6 year LDR. Is it doomed?

[joebroz]

Hello everybody,

 

This is not a troll. Please take it seriously, I've never been more confused.

 

I have been incredibly lucky to get my dream job just at the age of 20, although I don't have a college degree. I used to be one of the top professional gamers, and now, I am a manager at a gaming company and my income (after taxes) is $50 000.

 

I am living in Europe and the company that I'm working with wants me to move to the States for 6 years (work VISA). They also mentioned I should become a citizen after the VISA expires.

 

This is what I've been working for over the last 4 years, I can literally not even wish for anything better at my age, especially considering that I am from an underdeveloped Eastern European country, which is falling apart. I LOVE my job and I can't imagine giving it up. The American company said that I would get a raise for sure if I decide to take that path.

 

And here's the other side of the problem - my 19-year old girlfriend of 3 months (silly, right?) that I am madly in love with. I've been in 6 relationships so far that lasted from 2 to 8 months, but I've never ever experienced such strong love for a person. As foolish as it may sound, I really want to move in with her and try to start a family a few years down the road. We have so much in common, both of us don't smoke/drink, we love sports, we are intelligent. We are also really motivated to build a great career in the future.

 

I've spoken to her about what the situation is and she is just as confused as I am. I am rich here, because my income is 10+ times higher compared to the standard of living (median annual salary here is $7000, before taxes). What I'm getting at, is that she wouldn't be able to move to the States with me, and it would be incredibly selfish of me to ask her to do that, especially when she wants to go to college here and has already worked so hard to get in the most prestigious school.

 

I love my job and my girlfriend equally. I don't want to dump her or commit career suicide.

 

I'm lost.

 

Help.

[Maleficent]

Hello everybody,

 

This is not a troll. Please take it seriously, I've never been more confused.

 

I have been incredibly lucky to get my dream job just at the age of 20, although I don't have a college degree. I used to be one of the top professional gamers, and now, I am a manager at a gaming company and my income (after taxes) is $50 000.

 

I am living in Europe and the company that I'm working with wants me to move to the States for 6 years (work VISA). They also mentioned I should become a citizen after the VISA expires.

 

This is what I've been working for over the last 4 years, I can literally not even wish for anything better at my age, especially considering that I am from an underdeveloped Eastern European country, which is falling apart. I LOVE my job and I can't imagine giving it up. The American company said that I would get a raise for sure if I decide to take that path.

 

And here's the other side of the problem - my 19-year old girlfriend of 3 months (silly, right?) that I am madly in love with. I've been in 6 relationships so far that lasted from 2 to 8 months, but I've never ever experienced such strong love for a person. As foolish as it may sound, I really want to move in with her and try to start a family a few years down the road. We have so much in common, both of us don't smoke/drink, we love sports, we are intelligent. We are also really motivated to build a great career in the future.

 

I've spoken to her about what the situation is and she is just as confused as I am. I am rich here, because my income is 10+ times higher compared to the standard of living (median annual salary here is $7000, before taxes). What I'm getting at, is that she wouldn't be able to move to the States with me, and it would be incredibly selfish of me to ask her to do that, especially when she wants to go to college here and has already worked so hard to get in the most prestigious school.

 

I love my job and my girlfriend equally. I don't want to dump her or commit career suicide.

 

I'm lost.

 

Help.

 

Would you be seriously considering not doing something you've been working towards for the last 4 years for a relationship of three months?

 

Why can't she move to USA?

[CarrieT]

Invoking TaraMaiden, both of you only have brains that are half-baked. Read here: CLICKETY.

 

 

Keep working hard and don't even think about living together yet -- or starting a family.

 

Give yourselves time to fully mature (I would say at least a decade). Please.

[MrWonderful]

My Advice:

 

Your job will last a lifetime. Like you said its your dream job, and a career that pays really good which means financial freedom.

 

This girl, as much as you love her may or may not be there for the rest of your life. If she loves you as much as you love her, you 2 will work it out regardless of where you guys live.

 

DON'T QUIT YOUR JOB. Do you really want to throw that away for a girl ?? Think with your brain man! Its only been 3 months, that is the "honey moon" stage, where everythings lovey dovey and your still getting to know each other. After a while, you 2 really start to know each other and you'll wish you had that job to go to lol

 

Goodluck though.

[RachR]

Three months? You don't even really know her yet. You're still in the getting to know her stage.

 

Take the job in the states.

[joebroz]

Would you be seriously considering not doing something you've been working towards for the last 4 years for a relationship of three months?

 

Why can't she move to USA?

 

Thanks for the feedback Maleficent! You are totally right. I forgot to mention I was the one who took her virginity by the way, she is extremely attractive and has had several boyfriends, but told me I was the special one.

 

She can't come with me because of the standard of living difference. Her parents are not the richest people, and she has no income yet. There's absolutely no way she can afford it, and I'm not sure I can afford to pay for her either in Austin TX.

[Maleficent]

Invoking TaraMaiden, both of you only have brains that are half-baked. Read here: CLICKETY.

 

 

Keep working hard and don't even think about living together yet -- or starting a family.

 

Give yourselves time to fully mature (I would say at least a decade). Please.

 

Ooooh this pleases the psych major in me!

Thanks for posting this!

[BluEyeL]

You'd need to get married, move her into the US with you and she can go to college here. Take the risk. I'm from an Eastern European country and I've seen things like that often.If you don't, the relationship will end eventually. It is premature for marriage, but it's the only way to go if you want both. If the marriage doesn't work out later, it doesn't work out. She'll be in the US though, she'll be alright, beats being in your country (whatever that is, I'm from Romania).

[Maleficent]

Thanks for the feedback Maleficent! You are totally right. I forgot to mention I was the one who took her virginity by the way, she is extremely attractive and has had several boyfriends, but told me I was the special one.

 

She can't come with me because of the standard of living difference. Her parents are not the richest people, and she has no income yet. There's absolutely no way she can afford it, and I'm not sure I can afford to pay for her either in Austin TX.

 

hmmk. Why don't you do the long distance thing for a while and once you have a better idea of what your income is like then consider having her move?

It will also test the 'she is the one' theory.

[BluEyeL]

Even if she had money, she can't come anyway unless you get married because she needs a visa. You'll be H1B, she'll be H4. She can change that to F1 if she gets admitted to UT Austin.

[joebroz]

The only plan we have in mind at this point is trying "the long distance thing". It will be incredibly painful, though, and I'm afraid it will totally end it.

 

I'm incredibly picky and I'm a weird person, because I HATE all the #yolo #swag s*** people my age do. I finally found a girl with similar goals and thinking. Not sure I'd meet anybody like that any time soon, and being single sucks.

 

I'm also afraid I, or she, may cheat.

[Maleficent]

The only plan we have in mind at this point is trying "the long distance thing". It will be incredibly painful, though, and I'm afraid it will totally end it.

 

I'm incredibly picky and I'm a weird person, because I HATE all the #yolo #swag s*** people my age do. I finally found a girl with similar goals and thinking. Not sure I'd meet anybody like that any time soon, and being single sucks.

 

I'm also afraid I, or she, may cheat.

 

If you two really are 'the real thing' it'll work out. She won't cheat neither will you.

Be patient and trust life.

[joebroz]

I wish it were that easy to be patient ^^

[Maleficent]

I wish it were that easy to be patient ^^

 

Why wouldn't it be?

It's entirely up to you.

[joebroz]

I don't know if it's honeymoon period (never experienced that for more than 2 weeks with previous gf's), but all I want at the moment is move in with her and be with her for as long as possible.

 

I am aware I may be delusional, which is why I'm asking for your feedback.

 

I have been working for years from home, but they want me to get a lot more involved and work in the office with them. If I turn the offer down, I won't be fired, but I will have committed career suicide FOR SURE.

[TaraMaiden]

Did you read the link CarrieT posted you?

 

You really should pay attention to it - and she, being all the younger than you, is almost certainly living the Romantic ideal, but may not be able to last the distance....

 

Even you are having an enormous amount of responsibility placed onto your shoulders by this company.

It's good they have seen the potential in you, but I sincerely hope there's a training period.....

 

You do not right now, need the added burden of having to deal with an embryonic relationship which (i know I'm like lemon juice on a cut, but) will in all probability hit slaloms.....

[joebroz]

Did you read the link CarrieT posted you?

 

You really should pay attention to it - and she, being all the younger than you, is almost certainly living the Romantic ideal, but may not be able to last the distance....

 

Even you are having an enormous amount of responsibility placed onto your shoulders by this company.

It's good they have seen the potential in you, but I sincerely hope there's a training period.....

 

You do not right now, need the added burden of having to deal with an embryonic relationship which (i know I'm like lemon juice on a cut, but) will in all probability hit slaloms.....

 

I have already been on this position for 1 year and 2 months with outstanding results, which is why they want to get me over there. I am already past the "training period".

 

But yeah, it really is a burden having to deal with a long distance relationship when there are feelings involved :\

[CherryT]

Take the opportunity that is handed to you right now. When in your career will this happen again? Think about it... Your relationship can still happen if you move to the states. If you get a raise and have holiday time, you can fly her to see you when she's out of school or you can go and visit her and your family.

 

I am in a LDR and I understand what it means to balance life, love, career, and everything else. Your career move will be the best decision for you and your future family (whether it is with her or someone else). Perhaps she can find a school in the US? Or, like I said she goes to school and each break she gets, she can come and see you. Maybe after a few years when you're more serious, you can look at bringing her over to the US (marriage?).

[TaraMaiden]

I have a suspicion that you already know what it is you need to do....

But you just want to find an easy and non-hurtful (to both of you) way to do it.....

[joebroz]

I have a suspicion that you already know what it is you need to do....

But you just want to find an easy and non-hurtful (to both of you) way to do it.....

 

Tara, you are exactly right. I have worked so hard to earn this, and especially at my age, I would really have to be mentally retarded to turn it down.

 

This is my chance to skyrocket my career, which is already quite good for a 20-year old without a degree.

 

I guess I'll have to be a dick and tell her I may not be seeing her more than twice per year, and move on.

[omit]

you are only 20 and she is 19, as harsh as it sounds you are both young. stability is an attractive attribute. careful decision, but do look long term...

[FitChick]

Read the Long Distance Forum. There are relationships that succeed and others that fail. It's down to the commitment of the two people involved. You both will have important things to focus on so in a way it will be better because it's less of a distraction. You can set up dates and times to Skype. You can play games online together. You can send her trinkets from the US. You basically have to keep the interest going. If one of you cheats, there was never the strong connection you thought there was, bottom line.

 

Who knows -- if you split up now, perhaps in a few years you might reconnect even stronger when you are both in a better place financially and emotionally. But don't count on that now. Live your life.

 

Perhaps the lesson of this is that you have a better idea of what you are looking for in a woman so you will recognize it easier in someone else.

 

Tough decision! But don't sacrifice your career, especially not in these bad times.

[Shepp]

"This life is full of choices

Hard to make one

All the voices in my head

Those blue eyes I'm in love with

Or that highway which ever I pick

There'll be regrets

 

I go one way I lose everything

I go the other way same thing

 

I'm torn and it's tearing me apart

I want to go but I don't want to break her heart

Like a sword with a double edge blade

It's gonna cut deep either way

This little town, that big old world

Chase the dream or keep the girl"

 

haha okay im done with the song. The way I see it if she loves you then why cant she move to thee states. Theres a better life for the two of you where you can work a decent job!

 

If you would give up your dream job to live with her but she wouldn't give up a college (there are good colleges in the stated too right?) then are you sure shes as into you as you are her??

[apple OR orange]

ok, some stuff you need to know, i moved a country for work, BE CAREFUL!!!

 

a - have they got a work VISA for you for USA or do you need to get it yourself (if you get it yourself its almost impossible), see the proof then decide, i was going to work in USA, and guess what, no VISA as they where capped.

 

b - once you start to LIVE in USA (not under a VISA, but as a citizen), if you decide to move out, you will forever be paying USA tax on ANY earns you have outside USA (yes thats right, once you LIVE in USA, if you then decide to move to the UK or Europe you are still obligated to pay USA tax on those earnings outside the USA (welcome to USA takes everything).

 

c - there is no guarantee you will get a passport for USA, once 6 years is done you may be out of work and out of home, again need alot in writting. Even if you do get a passport you actually have to leave and re-enter USA. Its not a bed of roses like this company may have told you.

 

 

Once you have the above then decide if your staying with your partner, if you ask the company and they bulk at these question then your answer was you will need to do alot of the legwork, and believe me you dont want to be doing that alone, esp for a work visa.

[BluEyeL]

If she loves you, she will wait for you. My mother waited two years for my dad while in the service. Women do this ALL the time. She should work on her college while you come to the states. Maintain a relationship on line. Visit each other and if she remains faithful and still loved you after your citizenship, you can think of filing a fiancé visa for her then.

 

In fact, after the 6 yrs on H1B, he can't bring her anymore because he'll get a green card and will need to wait another 5 years for citizenship, which is when he can bring his wife. So he either marries her while on H1B visa, or he needs to wait until citizenship. Green card holders cannot bring the wives unless they file for green card together, i.e. he needs to be married before applying for a green card or wait five more years. Just technical stuff, don't think they'll get there.

 

After visa is green card, not cittizenship, you need to be a green card holder for 5 yrs before that, unless you get the green card through marriage to an american citizen, in which case you need to wait 3 years as a green card holder until citizenship.

Edited May 28, 2013 by BluEyeL