billybadass36 Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 Sorry this is so long - How do you know if she'll say "yes"? How do you know if she's ready? After over six months of dating, we've been talking quite a bit about the "future" and all that jazz. We're both almost 29. Almost like love at first sight. We spend a LOT of time together. Might as well have moved in to her place...I have closet space in her bedroom and a drawer in her bathroom. We both have good jobs. She has a somewhat annoying roommate and she's taking in her wayward younger sister for the time being because she broke up with her boyfriend....Anyway, she's a great woman with a good head on her shoulders. She tells me constantly that she never knew what love was until she met me, and I feel the same way. Her best friend got drunk and accidentally told me that a mere 6 weeks into our relationship, my gf told her that she thought that I was "The One". Yeah, we've had a couple of setbacks. In July we had a major one, but there hasn't been any real big issues since then. It seemed that we were just each sort of testing the boundaries of the relationship and seeing if the other would get upset over certain things. Anyway, we've straightened that out. She's honestly everything I've ever wanted in a woman. She hints at looking forward to a life together...a family...growing old together, etc. We've both dated a litany of other people, and we both seem to know exactly what it is we've each been looking for for so long. We're both emotionally, financially, and sexually compatible...almost too sexually compatible if there is such a thing... In any event, my mind keeps wandering into the "next step" mode. I find myself looking at rings...looking more closely at my finances...etc. Thinking about "marriage" type stuff. We've going to Mexico the week after Christmas. At that point it'll be like 9 months. I know there's no "magic" timeline for what's too soon/too long for a proposal, but I'm concerned if she's ready or not. She was with her last boyfriend a year and a half...and off for 6 months before me. The guy before that she was with for 2 years. She broke up with that guy the day before he was going to propose to her (long story, and I'm not really sure I got all of it yet). Anyway, we've both been somewhat "commitmentphobic" in past relationships, and have been very candid about that to each other, and we're really surprised that each of us happened to be single at the same time and place. I honestly can't see myself with anyone else, nor do I want to. She tells me the same things. The long and the short of it is that I've been mulling this issue over in my head, and while I'm not going to run out and propose tomorrow, I'm thinking about doing it when we're in Mexico this winter. Given that I've had one failed engagement, I don't really trust my instincts on this. How do you know if she's ready? How do you know if you know enough about someone to make that kind of commitment? How do you know if the person you've been with for the past half year is the "real" person? Any help appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
Fayebelle Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 Asking the question should be more about - Are YOU ready? Would YOU say yes? If so- you are ready to try the next step. It may not be an idea that has even occured to her yet- but when she realizes you are ready to move forward- she either a) agrees b)asks for more time or c)packs up her things and goes home. Either way from there on out- you know what you both want- you can start working toward the next step- you have can make a goal together and you will work towards it. Good Luck! Let us know what she says! Link to post Share on other sites
katie79 Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 From the sounds of it, it seems like you are in love. Don't base your confidance on your prior engagement which failed. IT failed b/c it was never supposed to happen. Then you met her and fell in love---that was meant to be. Propose. You sound ready, just afraid that what happened last time will happen again. It's unlikely it will from what you sound like on the net. At worst, if it does collapse, someone else will come along who you'll marry. But I wouldn't worry about it. Go for it! I'm sure it'll go well. She wouldn't mention marrying you if she wasn't serious about it. She was prob throwing you a few big hints! Many women do that. Good luck! By the way, how do you know if your sexually compatiable? I don't understand that completly! Help! Link to post Share on other sites
Author billybadass36 Posted October 5, 2004 Author Share Posted October 5, 2004 How do you know if you're sexually compatible? Now that is difficult to explain, but I'll try: Similar libido, "fitting" together just right, enjoying the same types of variety, etc. In short, similar attitudes and desires regarding sex...as well as physically just "loving" each other physically. Like I said, it's hard to explain. If you've had sex with someone with whom you have no sexual chemistry, it's obvious, awkward, just weird and "not right". Link to post Share on other sites
katie79 Posted October 5, 2004 Share Posted October 5, 2004 That sounds bad. I guess my fiance and I aren't very sexually compatiable. We had this one amazing time. We both just did what we wanted and it was great. Course, I was a little drunk, but you really don't care as much when you are... I guess what I'm trying to say is in some ways I'm embarrassed of my body and appearance and feel stupid during it. Him on the other hand, he's not exactly into trying new things. To be cold but blunt, it's somewhat boring! Eh...I feel bad saying that, but he's traditional in bed. Which is nice, but it's nice to add a little spice to it. But I love him and am sexually attracted to him, hopefully he feels the same (sex has always been this way). What's a nice and delicate way to tell him to get a little more fiesty in bed without killing the relationship and taking his "manhood" from him to say the least? Is it bad that i'm marrying him if this is the case? Be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
DaiseyEyes Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 It's great that the two of you are so happy together. Have you considered actually moving in before getting engaged? Is there anything you do at home that you wouldn't do in front of her? I would wait untill you get into the "comfort" zone before proposing. When the possibly annoying habits that the two of you have been hiding from each other are revealed. If you have none, then I say go for it! Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted October 15, 2004 Share Posted October 15, 2004 Give it another six months. Or propose and then move in together as part of the engagement. I'm now firmly of the belief that you need a minimum of a year to really know someone well enough to marry that person. Link to post Share on other sites
z1rmp Posted November 16, 2004 Share Posted November 16, 2004 I have the same dilemma. Been together over 12 months. Absolutely adore the girl. I have doubts - this is normal, but YOU KNOW if you love the girl. How do you cope when she's NOT there? I don't know if my good lady will say yes to me - she's independent, but I wouldn't be without her for the world. If somebody took everything away from you but you still had her, would you be happy? - Because I would. That's how ya know buddy... Link to post Share on other sites
Author billybadass36 Posted November 16, 2004 Author Share Posted November 16, 2004 Funny you should respond in such a timely manner. This weekend, we were out of town for a night and she told me that if I asked her to marry me she'd say yes in a heartbeat...that she's known since like a month into our relationship that I'm "the one"....that I'm everything she's ever wanted...etc. And I told her that I would gladly give up everything in my life to have her. Precious. I'm such a wuss. Anyway, it's going to happen...just a matter of time.... Link to post Share on other sites
butterfly29 Posted November 17, 2004 Share Posted November 17, 2004 I'd say do it!!! Try to make it special and creative too. That will help you to melt her heart and score you more points.. hehe give more chances of her to say yes. I hate to admit it and it's a bit unfair but you have priveleges of being a guy in this situation. Because you get to be the one to propose and not burn in eternal hell fire if she says "No". Women generally seem to love guys who are ready to commit, while men get terrified of women who want commitment. I wish my situation was more like yours... Link to post Share on other sites
z1rmp Posted November 19, 2004 Share Posted November 19, 2004 If it feels right buddy, do it. Thats the best advice I can give. You cannot go through life wondering, hoping. Make things happen, and be happy. Look after the girl, never let her want for love - nothing else matters that much. You have love, trust, companionship, stability, you have everything. Posessions dont mean a thing. Life wont be a bed of roses, you'll be up and down, sometimes for months. But - if you're right for each other, you should be able to cope with anything as a team. Achieve that, you're there. I wish you EVERY success my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
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