girlfriend met her online too and she told me that they get along really well. That totally fine by me cause i have a bestfriend too. But heres the thing, she also told me that she doesnt know what she would do without "T" , they talk on the phone a lot since "T" only lives a state away from my girlfriend, so theres no time differences. They also skype ( My girlfriend and i only skyped once since we are both busy cause of school ). She's also planning to visit "T" ( I'll have to wait for 2 years to go see her ). She also told me that "T" cares about her a lot unlike "other people". Oh and when "T" has a problem or sad, my girlfriend gets sad too. She said her bestfriend's moods affect hers too. Well she cares about me too, but sometimes i feel that her online bestfriend is more important than her online girlfriend. Truthfully, i am jealous. I have been dealing with this since our first month together. But i didn't tell her ... cause i know that it would hurt her. I honestly dislike her bestfriend. I know i sound really mean cause i havent talked to her or met her.. but i am jealous of her. I am jealous with the relationship she has with my girlfriend. They seem really close. My girlfriend and i are close too, but their relationship is different. Just looking at her pic or hearing her name totally pisses me off. Yes, i am a meanie. I am just jealous. And the jealousy is draining my happiness. My girlfriend makes me happy... a lot. But my feelings fuick me over. It hurts that she loves "T" more than me. My friends think that i should just end it if i can't take it anymore. Yes, i can't take it anymore ... but i do not want to lose her. And if i tell her , i am pretty aure it would hurt her and would choose her bestfriend over me... I really don not know what to do... Keep her or end this relationship? The jealousy is really fuicking me up it hurts, i swear. Advice pleaseeee

[carhill]

Welcome to LS

 

Considering you apparently have to 'wait' two years to physically interact with a young lady you're becoming jealous over a girlfriend of hers, I'd suggest a re-think, either to sacrifice something somewhere else to visit her sooner and get some clarity or move on to a more local solution where friend interactions aren't so stimulating of your jealousy.

 

If you're young, this is normal. Part of growing up. Over time, you'll learn how to control those emotions and process them.

 

 

As an old fart, regarding the title only, there's no doubt I'd choose my best friend over any girlfriend and it would be a close race with a spouse. 20 years and helping each other through sickness and death, along with a lot of good times, create that kind of bond. If a woman can't deal with it, the door is available.

[LittleTiger]

Hi Laura, welcome to LS.

 

Just to clarify, since your username is Laura and you say your girlfriend chooses her online friend over her online girlfriend, am I right in thinking you are all girls?

 

If so, forget about her. She obviously has something extra special with the other girl and they are going to meet first. You're already feeling like you're second best. Once they meet, if they have physical chemistry too, you'll be relegated even further - that's if she doesn't break it off with you completely.

 

Whatever you're currently feeling doesn't become real, in relationship terms, until you meet face to face. So keep your fingers crossed that they don't hit it off and you can be her fallback girl - if that's good enough for you.

[justwhoiam]

Hi there.

So I met this girl online.. She lives in the south and im in the west. We've been dating for 3 months now.

It's called correspondence. Not dating.

 

A few months ago, she told me that she has a bestfriend.

...

my girlfriend met her online too and she told me that they get along really well.

...

she doesnt know what she would do without "T" , they talk on the phone a lot since "T" only lives a state away from my girlfriend, so theres no time differences. They also skype ( My girlfriend and i only skyped once since we are both busy cause of school ). She's also planning to visit "T" ( I'll have to wait for 2 years to go see her ). She also told me that "T" cares about her a lot unlike "other people". Oh and when "T" has a problem or sad, my girlfriend gets sad too. She said her bestfriend's moods affect hers too.

...

They seem really close. My girlfriend and i are close too, but their relationship is different.

So... how is their relationship different? I mean, except for the fact that they talk more, they Skype, probably videochat, talk on the phone and are going to meet soon? What makes you her girlfriend?

 

Did your "girlfriend" meet "T" before or after getting to know you? She seems really into this "T" and that would only be plausible if she's been knowing her for years and acceptable if she weren't lesbian. Otherwise it clearly shows her preference as to how to spend her free time.

 

It hurts that she loves "T" more than me.

You've been fine with it so far. You never raised a question. You didn't let her know what you really think or feel, in fear she would break up with you. It looks like you've been acting like a doormat with someone you've never even met. So she can have fun doing anything she feels like, because you wouldn't know, and keep you on the side, knowing you're not going anywhere else...

 

What's the deal anyway? How old are you both?

 

Anyway, I'll say this. I'm seldom unavailable for my guy, but I might be unavailable for others. Draw your conclusions as to how busy she is when you need her.