Have you heard MM or MW talking to spouse?

[secretlady76]

We were both married so we both took calls and we both expected them. Didn't bother either of us. It was part of the overall situation.

 

I think it is worse if one party is single because they do not 'get' the marriage dyanamic and the necessity for calls/texts from the spouse. Plus it puts a 'reality check' into the affair 'bubble'.

[Elfie]

Has your MM or MW talked to their spouse on the phone while you are there? If so does he or she say they love them before hanging up or do they act uncomfortable?

Also how do you feel about it?

 

Without a doubt, it would always ruin our time together, and quite rightly I guess. His W would usually ring around the same time and it was uusally only less than a minute - though she would usually end with love you, (i strained to listen, such was my insecurity) to which he would say "me too", so once he knew I got upset, he would try and pass her call off as pretty mundane, try and joke about, but nothing worked. Sometimes he tried to convince me she hadn't said it, but I could hear her, her voice is loud. Other times he would step outside and that made me worse, thinking he had more to hide.

 

So then he would arange to meet me hours before her call, so my time with him would be up before she rang (he never gave me more than an hour, 3 at tops, even made a point of telling me how long he'd been with me that morning/afternoon).

 

Other times when he couldn't see me earlier or later, he would tell me he'd left his phone in the van so he wouldn't hear it. he possibly thought it wasn't worth the agro to take the call while I was with him. The first time she said she loved him I got weepy there and then, and he said he felt bad for me, which to me indicated that he felt bad that I had such strong feelings and he didn't.

 

He would always be polite to her, usually very short answers, but once or twice he answered with "nothing's wrong, I'm just driving!" so I assumed she was hearing a different tone than she usually got (ie when I'm not with him) which made me worse, as it implied he was usually alot warmer to her, thus indicating they were closer than he made out.

 

Even is we had a lovely morning, just one phone call from her would send me spark out, tears mostly, and alomost always another attempt at NC.

 

All in all, a few quick phone calls equalled a whole heap of upset. But I AM and have been made VERY insecure, and I wasn't that secure before the A.

 

I wonder if it comes down to how reassuring MM / MW can make you feel after the phone calls?

[MissBee]

Has your MM or MW talked to their spouse on the phone while you are there? If so does he or she say they love them before hanging up or do they act uncomfortable?

Also how do you feel about it?

 

The first time he came to visit me she called him once and he also called her some other time, I knew it was her because he excused himself to have the conversation. But at the beginning of the conversation, before he got out of earshot, I could tell he was trying to sound as neutral as possible. However, I don't know what he said once out of ear shot.

 

I do know though, that there is NO WAY, I could sit there and listen to a conversation of ILYs etc and carry on as if everything was fine. That would've been a buzz kill .

[MissBee]

Nope. Once he got a text and said he had to go get something from the store before he went back to that house. I presume it was from her. Is he her errand boy or something?!

 

This is when he was actually able to spend some time in the evening. Did she suspect he's elsewhere? Attempt to interject into our situation? Is this why his evenings are so off limits now?

 

We need to change that. Rant. Sorry.

 

You're reading way too much into this. She's trying to "interject" into your situation? I doubt. I'm sure she is living her life as normal, and your own interjection is the source of your feeling inconvenienced. It is perfectly normal in relationships for people to ask their significant other to pick up items or run an errand while out. That's not being an "errand boy" it's being a considerate SO. However, if he's her errand boy it's his choice, as he can choose not to do so. But if he hops, skips and jumps to do it, then that's not her fault.

[scatterd]

Originally Posted by SweetiePie12 Nope. Once he got a text and said he had to go get something from the store before he went back to that house. I presume it was from her. Is he her errand boy or something?!

 

My husband stops by the store and grabs things for us. Sometimes Im short an ingredient for our dinner other times he just ask out of consideration. Ive done same for him.

[HonestNeurotic]

Yeppers. If we're in his car, then it goes through the speakers and I hear the whole thing. I'm bad at texting and such casually, so my husband usually does not unless there is a really good reason.

 

As for the errand boy comment. C'mon! If we need something in our home, and one of us is out, then we phone or text the other to get it on their way home. Cuz, we are like, not into WASTING fuel. Has nothing at all to do with anyone being an errand boy! Trying to do our part in not having a huge carbon imprint on the planet.

[2sure]

xMM had conversations with his W all the time in front of me, probably within a week or so of us meeting. We were together and she called saying something in reference to the baby crying all night and wanting to know where he was and why he was late (lots of times I could hear her speaking on the other end). He was very ho hum on his end of the conversation. When he hung up I asked "you have a baby" (it caught me off guard because of his age). He said yes and that she was sick at the time, basically what the phone call was about.

 

I never had to guess it was his W. If her number came up, he'd tell me not to say anything. He never said "I love you" and usually responded to her in a nonchalant, disinterested, annoyed, or angered kind of way. He said it was easier to just take her call than to explain why he didn't answer. It would have bothered me if he did say it (during the EA) or walked into another room to take her call (why). Admittedly, I was very curious of her and how they interacted, but he'd always tell me what the convo was about anyway or answer any questions if I asked. It didn't seem to bother him or me at all.

 

There were a few times where I was kinda surprised by the normalcy (like her asking him what he wanted for dinner) or sadden by her reactions (like her crying and asking him to come home so they could talk which he refused) or his seemingly uncaring/unaffected reactions to her. He even seemed to get a little weird about it like wanting me "near" him while talking to her or laughing at her stupidity (meaning trusting his lies) and his ability to get over on her. I know I can ask the same of myself, but sometimes I really wondered how he could be so indifferent/detached to how she felt or what he was doing (she was his W and mother to his children after all). I know he did, but he really acted like he couldn't care less.

 

I'm not sure what you're story is here but I've got to ask: didn't this make you think he was a POS?

[waterwoman]

I don't know if I ever called H when he was with her. I must ask him. He never spoke to me on the phone without saying 'I love you' though.

[Got it]

Has your MM or MW talked to their spouse on the phone while you are there? If so does he or she say they love them before hanging up or do they act uncomfortable?

Also how do you feel about it?

 

Yes, I heard him speak to his ex wife a number of times. I was always so surprised how normal it was that they spoke to each other with such short, clipped and dead tones of voices. I would have expected, if I was on one of the parties asking, "what is wrong" but it seemed to be the normal way they spoke to each other.

 

There was never any loving tone and definitely no "I love yous".

[Washingmachine1980]

We would take the calls away from each other. I was talking to my spouse on the phone one time and we were laughing and cutting up. I just happen to look up and my MM was staring at me kind of odd. Guess that surprised him. Who knows.

[scatterd]

LFH

I would and I'd not be happy about it afterwards.. much the same way he doesn't hold entire phone conversations with me while sitting across from the dinner table with her.

 

Does his tone of voice change when he talks to you with her there?

[scatterd]

LFH He sounds like he can keep his composure pretty well.

[HopingAgain]

I've always wondered how the OW in our situation felt about this. She was sitting talking to my husband once as he called me and then I called him. In fact, this is how our Dday came about, which I am now grateful for. It hurt and bothered me immensely that he could be so calculating to lie to me while he was right there with OW, and in our situation, I don't think it bothered her at all other than the fact that it led to the discovery of the affair and the subsequent end of it. But reading these responses makes me wonder more about how that was on her end. As it was, I knew something was up because WH did sound on edge and and nervous, not himself at all.

[HopingAgain]

I'm not sure what you're story is here but I've got to ask: didn't this make you think he was a POS?

 

He certainly sounds like an awful person, passive aggressive to the bone!

[canuckprincess]

Has your MM or MW talked to their spouse on the phone while you are there? If so does he or she say they love them before hanging up or do they act uncomfortable?

Also how do you feel about it?

 

Over the course of the last almost 7.5 years I've been present a few times when they talk and yes there was an I love you. Actually I remember one time when he said to her "I love you too" then said he was sorry when he got off the phone. It didn't bother me at all, I know he loves her as well.

[cocorico]

Has your MM or MW talked to their spouse on the phone while you are there? If so does he or she say they love them before hanging up or do they act uncomfortable?

Also how do you feel about it?

 

She did once phone him while we were on holiday. She was having a meltdown because she had forgotten to organise something and was suffering the consequences, and wanted to try to blame him. He certainly did not tell her he loved her - he told her to get a grip, to sort it out and to stop bugging him. . He certainly acted uncomfortable and made sure it did not happen again. He removed that SIM from his phone and bought a local one so she could not contact him any more.

 

I felt irritated at her intrusion into our lives, and by her "helpless woman" stunt. I cannot stand women who do that because it makes the rest of us look dumb by association. I told him she had no place in our R, and he made sure it never happened again.

[Owl]

She did once phone him while we were on holiday. She was having a meltdown because she had forgotten to organise something and was suffering the consequences, and wanted to try to blame him. He certainly did not tell her he loved her - he told her to get a grip, to sort it out and to stop bugging him. . He certainly acted uncomfortable and made sure it did not happen again. He removed that SIM from his phone and bought a local one so she could not contact him any more.

 

I felt irritated at her intrusion into our lives, and by her "helpless woman" stunt. I cannot stand women who do that because it makes the rest of us look dumb by association. I told him she had no place in our R, and he made sure it never happened again.

 

Was this during the affair, or after your marriage to him? If it was post affair...I don't think this is the same thing that the OP was looking for.

[HopingAgain]

She did once phone him while we were on holiday. She was having a meltdown because she had forgotten to organise something and was suffering the consequences, and wanted to try to blame him. He certainly did not tell her he loved her - he told her to get a grip, to sort it out and to stop bugging him. . He certainly acted uncomfortable and made sure it did not happen again. He removed that SIM from his phone and bought a local one so she could not contact him any more.

 

I felt irritated at her intrusion into our lives, and by her "helpless woman" stunt. I cannot stand women who do that because it makes the rest of us look dumb by association. I told him she had no place in our R, and he made sure it never happened again.

 

I'm sure at one point she was very irritated at your intrusion into her and her husbands life as well. Perhaps now you can empathize since you've no doubt had a similar feeling at this point.

[So happy together]

Isn't your guy long distance? How often do you actually see him?

 

Trying to figure out why this is relevant?

[SweetiePie12]

I'm sure at one point she was very irritated at your intrusion into her and her husbands life as well. Perhaps now you can empathize since you've no doubt had a similar feeling at this point.

 

The point is: if you're with someone who is desirable, attractive, successful, and kind, there will always be attempted intrusions. The point is to stay focused, and keep it moving!

[Owl]

The point is: if you're with someone who is desirable, attractive, successful, and kind, there will always be attempted intrusions. The point is to stay focused, and keep it moving!

 

But...that's NOT the point of this thread.

 

The point of this thread was to discuss whether or not...during the affair...you were present when the MM/MW held conversation/interacted with their betrayed spouse.

 

I believe HA was attempting to point out that complaints of interaction with a divorced spouse interferes with your current marriage is more similar to the affair and the previous marriage, as opposed to having anything to do with the original point of this thread.

[HopingAgain]

But...that's NOT the point of this thread.

 

The point of this thread was to discuss whether or not...during the affair...you were present when the MM/MW held conversation/interacted with their betrayed spouse.

 

I believe HA was attempting to point out that complaints of interaction with a divorced spouse interferes with your current marriage is more similar to the affair and the previous marriage, as opposed to having anything to do with the original point of this thread.

 

Precisely!

[Pillow]

I cannot stand women who do that because it makes the rest of us look dumb by association. QUOTE]

 

So funny! I guess you don't think it makes women look dumb when they becomes a married man's sidepiece? Definitely a step for women's rights, being an Other Woman.

[cocorico]

Was this during the affair, or after your marriage to him? If it was post affair...I don't think this is the same thing that the OP was looking for.

 

It was during the A, and very much on topic.

[cocorico]

I'm sure at one point she was very irritated at your intrusion into her and her husbands life as well. Perhaps now you can empathize since you've no doubt had a similar feeling at this point.

 

Nope, not even remotely close. I did not intrude into her life, nor into "her" H's (my SO's) since I was in his life by invitation.