My husband has asked me to leave Loveshack

[dreamingoftigers]

Have a lovely, lovely evening!!

 

(hugs!!))))

 

(My left arm has pins and needles. I can't feel it....)

 

I did. It was a nice performance

 

DOT,

 

I always like your posts and think you add value to this site. However, if I was in a marriage and I wanted to spend time with my SO and my SO was spending time on LS, I would be mad too.

 

LS is great, but it isn't real life.

 

If you feel afraid that you will lose touch, why not limit yourself to times when you can't spend time with your husband? Maybe something like only on Saturday mornings or Tue-Thursdays after dinner.

 

Or if you have a group of LS that you enjoy and bounce ideas off of, why not keep in touch with them outside of LS? That way you get benefit of other people's perspective without making LS a time sink.

 

Either way, I wish you nothing but the best.

 

Hi,

 

Thanks, I've liked your posts too.

I agree with my husband's concerns and we talked about it more last night. I'll update in a bit.

 

I will be limiting my time on here as I have a fair amount to catch up on.

And I do have some LS people on my FB. If anyone here wants to PM me, I can add to FB. My privacy settings are set really high. I don't think any of my "friends" can see my other "friends."

 

Thanks.

[Els]

In the end, I think the decision is up to you. If you feel you can't cut back without going cold turkey, then perhaps cold turkey it has to be. To me, you don't seem to be spending an inordinate amount of time here, judging from your posts per day. Then again, you do write fairly long and well-thought-out posts (yours seem to be 3x as long as mine on average ), so I suppose that isn't necessarily the best yardstick.

 

I will ask, though: Has HE been doing anything to work on his own issues, that you have mentioned multiple times here? It's all well and good to make compromises for the people you love, but are they making the same compromises for you?

[dreamingoftigers]

I hear what you are saying. It's difficult, particularly if things are difficult with your real world experiences; it's an out, as you point out. However, Maybe you need to consider whether it has become a bit addictive, out-of-proportion. You sort of suggest at that, when it begins to impact on the essentials of everyday life.

 

Why don't you take a break from it, put yourself to a self-test of resolve? How much of you is the real you here anyway, how much of you is an alter ego? And how many of us others here are living through an alter ego and need to just be getting on with life?

 

I do think a break and a cutback in the future is essential to my continued success as a student etc. And you know, a Mom, wife, social being that interacts with people that are in-person.

It's weird because I DO actually have a life outside of LS and it's actually pretty nice. But a lot of times this just feels easier.

 

As well, I find that my usage correlates with taking Dexedrine (for whatever reason). Usually a very strong correlation. However, tonight I lost my purse at a Dog wash.( )"No one" saw anyone take it. But it is gone. Inside it was my month's worth of Dexedrine. So I also can't afford to replace it and I need to return to my schoolwork more anyhow.....I'll be spending the weekend crashing off of Dexedrine. And probably sleeping..... a lot. But Monday will kick off another week where I can get more done. Although it will be less organized.

 

But I noticed you mentioned the alter-egos etc. If you look at the picture in my avatar..... that is me. There isn't much of me that doesn't end up splattered across these pages. I don't think that there is an "alter-ego." I have very few things that remain private to me here, often because the same things that cause me shame and distress often cause shame and distress to others. It challenges me to be more open and empathize. But I am like that in "real life" as well. It's always been like that.

 

My husband thought it was such a weird trait that I would go to a place that we hadn't been and in about 10 mins I'd know everyone there and have a passing knowledge about their families, friends, attitudes etc. I think that I am pretty non-threatening and since I am rather, *ahem* portly, there's something about that where people treat me differently. But I have also found that maybe they can instantly see my imperfections, so it isn't a hard deal to share with someone one's own imperfections. IDK. Just found it to be strange.

 

There is not really that much wrong with 'talking' to others here any more than talking to friends or neighbours but when it is figuratively occupying all your waking hours well, it probably ain't good. And the bottom line has to be that any of the alter egos that you have become acquainted with can just as suddenly melt away into the night as suddenly as they appeared. You have no control over that, but you need to accept it and deal with it. Maybe having a healthy scepticism and disregard for the transience and ephemeral nature of it all is a good starting point.

 

LOL. Sorry, a bit technical. Love it, but it sounds like I wrote it to someone else.

I definitely see the folly in leading my life in an unbalanced way. I hope to correct that soon. I am also aware of the somewhat "transient" nature of the site. People leave when they are in denial or when they are ready to. In general.

 

I also think, in principle, that standing up for your own presence in the world is important, that you are not completely subsumed into your marriage. It is, after all, just a one-to-one relationship, albeit a significant one, and as such it has all the frailties of such an arrangement. It can get broken if that is all there is to it. Does that sound vague?

 

I do agree with you that making myself "known" as it were in my marriage is of great importance. The last few years have been very tough. The things that most people take for granted within a marriage have had to be negotiated thoroughly again and again. For the first year, we couldn't even agree on the shape of the negotiating table.

 

That has, of course, caused me to be a little more gun-shy socially. As well, I had a long-term friendship end that was not a very balanced friendship. It actually had the same expectant-draining earmarks that my marriage had/(has?) But it was blatant to the point where I documented it to show myself how messed up it was, and then I wrote myself a promise to not contact this person unless they were actually reaching out to me in a social way instead of a "I need you to do something again or I am going to freak out at you and post it all over facebook" kind of way.

 

It really bothered me and I have grown somewhat "hardened" and "colder" to in-person people. This place has given me somewhat of a protection from that by providing anonymity and others who know what it is like to be victim to an "emotional vampire." I have been rather gun-shy about building new friendships over the last year. I have one great friend right now, but it took some time to be able to trust her. She's an amazing asset as a friend. But I do need to get back out there and rejuvenate a social life. I find that my weight is often a barrier as well. It's harder to find friends who don't give a damn. Fully possible. But harder.

 

I will choose to be more "deliberately" active to form social connections. So much of the socializing over the last few years involved somewhat depressing things. Like SA/S-Anon. I really didn't want to hang out on the weekends hearing about other women's husbands and how they are either "doing so well" in recovery or "he's blahblahblah again." I just was sick of being a member of that "club" and resented the recommendation to go there. I hated trying to "heal and bond" with a bunch of women whom the only thing I had in common with them, is that our spouses had sucker punched us in the most vulnerable parts of our souls. Blah.

 

There was also church, where my attendance wavered. And there was my business, where it was unprofessional to befriend on an personal level.

 

The very[degree of] infidelity in my marriage isolated me from others in a large way. I felt that people would blame me for being so overweight, regardless of the fact that I was actually thinner than when my husband dated and married me. Or they would think that I must have been cold or prudish at home. Wrong again. Either way, I felt just .... alone. What I really needed at the time was someone else that had gone through the pain of it all. Sorted the proper boundaries and come out the other side. Someone who wasn't hooked on "group."

 

Enter Loveshack......

 

What would happen if you were to reach a compromise? Take a break of a month, 2 months, whatever, to test your resolve and self-control and then agree that you will only be here at certain times of the day or week, ie those that do not coincide with your partner being around. Even if he is not around you need to be confident that it isn't controlling you to such an extent that you can't get done what you know you need to get done.

 

We are going to try the chrome "timer idea." I'm just embarassed that I have to "time myself," in order to come on here.

 

Also, read more and post less, and when you do be concise more often, unlike me.

 

Finally, be sure in your own mind that his motives for asking this of you are genuine and not controlling or manipulative. If it is genuinely because he is concerned for the impact on your relationship, even been a contributory factor in his past behaviour, then you will know that everyone will understand.

 

I actually am quite confident that it isn't about manipulation or control.

 

He is genuinely concerned (from what I can see) about what this shows our daughter, how it affects me and my health, my own social well-being. I do believe that.

 

I thought that having to leave was slightly harsh but understandable considering my not being able to control my time on here.

 

We talked more tonight and it really is about the balance in this situation. He's good about it and understands that LS does serve a function in my life, but shouldn't be the function of my life.

 

Although: If I don't find a way to manage my LS time very soon I will just have to go.

 

Oh gosh, I am so wiped out tonight. I will have to respond to the rest tomorrow.

[dreamingoftigers]

DoT, do whatever works best for you and your family.

 

It's like breakups. To cope, some go NC, others LC, others abuse NC by playing games, some beg their way to a second chance and others are in denial.

 

Regardless, I'll miss your posts but wish you well. ((hugs))

 

 

Hi TBF,

 

Thanks for reading that as clearly and concisely as usual.

 

I have no doubt that there is an issue with my usage. And that a definite change needs to be implemented for my well-being and that of my family.

 

Ironically enough, I lost/it was taken my purse last night and it has not been returned. In it (aside from my ID, giftcards, eyeliner and all of my pencils....dammit) was my prescriptions for Wellbutrin and Dexedrine. So I have not had a dose in over 24 hours.

 

I feel less edgy today than I have felt in months. I was even more productive.

 

I think that I do need a small dose of Dex (or compatible non-stimulant medication) to correct the ADD, which I actually suspect is residual trauma but I cannot afford EMDR right now or to get a SPECT scan to confirm my suspicion. But as of now, I think that I may be overmedicated; which doesn't surprise me since Canadian doctors are more than happy to push more drugs than a local dealer.

 

I had dexedrine prescribed to me in the middle of fall semester. The Summer semester had gone remarkably well. But I had some major issues sorting my time and concentrating on finishing tasks. Same issue I have always had: I do it either half-arsed or I am completely absorbed with it. No middle ground.

 

So school was amazing, but everything else had been patchy.

Hence, the dexedrine. Well, I've been able to find my car keys ever since. My productivity evened out, but it felt like I was somewhat "floating." My brain adjusted to it but I did go off of it over Christmas holidays. Coming down from it was awful and I ended up depressed.

 

I thought that it was due to lack of productivity. But I was also isolated heading to Ontario and back (and dealing with an insane mother-in-law in the middle). My mood slumped and when I arrived home I went back to the dexedrine at my doctor's suggestion. My productivity did not recover over the winter.

 

School became a difficult plodding time. This may sound ridiculous or trivial, but my chemistry mark from the Fall Term was 98.6% the spring one was 90.4%. Sure a good mark, but a significant drop. And I had hoped that Chemistry would be my "headliner" course for applying to my program next year. Now I am attempting to redo it before the end of this semester on top of my regular courses.

 

In March my mood had declined significantly, which is also a side-effect of Dexedrine. So, my doctor prescribed Wellbutrin for me to counteract the effects of the Dex. Apparently a common combination.

 

I made a thread about it.

It has caused me to recover my mood and productivity, including losing 30 lbs. BUT I am edgy as Hell. At first it served to raise my mood, then within weeks I was having actual outbursts on a semi-regular basis. This is completely unlike me, it reminded of being BPD, but with more aggression than I had at that point in my life. I have had bouts of anger and frustration. Eventually I found myself sliding steeply back into a worse depression than I had before the Wellbutrin. I would blow up and cry. Or just cry. The dose I was on should've cheered up a horse. The drug is not a good match and I hoped to go off of it during semester break, but I had to start on the next round of school assignments early. I could not afford the "crash."

 

I've had over half a dozen side-effects from the Well-Dex combination. including my skin majorly breaking out all over my body. My doctor has insisted that I need to "give it more time." I've heard that for almost three months and it should've reached it's effectiveness within 6 weeks.

 

I am out of patience with it and cut my Wellbutrin doses in half and then in half again. I am currently on half of a tab a day. I feel better.

 

BUT NOW, the Wellbutrin had actually dulled the effectiveness of the dexedrine somewhat. So cutting the Wellbutrin boosts the Dexedrine, meaning: hello 2-4 hours of sleep a night.

 

2-4 hours of sleep: more time on LS.

I have been largely wiped out.

 

I am ready to leave this whole crappy cocktail behind forever and just try to make it down to an Amen Clinic for a scan to find out what my accurate diagnosis and treatment is instead of playing "Chemistry Lab" with my brain. I am sick to death of this "witch-doctor-voodoo-guess-and-check" method of mental health. Years ago I was given an SSRI when I was suicidal and it nearly helped me finish killing myself. I am very disappointed with the results of what I have pursued. This direction does not work for me.

 

I would rather lead an unbalanced life without risking subsequent damage to my brain that lead an unbalanced life with medication that causes me to feel clouded and temperamental in random jaunts. But truthfully, I would rather not live an unbalanced life at all. It is very frustrating to have one's internal countenance out of order. Especially after coming to rely on it after having EMDR and finding it to be fairly methodical and unclouded.

 

On top of this whole "medication" joke, my physician actually wants to increase my dexedrine by doubling the dose. Apparently that could reduce the "clouding" caused by the Wellbutrin that was supposed to halt the depression caused by the dexedrine. :confused:

 

So I will be reducing my overall doses of everything until I feel unclouded and reach some kind of productivity and mood equilibrium. I may eliminate it entirely. But I cannot sustain this ridiculousness messing with my head anymore.

 

I will also be implementing the google chrome timing limitation and refocusing my attention on restoring my mood and balance, including more exercise. I will start with 15 mins every day and go from there. And meditating as well.

 

Like everything, I will plan it well.

 

And I will be cranky for the first week. Because I am always cranky for the first week. With or without Wellbutrin. But at least this time I am not likely to throw a lasagna. I tossed one on week 2 of taking wellbutrin and the Doc assured me that the "edginess" would pass. It didn't. But at least the lasagna toss only happened once.

 

This whole experience has benefited me in developing some empathy for those who have anger issues.

[2sunny]

It would be a good baseline to find out what the true you looks like at this point - without the meds.

 

But it's not wise to go cold turkey off of mind altering meds - best to gradually reduce the dosage and then stop when it's been minimized. Otherwise - the brain gets confused...

 

Check with your dr. If you want to reduce or get off them - say so!

 

Drs always push meds. Drug companies are HUGE business/money makers.

 

I refuse to take anything that alters my mind.

 

Meditation works wonders!

[HokeyReligions]

I know how you feel. I've been on this board for long time and in the early years I just about lived on this board. I slowed myself down some time back and judt started posting again. Its nice to see some of those I remember from a decade ago and to meet newbies. But I don'tpost like I used to and being able to focus on my husband a d my offline life has helped. Just check in sometimes to let us know how you are and catch up sometimes but your focus needs f o be on your family. You'll feel better too.

[Janesays]

I think your marriage sounds exhausting and it's understandable that you'd want to just escape every now and again. I think if you didn't have the break that comes when you zone out and focus on someone else's issue (as opposed to your own) then you would have burnt out completely a long time ago. I know I personally come here more when I'm feeling tired.

[LittleTiger]

Sorry to see this thread DOT.

 

I hope you are able to do what's right for both you and your family. If you do disappear from LS permanently I will be sorry to see you go. I've always enjoyed your insightful posts - although I generally need a cup of tea and a biscuit to sustain me until the end, and sometimes even a toilet break!

 

Just kidding! I'm not exactly the Queen of 'short and succinct' myself!

 

For those of us with addictive personalities, LS is a tough one to deal with. I fight with myself over the same issue although I'm 'lucky' that I don't have other people to consider most of the time. I must admit though when Kiwi man and I are together, I forget all about this site.

 

Perhaps if you and your H planned more quality time together outside the house (activities that don't cost anything of course) you might be able to 'allow' yourself limited LS time without feeling guilty. We're all entitled to some relaxing 'me time'. If LS is what you enjoy it seems a shame to have to give it up completely......but then, if you are really addicted and your family is suffering, perhaps 'cold turkey' is your best option.

[dreamingoftigers]

(I didn't have time to read whole thread, sorry, but) I vote you do a two-week no LS stint, to prove to you both you can do it, and a symbolic commitment, and then specific windows per week where you can peruse and post to your heart's content, but when time's up... time's up!!

 

I understand (to a degree) and think that if there were other issues outside of life (sick friend needing to stay for example) LS would rightly get curtailed, so it's not wrong for you to be making a change for the best of reasons

 

Thanks SG, "I may take a mini-vacation"

 

Even just to catch up on some of the things I am behind on.

[dreamingoftigers]

OKay,

 

Maybe I'm not as hooked as I was last week considering how long it's taken me to catch up to my own thread.

 

i dont see much post of you like in every topic.

i mean i did not notice it.

 

but if you spent a lot of time while you have more important thing to do its a problem.

 

if this is a hobby yours maybe you can do it just like job. from 1-2 or 1- 3 . you login

 

instead of the whole day.

 

to much of something is never good.

 

Hi there,

I don't necessarily post in every topic at all. I tend to follow along with the Infidelity forums and Divorce and Separation. I also tend to try to offer support in the OW/OM forum because even though the relationship basis I tend not to agree with.....I can relate to the feelings that I have found many of the OW have there because I have felt very much like the OW in my own marriage! I found that I didn't feel "entitled" to have my husband but rather to understand that his focus, commitment and sexuality belonged elsewhere. And that I couldn't force that issue. It was very painful to have a "half-commitment of convenience" from one's own mate. So I can see the struggle that many OW go through when they get involved in a relationship where they didn't realize they would feel lost, uncomfortable or out of control with the parameters.

 

Then, of course, there are jerks everywhere too. That frustrates me but I try to really really break things down to their base elements to try to paint a "macro picture" or a bridge to where their partner (whether it be a WS or BS partner) or any other part of a potential triangle is really hurting and what they can do to help themselves and/or the person they are hurting. Some of them are off in their own little world and if you type to them, they can't see past their own life-context and respond as though you have said something completely the opposite of what you type. It's a challenge to try to meet someone where they are stuck.

 

And then sometimes I just get too frustrated or irked and take potshots. :eek:Oh yeah, I'm THAT good.

 

I stick around those topics mostly because I am past the dating stage at this point and most of the newcomers there have more than enough traffic to go through most of the "does s/he really like me, should I call them?" questions.

 

I try to look at the harsher situations and think what I would do to achieve an ideal outcome.

 

I also try to support a person if they want to leave or want to stay in a marriage. Not sway them one way or the other UNLESS it is really, really beyond destructive and not fixable. If someone is getting their bones broken.....No, it's time to go. If someone is getting exposed to STDs, it's time to be out of there. etc.

 

I know that I have spent a lot of dark hours on here. So I get that sometimes just having empathy or even the next two steps illustrated ahead of you is enough to help you pull through.

 

I don't post on everything but often when I crawl into a thread, I don't crawl out until I've gone through it all, it gets locked, I've overstayed my welcome (which I have trouble gauging here as much as in real life) or I've killed the damn thread myself.

 

I will be limiting myself more and consigning myself to fewer threads. I try to catch up with whatever most of the long-term posters are popping up with too. I "like" so much stuff here, it's crazy. I "like" posts that oppose each other! I'll sit there thinking, "oh yeah that's a good point. But that one is too. "Like" em both." I've given over 13000 likes!

 

In the end, I think the decision is up to you. If you feel you can't cut back without going cold turkey, then perhaps cold turkey it has to be. To me, you don't seem to be spending an inordinate amount of time here, judging from your posts per day. Then again, you do write fairly long and well-thought-out posts (yours seem to be 3x as long as mine on average ), so I suppose that isn't necessarily the best yardstick.

 

I will ask, though: Has HE been doing anything to work on his own issues, that you have mentioned multiple times here? It's all well and good to make compromises for the people you love, but are they making the same compromises for you?

 

1. OMG yes I do post crazy long posts. I don't even see it often when I do it.

 

If I am posting on my phone, I will even have a few different windows up for responses that I want to do for later.

 

I don't try to come up with the longest thing I can write. And I feel kind of bad when they stretch out so long because I tend not to read long posts unless I really think they are insightful.

 

Quiet Storm is good for longer, insightful posting.

 

Oftentimes I have lived through plenty of the stupid crap that gets thrown at people so I feel compelled to give a short narrative of my personal experience and empathize instead of just throwing out advice etc. Most of the actual "Advice" and steps are pretty formulaic at this point. But I know that when I first came here it felt like I was the only person out of maybe 100000 that had issues as deep-rooted and persistent as mine. I also felt a little torn by some of the jerkier people in my first threads.

 

Many of the actual posts were removed. But a couple of the guys on my first thread blamed my religion for my husband's infidelity and let me know that my "sexual closed-mindedness" was the root cause.

 

I am not sexually closed-minded nor did they seem to get even the most basic tenets of my belief system. LOL. So often I try to be a "first-responder" before some of the more vocal and irrational, lashing-out-type posters get there. Especially when someone has the "just found out my wife/husband is cheating, blames me" threads. Ugh. The last thing those people need to hear is: "maybe it's because you are gross and s/he found something better. Oh, and maybe you suck in bed. Does that help? You better go and buy them a present.":eek: And, no, they often don't say that, but some people's posting feels like that when you are in that deep of pain.

 

2. Yes my husband has been working on his own issues. It has been really difficult for both of us. Often we will end up discussing how to communicate the problem instead of many of the problems themselves. Yes, we do. Not just me yakking at him. And he does more nice things for me lately too. Including more of his half of housework this week. Which is nice. Without it being some kind of "trade." Or nag. We have both been seeing the resent factor and what it does to our routine and whole way of living. It's unpleasant but we're onto it now.

 

Next up: actually solving the day-to-day issues.

 

It would be a good baseline to find out what the true you looks like at this point - without the meds.

 

But it's not wise to go cold turkey off of mind altering meds - best to gradually reduce the dosage and then stop when it's been minimized. Otherwise - the brain gets confused...

 

Check with your dr. If you want to reduce or get off them - say so!

 

Drs always push meds. Drug companies are HUGE business/money makers.

 

I refuse to take anything that alters my mind.

 

Meditation works wonders!

 

Thanks 2Sunny, I am NOT going cold turkey, which is why I was so relieved that my doctor replaced my script today. I am in no mood for a week of sleeping for 16 hours, headaches and peeing about twelve times a day due to dex withdrawal

 

I've been cutting down over the last week. I will continue to.

I HATE playing Chem lab with my body and HATE anything that plays with the brain or liver. HATE it.

 

On the "Are you proud of me yet Mama?" I told more about my brother and how he came to be brain-injured from pharmaceuticals. Legally prescribed pharmaceuticals. He had a heart attack at 15. Ugh. It was horrid.

 

I was very reluctant to go this route to begin with. Part of why I want to go into Neuroscience Research. I hope I can make it.

 

Meditation has been helpful to me in the past, I look forward to it. On the medication, I found I couldn't relax enough to drop down into meditation mode. I would hate to see what the medication is doing to my central nervous system.

 

I know how you feel. I've been on this board for long time and in the early years I just about lived on this board. I slowed myself down some time back and judt started posting again. Its nice to see some of those I remember from a decade ago and to meet newbies. But I don'tpost like I used to and being able to focus on my husband a d my offline life has helped. Just check in sometimes to let us know how you are and catch up sometimes but your focus needs f o be on your family. You'll feel better too.

 

Thank you HR.

 

It's great that you found balance and have managed to find your posting "niche." I'll be working on my "offline life" as well. I am not supposed to be having anywhere near the amount of screen time that I do. Lots of screen time is not recommended for people with ADD, because it keeps us overstimulated. I find that with the medication, I end up on here for much much longer. Something about the way it works with my brain causes me to lose track of all time.

 

I think your marriage sounds exhausting and it's understandable that you'd want to just escape every now and again. I think if you didn't have the break that comes when you zone out and focus on someone else's issue (as opposed to your own) then you would have burnt out completely a long time ago. I know I personally come here more when I'm feeling tired.

 

I believe 110% that you are right. It IS exhausting. REALLY exhausting. Anything that needs changing or altering takes HOURS. It's so frustrating and drawn out because we don't trust each other very well. We both come from families where there are six different negative meanings for whatever is being said to you. I get it. A lot of it is historical. It is also improving as well as can be expected for now.

 

It's just so long at this point and we are both under school stress that seems very drawn out. I just hope that I am done soon. I need an actual break.

 

Thanks Janesays. You seem to be able to pick up my frequency.

 

Sorry to see this thread DOT.

 

I hope you are able to do what's right for both you and your family. If you do disappear from LS permanently I will be sorry to see you go. I've always enjoyed your insightful posts - although I generally need a cup of tea and a biscuit to sustain me until the end, and sometimes even a toilet break!

 

Just kidding! I'm not exactly the Queen of 'short and succinct' myself!

 

For those of us with addictive personalities, LS is a tough one to deal with. I fight with myself over the same issue although I'm 'lucky' that I don't have other people to consider most of the time. I must admit though when Kiwi man and I are together, I forget all about this site.

 

Perhaps if you and your H planned more quality time together outside the house (activities that don't cost anything of course) you might be able to 'allow' yourself limited LS time without feeling guilty. We're all entitled to some relaxing 'me time'. If LS is what you enjoy it seems a shame to have to give it up completely......but then, if you are really addicted and your family is suffering, perhaps 'cold turkey' is your best option.

 

Ugh. Sorry. I meander a lot when I write.

 

My poor English teacher last year.

 

One of the assignments was supposed to be around two pages (single-spaced) on a personal response to text or photo. I chose to write a story instead of a personal essay. It was like the story fell out of me. I wrote 18 pages. I thought it was neat how the pieces clicked together. I only needed to edit some punctuation and I got 100% on it. The only 100% she'd ever given for that assignment. I also got a scholarship for the course.

 

But that same skill I am sure works great as an insomnia cure for some on LS.

 

I appreciated your longer posts to me when I was going through some real tough times 2-3 years ago. Really, really remember that. I even found a PM from you today deep, deep in the archives. This one thread where a poster was yakking on about his wife, and then just slid in this really tiny detail about having random sexual encounters outside the marriage and then back to yakking about his wife. Well, everyone missed the bit in the middle and we PMed back and forth about it. Really cracked me up seeing it after all of this time.

 

I really liked you suggestion about the "outside the house" time. Two summers ago I took up hiking and LOVED it. I got in much better shape and my husband joined me on a few too, even though I think it damned near killed him. I'd like to do it again this year too. There's a ravine not far from my place with a 45 minute hill climb I should get into.

 

TY LT

[dreamingoftigers]

DOT, if it's your decision to leave, I understand but I want you to know that I will miss you and your sound advice and discussions.

 

Take care of yourself and your family and all the best to you.

 

Hi Lady Great!

 

I talked with H a bit about it all. It has more to do with the "life-balance" than anything else. So Almond_Joy recommended that google chrome "timer" so we decided to try that.

 

Not sure what to do about my phone though. Although I just updated my iphone 4 to the latest thing and I HATE the update to the point where I want to throw it into passing traffic (well, almost).

 

So as of this moment I am not disappearing altogether yet. I do have a heavy month ahead of me where I need to be focused, but that shouldn't be an issue if I budget my time properly.

 

I remember the PMs you sent me during my harder times too. Thank you so much :bunny::bunny:

 

You're stuck with me still!

[findingnemo]

DOT, I've just seen this thread. Sometimes we just have to take a break. Last year I stopped for a while because things got real hectic for me. I missed LS because it is the one place I can just say what's on my mind. So I understand your dilemma.

 

I haven't read the entire thread but saw that you have agreed to time yourself. That's a good idea. Another one is to simply not post from your phone. I use my tablet only, not my pc and not my phones. It helps. I have also stuck with 3 forums and rarely click the New Posts button. If I keep doing that, then I'll find plenty of threads to contribute to. The only thing that irritates me about limiting my time is missing stuff especially PMs that are urgent. But hey, we have to do what we have to do.

 

Don't leave completely, dot. Your input has been invaluable. If like me, this is an outlet for your feelings then it will be hard to find an equivalent IRL. And that in itself can lead to frustration.

 

Whatever you decide, just know that you are valued here.

[Phateless]

I'm sure the real reason is that your H doesn't like your marital issues aired in public. I totally get that. Sorry if I'm repeating anything or speaking out of turn, but it's late and I'm not up to reading 5 pages.

 

You are one of the pillars here, and you will be missed, but you have to do what's right for you. I'm fairly certain we've gotten on each other's cases at times (I'd have to search to be sure) but you are part of the community.

 

I agree that time management and not overdoing it are key if you want to stay, but in doing so you will have to accept that your role here will change drastically. You can't help every friend, respond to every post, or be fully up to date anymore - it just requires too much time. I often read the first and last pages (or posts) of a thread as a way to get a sense of the thread without committing 30 minutes to catching up.

 

I have been sucked into forums myself, so I know how it is. I think it's a matter of deciding how much time to commit to LS and then finding a way to stick to it. If you talk to a therapist, this could be a good topic.

[dreamingoftigers]

DOT, I've just seen this thread. Sometimes we just have to take a break. Last year I stopped for a while because things got real hectic for me. I missed LS because it is the one place I can just say what's on my mind. So I understand your dilemma.

 

I haven't read the entire thread but saw that you have agreed to time yourself. That's a good idea. Another one is to simply not post from your phone. I use my tablet only, not my pc and not my phones. It helps. I have also stuck with 3 forums and rarely click the New Posts button. If I keep doing that, then I'll find plenty of threads to contribute to. The only thing that irritates me about limiting my time is missing stuff especially PMs that are urgent. But hey, we have to do what we have to do.

 

Don't leave completely, dot. Your input has been invaluable. If like me, this is an outlet for your feelings then it will be hard to find an equivalent IRL. And that in itself can lead to frustration.

 

Whatever you decide, just know that you are valued here.

 

Thanks Nemo.

 

I am sure that many aren't going to read the whole thread after this point. I think the 4 page marker tends to be the dropping off point LOL. It's not the "this or that game" thread after all.

 

Posting from my phone sucks anyway.

 

Now what I am going to do at red lights?

[dreamingoftigers]

I'm sure the real reason is that your H doesn't like your marital issues aired in public. I totally get that. Sorry if I'm repeating anything or speaking out of turn, but it's late and I'm not up to reading 5 pages.

You are one of the pillars here, and you will be missed, but you have to do what's right for you. I'm fairly certain we've gotten on each other's cases at times (I'd have to search to be sure) but you are part of the community.

 

I agree that time management and not overdoing it are key if you want to stay, but in doing so you will have to accept that your role here will change drastically. You can't help every friend, respond to every post, or be fully up to date anymore - it just requires too much time. I often read the first and last pages (or posts) of a thread as a way to get a sense of the thread without committing 30 minutes to catching up.

 

I have been sucked into forums myself, so I know how it is. I think it's a matter of deciding how much time to commit to LS and then finding a way to stick to it. If you talk to a therapist, this could be a good topic.

 

This is hilarious. I mentioned the 4 page marker in the other post

 

I don't know if we've crossed one another too much. I have a mental short list of trouble-makers and there's another mental short list of people I just simply won't engage at all if they start their crap. You aren't on either that I recall. I am not even sure that we've had a thread in common although I know that I've read your postings for sure.

 

My husband though, he may very well have had an issue with the marital postings before. But honestly, I used to post about far more divisive and embarrassing things that we were going through. It seems a little late to be bringing it up now. I am sure that it does make the list of his concerns, but I am pretty confident in saying that it isn't the primary reason. I honestly believe that the time factor is #1.

 

Thanks for writing up

[Phateless]

This is hilarious. I mentioned the 4 page marker in the other post

 

Lol, I saw that just now - guess I should have followed my own advice and read the last PAGE and not the last POST. Derp.

 

I don't know if we've crossed one another too much. I have a mental short list of trouble-makers and there's another mental short list of people I just simply won't engage at all if they start their crap. You aren't on either that I recall. I am not even sure that we've had a thread in common although I know that I've read your postings for sure.

 

I think you're right. I actually did a quick search of my longest threads and you hadn't posted, so you probably avoided the fray due to said troublemakers who were bothering me at the time. Likewise, I've definitely seen you around but it doesn't appear we've interacted a ton. Glad to know I'm one of the good ones.

 

My husband though, he may very well have had an issue with the marital postings before. But honestly, I used to post about far more divisive and embarrassing things that we were going through. It seems a little late to be bringing it up now. I am sure that it does make the list of his concerns, but I am pretty confident in saying that it isn't the primary reason. I honestly believe that the time factor is #1.

 

Thanks for writing up

 

That makes sense, and this actually makes it sound like his priorities are really in order! Good for him, and good for you. I definitely got upset when my gf used to post about our drama on facebook, but after one request from me she stopped.

 

Good luck with the LS time management idea! I'm sure I'll be seeing you around, even if slightly less often.

 

Cheers!

[LittleTiger]

Ugh. Sorry. I meander a lot when I write.

 

My poor English teacher last year.

 

One of the assignments was supposed to be around two pages (single-spaced) on a personal response to text or photo. I chose to write a story instead of a personal essay. It was like the story fell out of me. I wrote 18 pages. I thought it was neat how the pieces clicked together. I only needed to edit some punctuation and I got 100% on it. The only 100% she'd ever given for that assignment. I also got a scholarship for the course.

 

But that same skill I am sure works great as an insomnia cure for some on LS.

 

No, don't apologise! I was trying to say that I am exactly the same. Sometimes I have to stop writing because I'm starting to bore myself! Or more usually because I have to go somewhere and I'm already running late!

 

I'm like that with assignments too! Back in my studying days I used to stay up all night writing ten times what I needed to and then, because word limits for my course were really strict, I had to spend another night chopping it down to size! I can laugh now but it drove me crazy at the time!

 

I have never fallen asleep reading your posts - they are very entertaining - although I admit that I sometimes run out of time to finish them! :laugh:

 

I appreciated your longer posts to me when I was going through some real tough times 2-3 years ago. Really, really remember that. I even found a PM from you today deep, deep in the archives. This one thread where a poster was yakking on about his wife, and then just slid in this really tiny detail about having random sexual encounters outside the marriage and then back to yakking about his wife. Well, everyone missed the bit in the middle and we PMed back and forth about it. Really cracked me up seeing it after all of this time.

 

We're all here for each other DOT and I'm glad if I was able to help in some way. I know some people are here just for entertainment but there are plenty of us who really care - and you're one of those people, which is why we'd be so sad to lose you.

 

I do remember that thread - and the PM conversation. So funny! It was almost as though he had thrown subliminal messages into his posts by mistake - like written Tourette's with 'confessions' instead of swear words!

 

I really liked you suggestion about the "outside the house" time. Two summers ago I took up hiking and LOVED it. I got in much better shape and my husband joined me on a few too, even though I think it damned near killed him. I'd like to do it again this year too. There's a ravine not far from my place with a 45 minute hill climb I should get into.

 

That sounds perfect! Maybe you can get your husband to go with you every time - it will do wonders for your health and your marriage!

[dreamingoftigers]

That makes sense, and this actually makes it sound like his priorities are really in order! Good for him, and good for you. I definitely got upset when my gf used to post about our drama on facebook, but after one request from me she stopped.

 

Good luck with the LS time management idea! I'm sure I'll be seeing you around, even if slightly less often.

 

Cheers!

 

Ooh, FB is a nasty place to call out relationship stuff. I neeeevvvvveeerr do it.

 

In fact, I refuse to put anything negative in my status. It's just a bad idea overall. LS is anonymous etc. I don't think of it as the same ballgame.

[dreamingoftigers]

]

 

We're all here for each other DOT and I'm glad if I was able to help in some way. I know some people are here just for entertainment but there are plenty of us who really care - and you're one of those people, which is why we'd be so sad to lose you.

 

:love:

 

I do remember that thread - and the PM conversation. So funny! It was almost as though he had thrown subliminal messages into his posts by mistake - like written Tourette's with 'confessions' instead of swear words!

 

Quote from the PM:

 

Gotta love how he just slipped that one in there! ROFL

 

"Me and the wife live our Sunday breakfasts, she likes her bacon, I am more of a sausage man myself. Nothing better then waking up to the smell of meat frying in the pan. I sleep with random sexual partners on a regular basis. My wife sings to herself as she cooks and it fills the home with a nice melody. On a good day we are able to get fresh blood oranges and she juices them. I do wonder, however if our Sunday breakfasts might be part of her weight gain."

:lmao:

 

That sounds perfect! Maybe you can get your husband to go with you every time - it will do wonders for your health and your marriage!

 

:laugh:We will never like each other that much. Maybe a few times a week or so, tops.

[LittleTiger]

"Me and the wife live our Sunday breakfasts, she likes her bacon, I am more of a sausage man myself. Nothing better then waking up to the smell of meat frying in the pan. I sleep with random sexual partners on a regular basis. My wife sings to herself as she cooks and it fills the home with a nice melody. On a good day we are able to get fresh blood oranges and she juices them. I do wonder, however if our Sunday breakfasts might be part of her weight gain."

That's the one! :lmao:

 

:laugh:We will never like each other that much. Maybe a few times a week or so, tops.

 

Edited June 2, 2013 by LittleTiger

[AlexDP]

If you post so much that your husband asks you to stop, you should definitely stop posting. And perhaps see a therapist. It's an internet forum. Jeez.

[sweetkiwi]

don't leave me

[whichwayisup]

Yeah this place is slightly addictive...

 

The key is just balance and sometimes having to detach from this place. Focus on yourself and the outside world.

 

During the worst of times, LS helped me as I was suffering badly from panic and anxiety attacks so I spend many hours a day on here. I'm still addicted but am not on LS half as much as I used to be.

[dreamingoftigers]

If you post so much that your husband asks you to stop, you should definitely stop posting. And perhaps see a therapist. It's an internet forum. Jeez.

 

Oh Alex <3

 

I have come to appreciate your very blunt black-and-white posting for what I think you are trying to convey.

 

Although the method of delivery could (easily) be construed as shaming or thoughtlessness, I can see that you're encouraging me to cease a potentially harmful behaviour and seek help to end the compulsivity.

 

At least, I hope I have that right and you aren't really telling me that I'm a selfish idiot. (Unless its out of love).

 

Here's the thing (and my H and I both agree fully on this): LS in and of itself isn't the issue. It's the time and energy I place into most anything that starts off as a sideline.

 

Often I will live my life in rather unbalanced ways. I will work 3 jobs and then I will take up Sudoku every spare moment. Or it will be reading legions of books, or it will be crocheting until 4 in the morning or I'll clean the house and organize everything into a little micro-managed spot.

 

When we began our cleaning service, I put in easily 60 hours a week into launching it.

 

Whether I work or play, I'm all in. LS is an on-and-off venture. But it's also an easily accessible one whereas reading isn't very obtrusive and one cannot play the oboe at 4 a.m. For instance.

 

I am currently seeing a therapist to help deal with the depression I had encountered in March. Most likely caused from a lack of balance.

 

I'm sure I've also made it seem worse than it is. Its also the case that I am hardly the only one living an unbalanced life in this house. Evidenced by my husbands 4 am bedtime last night. Part of the issue is that we need to agree and plan together.

 

The level of conflicts that we have historically had makes this very difficult.

However, we will see how the "timing" goes and I will make a very valiant effort to avoid being sucked into "the next great hobby or job."

 

Today, so far has been an awesome "play with my daughter day.":love:

[carhill]

I hope, if you decide to leave permanently or take a leave of absence, it will benefit your marriage and family in a positive way.

 

If you tend to be an 'all-in' personality, then it's possible that the rabbit hole here could be counterproductive to the real dynamics which benefit you in everyday life. I did note a marked ramp-up in your postings over the last month or two, compared to historical averages. One potential would be to view the average post per day number in your profile and use that as a hard 'limit' to participation, if you choose LC with the forum.

 

Whatever you decide, I wish you well.