Antares Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I think maybe she ended it because we spent every second together maybe she felt smothered, she never expressed this to me. Maybe she just needed a break from me idk. Hopefully this no contact will give her the space she needs Second guessing and over analyzing the reasons why you think she left won't help you. She told you pretty flat out why she was leaving. She wanted to be with her ex. That's her reason right there, wrapped in a bow. You could have given her plenty of space in the relationship and she might have felt lonely and would have gone back to her ex regardless. Do you get my meaning? Second guessing yourself now will only lead to more guessing. Go NC now. NC isn't to get her back, by making her miss you. NC is to get yourself back. She now wants space. Allow her all the space in the universe for this new relationship to work or fail. I can guarantee you that if you stay in the picture, she will cling to her Ex even more so. She'll know that she has you as a back up and will date her ex for as long as she wants. The only thing she wants from you is space. Give her the entire universe. Contacting her is impossible, because it would take thousands of years for the message to travel across the heavens to reach her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kameron Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 Antares you are absolutely right. She probably feels like she can have me whenever she wants that I will go back to her whenever she wants. I don't want to be a safety net. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kameron Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 She left this guy because she was unhappy with him. He didnt please her or meet her needs. She was happy with me tho missed him and went back. So confused Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 She left this guy because she was unhappy with him. He didnt please her or meet her needs. She was happy with me tho missed him and went back. So confused It doesn't matter. Why she did what she did is not your concern. It's not your problem. There's nothing you could have done. The only thing you can do, is IF she comes back again, to make sure that you ignore her. Don't engage her, don't yell and scream, don't try to take revenge, just be silent. Silence says everything. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kameron Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 I'm not an angry person. I'm a nice guy. Throughout this breakup I haven't gone off on her once never yelled cussed anything, that's not how I am. The only thing I have done is begged for her back Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I'm not an angry person. I'm a nice guy. Throughout this breakup I haven't gone off on her once never yelled cussed anything, that's not how I am. The only thing I have done is begged for her back And now it's best to just go No Contact. It's the only option left. Otherwise, there is a potential for this grief to last indefinitely. You don't want that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kameron Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 Everyone on here is so negative towards no contact bringing an ex back. There are so many stories on the Internet where people used no contact and got there ex back. I'm not saying that's going to happen to me. I just don't know why there is so much negativity towards it. Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Everyone on here is so negative towards no contact bringing an ex back. There are so many stories on the Internet where people used no contact and got there ex back. I'm not saying that's going to happen to me. I just don't know why there is so much negativity towards it. I have a negative attitude towards using NC to get an ex back because it is attempting to manipulate someone's feelings for you by playing a mind game with them. You should not have to manipulate someone to be with you. They should do it of their own accord. If your ex wanted you, she'd be with you. Now you want to play a subtle mind game so you can get her back. That's why I don't like it. I have had guys do that to me when I was younger, and more naive. They are sociopathic germs. Do you really want a relationship on false pretences? Have you any idea how shaky that foundation is? You believe all those people got their exes back? Really? I bet they got them back for a moment. And then the same problems that drove them apart in the first place, rear their ugly head. Very few people successfully reconcile with an ex. Some people are truly meant to be. But for most of us, there's always someone else. Someone we're more suited to. That's just life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kameron Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 That's true. So you pretty much have to completely move on. No feelings/emotions for that person. And by the time they do come around you are over them and don't want them back. Seems like a losing situation if you want your ex back. Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I tell you what, kameron. Try NC with the express purpose of getting your ex back and tell us how it goes. The fallout you'll experience when it blows up in your face, will be like watching the Hindenburg go down. Trust me. Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 That's true. So you pretty much have to completely move on. No feelings/emotions for that person. And by the time they do come around you are over them and don't want them back. Seems like a losing situation if you want your ex back. Of course. Because it is not designed to resucitate your relationship. If they do come back to you, it's no guarantee. They just miss the attention. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kameron Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 "One day you will realize you lost a diamond while you were to busy collecting stones." Sometimes you have to meet a couple bad ones to appreciate the great person you had all along. Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 "One day you will realize you lost a diamond while you were to busy collecting stones." Sometimes you have to meet a couple bad ones to appreciate the great person you had all along. She's one of your stones. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kameron Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 I meant her appreciating me. But yea she could be one of my stones. I defiantly put more love into the relationship then she did. Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I meant her appreciating me. But yea she could be one of my stones. I defiantly put more love into the relationship then she did. Tut tut. Stop worrying about what she thinks, You're clinging to the fantasy that you're the perfect boyfriend, and you weren't that for her. She's not going to look back and regret this, and if she does, it will only be until she's bored with you again. She might dump this current bloke and meet someone even better. You're one of her stones. She's one of yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kameron Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 So what is this called??? Not all people do this. As soon as they get bored they move to someone else. Is it possible for Change or will this happen forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kameron Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 Or I could be her diamond she just hasn't realized it yet. Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 So what is this called??? Not all people do this. As soon as they get bored they move to someone else. Is it possible for Change or will this happen forever. What do you mean, what is this called? It's called a break up. Whatever the reasons whatever the obstacles, it doesn't matter. All that matters is what is. You have been broken up with. Yor next steps will determine how well you survive this. You can do it well, or you can do it poorly. Your next steps are: Stop talking to her and remove all avenues to communicate. Block her on Facebook, block her email, and if you can't block her number on your mobile/cell phone, file her number under 'Do Not Answer'. Then when 'Do Not Answer' texts you, you.... do not answer. Focus on you. Make new friends, take up a hobby, exercise, eat well, drink water, get plenty of sleep. If you are healthy, the anxiety and depression you are experiencing will become easier. Consider talking to a professional. We are all amateur psychologists here, but it's important to go to someone with actual training. Focus on being someone who enjoys life without a relationship. You are more likely to attract someone who wants to have a mature relationship if you are mature and fulfilled yourself. Look, I'm not talking out of my arse. I've been you. I have had my heart smashed to smithereens, more than once. I recovered. But I only recovered by letting go. Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Or I could be her diamond she just hasn't realized it yet. Nope. You're not. That's false hope. False hope is a rock tied around your waist. All is does is pull you under and drown you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kameron Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 I understand all that you are saying. I don't think you understood my question. When a guy or girl gets bored in a relationship why do they run to another are they trying to stay in a constant honeymoon faze. If I got bored in a relationship I would communicate that with my partner not run away. Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I understand all that you are saying. I don't think you understood my question. When a guy or girl gets bored in a relationship why do they run to another are they trying to stay in a constant honeymoon faze. If I got bored in a relationship I would communicate that with my partner not run away. Because some people are jerks. Not everyone is considerate, and kind, and speaks their mind. Some people are just jerks. We identify them, and we make sure we don't have them in our lives. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BustedUpInside Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I understand all that you are saying. I don't think you understood my question. When a guy or girl gets bored in a relationship why do they run to another are they trying to stay in a constant honeymoon faze. If I got bored in a relationship I would communicate that with my partner not run away. What we are trying to tell you is that the answer is unknowable. We have no idea why she ran back to her ex. She may not even really know and if she did, she probably wouldn't give you the straight answer. Even if she did give you the real answer, you probably wouldn't accept it because you don't want to let her go no matter what. The point is that if you continue to focus on her, and what she did wrong, and what she is thinking, doing, or when she is coming back then you will remain stuck and won't ever be able to move on. Whether or not you guys will ever get a chance again is not important. What is important is you feeling better and to do that you will have to let her go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kameron Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 So I should just let her go and if she tries to come back don't take her back. Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 So I should just let her go and if she tries to come back don't take her back. Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. Link to post Share on other sites
aisuru Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 My head hurts. Kameron, the answers don't change. Have you noticed that? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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