Do I stay or give a 2nd chance?

[Kassie4]

My boyfriend was in Europe with his family for vacation. Naturally we could not speak because we could not text/call and he does not have a smartphone for Internet access. He came home today and asked if he could call me. As soon as he called and I asked him about his trip, I knew something was wrong.

 

He told me he had kissed someone. He had gone bar hopping with his brother a few nights ago. A girl was sitting next to him at the bar and told them they weren't drunk enough (which knowing my boyfriend he was probably more than intoxicated) and purchased more rounds for them. The next thing he knew he and the girl were kissing. He said it lasted no more than a few seconds before his brother separated them and told him "not to go there." They then left the bar.

 

He was sincerely upset and I could tell he was crying. I told him I didn't want to speak on the phone at the moment. He asked when we could speak next and I said I wasn't sure.

 

I've always warned him to watch how much he drinks and that he needs to learn self control, and this incident proves my point. We have been dating for a year and a half. He knows my past and that my ex cheated on me several times. He promised he would never hurt me the same way, but irresponsible alcohol consumption proved him wrong.

 

Now my question is: what do I do? Do I forgive and forget? It was a kiss to a stranger, in a bar, in another country. Seems minor in retrospect but the damage is already done and how do I know I'll ever trust him again? Especially when I have had concerns in the past about his drunken self. I don't want this to haunt me months down the road, but I also don't want to throw what I think is really special out the window because of some girl in Europe. Do I laugh it off or leave him?

[greytide]

Well, I guess the good thing is that he was honest with you, it gives him credit for being genuinely remorseful. You could have never found out otherwise.

 

It all depends how you feel about it. Do you feel like you can move on from it and rebuild trust? Or will you be fretting every time he goes to a bar with friends? Deep down you know the answer.

 

His drinking habits obviously need to be curbed, since you say he's had problems with self control and knowing his limits. I'd say he needs to change his lifestyle first and show you he's serious about it, before you can realistically start to rebuild trust.

 

Good luck!

[therhythm]

I would give him another chance, he actually confessed and it was only a kiss ( I know it hurts but it could be worse believe me!)

 

Just tell him it is a one and only chance and give him the opportunity to redeem himself!

[BeholdtheMan]

He was honest, yes...but you don't know how honest.

 

Is he telling you the full truth...or is he only telling you a partial truth to ease his conscience while omitting certain details that would likely prompt you to leave him immediately

 

It's really up to you whether you want to trust him. For me this would be a deal breaker but I have high very high standards for the level of trust and respect between myself and my girlfriend/spouse. If the line is crossed, I put my foot down and walk.

 

Question is...has your line been crossed? I recommend people to stick to their standards, don't waffle back and forth. Draw a line and stand your ground. Where do you stand?