blacklavender Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 3 and half months since my break up I have been in NC since I randomly saw her at a bar 2 months ago. I feel like the longer it goes on without us talking the more the dumpee just gets forgotten about. I was a really good boyfriend but my fault was coming across as a little needy/smothering at times... I have changed and it took us breaking up for me to realize that. Do women ever come back months later in these situations? Link to post Share on other sites
CelticGibson Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 The only way for a dumper to come back is to maintain No Contact. If they miss you and want to try again, they will make the effort. Nothing you do will force this to happen. All you can do is accept that it's over and that you have to move on. You have to accept that you are indeed forgotten about and that they have moved on. Once you do this, you will be in a better frame of mind IF the opportunity ever presents itself and she does come back. Work on yourself. Figure out what you did wrong on your part to cause the relationship to end and work on fixing that. This is all you can do for now... Link to post Share on other sites
Giha Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Very rarely. Don't hope for it to happen. Let go and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BigTuna Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 In my experience, blacklavender, no they don't. I'm only speaking on my behalf though. I was dumped Boxing Day 6 months ago having been with her for three years. All in all I was a good partner, perhaps a bit too good interpret that how you want... But yeah, I've heard zilch, other than a text a few days after we broke up. I havent broke NC once either. I don't believe in reuniting after breaking up. Why would you wanna go back to a person that demoralised you and caused you so much anguish when you gave them your world? As painful as it is, just keep moving on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BustedUpInside Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I have never gone back to an ex that I dumped. From what I know from my female friends that have gone back, they usually only do it when they hear how great their ex is doing while their own life has gone downhill. Would you really want to take someone back just to have to help them get their life back on track? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author blacklavender Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 I have never gone back to an ex that I dumped. From what I know from my female friends that have gone back, they usually only do it when they hear how great their ex is doing while their own life has gone downhill. Would you really want to take someone back just to have to help them get their life back on track? Okay yea i guess i was just feeling kinda ****ty today so I was thinking about it. Just sucks when someone tells you that you were the best guy they have ever met and then they tell you that have never been single and want to experience that(shes 22). I hope that feeling of "did i make the biggest mistake of my life" in letting a good guy go hits her real hard. Wonder if that takes months or years... Link to post Share on other sites
mahon451 Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 In all of my dating experience, I have had an ex come back to me (when I was the dumpee) exactly zero times. There is one from a few years back that I have a sort of "FWB" thing with now (on the rare occasions when she's in town), but that's the closest I've ever come to any kind of reconciliation. As the dumper, there are no exes that I would ever return to- the reason usually being glaring differences in lifestyles and personality clashes that can't be resolved. It's even at the point now where if my recent ex (who I'm very much in love with still) miraculously came knocking, she would have to demonstrate why it would be a good idea for us to get back together, and what she's done with herself to ensure the same problems wouldn't break us up again. Also, as a guy, don't be needy, clingy, or smothering. To any gal worth her salt, those are pretty much the most unappealing things a man can be. Learn how to be in love with yourself, and I promise you will not need validation from anyone else, much less your ex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Antares Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 (edited) Blacklavender: She's never going to forget that you were a good boy friend. She won't. Unless you were abusive or just plain horrible as a fellow human being, she won't forget you or the good times. But that doesn't mean she'll come back to you. No one can say, except for her...and she probably doesn't even know what her future means either. Right now, she's ok with you not being in her life. That's the breaks. Sometimes people will get back together, if they realize that they miss or really do love each in a romantic way. But even if she misses you that doesn't mean she wants you again. For many, when a good relationship is over because it didn't work out...well...people will look back and remember it fondly. But more like you would your years in High School. It's more nostalgic than anything else. EI: Just because you have good memories, doesn't mean you want to relive them. You can't tell what the future will bring, whether that means she comes back or not...but for the time being your lives are a part and your road is now going someplace else. If anything look at it this way; if you were the best boyfriend you could be...than that is going to set the bar very high for HER. Her next relationship is going to have to be better than that. She might find it very easily...but if you were a good guy to her, than that ultimately will be a positive experience for her and will make her life all the better. Even if it means, in all likelihood...she doesn't want to be with you. Edited May 31, 2013 by Antares 3 Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 asking the same things in different ways isn't going to change the answer. no. if a girl dumped you to bang other guys, her thoughts are not about you. Link to post Share on other sites
nugget_718 Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I don't believe in reuniting after breaking up. Why would you wanna go back to a person that demoralised you and caused you so much anguish when you gave them your world? As painful as it is, just keep moving on. SO TRUE!!!!! And even if they do come back, do you think it will last? Do you think the problem before the BU won't arise again? I believe 2nd chances do happen providing that the RS was generally good to begin with and the BU was due to some circumstances i.e. long distance and not due to abuse or cheating etc.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author blacklavender Posted May 31, 2013 Author Share Posted May 31, 2013 asking the same things in different ways isn't going to change the answer. no. if a girl dumped you to bang other guys, her thoughts are not about you. Bro im not asking it in different ways i just like to see what people have to say and their stories and opinions on different factors....clearly i know urs because you have commented on my other posts. And i never said she dumped me to go bang other guys that makes no sense u clearly have no idea of the dynamics of our relationship which is different for everyone. And thats also not true at all just cause a girl is banging other guys while not with u doesnt mean she isnt thinking about you. Whether she acts on those thoughts is a different story. Link to post Share on other sites
hinatticus Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 My ex came back, but she didn't leave me to bang other guys. She did that several, several months later. Haha Link to post Share on other sites
Big Sky Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 Probably an unhelpful observation, but it's really impossible to generalize. Yes -- some female dumpers come back, others don't. Yes, it rains some days, but not others. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I have never gone back to an ex that I dumped. From what I know from my female friends that have gone back, they usually only do it when they hear how great their ex is doing while their own life has gone downhill. Would you really want to take someone back just to have to help them get their life back on track? God damn this sounds exactly how things are going with me and my ex gf. Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I've never approached the dumpee or the dumper. They always approach me. Link to post Share on other sites
chinacat sunflower Posted May 31, 2013 Share Posted May 31, 2013 I came back and he wants nothing to do with me. Completely forgot about me Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 My female dumper came back and we've been back together for 2 months now. Link to post Share on other sites
kameron Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 How did you get them back. Did you use NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Antares Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 How did you get them back. Did you use NC. I'm betting there's not much NA49 did to GET her back. In fact, it was probably doing less, or doing nothing at all, that ultimately helped. In the end, it was her choice to come back. She had to win him back. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 I'm betting there's not much NA49 did to GET her back. In fact, it was probably doing less, or doing nothing at all, that ultimately helped. In the end, it was her choice to come back. She had to win him back. Nailed it! Link to post Share on other sites
kameron Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 So please tell us how it happened. Did she text you or what Link to post Share on other sites
simplyamazing Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 Even if my Ex did try to start something again, no way I would take her back. Never tried to get back with a dumpee. Definitely won't take back the dumper, no matter how painful it is to say no. Breakups happen for a reason, use it to reflect on how you can improve yourself for the next one. Link to post Share on other sites
kameron Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 I do believe that sometimes when a couple breaks up. They realize what they truly had. And when they do get back together the relationship Is much stronger. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ordinaryday Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 I asked this question online ages ago and someone responded with 'it's pointless to ask because even if 99.9999% of female dumpers came crawling back, your ex might be part of the 0.000001%. and if 99.99999% of exes DON'T come back, your ex might be part of the 0.000001% that do'. In other words, it Is pointless to speculate, just move on, although I can tell you one thing: IF they come back it is always when you least expect it, when you have given up hope of ever hearing from them again. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
metal_chick Posted June 1, 2013 Share Posted June 1, 2013 How did you get them back. Did you use NC. Kameron! NC is NOT for getting your ex back! Link to post Share on other sites
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