Would you take the dumper back if they begged for another chance?

[Ordinaryday]

I know it very rarely happens, and even if IT DOES HAPPEN it rarely works out, usually second chances are brief as the same problems that led to the first break up come back, resulting in a second break up.

 

But hypothetically - if your dumper contacted you and told you they were sorry, dumping you was the biggest mistake they had ever made, and they would do anything for another chance, would you take them back?

 

Why or why not?

 

I would love for this to happen as it would be a great ego boost, but I would be very suspicious if it happened - I would want to know why they have come back, and I would want to know what they were going to do to demonstrate to me that it would be different this time and that this time it would last.

 

I'd also be suspicious that they weren't just trying to use me - I have had dumpers over the years recontact me when they are at a really low point, and basically ask me to bail them out of it - whether it be through giving them money or some other kind of help - they WEREN'T INTERESTED IN RECONCILING, they just had pissed off one too many people and I was the only person they could think off to contact and ask for help. I didn't help them, obviously.

 

If she was 100% genuine I would consider it, but I would need a lot of convincing and evidence from her that she meant what she was saying, and that it was not just breadrumbs or "I need money.... can you help me out?" type contact.

 

So would you take them back? why or why not?

[crazy1234]

NO..dont take her back.You'r just giving her an opportunity to stick the knife a little deeper.Maybe she left you for whatever reason didnt work out later on and now she's back to you.Please dont if you dont wanna get hurt again.

[soccerrprp]

Every situation is different. For you, it sounds like the ladies are not worth the second chance. It depends on how you ended it. That's huge! If an ex of mine wanted to get back together, she would necessarily have to sacrifice a lot to do so. That sacrifice, and other things, would suffice for me to know that she is serious and I'd give it another go.

 

Again, my departure from my ex was very amicable, perhaps some would say that we never officially broke-up (but the reality is that we did). Anyway, it depends on how you broke it off and what your issues were.

 

But, for the most part, yes, giving it a second go will likely not be a success.

[tinkerbelldandy]

Actions speak louder than words. Dumpers broke up with dumpees knowing very well how much it would hurt and devastate the dumpee. It would take a lot of nerve for them to try crawling back. The dumper would have a lot to prove. Consider this...if they can break your heart the first time what's to stop them from doing it a second time?

[hotpotato]

I would consider it, but it depends on why the break up happened in the first place.

 

Then if you do take them back you would have to deal with issues of TRUST and RESENTMENT. Not to mention JEALOUSY. And you need to figure out why it ended in the first place and whether or not its fixable.

 

I have had an ex not only beg to be taken back but also ask for marriage. He moved far away to work. He dumped me, got into a really bad rebound (she stabbed him), then tried to come right back to me. He got a big fat NO! He still wants to get back with me after a couple years, but he treated me so badly the most we can ever be is friends.

 

I guess im a bit different from everyone else here. I dont like dating at all and will stick with someone until the bitter end if I think they are worth it

[Giha]

I doubt it's going to happen, but I hope I'll be strong enough to reject her if it did.

I'm still very much in love with her but I just know I'd be super paranoid since she broke up with me out of the blue. I'd always feel like it's going to happen in any minute and I'd find it hard to trust her again. I don't think it would work out this way. She'd have a whole lot to prove, and frankly I'm not sure she'd be up to put so much effort if she didn't put that effort before bailing the first time.

[lissa90]

I agree with the majority. It would be a big fat no. I'd entertain the idea without actually putting that idea into action.

 

The trust is gone, the innocent love is gone and everything we had is now tainted with pain.

 

Don't ever go back, always keeping going forward.

[th90]

NOPE.

 

because if he didn't want me then, why does he want me now? I'm living up to his last words to me, that I'm better off without him.

[Kristopher1]

Heh, well even though I know my ex still loves me, she has too much pride to come forward and admit to her mistakes and ask for a second chance, ridiculous isn't it? She expects me to make every effort for her, even when she's in the wrong, and in most cases I would have done so because I love her just as much, but now I can only meet her half way..besides, as some pointed out, if she managed to break my heart with the snap of her fingers, what would prevent her from doing it again? A lot of work will certainly be needed to make it work out.

[Treasa]

I did second chances a lot. It's really not that rare. None of them were worth it. I mean, neither the chances nor the guys.

 

So, nope. Looking back, I'm thankful as hell I'm not with any of them.

[shayla]

NO! I would never take him back under any circumstances. Our break up was ugly. It came out that he had been cheating on me our entire relationship.

 

Never ever would I take him back.

[Emilia]

So would you take them back? why or why not?

No. I have a pretty clean slate and looking forward not backwards.

[Coping Vortex]

I have to admit I would. I miss my ex. But I would be suspicious of why. Most likely it would be because she would be brokenhearted over her current BF dumping her. That would suck if that was the reason....however, regardless I would take that opportunity. I know if that happened we could make it work again no question. Sometimes in love you have to swallow your pride for future happiness.

 

That being said the one fear i would have is that once someone leaves you for someone else that they are not the same anymore. They have changed from how you knew them. They pick up mannerisms and traits form the last relationship. I think this causes issues when you expect them to be exactly how you remember them being with you. If you can't adapt, it would hard to make it work. Unless enough time went by and it was truly starting over getting the know the new them.

 

That is what sucks about time. Sure it can heal all wounds but it also can cause more.

[tinker683]

I would, but it would require of A LOT of stuff to work out and she would have to demonstrate to me that she understands why it ended and what she's done and plan on continuing to do to fix it. She's also going to have to understand that I have trust and resentment toward her for the boundaries she stepped all over and the disrespect she treated me with.

 

Frankly, I don't think she's willing to put in that kind of work into a relationship and I also think this line of thinking is dangerous.

 

Hope can be toxic for people with broken hearts

[Emilia]

She's also going to have to understand that I have trust and resentment toward her for the boundaries she stepped all over and the disrespect she treated me with.

so why would you want to take her back?

[tinker683]

so why would you want to take her back?

 

Because, if she had demonstrated to me that she understand the mistakes she made, why she made them, and what she had done and/or was doing to work or prevent that AND that she was committed to the relationship, then I could forgive her and we could move on together. It would take work, but I could do it and if she was truly all of these things, I would feel she was worth trying to make it work.

 

As bad as the relationship was at times and how badly it ended as angry as I am with her...I am glad I met her and I don't regret my relationship with her. I loved her very much and probably always will on some level or another.

 

But...all that being said, it's not going to happen. She's moved on to another guy. I'm the one who is stuck. That's my problem, not hers.

 

The OP asked a theoretical question so I thought I would answer in kind

[BustedUpInside]

I was just thinking about this question the other day. I realized that the answer is no. I wouldn't take my ex back, because the only reason I would reconcile, no matter what he changed or promised to do, would be to punish him forever for breaking my heart. That's mean and unfair and it would make me the kind of person I am trying never to be.

[thefooloftheyear]

I miss her and still have feelings, but I highly doubt I would...

 

After seeing the relationship from afar, I can now say that even though I didnt want it to end, perhaps it needed to end..

 

Its been 6 months..I recently saw a pic of her...She looks horrible. Has gained a LOT of weight(maybe 30/40lbs?) and just looks bad, in general...I have no idea whats happening with her and dont care anymore. It was eye opening to see though...I dont think I have ever seen someone so dramatically different in the course of just 6 months. I know she had lost a bunch of weight before I met her, maybe she just fell off the wagon once the R ended and she settled into a new R with a guy who is VERY heavy and they are just comfortable being fat and relaxed..

 

I guess anyone can have feelings again for someone they once felt strongly for...For it to have any chance I would imagine some significant time would have to pass by and the new relationship isnt a continuation of the old one..

 

TFY

[Keenly]

Absolutely not. She's stolen from me , and she gets off on hurting my feelings.

 

 

May she become as ugly on the outside as she is on the inside.

[Jono85]

I have to admit I would. I miss my ex. But I would be suspicious of why. Most likely it would be because she would be brokenhearted over her current BF dumping her. That would suck if that was the reason....however, regardless I would take that opportunity. I know if that happened we could make it work again no question. Sometimes in love you have to swallow your pride for future happiness.

 

That being said the one fear i would have is that once someone leaves you for someone else that they are not the same anymore. They have changed from how you knew them. They pick up mannerisms and traits form the last relationship. I think this causes issues when you expect them to be exactly how you remember them being with you. If you can't adapt, it would hard to make it work. Unless enough time went by and it was truly starting over getting the know the new them.

 

That is what sucks about time. Sure it can heal all wounds but it also can cause more.

 

i just don't understand this. it's mindboggling to me. how a guy can take a girl back when she left him, dated other guys knowing you still wanted to be with her and try and make things work, and she gets dumped/hurt from guys she actually wanted instead of you, and yet she comes crawling back to you, her safety net (if A, B, and C don't work out...).

 

i don't know. maybe i'd have to be put in that situation to critisize it, but i could never take my ex back b/c she knew i wanted to keep fighting for us, and she left and pursued other guys. i don't care if she ends up hating the new bf and regretting meeting him, the fact still remains that she had already decided she didn't want me in her life anymore, forever. she was content with that. how the heck am i supposed to take her back after that? never.

[aisuru]

We'd have a lot to talk about. Both of us, about where we could have communicated better and how we would communicate better going forward. We needed the break/breakup. I knew it, he knew it. We also just had some timing issues.

 

I always believed, since the day I met him, that we met at the wrong time. But maybe in 6 months or a year, I'll decide I met him at the right time and he's just not the one for me.

 

I won't initiate contact or reconciling, but yes, I would consider it if he approached me.

[Harradin]

Not a chance. She cheated and ran off with someone else, who then chose the guy she left me for over me a month later when she lead me on. She made her bed, she can lie in it. I'm not going back to someone who betrayed me on so many levels, chose some lying manipulating backstabbing d*ckhead over me who treated her like a princess and chose him over me. No amount of action/excuses/whatever you wanna call it can ever change my opinion.

 

It doesn't stop me missing her before she did all of those things, when she loved me. But that girl is long gone.

[Ajax]

I'd be more inclined to give another chance if the other party made an effort to reconnect and it happened naturally.

 

If the other party begged for another chance? No. Then it would be me who would have a difficult time respecting that person and I would feel put on the spot. I want to be with someone who's on equal footing with me in the relationship. Now someone who has more power than me, or less, as would then be the case by "begging."

[mtnbiker3000]

i don't know. maybe i'd have to be put in that situation to critisize it, but i could never take my ex back b/c she knew i wanted to keep fighting for us, and she left and pursued other guys. i don't care if she ends up hating the new bf and regretting meeting him, the fact still remains that she had already decided she didn't want me in her life anymore, forever. she was content with that. how the heck am i supposed to take her back after that? never.

 

Yeah, this is how I feel. Miss her like crazy. Especially the 'her' from when things were good. So good. But that is gone and never coming back. So, nope, wouldn't take her back. Too much pain involved to repeat...

[crazy1234]

ordinaryboy..what was you'r reason of break-up if its not too personal?