Would you take the dumper back if they begged for another chance?

[crazy1234]

ordinayday i meant..lol

[lop98]

Too much pain involved to repeat...

 

This sums it up for me... I could take him back if I was coward enough to refuse taking into account how he showed his true colors at the end and just guided myself by the good (bs) memories, ignoring the rest out of weakness... it hurts knowing there's no more future for us but when I remember how he treated me, the manipulation, cruelty, sleepless nights, nausea, I'm GLAD there won't be more of that in the future, at least not caused by the same person.

[bluecrabroll]

I'm at the 3 month NC after breaking up last October. I think of her from time to time and it saddens me how much a person has changed. I have good memories and have nightmares of the bad stuff she has said to me before, during and after the split--> the true colors come out and a person I never saw before came out.

 

I would consider a reconciliation if she came back... but I would not go through with it. I would never trust her again and I think I would lose respect for myself if I let that happen after everything I've been through.

[SuperGeek]

My ex tried to get back with me 15 months after our relationship was dissolved, after I sold the house, after I had moved to another town. She tried to seduce me with NSA sex and inviting me over to her apartment on a whim like nothing had happened between us (wtf?). At first I was totally caught off guard and emotionally overwhelmed by it. I came to my senses and regained my logic after about 9 days and told her to never contact me again.

 

I am now three years post breakup of the entire mess and TOTALLY GLAD I'm not with her at this point. I am so proud of myself for having the strength, especially during that time as I was depressed, to not let myself get sucked back into her games.

 

Nothing, and I mean nothing, could take away the pain I suffered when she left me for another man. Nothing can take away the pain of realizing she was having sex with that guy for over 8 months before their supposed 'engagement' fell apart. Nothing can ever repair the trust she destroyed by doing that. She gave up on me, she gave up on us, and she ran away from the challenges we were facing. I wasn't perfect, but I did respect her, was faithful to her and fully committed to our relationship.

 

Once a girl walks out the door, I just tell them to never come back because the trust can never be repaired at that point. It's like trying to repair broken glass... you can do it, but the cracks will always exist. Not to mention, the foundation of that repaired cracked glass is forever weakened and can break easily again. Once the foundation is destroyed, never look back.

Edited May 31, 2013 by SuperGeek

[BrokenHeartedSavior]

NO, NO, NO, AND ABSOLUTELY NOT!

 

Not only after knowing she's been with someone else, but at one year post BU?

 

SHE'S A TOTAL STRANGER TO ME NOW.

[Leigh 87]

It is unhealthy for us to think about this. The idea is we cut them off, and then whenever a thought comes into our head about them wanting us back, we learn to stop giving any power to that thought.

 

Actually writing out " what would I do if my ex wanted me back" is settling us back, as it only gives energy towards a scenario we are trying to become INDIFFERENT to.

 

I am in the very early stages of the grieving and have a long way to go, however because I am not yet maintaining No Contact YES I WOULD HAVE HIM BACK.

 

But that is not our goal. My goal is to go No Contact so that I can STOP caring if he ever wants me back.

 

It will be a beautiful place to reach, once we stop even caring of giving ANY weight to that question!

[Ordinaryday]

ordinaryboy..what was you'r reason of break-up if its not too personal?

 

Lots of different reasons, some of which I believe were unfair, other problems I was working on.

 

She was a HUGE health nut and exercised all the time and made the effort to only eat healthy foods, never have junk food, etc. she told me at the start of the relationship that a healthy lifestyle was a dealbreaker for her, and she could not be with a guy who did not live healthily. I told her I did, and I believe it to be true.

 

Turned out we had different definitions of what a 'healthy lifestyle' actually is. One time I bought a diet pepsi one of our dates and she got all angry, saying that no one who lived a 'healthy lifestyle' would drink diet pepsi. she flat out told me I had to stop drinking it.

 

She also wanted me to join a gym and get a personal trainer - I don't mind joining a gym and I told her she should come with me because I work six days a week and I would like to go to a gym with someone I know - she got angry saying I should find the time to join a gym in my own time, and since I had not joined one it was proof I wasn't living a healthy lifestyle.

 

there were lots of other issues, all of which I believe were based on misunderstandings between us, but she just bailed, she said she wanted to 'stay friends' but I told her it was all or nothing. she chose nothing.

[crazy1234]

I see..well look atleast u didnt have infidelity in you'r relationship as i assumed and thats why i said no..but if u really love her and want her back than u need to tell her that she needs to stop being such a control freak..its a part of her u know..i mean its how she is..so u need to make it clear to her that u r a different individual and sometimes u need to do things on you'r own.Talk it out openly about it.

[Antares]

Mine broke up with me due to her adding some internal undue pressure into the relationship. I think she tends to take her time getting to know people and opening up causes anxiety. She was a lovely person, who ultimately saw us 'not working' because of these issues.

 

Right now I'm 28 days NC. And I'm moving on. It still sucks because I do think we had a genuine connection, everything in common, and were quite passionate. And I miss talking with her.

 

If she were to realize that she made a 'mistake' (I kinda hate that concept in general - she didn't make a mistake. If she genuinely thought it was too much pressure, then leaving was prob. the right move to make for her at that time.). When she broke up with me, I said Good Bye as if it were final. In my mind it was. If she came back and wanted to give another go, we'd have to take it slow and just start over. Start by having a chat about all of this, about why it went down, and start just feeling it out. Like we did when we originally met.

 

I'm not waiting for any of that though.

[SweetiePie12]

 

So would you take them back? why or why not?

 

No. He has anger management issues, and I believe in full transparency. I don't think he could handle the truth about my life.

[travelonic]

It is unhealthy for us to think about this.

 

I dunno - letting it dwell, and become n unhealthy obsession yes, but Id think it human nature to have said thoughts once in a while, or even a lot early on - and suppressing those thoughts, which come with the processes of healing seems more unhealthy **just in my opinion** than getting them and learning how to handle them better.

[HokeyReligions]

Every situation is different and no relationship is problem free. My husband and I had problems too and broke up once when dating and nearly divorced once. We've been married 27 years on June 6th and are closer than ever. I can't imagine my life without him and he says the same.

[simplyamazing]

Yes, and no.

 

It would depend on the situation.

 

My current ex, no way in hell after what she put me through. Vanished, and then found out she was banging another dude. Real nice after 2 years and living together until she "had" to move because of not being able to afford paying for some stuff. I would savor the crap out of it though. It would make me extremely happy to get a message begging for it, only so I could ignore it.

 

If the reasons for the break up were for space, or something like that... and I KNEW she didn't date / see anyone... I'd consider it. Time would also be a deciding factor.