NLoveWHim Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Hi everybody! I'm 22, and a friend of a friend introduced me to a 38 year-old guy in February. I initially treated him like just another hook-up, and would only send him a text to see if he could meet up for sex. I noticed that he would text me just because, and he would text me everyday. We rarely saw each other, but he constantly stayed in contact with me. He travels a lot for work, but he still talks to me everyday, and even called me when he was out of the country, despite the high international rates. He came off as a single guy, and never mentioned his wife to me. When I asked one time, why we didn't just go to his house for a lunch time hook-up, he lied and said that he lived too far away to drive there on lunch, and I believed him. I noticed he never made much time for me in the evenings, and I always felt like he could make time if he really wanted to. I felt like he was sending me mixed messages, by communicating with me daily, and being sweet, but never making time to see me. The thought that he could be married crossed my mind a few times, but I never felt a strong feeling in my gut, so I ignored it. About a month ago, I told him that I had developed feelings for him and he didn't say the same to me. He just said something like "awww, really?" I asked him how he felt and he said he didn't know. I told him that he must not feel the same way, if he doesn't know. The following two days, he noticed that I'd been distant (I was planning on moving on) and he told me that he felt the same way and he asked me to be his girlfriend. One day, I decided to snoop around on Facebook. His Facebook page has always been private, but I was able to see a small family group that he was in. I saw some of his family members on there, and discovered that he was married. When I confronted him, he told me that he didn't know how I would react to him being married, and he didn't want to lose me. I never thought I'd be involved with a married man, but I'd fallen for this man so much that it was hard to move on. His job is moving him across the country this Fall, and I'm dreading him leaving. We both had planned to end things (but still communicate) when he moves, but I keep thinking about things, and I would love to be with him. He never really mentioned much about his wife to me, but this weekend, he really opened up to me. He told me about the problems in their marriage: she talks to her friends more than she talks to him, she doesn't pay much attention to him (she didn't notice for over 3 weeks, that he had new tattoos on his forearms), they haven't had sex in over a month, and he told me that during a recent argument, she suggested an open marriage. He said that he told her that he doesn't care if she moves with him or not, this Fall. I asked him what he thought would happen between us, and he told me that he had been thinking about it a lot lately, and he feels like he's hit a spot where he is finally tired of her. He says that the only reason he stays is because of their two daughters (one is still young, but the other is almost grown). He said that there's over a 50% chance that he will leave her and I've noticed him telling me a lot that he wants me to be his. Does it sound like he might be serious about leaving his wife? My friend says that I need to tell him to get a divorce, and if he really loves me, he will. I don't know if that's the best thing to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Tinie Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 You should listen to your friend. He should get a divorce if he's that unhappy in his marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 NloveWhim wrote, "Does it sound like he might be serious about leaving his wife? My friend says that I need to tell him to get a divorce, and if he really loves me, he will." You have VERY wise friends! It WAS NOT your fault that you got involved with a MM. You did Not know! That in itself enrages me . Doesn't that make you angry too?!? He may "act" like "Mr. Wonderful" when he is around you, but the reality is he already Lied to you about being M and he is Lying to his W & family now about You! There is another poster (OW) on here somewhere who is your age or close, and she understands that she should be doing things and having adventures that are typical for your age range, NOT participating in the damaging effects of an A. I say pull up your "big girl pants" and tell this cowardly liar that you refuse to be his "toy" and when he grows a set and D's his W (if that's what he REALLY wants), to Call you when it's final and show up with the papers to prove it. CIH* Link to post Share on other sites
Athens Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 In my opinion, you should be more concerned about how you view relationships and yourself than if this relationship will work out. You need to put more value on you and less on sex. Its easier to get someone to have sex with you than it is to get them to care about you. Work on making sure someone cares about you and that you have less "hook ups" is you are interested in a long term relationship. You are young, but old enough to value you and stop "hooking up" if what you really want is a relationship. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Short answer: No he really doesn't have feelings for you (that was to keep you hooked). No he isn't leaving his wife for you. End it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Your assignment: Spend 20 hours reading Infidelity threads on Loveshack. Then I think you can find your own answers. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenPrincess Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Does it sound like he might be serious about leaving his wife? My friend says that I need to tell him to get a divorce, and if he really loves me, he will. I don't know if that's the best thing to do? No, he does not sound serious about leaving his wife, although it does sound like his wife might be getting serious about leaving him. The best thing to do is look for a single guy closer to your own age, and to build the relationship a bit before sleeping with him. Link to post Share on other sites
thomasb Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I would have little to no respect for a woman who would just meet for sex. Link to post Share on other sites
thomasb Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 This thread isn't about the moral wrong or right of two consenting adults agreeing to casual sex. QUOTE] It certainly is since a man who does not respect you is not going to put a ring on your finger. Link to post Share on other sites
HonestNeurotic Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 Not telling you he was married up front - well - you sure you want to hitch your star to that? Not to burst your bubble, but I know dudes like these that travel all over and have women EVERYWHERE! I would rethink this. You are still young. I wouldn't pin your hopes on him getting a divorce for you, or at all. Don't waste your youth waiting for him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 2, 2013 Share Posted June 2, 2013 No need to speak with him again until his divorce is final! He tells you those lies about his wife to keep you around. Find some self respect - then a single guy. Link to post Share on other sites
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