koalasmith Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 So i cheated on my boyfriend of over 2 years about 3 mo ago. he left me 2 wks ago and moved in w/his friend. I had messed around w/some guy from work that i had known for only 2mos. i messed around only one time but we talked on the phone for like 3 wks and he sd things that made me feel good about myself. of course i was still w/my boyfriend who never sd anything to me and didnt eve nsay he loved me. nearly 2 1/2 years and didnt love me. i gave him everything. i dont know why i did it. it was a mistake. we didnt even kiss or have sex or anything.he basically jacked off for a little bit and then i gave him oral sex. that was the biggest mistake i have ever made. ilook bk at waht seemed to be a huge prob and it all seems so petty now. like y did i care that i was working two jobs and supporting my kids and 2 dogs and a boyfriend as well as going to school f/t. it oesnt matter now tho. its like i ws stressed. it doesnt matter they are excuses that dont lead up to making what i did ok. it wasnt. i want to make things better now. We still see each other almost everyday and talk on the phone and on the internet. He and I have gone out a few times but he always gets drunk so its really not a lot of fun. I cook him lunch when hes at work and I take him snacks and stuff for his break. He still comes over and spends the night and we will have sex. But he still hasnt kissed me since July 5. He says that he doesnt want to or have a girlfriend, but he still gets jealous that i wear like skirts or "tight" pants to work. I quit my old job and started a new one. i cant blame him for making comments but i told him to come up there and see for himself. I have no desire to ever be w/ anyone but him. He told me he loved me 3x since i cheated. It hurts bcuz he wants so bad to b w/me but he doesnt want to get hurt again. how can i prove it to him after i already do so much and the words i say are the same as b4 which to him seem meaningless. Please help. We are b/f g/f on and off. he has no desire to b w/ anyone else either.how do i prove to him that i really am sorry and will never ever do that again.its not once a cheater always a cheater.ive never cheated b4 and would never do it again. it hurts to see that i hurt him so. i love him. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 Read my link in my signature, it will help you. like y did i care that i was working two jobs and supporting my kids and 2 dogs and a boyfriend as well as going to school f/t. it oesnt matter now tho You shouldn't have to support a bf. A relationship is 100/100 on each side. If he is not telling you he loves you before all this happened, supporting or helping you then that is NOT showing love. You were lacking alot from your bf, and still are. You saw what you were lacking in this other man. Even though what you did was wrong, what your bf was/is doing is very wrong as well. This is not just all about you. Your bf is to blame here as well. Don't base your happiness on him, which I am afraid you are doing. You two need counseling to help deal with your problems, your issues. If he is so ignorant to the fact that he hasn't done anything to have caused all of this, then he's going to be living a lonely life. Unfortunetly there are idiotic men out there that think they do everything right, which is far from the truth. Don't put so much pressure on yourself, there are men out there who will truly care about you. It's not your role to 'fix' your bf. He's going to be standoffish because he's hurt that you cheated. You are hurt though by the way he's treated you in the past. You need a good, effective way of communicating this hurt to each other. Link to post Share on other sites
ezragizzein Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 bump Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 hahaha. love the line about the "we didn't even kiss or have sex or anything" yet you said you blew the guy. HOW can you think blowing a guy is not as big a deal as kissing? And oral sex IS SEX. Notice the world sex in "oral sex" so please dont try and go by the Bill Clinton definition.BTW you can get the same friggin STDs from blowing a guy as you can from fugging a guy so please, don't act like it isn't a big issue. Wow. I am sorry but that is just too funny to me. I never have seen a person imply that sucking a guy off is not as big a deal as kissing someone. hahaha Anyway back to your situation...I think it comes down to each person and if they can forgive someone for cheating. I couldn't because I think a girl I was with should not be dumb enough to cheat on me and doesn't deserve my respect afterward. I can forgive any other mistake but that one. But hey, your guy may feel differently. No offense but judging by what you have told us, it sure sounds like you two had a dysfunctional relationship and things between you two now sound dysfunctional. It may be best that if you two get back together you guys get some counselling because damn, it doesn't sound like somethng that would end up healthy. Oh and don't act like you are to blame for everything that went wrong...he sounds like he didn't treat you all that well and took you for granted when you two were together. However, that wasn't grounds for you to go blow another dude off. Link to post Share on other sites
koalasmith Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 I guess the way I worded it seemed to make it seems like it was no big deal. Of course it was, I just meant the things that have to do with more of a sensual and romantic relationship were absent because it didn't mean anything special to me. I don't mean to make it seem like oral sex is okay and that doing that was excusable. It definately was wrong and I really do feel bad. It's now been nearly a month (tomorrow) since he moved out. Today is his birthday, I made him lunch and then he came over after work. I baked him a b-day cake and gave him some stuff for his dreads, a shirt, a bottle of Capt. Morgan rum, and a flask set that was engraved. It had a fish with Mr. x, love u always, koalasmith on it (Names have been changed). He said that it sucks that it said that on there. I sorta knew he'd say that when I was getting it. I really felt like that. He also said that he wanted me to be totally honest w/him, so I thought that would be ok. Not to mention that the day before he never called me back as he said he would, nor answered my calls, so of course I was really worried and left him like 10 msgs. Writing it now seems odd, but I was worried since I hadn't heard from him in 2 days and he missed wk. I thought maybe he was drunk and had a wreck, or DWI and in jail. Well he told me today after I gave him a massage, opened presents, and had sex, that he didn't think we should see each other anymore. I think it was also because I told him that this guy we knew asked me out and some other guy at the mall and I told them no, I have a BF. He said that I should've been into it. I said I wasn't and he asked me why. I said because I love him and only want him. It hurts him when I say that because he knows that I really do and it makes what I did that much worse than if I didn't love him, or feel so strongly for him. I regret what I did every single day. I hate myself for doing that. I wanna go back to before. then all the little things that irked me so bad would seem like nothing. Should I leave him alone, or do I have a 2nd chance with him? How do I know if this is a test? He says he's not interested in anyone else and wants to work on his music because that makes him happy. I want to stay his friend, but is that really possible? I can honestly say that I know that I don't want to be with anyone but him. I know that for sure, especially after that fugded up mistake I made. Anyone have advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Ilovehertodeath Posted October 16, 2004 Share Posted October 16, 2004 ---"he said things that made me feel good about myself"--- Look guys, this is a great example of a woman thinking with her "feelings". Her "feelings" said it was OK to give the guy a BJ....because her BF never said the words "I love you"! LOL GIVE ME A BREAK!! It was only after her BF tossed her overboard, that she stared thinking LOGICALLY.."wow I did something wrong". Remember people, Women think with their "FEELINGS" when it comes to these things and men think "LOGICALLY". GET IT? PROPS THE MALE IN THIS ONE!!! Link to post Share on other sites
koalasmith Posted October 17, 2004 Share Posted October 17, 2004 how weird that the 2 guys would say that about the girl. if it were a guy it b ok. hed b a playa n stuff. but the girl admits that she was wrong,does what she can for her man and still gets treated like crap and the other guys can jsut b like oh yea hahaha instead of tryin to help. i asked for help not more putdowns-if i wantd that i could just asked mr soandso. by the way we talked today online and he apologized for the way he acted on his b-day. he sd that he was just being mean to hurt me. i told him i know n i shouldnt have tried to keep talkin to him bout that stuff when i knew hew was tryin to leave. but yes i truly am sorry n iwasnt thinkin w/my feelings. if i were doing that i wouldnt b in this s#ithole im in now. i love this man so much n just wanna try 2 make it work. i know it takes time but would like some helpful advice. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted October 18, 2004 Share Posted October 18, 2004 If you two want it to work then you need a good marriage counselor. Until he gets over this hurt, the healing can't start. Link to post Share on other sites
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