Broke the two month barrier

[WreckedDan]

Strangest week...

 

Tonight I had to text the wife to remind her to have my daughter call me to say good night, seems to happen a lot. I got my call and was happy to hear from my little girl. Then... around 10:30 I got another call from my wife's phone... it was my daughter again. She said she just really wanted to call me, then said "will you come pick me up?" I talked to her for about 15 minutes trying to assure her that she was fine, but she started bawling. I talked to my wife and said I would come over to see her. She agreed and thanked me. So I drove out there.. never having been there, it's about an hour away in an area I don't know at all. Used my GPS to find it... She lives in a refurbished hotel... it's tiny and dank. She made it... cozy? But really it's not much and in a lame area. Anyways... I got there, and my daughter totally lit up to see me. I tried to explain to her that everything was fine there but she was really adamant about coming home with me. My wife accepted it, but was crying when we left. I gave her a hug to show some support. She actually said "I don't have your support any more..." My daughter piped up with "You had your chance..." Was so hard not to laugh at that, she's so freaking in touch with reality compared to her mother... Wife was sorta cold to me during this, and we were able to talk about my daughter getting counseling. Actually got wife to agree to it!! yay!

 

Confusing night, but happy my daughter is in her bed!

Dan

[WreckedDan]

So, we got in a bit of a talk this morning via text... couldn't help myself

 

I said " I wish I could understand why you were so miserable you chose this over your husband, hopefully daughter will adapt"

 

She said "Im not happy here at all but Im just getting started. Its going to take awhile to put my life back together"

 

I said Just hate not understanding what made me so bad...

 

She said "Not bad at all. We just didnt fit. Im learning a lot about myself since being alone"

 

I said "We were a near perfect fit, even the councilor thought so. I'm done talking about it. You don't want me for what ever reason. I can't see it, but okay."

 

Feeling weak,

Dan

[WreckedDan]

Tears coming on harder than since the beginning. Can't believe my family has been torn apart!

[Shocked Suzie]

So, we got in a bit of a talk this morning via text... couldn't help myself

 

I said " I wish I could understand why you were so miserable you chose this over your husband, hopefully daughter will adapt"

 

She said "Im not happy here at all but Im just getting started. Its going to take awhile to put my life back together"

 

I said Just hate not understanding what made me so bad...

 

She said "Not bad at all. We just didnt fit. Im learning a lot about myself since being alone"

 

I said "We were a near perfect fit, even the councilor thought so. I'm done talking about it. You don't want me for what ever reason. I can't see it, but okay."

 

Feeling weak,

Dan

 

i thought the same about me n my H...its just not worth thinking about it or you'll drag yourself down...they don't feel the same way and there is nothing you or I can do about it...

 

just take it as a learning step for a better you for the future

[WreckedDan]

What did I learn from that? It seems she is close to a wake up call.. if my 8 year old is innocently calling her on her sh't.. if rolls were reversed (which would never happen because I'm honest, caring and true) I would still see how the people around me were effected and change my actions.

 

Man, cried for almost 4 hours today... so drained,

Dan

[aloneinaz]

Dan,

 

Sorry to hear you're in this rough patch. You're last text exchange should demonstrate that you're previous married life is over. YOU need to take positive steps to move forward for YOUR WELL BEING. File the divorce paperwork. Go to therapy. Take your daughter to her therapy sessions as well. You should minimize contact with her to a minimum.

 

I know it hurts. You were w/her for many, many years and she's like a habit you need to break.

[Shocked Suzie]

What did I learn from that? It seems she is close to a wake up call.. if my 8 year old is innocently calling her on her sh't.. if rolls were reversed (which would never happen because I'm honest, caring and true) I would still see how the people around me were effected and change my actions.

 

Man, cried for almost 4 hours today... so drained,

Dan

 

This is because you are on the receiving end of a person that is DONE....thats why she can do what she is doing...

 

imagine 'yourself' in a relationship that in your head 'for some time' your thinking ...i don't want this ...i want something else...

 

you can't live like this forever, no matter what you stand to loose!

 

life is too short to live it in an unhappy way, job, relationship

 

She has told you here straight!! .........

 

She said "Im not happy here at all but Im just getting started. Its going to take awhile to put my life back together"

 

she is willing to live in a crap hole to get what and where she eventually she wants to be ...right or wrong that's what she wants!

 

This is why you have to cut loose and face the fact that it is over! she is done...repair yourself, be happy for yourself...prove her and show her your something that should have not been thrown to one side...do this for your daughter..show her how things should be done by a strong, loving caring person..HER DAD!

 

waste no more time on her, she is an adult let her make her own mistakes she then may or may not learn by them...by then you would have grown by the lesson you have learnt from all this crap!

SS

[WreckedDan]

You are both right. My brain knows this, my heart however I gave to her long ago. Rebuilding that while still emotionally attached to her will take an awfully long time I fear. I tried therapy, didn't do anything for me at all. Only get 6 sessions free... might llook into going through my medical insurance.

 

If not for my daughter I would go NC with her but that can't happen. So in our situation I have to see her at least once a week, which is better than last month where it was 4 days a week. Worried some about how summer vacation will effect the scheduling.

 

I know I need to file, hopefully I will be able to get there next week.

 

As for being someone she would feel she was missing out on, I've always been myself. She wants some over sized meathead... not going to change myself like that for her sake.

 

Thanks guys for being here for me,

Dan

[wish-i-knew]

Hi Dan,

 

really really sorry to hear your story.

 

The question that helped me in the past was: Do I really want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me?

 

As hard as it is to admit it, the answer is NO. I am worth a whole lot more than that. So are YOU!!

[Shocked Suzie]

You are both right. My brain knows this, my heart however I gave to her long ago. Rebuilding that while still emotionally attached to her will take an awfully long time I fear. I tried therapy, didn't do anything for me at all. Only get 6 sessions free... might llook into going through my medical insurance.

 

If not for my daughter I would go NC with her but that can't happen. So in our situation I have to see her at least once a week, which is better than last month where it was 4 days a week. Worried some about how summer vacation will effect the scheduling.

 

I know I need to file, hopefully I will be able to get there next week.

 

As for being someone she would feel she was missing out on, I've always been myself. She wants some over sized meathead... not going to change myself like that for her sake.

Thanks guys for being here for me,

Dan

 

YOU dont have to change Dan...you just need to start to be happy within yourself...its that simple. I'm who I am always have been...always will be...but along with family life, i've not done simple things that are for just me..i was happy not doing these things (and always would have been) because of my family...being dealt this new life is the worst thing that has ever happened to me and i'm not sure i'll ever get over it, but i'm gonna give it a bloody good try!!

 

I too have to contact the Ex, i'm trying to sell two houses and sort out 2 kids, getting letters about debt...i only communicate via email...as for your drop off it should be hello and goodbye...anything else should be in writing, you will never know when you may need those 'little conversations' written down...file when you feel ready, just focus on a happy you and a happy daughter

[worldgonewrong]

Man, cried for almost 4 hours today... so drained,

Dan

 

Par for the course, amigo.

 

I totally remember days like that: cry myself to sleep; wake up, start crying again; go to work, nip into the one-person bathroom and cry some more.

I'd be nauseous from crying so heavily.

 

BUT...it will pass. IT WILL. You have to cry it out; it's like a cleansing, removing this 'toxin' from your system.

[debtman]

Dan,

 

Just spent some time reading through your threads and, all I can say is, you're doing the right things. Keep it up. It WILL get easier, but it will take time.

 

The first 4-6 months are the worst. Your life has been turned upside down by someone else, someone you trusted, someone you thought would never hurt you like this. The betrayal, loss and fear of the future is overwhelming. How could they do this to someone they said they loved, that the promised to be with forever and had a kid with?!? Hell, that alone should be enough to make it worth trying ANYTHING for... I know exactly where you are.

 

When my ex told me our marriage was over, I knew there was an EA with OM. Hell, I actually vetted him for her (crazy story). Within 3 weeks of her telling me it was over and me staying home with the kids while she went out with OM, I had to get out. Spent the next 4 months living with my parents in their spare room. Going over to see the kids and put them to bed every night at first (while they cried and screamed that they didn't want me to leave, had to peel them off and walk away, crying, driving down the road) and then taking them to my parents 2-3 nights/week and every other weekend after the first month or so. Every time, getting to see how "happy" she was with OM. Getting to hear how "incredibly" they connected and how amazing he was. Just bit my tongue and hurt...a lot.

 

I decided early on to not argue with her, about anything. She didn't deserve my time or my feelings. She's the mother of my children, that's all.

 

After spending LOTS of time reading posts here, seeing other stories (many way worse), and finding inspiration, I finally started going LC/NC as much as possible (just picked up/dropped off kids...was civil, but didn't "share" my life anymore and cut her off "nicely" whenever she started sharing). I started using my frustration and anger with her to fuel my workouts. Started getting into my old hobbies again, tried all sorts of new hobbies, joined Meet-up groups, tried anything I could and made it a point to plan things to do on nights I didn't have kids. It was amazing, within 2-3 months, I was in better shape than I had been in years, was finally finding some happiness in myself and was enjoying the time with my kids SO much more. She saw that...and it reminded her of what she had seen in me when we first fell in love. By the time she realized what she had lost, I had realized that I deserved better...so do you Dan. Remember how much you hurt now. If you ever do have the opportunity to try again with her, remember, she did this to you. SHE decided it wasn't worth working on. SHE decided that there was something better out there for her. SHE did this, not only to you, but to her own daughter. Think about whether you're willing to risk going through this again.

 

Never imagined finding someone else I could care about. Still have issues opening up emotionally, but, have been dating someone new for the past 3 months and she's incredible. We connect in ways my ex and I never did. She's not pressuring me for anything, emotionally, time-wise, etc. We talk for hours (among other things) and I keep finding myself surprised at how much better things are between us than they ever were between my ex and I. Never would have thought it possible.

 

aloneisaz had a great suggestion (that I had done after someone else on here suggested it for me), write down a list of things that bothered you about your ex and refer to that list when you start feeling wistful.

 

Also, notbroken had some great stuff too. Find someone to confide in (I had my mom, my friends, saw a therapist a few times and actually made some incredible connections with my dad that I had never had before), don't talk badly about the ex (not worth it), and NO big decisions.

 

Of course, wgw was very helpful to me as well. We both "started" down this road within a few months of each other). He helped me keep things in perspective, remember where I had "come" from and always has great advice.

 

Shocked Suzie and wish-i-knew are right on too. She doesn't deserve you and YOU have to make yourself happy again...and you will...trust me.

 

If you haven't found anything on doing a relationship 180 (from Divorce Busting), search it out on Google. Excellent guidelines to turning things around, mostly for yourself.

 

While we were going through the separation, I called the school, talked with the counselor there and they had some GREAT advice, talked with the teachers, got everyone else "on-board" to help keep an eye on my kids. I got weekly reports and they actually got my daughter (my son was too young, at that point) into a program for "changing families" that met at lunch and talked about divorce, adoption, deploying parents, etc. REALLY helped her work through many of the emotional things she was going through. My ex never talked to the school or the teachers. It gave me yet another way to connect with my kids because I had insight into what they were talking about and going through with the other kids. Plus, the counselor had gotten divorced herself a few years earlier, so she had some advice for me as well!

 

Yeah, FB sucks...I pretty much admitted (at first) that my ex got FB in the divorce. I "hid" her posts (she practically lived on FB and posted pics of her and OM) because she would have been angry if I blocked her entirely. I stayed off FB, mostly, for the first few months. Since then, she's gone through several boyfriends and stopped putting up so much info on FB and I've been posting more pics of myself doing the hobbies that I love and doing things with the kids.

 

Anyway, sort of a rambling post, just writing stuff as I go through your threads. Take the good stuff, let go of the bad. Keep crying, it helps get everything out. When you're done, wipe the tears, get motivated and do something for yourself. I don't know how many times I ended a good cry by cranking out a bunch of push-ups, which felt really good and would launch me into an hour long workout session, which would take my mind off things for a bit.

 

Keep healing...it gets easier...it takes time...

 

Good luck and blue skies!

[WreckedDan]

Thanks everyone for the posts! Really helps keep me in my right mind at times.

 

Debtman, I've actually been hoping you would stumble across my threads, I've seen you post on others a lot and always liked your input. I read and reread posts and yers was a bit long so trus that you have been heard but mymind is a bit foggy today so not 100% able to reply to it all.

 

Today- I joined my daughter on her 2nd grade field trip to Northwest Trek.

1. She had a great time, loves, LOVES animals and zoos.

2. That zoo sucks compared to a couple others in the area. Glad I didn't have to pay full price to go, I now know to take her to one of the others next time.

3. All of the moms I dealt with today were absolutely terrible women. They bitched at the kids for everything, walked slow making the kids walk slow, didn't apreciate a damn thing, and got on the kids for making any noise... one of them kept saying I can't wait to get out of here so I can *motion a drinking jesture*. Pathetic. At one point at the wolf enclosure when we couldn't see any wolves the kids were all disapointed and the women didn't even botice they were just cackling to eachother, I got all the kids to start howling to "see if the wolves ,ight wanna see what's going on" The women just gave me a dirty look, but the kids thought it was great.

 

If that is what's out there, I'm WAY not interested. My wife would have been right in there with the kids talking to them about the plants and animals like she always does...

 

On the drive home I started crying when it hit me that I was just going to have to drop off my daughter and not see her until tomorrow after work.. she didn't see it so that was good, I took her for Ice cream on the way home. We do seem to be javing an evem better time together than before. I think she might actually be "bonding?" With me during this process... love it, just sucks I can't get more time with her.

 

Thanks for listening and being there guys,

Dan

[WreckedDan]

A day spent in nature, and a warm starry night. A day made for my wife. Wish this would start getting easier...

 

Tears,

Dan

 

Sorry if some of my posts are just emotion... no other way to let this out.

[wish-i-knew]

Hey Dan,

 

glad to hear you had a great day at the zoo, but sorry to hear about the night time blues.

 

 

Have you considered getting yourself a dog?

 

I know that after my break-up, being home alone was just horrible. There are only so many times you can call in on friends.

So I got myself a dog. It was the BEST thing I ever did.

 

I had another heartbeat in my house - not so lonely any more.

 

You mentioned your daughter LOVES animals too. Maybe you can choose a rescue dog together.

 

There are lots of positives:

- You have the companionship and loyalty of a dog

- You will have a great reason to go out for a long walk every day

- You are saving a beautiful animal from death row

- Your daughter loves animals so she will enjoy the dog too.

 

Anyway, just an idea...

 

 

ps: Not all woman are like the ones you met at the zoo today!!

Personally, I would have been howling with you and kids too, cause that sounds like fun!!

[debtman]

Dan,

 

Vent away...remember that you're on an emotional roller-coaster. Right now, even the good things (like spending quality time with your daughter) are going to feel bittersweet because they will remind you of the time that you're not with her and the time that you and your W shared with her.

Eventually, you'll get to a point where you'll appreciate the time with her and make the most of it without focusing on the time you don't have with her.

The loneliness is tough. Not sure when it happened, but, eventually, I reached the point where I would look up at the sky at night and not miss my ex...or be angry at her for what she did. I live out in the country and love the nights that I get home (alone), from a spectacular day climbing or skydiving, having fun with friends, go sit on the patio and look up at the stars and just appreciate how fabulous life is and how much potential there is out there.

And don't group all women in with the zoo moms. Lots of crazy, bitchy women out there, but, also some incredible, driven, motivated, beautiful, sexy women out there...but don't rush that. Took me a year after the separation to even start thinking about dating and another six months before I felt like I was secure enough with myself to be able to spend time focusing on someone else. And, now, 2 1/2 years since the separation, I'm just at the point where I'm starting to feel emotionally connected to someone after we've been dating 4 months.

The time I have with my kids is amazing. I would NEVER have chosen to have gotten divorced, but, if my ex hadn't decided that she wasn't happy, I wouldn't be as happy and fulfilled as I am now and I wouldn't have the relationship that I do with my kids.

Things have never been better. I'm happier than I've EVER been, primarily because I'm happy with who I am...because she forced me to find myself again.

Good luck and keep posting. Blue skies...

[worldgonewrong]

I would NEVER have chosen to have gotten divorced, but, if my ex hadn't decided that she wasn't happy, I wouldn't be as happy and fulfilled as I am now and I wouldn't have the relationship that I do with my kids.

Things have never been better. I'm happier than I've EVER been, primarily because I'm happy with who I am...because she forced me to find myself again.

 

^^^^

THIS!

Quoted for stone-cold truth.

In a freakish way, I somehow had to be torn down to be rebuilt completely & in better form. Tough to explain, but I think debtman nailed it (as always!).

[WreckedDan]

WIK- I have 3 dogs (mine, my mother's, and hers) I honestly wish it were only one or two but she can't take her dog where she is. Also her cat, that likely only has about a year maybe two left to live. Her animals shed all over where as the other two dogs are short hairs. It's just another burden for me really because they are all medium sized dogs that eat a ton... and her cat is kinda yucky... for lack of a better word.

 

Debtman... boy I hope I can travel a similar path to recovery. I too live out in the boonies. I actually grew up a city boy, but I built this life for a family and my wife was always the nature lover. While I have truely grown to apreciate my surroundings they will always be tied to her. I hope one day my ties will slacken to tye point that when ever I sit in my hot tub under the stars I will no longer wish I had my arms around her, loving the sky, the smells and the comfort she always provided. She really was an exceptional woman. She still is, just not mine anymore.

 

Dan

[WreckedDan]

Dang it, looked at her email again, she sent herself another pic of this guys junk in his hand... supprisingly it didn't kill me like the first time, course she was in the pic too the first time. Part of me felt the stab of pain, the other part of me got a chuckle from seeing this guys tiny bent junk... she's totally downgraded in that department. Hell in every way as far as I can tell. She lives in a crap box, she's missing the support she had from me and chuckled when I said why not call him for support (as if he was incapable). In all honesty my life has 100times more likelyness of being better in the future than hers does, she's totally delusional in regards to how her life will turn out. I fear for her future, but ever day it becomes less and less my responsibility. I miss her, likely always will, bit she's going to crashand burn, while I work on finding peace in myself and grow and learn. (Long fμcking road ahead though)

 

Last night I wrote and sent two emails. One to her brother (not the one I'm close with) apologizing for not building a closer relationship with him as he was the one that gave away my wife on our wedding day, and he has two daughters that my daughter loves. I was not reaching out in any way, just closing doors. The otger was to her sister, also apologizing for the way I held a grudge against her for her past dealings with me. Again closing that door. I explained to both that I just never felt accepted by thier side of the family and I should have done more to heal that myself.

 

I didn't write these as any kind of tactic, just simply to put that behind me so there would be nothing there to see when I looked... if that makes sense.

 

Dan

[Shocked Suzie]

Dan,

 

Vent away...remember that you're on an emotional roller-coaster. Right now, even the good things (like spending quality time with your daughter) are going to feel bittersweet because they will remind you of the time that you're not with her and the time that you and your W shared with her.

Eventually, you'll get to a point where you'll appreciate the time with her and make the most of it without focusing on the time you don't have with her.

The loneliness is tough. Not sure when it happened, but, eventually, I reached the point where I would look up at the sky at night and not miss my ex...or be angry at her for what she did. I live out in the country and love the nights that I get home (alone), from a spectacular day climbing or skydiving, having fun with friends, go sit on the patio and look up at the stars and just appreciate how fabulous life is and how much potential there is out there.

And don't group all women in with the zoo moms. Lots of crazy, bitchy women out there, but, also some incredible, driven, motivated, beautiful, sexy women out there...but don't rush that. Took me a year after the separation to even start thinking about dating and another six months before I felt like I was secure enough with myself to be able to spend time focusing on someone else. And, now, 2 1/2 years since the separation, I'm just at the point where I'm starting to feel emotionally connected to someone after we've been dating 4 months.

The time I have with my kids is amazing. I would NEVER have chosen to have gotten divorced, but, if my ex hadn't decided that she wasn't happy, I wouldn't be as happy and fulfilled as I am now and I wouldn't have the relationship that I do with my kids.

Things have never been better. I'm happier than I've EVER been, primarily because I'm happy with who I am...because she forced me to find myself again.

Good luck and keep posting. Blue skies...

 

This gives me so much hope...I know it's there, I'm just not quite there yet! My friends keep telling me to get out there and meet someone, I'm just not

ready....not because of my Ex but because I'm not 100% happy within myself, I want to give my next relationship me...not a damaged me! ....in my mind I have given myself 1year to work on me...get fit, look and feel good about myself....

 

Dan .... not all women are like this

[WreckedDan]

So I was driving to my brother's house to drop my daughter off before work and she informed me that my wife had introduced her to Chris (the OM) which the wife promised not to do... so pissed and now I'm stuck at work dealing with a whole new set of emotions! She jas become such a liar. Her brother emailed me back last night. Part of his email said that the reasons she gave hin for wanting the divorce were toltally not valid reasons for leaving and that he told her as much. I'm sure everything she said she was just trying to validate to herself the affair... not sure if I should reply to his email or not... I really don't want to get more involved, but I would like him to know I tried to save this and that I doubt he knows that she had an affair...

 

Every day, new pain,

Dan

[Shocked Suzie]

So I was driving to my brother's house to drop my daughter off before work and she informed me that my wife had introduced her to Chris (the OM) which the wife promised not to do... so pissed and now I'm stuck at work dealing with a whole new set of emotions! She jas become such a liar. Her brother emailed me back last night. Part of his email said that the reasons she gave hin for wanting the divorce were toltally not valid reasons for leaving and that he told her as much. I'm sure everything she said she was just trying to validate to herself the affair... not sure if I should reply to his email or not... I really don't want to get more involved, but I would like him to know I tried to save this and that I doubt he knows that she had an affair...

 

Every day, new pain,

Dan

 

Getting involved to back n fourth emails with her family is not a good idea...things can get twisted, repeated and taken out of text from how you want them to be...some people thrive on other people's miss fortune, the added info etc could just add to getting you down

.. ??

 

SS x

[WreckedDan]

Suzie- You are right, I'm going to leave this alone. He's a good guy and talked about his divorce. It sounded like he was totally siding with me, which I didn't expect. But What other people know, really shouldn't mean much to me. I love my wife, and I did everything I could to keep this from happening. As my daughter so succinctly put it today "Mommy betrayed us..." (I swear my kid is the smartest and most aware kid) Tonight as I was putting her to bed, she asked why I kept wearing the bracelet we got from the zoo, I told her because it reminded me of such a wonderful day we spent together. Then she asked why I wore my wedding ring. I said because while it still makes me sad, that it also reminded me of good times. This is where it gets funny. She asked if I'd ever been to a volcano before... I said no. She said well, if you ever do, wear a magma suit and throw this into the middle. I said why would I want to do that? She said, to get mommy out of your head. LOL

 

Debtman- So I thought some more on some of the things you've said. First I am well aware that not all women are like those primped and bitchy women that were at the field trip, obviously my wife is proof of that, as she has always been the complete opposite of that. I was just touching on the fact that it seems far more prevailent in my area. I'm living in the boonies but surrounded by hoity toity suburbia. The other thing is when I first got with my wife I was 27 and she was 25... We both look exactly the same... I don't know that I will be attracted to women my age for a while...

Second I said I was hoping to follow in your footsteps of recovery, but the more I read your last post the more it scared the crap out of me... 2 1/2 years... I just turned 40 alone, these are going to be rough years...

 

So I wrote the list of things that bothered me about my wife...

1. Alcoholic

2. Cheated on me, thus damaging my daughter and myself

3. Becoming more and more dishonest

4. ...can't think of a damn thing

 

The other side of the list was too long for me to bother anyone with..

 

Dan

[coaches24]

Suzie- You are right, I'm going to leave this alone. He's a good guy and talked about his divorce. It sounded like he was totally siding with me, which I didn't expect. But What other people know, really shouldn't mean much to me. I love my wife, and I did everything I could to keep this from happening. As my daughter so succinctly put it today "Mommy betrayed us..." (I swear my kid is the smartest and most aware kid) Tonight as I was putting her to bed, she asked why I kept wearing the bracelet we got from the zoo, I told her because it reminded me of such a wonderful day we spent together. Then she asked why I wore my wedding ring. I said because while it still makes me sad, that it also reminded me of good times. This is where it gets funny. She asked if I'd ever been to a volcano before... I said no. She said well, if you ever do, wear a magma suit and throw this into the middle. I said why would I want to do that? She said, to get mommy out of your head. LOL

 

Debtman- So I thought some more on some of the things you've said. First I am well aware that not all women are like those primped and bitchy women that were at the field trip, obviously my wife is proof of that, as she has always been the complete opposite of that. I was just touching on the fact that it seems far more prevailent in my area. I'm living in the boonies but surrounded by hoity toity suburbia. The other thing is when I first got with my wife I was 27 and she was 25... We both look exactly the same... I don't know that I will be attracted to women my age for a while...

Second I said I was hoping to follow in your footsteps of recovery, but the more I read your last post the more it scared the crap out of me... 2 1/2 years... I just turned 40 alone, these are going to be rough years...

 

So I wrote the list of things that bothered me about my wife...

1. Alcoholic

2. Cheated on me, thus damaging my daughter and myself

3. Becoming more and more dishonest

4. ...can't think of a damn thing

 

The other side of the list was too long for me to bother anyone with..

 

Dan

 

Turning 40 alone? Yep I just did the same. Made my wife miss part of a weekend bachelorette party so I could do something for my 40th just a couple weeks ago. She tried to give me a guilt trip about missing the first day of the bachlorette party and I told her I don't care about that and that my 40th is way more important and should have been to her (this was before our first MC appointment).

[WreckedDan]

So many people struggle through this, break ups happen all the time. Why does this just feel so wrong? Why does it feel like everything I do to try to move through this feel like the wrong thing?

 

Dan