ArkDebbie Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 Long story but I will try to keep it short as possible. I met a man while still married back in November of 2003. We had an affair for about 2 months and then decided that we should end it. We got a long great and had strong feelings for each other. In February, 2004 I left my husband, filed for divorce in March. This man and I got back together and have been together most of the time since then. I believe I really love this man and he has told me, a few times anyway, that he loves me too. The problem is that he doesn't trust me. He was with me while married and knows that I lied to my family to be with him. So he accuses me alot of lying to him or of being with other men. Also, I have told him of a few past affairs in my marriage ( I was married almost 24 years)....so he knows everything. I am totally honest with him and the whole time we have been together (almost a year now) I have had no desire to be with anyone other than him...even through several break ups. I guess in July, we started doing the on again/off again thing. He wouldn't call....wouldn't answer his phone...I would go running to him and for the weekend or a few days things would be fine. Then it would happen all over again. The last one was the worse. On Labor Day weekend, my son was in from Georgia and I wanted to spend time with him. This man got mad and jealous. I told him he couldn't make me choose between my kids and him and he said "I guess you already have." I left...totally upset and angry. We got back together this week (after being apart for almost 4 weeks, and yes...it was the roughest time of my life, I don't think I ever quit thinking of him.) and things seem to be working out okay....he seems to be trying. But he is so UN-trusting he even questioned why I didn't want to drink with him....and he gets frustrated if I get several calls on my cell phone. We haven't really talked about things except to say that both of us really want this to work. Now as for him, he went through a very rough divorce about 4 years ago. Didn't just lose his wife but also ended up losing the kids and didn't see them at all until about 6 months ago. So I know besides not trusting me, he is also guarding his heart not to get hurt again. I am 42 and he is 47....will this work or should I just move on before it hurts even more? My son will be back in this weekend, and I have several things coming up over the next week or two (like a baby shower and a craft festival) that he won't like me going to because he is jealous of my time with others. HELP!!! I love him...and I am sure he loves me. But is it enough??? Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 Sorry... but IMHO... When someone can "divorce" thier kid's, you better stand the hell by because there is no limit to what they can or will do to you... You say he lost his wife AND his kids... I don't think so... he may have lost his wife (probably due to the same behaviour he displays with you) however he made a CHOICE to not be a Dad to his kids... I wouldn't allow anyone like that in my life, regardless of how much I liked them, loved them whatever... Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 No, this won't work. We've all been hurt, but that doesn't give us the right to go around hurting others. For him to interfere in the time you spend with your son is just awful, in my view. It's not like this fellow has been giving you all his spare time, right? You make a lot of excuses for him. Your shared history is definitely a problem, but he is dealing with it in the worst way possible. You've been honest with him for quite a while - either he accepts you as honest (his choice), or he moves on. It's not correct to make the third choice - stay with you, but torture you with his jealousy and suspicion. Please go the baby shower and craft festival. PLEASE. If he can't accept you having a life...what use is he to you? Link to post Share on other sites
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