Is waiting until the relationship is solid before having sex a thing of the past?

[ThomasD]

For the non-believers.

 

Here from the LA times: . . .

 

And from another site about virgins: . . .

Good scholarship! (Of course, I'm rather attracted at several levels to brainy girls in general. That's even one factor in gauging sexual compatibility without even touching her: the most important organ for sexual enjoyment and pleasure is located between the ears.)

 

Although the casual, recreational sex culture can be quite visible, and its practitioners rather vocal, it's not accurate to say that EVERYBODY does it. I recall being almost 21, and sitting in my college graduation. As many of my friends stepped down with new diploma in hand, they were met by a wife or girlfriend (or both?) who imparted displays of affection bordering on sexual assault. I thought, "Hey! I must be the ONLY guy here who has never been laid!". Well, it wasn't true then but it would take me another 5 or 10 years to realize that, and I don't think it would be true today, either.

[Babolat]

My last GF made it clear there would be no sex until she knew we were exclusive. After that it just kind of happened naturally, we never talked about "when". It was about 6-7 dates over 4-5 weeks, which felt appropriate to me.

 

It's a two way street if you will and in my opinion should not just be the womans decision. Boundaries are VERY important; know yours, know yourself, and feel comfortable communicating them.

[Star Gazer]

Then the answer is pretty simple...wait until you feel the time is right, which is obviously not right now.

 

Have you thought about just telling him how you feel straight up?

 

Nope. I think I'm already over it. I had a race yesterday, and he didn't even contact me to ask me how it went. So, I'm done.

[BluEyeL]

Is this the same guy who had that apartment that didn't show any signs of kids presence?

[Star Gazer]

Is this the same guy who had that apartment that didn't show any signs of kids presence?

 

No, that one is long gone.

[TheGuard13]

I think the idea that there was a magical, wonderful time when people didn't have casual sex, or when people usually waited until they were in a committed, loving relationship is kind of silly.

 

I can't believe no one has mentioned this yet. There was never really a time when people generally waited to be in a committed relationship before having sex. Ever. They may have PRETENDED to for society's sake. They made little "social contracts" about being "steady", "courting", etc, but there’s not really a huge “generational difference” about how people interact sexually. People have always hooked up, casually and otherwise, and not everyone was in a relationship prior to doing so. And this goes back to well before the "free love" era, on back to the days of "courting". If they could get it on, they often did. I think the only major change is that people's lives, including their sexual lives and histories, tend to be more public these days, which leads people to see the past through rose colored glasses.

 

Yes, nowadays, waiting a long time makes you a prude. That's just kind of how it is. It's accepted as prudish behavior. If you don't like being called a prude, don't be a prude. Waiting doesn’t make a man stick around. Nor does it neccessarily weed out the *******s. It just weeds out the *******s who don’t want to wait.

 

The idea that saying “we’re in a committed relationship now, so now I can't get played or hurt if I have sex" means anything is just…absurd to me.

 

Some guys/girls just like sex. That’s all they want at a given moment. It doesn’t make them bad people. It means they don’t want what others may want at this moment in time. And an intelligent person understands this, and either accepts this, or goes for people they're compatible with. Frankly, women who use sex to manipulate get minimal effort from me, if any.

 

The best men don’t want a woman who sleeps with everyone she meets? Eh. Kinda. A lot of men love sluts and experienced girls, for obvious reasons. If they say otherwise, that’s got nothing to do with how many people the woman has slept with...It has to do with his insecurities over performance, attractiveness, and being able to hold onto to the girl he likes in relation to the men she's been with before him and the men who will likely be pursuing/attractive to her during their relationship.

 

Personally, I don't have an issue with waiting...and I've waited up to a month (though not in a committed sense). To me, if the chemistry isn’t there and you don't feel comfortable having sex within a few weeks…in other words, if you don’t feel cared for/loved within a few weeks, I’m probably going to move on because we're not compatible in several respects.

 

And as a man with a sex drive, if you won’t sleep with me within a reasonable timeframe (few weeks), you can expect me to get sex from someone who isn’t so uptight about it. Which makes it entirely possible that I will choose to spend time with her over you. That’s a risk you take if you choose to live that way.

[Star Gazer]

That’s a risk you take if you choose to live that way.

 

And the risk you take if you always choose the girl who sexes you within a couple weeks is that you end up not with a girl who just loves sex, but with a girl who uses sex as a tool, or a whore.

 

:shrug:

[TheGuard13]

This is true.

 

Though whores get paid...one usually knows when one is with a whore.

[KungFuJoe]

And the risk you take if you always choose the girl who sexes you within a couple weeks is that you end up not with a girl who just loves sex, but with a girl who uses sex as a tool, or a whore.

 

:shrug:

 

That's a risk you take whether you sleep with her right away or wait til you're married.

[Star Gazer]

This is true.

 

Though whores get paid...

 

Not the ones I know, unless you're talking about a 2 ct., D color, flawless, ideal cut rock on her left index finger, and all the accoutrement thereto.

[miss_jaclynrae]

And the risk you take if you always choose the girl who sexes you within a couple weeks is that you end up not with a girl who just loves sex, but with a girl who uses sex as a tool, or a whore.

 

:shrug:

 

 

 

 

 

So now women who don't wait are whores or are just using sex as a tool?

 

 

Don't stoop, he merely put his opinion out here, don't resort to blatant untrue statements because he said something you didn't like.

[Star Gazer]

So now women who don't wait are whores or are just using sex as a tool?

 

 

 

Don't stoop, he merely put his opinion out here, don't resort to blatant untrue statements because he said something you didn't like.

 

Straight up: You need to learn how to read what I actually write and stop twisting what I said.

 

If it was a certainty, as you're suggesting I said it was, then it wouldn't be a RISK, it would be a CERTAINTY.

 

If you sleep with a women quickly, you DO RISK that she is a whore or using sex as a tool. Period. That's a risk you take. Sure, she may be uninhibited and sexually free, but she might also have other reasons for having sex fast.

 

Read. Please.

 

Nothing I said was blatantly untrue.

 

Have a nice day!

[KungFuJoe]

Straight up: You need to learn how to read what I actually write and stop twisting what I said.

 

If it was a certainty, as you're suggesting I said it was, then it wouldn't be a RISK, it would be a CERTAINTY.

 

If you sleep with a women quickly, you DO RISK that she is a whore or using sex as a tool. Period. That's a risk you take. Sure, she may be uninhibited and sexually free, but she might also have other reasons for having sex fast.

 

Read. Please.

 

Nothing I said was blatantly untrue.

 

Have a nice day!

 

It's not untrue but it doesn't really make any sense either. There is no correlation between having sex "early" and the sex being used as a tool.

 

You might as well have said "If you drink coffee in the morning there is a good chance you like to drive white cars."

 

Now...making you wait for sex...there is definitely a correlation between that and using sex as a tool.

[Star Gazer]

It's not untrue but it doesn't really make any sense either. There is no correlation between having sex "early" and the sex being used as a tool.

 

You might as well have said "If you drink coffee in the morning there is a good chance you like to drive white cars."

 

Now...making you wait for sex...there is definitely a correlation between that and using sex as a tool.

 

Again, you already agreed with me on this.

 

You agreed that if a woman has sex EARLY in order to snag a man, to manipulate him into a relationship, aka USING SEX AS A TOOL... then that's a bad thing.

Edited June 4, 2013 by Star Gazer

[KungFuJoe]

Again, you already agreed with me on this.

 

You agreed that if a woman has sex EARLY in order to snag a man, to manipulate him into a relationship, aka USING SEX AS A TOOL... then that's a bad thing.

 

Yeah. I agreed that if it's already been determined that sex is used as a tool it's bad, regardless of the timing.

 

But the timing itself is irrelevant.

[Star Gazer]

Yeah. I agreed that if it's already been determined that sex is used as a tool it's bad, regardless of the timing.

 

But the timing itself is irrelevant.

 

For purposes of what? Determining if it's a tool? You already agreed that if used early as a tool, that's bad. You also agree that using it at any point as a tool is bad. So, what are you disagreeing with that I've said?

[Seductive]

Some guys/girls just like sex. That’s all they want at a given moment. It doesn’t make them bad people. It means they don’t want what others may want at this moment in time. And an intelligent person understands this, and either accepts this, or goes for people they're compatible with. Frankly, women who use sex to manipulate get minimal effort from me, if any.

 

There's nothing wrong with liking sex, but I would be concerned at those that have sex and then complain about not getting what they want. An example would be my former roomate that slept with various men from OLD, and then wondered why they disappeared. Despite getting physical pleasure, she was left with nothing in the end. I don't understand why you would do something that didn't contribute to your future? I feel like today's American culture just focuses on the present, and not the outcome.

 

After talking to some male friends, they said that maybe she was just bad in bed or gave off a "crazy vibe." Given that I lived with this woman, I wouldn't consider dating her seriously. Men are smart and can smell that a mile away.

Edited June 4, 2013 by Seductive

[Adele0908]

Why in 2013 are we still using terms like "whore" and "slut"? Will people ever stop trying to control a woman's sexuality?

 

Patiently waiting for human evolution or Jesus to come back.

 

Seriously.

[KungFuJoe]

For purposes of what? Determining if it's a tool? You already agreed that if used early as a tool, that's bad. You also agree that using it at any point as a tool is bad. So, what are you disagreeing with that I've said?

 

I'm disagreeing that having sex early is a bad thing. It really depends on the person.

[Els]

 

I can't believe no one has mentioned this yet. There was never really a time when people generally waited to be in a committed relationship before having sex. Ever. They may have PRETENDED to for society's sake. They made little "social contracts" about being "steady", "courting", etc, but there’s not really a huge “generational difference” about how people interact sexually. People have always hooked up, casually and otherwise, and not everyone was in a relationship prior to doing so. And this goes back to well before the "free love" era, on back to the days of "courting". If they could get it on, they often did. I think the only major change is that people's lives, including their sexual lives and histories, tend to be more public these days, which leads people to see the past through rose colored glasses.

 

This is quite false. Obviously, there WERE people who had casual hook-ups, even in the most religious times of the Victorian era. I'm sure nobody is claiming otherwise. However, it's quite obvious that casual/early sex was nowhere near as widespread, socially accepted, and encouraged, as recent times in certain societies. And CHOOSING to wait was most definitely not as unacceptable as it currently appears to be! (amongst some of you)

 

Just as how having sex early doesn't necessarily make you a 'whore', having sex later doesn't necessarily make you a 'prude'. You people who speak against judging, need to open your eyes wide to what you yourself are doing. How early or late you feel like having sex has little bearing on how open you are to being adventurous or enjoying sex in a committed R. Trust me.

 

If you just want sex early, call it as it is. There's nothing wrong with that. No need to try to put down others who are different from yourselves.

[Star Gazer]

I'm disagreeing that having sex early is a bad thing. It really depends on the person.

 

I never said otherwise...? In fact, I said those very words: "It depends." I said that to oppose what Jacyln said, "No matter what."

 

NOTHING is "no matter what." It always DEPENDS.

[miss_jaclynrae]

I never said otherwise...? In fact, I said those very words: "It depends." I said that to oppose what Jacyln said, "No matter what."

 

NOTHING is "no matter what." It always DEPENDS.

 

 

 

 

 

I disagree, I still think that "the one" will stick around no matter what.

 

 

 

 

Yes... NO MATTER WHAT.

To think that "the one" that doesnt stick around is still the one is pathetic thinking. Such a negative outlook. Lol

 

 

 

 

Agree to disagree though.

[Star Gazer]

I disagree, I still think that "the one" will stick around no matter what.

 

Yes... NO MATTER WHAT.

To think that "the one" that doesnt stick around is still the one is pathetic thinking. Such a negative outlook. Lol

 

Agree to disagree though.

 

1. Can you please start posting fewer line breaks in your posts?

 

2. If you're using sex as a tool, THE RIGHT GUY, a good guy, one you're compatible with, WILL WALK. Period.

[KungFuJoe]

I never said otherwise...? In fact, I said those very words: "It depends." I said that to oppose what Jacyln said, "No matter what."

 

NOTHING is "no matter what." It always DEPENDS.

 

I'm referring to this:

 

"If you sleep with a women quickly, you DO RISK that she is a whore or using sex as a tool. Period. That's a risk you take. Sure, she may be uninhibited and sexually free, but she might also have other reasons for having sex fast."

 

I don't agree with that statement.

[miss_jaclynrae]

1. Can you please start posting fewer line breaks in your posts?

 

2. If you're using sex as a tool, THE RIGHT GUY, a good guy, one you're compatible with, WILL WALK. Period.

 

 

 

This is a ridiculous argument. Your technicalities and inability to keep things simple is exhausting. Good luck finding the right one.

 

 

 

 

How long or short you wait doesn't matter. The one, the one who you are supposed to spend your life with will stick around no matter what. No matter what, through bitchy attitudes and arguments, to moments where you can't stand each other they stick around.

 

 

 

 

 

 

No matter what.

 

 

Ps. I like my line breaks.