Boyfriend of nearly 3 years cheated on me

[celric]

Okay, so I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now. About 7 months ago, I told him I was questioning my sexuality and I wasn't sure if I could be with him. He was really shaken up and I felt really bad.. and then a few days later I think it was I told him I was happy with him and I just wanted to stay with him. He's been acting distant since then, we tried to hang out and text all the time like we used to but it felt like there was nothing to say and he seemed just dull and distant I guess.. It felt like he was ready for a break up, and this feeling lasted 7 months.

 

We acknowledged this throughout that entire time and we wanted to fix it but didn't know what to do and we kept giving off wrong signals and it just wasn't working out right.. but, about 5 days ago, we hung out for the first time in awhile and I tried to get him to talk to me. He's had a very rough past, some of it including his mother passing away ( he still blames himself, she had a health issue ). He never got professional help for it so he always came to me, and I'm the only one he's ever completely opened up to before. A lot of people don't even know what happened ( excluding the mom thing ). I'm not trying to make anyone feel sorry for him, I'm just explaining how much he trusted me and how strong our relationship was originally. I know it's not healthy for him to go to me for something he needs professional help for, I just wanted/want to make it a little easier for him and I've been trying to convince him to get help.

 

Anyway, while I was hanging out with him, he wouldn't really talk to me about any of that so we just sat by the river and held each other and laughed. It seemed okay, I felt like these were the first steps to fixing it. We hadn't laughed like that in a long time. Then, the next day, we hung out again. Except he suddenly got up and said he didn't want to be by the river anymore, like something triggered a bad memory or something. But he wouldn't talk. So we got up and moved. I tried to pry a little but it wasn't going anywhere and I didn't want him to feel like I was intruding so I stopped. A day passes where we don't hang out but we text some. And then, the next day I come home planning to hang out with him a little later. I get a message on Facebook from one of our mutual friends, and she says she needs to talk to me. We meet up, and she tells me he cheated on me. I was..pretty stunned. Stunned to the point where I acted like it didn't even matter. She brought the girl he cheated on me with with her, and I talked to her. She said they did things and it was only today and today was the first time even seeing him in a long time. I thanked them for letting me know and they left.

 

Right after they left I called him up, and I met up with him. I told him I knew, and I asked him what they did. He said they only had sex, and he didn't plan it it just "sort of happened". He said he was going to tell me anyhow because there was no way he could hide that from me. By the way he was acting I really don't doubt that. We used to be sexually active with other but stopped about a year ago ( personal reasons ), and he's a fairly sexual person. But I trusted him. And we were going to continue, but we needed to stop being sexually active for awhile. He said it's the only time something like that ever happened, and the only reason she was over his house is because he met up with her mother and she told him that the girl ( I don't really want to use her name ) graduated from school. He hadn't seen her in awhile so I guess he pulled her number off of facebook or had it in his phone ( he has tons of people he doesn't even talk to anymore in it, so do I ), or maybe he asked her mother for it. I didn't ask about that. But, he met up with her and took her to his house and I don't know what they were doing but they ended up in his bed. He said he didn't even look at her and was just looking out of the window. I could ask details and I know he'd answer, but I just don't want to know. He said he took a shower right afterwards and threw up in the bathroom, and took her home after that.

 

While I was talking to him, he was crying harder than I was. I feel really ****ty, and broken up, and just depressed overall. I never seen him cry that hard, not even about his mother or any other thing that happened and he was literally choking. I don't want to leave him. I really don't. I love him a lot, and he says he loves me. I know we were distant, but I thought we were going to be okay honestly.. I thought we were on the first steps of healing things.. I know it shouldn't have taken that long but we were both busy with school and work. He says he doesn't talk to her, and that he doesn't even want to talk to her. I believe him on that, because it was a one night stand basically and he just ****ed her, threw up, and took her home. I know there was no emotion there, and he said he was thinking about me. But, he still cheated on me, and that still hurts. Please, just give me your honest opinion here, because I really don't want to be hurt again but I don't know what to do. He was constantly texting and calling me and meeting up with me to tell me he's sorry and he'll do anything to make it up to me, but what the hell could fix that? He's completely broken my trust and I don't know if I could ever trust him again.

[MidwestUSA]

While I don't condone cheating, I'm not sure what I would do if I'd been in a relationship with someone who suddenly tells me they are questioning their sexuality. Not sure what you mean by that, are you a man trapped inside a woman's body, or you're just not feeling sexual at all? Not excusing him, but he's probably very confused. Sorry I can't be much help here, but I hope you're taking his shock and confusion into account. Good luck!

[therhythm]

While I don't condone cheating, I'm not sure what I would do if I'd been in a relationship with someone who suddenly tells me they are questioning their sexuality. Not sure what you mean by that, are you a man trapped inside a woman's body, or you're just not feeling sexual at all? Not excusing him, but he's probably very confused. Sorry I can't be much help here, but I hope you're taking his shock and confusion into account. Good luck!

 

Yes, the cheating was really wrong but if a woman I am in a relationship with would tell me she is doubting her sexuality I would think she may be lesbian and for many guys that can be very emasculating...

No good place to be ... I don't know what to say... he cheated so he needs to really proof you he deserves your forgiveness but you also need to get yourself clarity about where you actually stand at this point of your life!

[celric]

I was questioning, and I told him I was okay. It was a brief questioning and I made sure he was alright. We're both pansexual men.

[celric]

Also.. I demanded he give me his skype, facebook, and phone. I found out he's been flirting with some girl for quite awhile.. I ended it..for good.. I'm done.

[umirano]

if a woman I am in a relationship with would tell me she is doubting her sexuality I would think she may be lesbian and for many guys that can be very emasculating...

Is it? Why? Idk how I'd feel... But emasculated? Hardly. Unless if I had reason to think that she "turned" lesbian because of me. But that's pretty unlikely No, on a more serious note. How would it question my manliness if a girl suddenly finds out she's lesbian?

[umirano]

pansexual men.

Oh my aching back. Now everyone and their grandmother are pansexual. Maybe you really are. But you're like the third person this year who says he/she's pansexual. A few years ago everyone was bi...

[umirano]

I ended it..for good.. I'm done.

Regardless of your or his sexuality a good decision. People should be open, honest and serious about their feelings for others. People who can't be bothered with honesty and such are hardly ever a good match. Good luck to you!